It’s a Horror to Know You :: Aunt John of Kindertrauma!

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Well hello there! Now I know what you are thinking, “Long time, no write Aunt John” and you are correct to feel this way. Rather than bore you again with the gory details of my super crap-tatsic retinal detachment and the two awful surgeries that accompanied it (I know, get out the little violins), I am just going to say that today is my birthday and it’s one of those milestone ones that warrants its own section of Mylar balloons at the party store. That’s right, I am 40 and I am taking full ownership of it unlike that big old liar-pants KATE BECKINSALE who seems to be reverse ageing on July 26th. She started out two years older than me and is now a year younger than me. Happy 39th KATE! Also co-celebrating my birthday today are such luminaries as enchanting Olympian DOROTHY HAMMILL, adult film star HELEN MIRREN, and some guy named STANLEY KUBRICK, whoever that is. Before we get to my answers, I just want to let everyone know that I have recently rediscovered the joys of Twitter (@auntie_john) and can be found there most days trying to engage the elusive unicorn that is Faye Dunaway. Oh, and I also have a Tumblr devoted mainly to pictures of my cats and stuff.

1. What is the first film that ever scared you?

In terms of film, if my memory serves me correctly, I believe it was the scene from the 1977 made-for-television classic SNOWBEAST where the titular monster popped up in the window at the 50th Annual Winter Carnival. I have never in my life been to a ski resort or a Winter Carnival for that matter due, in large part, to this movie. (Spike a mug of cocoa and watch the whole thing HERE).

2. What is the last film that scared you?

Not to sound all jaded, but nothing really “scares” me movie-wise per say. I did however, have a visceral reaction to TURISTAS (2006) and had to leave the room out of sheer disgust. I’m the kind of guy who really enjoys tropical locations and the delicious tropical libations associated with them. The last thing I need is some really bad movie to insert the theme of organ harvesting into this equation. Thanks, but I’ll stick with lime in my coconut.

3. Name three horror movies that you believe are underrated:

1. THE FURY: Whenever I find myself sucked into conversations about classic DePALMA, everyone wants to discuss CARRIE or DRESSED TO KILL or BLOWOUT. Sure, this film might be lacking in the NANCY ALLEN department but it has an atomic bomb up its sleeve named AMY IRVING. Whatever happened to her?

2. THE STUFF: Don’t let the goofy premise fool you, LARRY COHEN serves up a big helping of biting social commentary in the form a tasty frozen treat!

3. ROMEO IS BLEEDING: Granted, it’s more of a sexy thriller/misguided noir mess than a horror movie but when it comes to riding in cars with cold-blooded psychopaths, nobody can match the backseat driving prowess of LENA OLIN. Nobody!

4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.

1. LIQUID SKY (1982): Despite ANNE CARLISLE‘s star-making turn as androgynous, twin fashion models and a soundtrack that could drive Kronos Quartet to drink, ALICE SWEET ALICE star PAULA E. SHEPPARD shows up and steals every last scene she is in. Seriously, whatever happened to her?

2. PANDEMONIUM (1982): A basic cable staple of the early-to-mid ’80s, I adore everything about this slasher comedy.

3. THE FAN (1981): “I need hearts, not diamonds!”

5. Send us to five places on the Internet! (Include the URLs!)

1. WishBook Web: Growing up, the Sears Catalog was seasonal porn that had me and my siblings drooling and counting down the days to December 25th.

2.Landers Sisters Galleries: Can there ever be enough Audrey and Judy?

3. Requiem for a Dream (Official Site): Every once in a while, someone on the Internet uncovers forgotten movie web sites (I am looking at you YOU’VE GOT MAIL) and everyone gets excited and then forgets about it until the same dust is blown off the same old websites some years later. Can we all take a few moments to B-E E-X-C-I-T-E-D for this now 12-year-old relic?

4. Plan 59: All of those vintage images of creepy kids in creepy ads that you’ve probably seen all over the web originated here. Pack a lunch!

5. Untied/Undone: An exhaustive collection of Siouxsie & the Banshees concerts and rarities available for download.

6. Scandals of Classic Hollywood @ The Hairpin: I would love nothing more than to go out for birthday drinks and gossip with Anne Helen Petersen.

7. How Was Your Week With Julie Klausner: What can I say? I am not really a podcast person, but I do have a thing for gingers, especially the funny ones.


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10 years ago

Yay! Happy 40th Birthday, Aunt John!
Oh boy! That catalog site will keep me busy for a while! I too lived for the Christmas catalog as a child. Have a wonderful day and enjoy the 40s! I am so far!

10 years ago

Happy birthday, Auntie! Sorry to hear about the health issues–yikes! 🙁 But it’s great to see you around these parts again.

Couldn’t agree more about Paula E. Sheppard–she was a revelation in LIQUID SKY, and I join you in bemoaning the fact that she’s in so few movies.

Love the “It’s a Horror to Know You” series–I’ve found a lot of great stuff because of it, and enjoyed reminiscing about other stuff as well. I need to get off my keester and send in my own entry! 🙂

The Vicar

Eric Eddy
10 years ago

Yeah, Happy B-Day! Ahhh… The Stuff. That movie hits my funny bone hard. Poor Garrett Morris.

10 years ago

HORRAY! More FURY love! That was the start of De Palma’s SOFT LENS look that hit its peak with OBSESSION. I miss that De Palma.

10 years ago

Happy Birthday AJ!

I’m going to put this out there – I prefer the re-recording by the Tings Tings:

Oh, and on the topic of interesting fossil film websites, drop by the Donnie Darko site if you never got around to it:

The tangent universe collapsed 3925 days ago…

Enjoy the day and welcome to Club40 (I joined on Jan 20)!

Amanda By Night
10 years ago

I have the Liquid Sky soundtrack and had to put Rhythm Box on my iPod. Awesome.

Have a great birthday!!!

10 years ago

Happy birthday, Aunt John! Glad your eyeball is better!

10 years ago

Happy b-day! 🙂

10 years ago

Happy Birthday Aunt John! Allow me to personally drag out the world’s most whoppingly ginormous violin to play for you, because retinal detachment and eyeball surgery are fucking terrifying. D: Good to see you back!

10 years ago

Happy Birthday! Yes, a day late but we folks on the East Coast had some rough weather yesterday.

Hail Ants
Hail Ants
10 years ago

As far as Amy Irving is concerned, she married some po-dunk director called STEVEN SPIELBERG! Had a kid with him & got divorced, so I doubt she’s worrying about money. Last time I saw her was in an episode of Law & Order: SVU. She had blond hair but was definitely in the cute MILF dept!!

10 years ago

Happy late birthday! Any kind of eye problems are scarier than any horror movie 🙁

You are so right about these actresses being 38 for five years, I’ve been noticing that for quite a while.