Kinder-News :: A Year in the Life

Hard to believe, but it was just one year ago today your Unkle Lancifer and I let down the drawbridge at Kindertrauma Castle and opened our virtual doors to the masses. What should have been a festive day of celebration complete with pony rides, face painting, balloon sculptures, and canned beer drinking has been overshadowed by a veritable fatwa issued against Unkle Lancifer by Waltons’ Mountain Extremists.

Sadly, dear readers, I am as serious as a heart attack. WALTONS’ fans DO NOT mince their words:

It is unbelievable the disgusting garbage and filth that is on the internet. This vulgar and obscene website should be eliminated!

This is absolutely the stupidest thing I have ever read!!!

Oh my God! How rude could this person get! Did you notice the author didn’t even have the guts to leave an area for a responds?

Your dear old Aunt John even catches some serious heat for our second, and equally as innocuous, post:

I saw that the person on there even took time out to make fun of Little House! I don’t mind someone constructively breaking down what they don’t like about an episode, but there’s no need in anyway, to go as far as that person obviously did in that article.


We hope you understand that due to these circumstances, we’ve had to cancel our scheduled gala celebration at the Castle. Currently the grounds are teaming with torch carrying WALTONS’ zealots committed to stopping anyone from entering or leaving the premises. The last time I took a peek from my terrace to watch the effigy of Unkle Lancifer burn, I was hit with several tomatoes and a well aimed glazed ham. Regardless, we’d like to extend our heart-felt thanks to all of our really great readers, TRAUMAFESSION contributors, colleagues, family, and friends for making this past year really special.

P.S.: Should we ever go missing, please send the police and cadaver dogs over to WALTONS’ MOUNTAIN to retrieve our remains.

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Amanda By Night
13 years ago

Wow, only one year?!? Look at all this fabulous content AND Geek Monthly. Wow, you guys are good!


Jeff Allard
13 years ago

Congratulations on a great year, guys! Sorry to hear about all the hate mail but I guess when you start digging up childhood memories, you’re bound to strike a few nerves!   Keep up the amazing work – this site is one of a kind!

13 years ago

Happy anniversary and congratulations!

Caffeinated Joe
13 years ago

Congrats on the first year anniversary! Your site is great, you are helping ease the minds of the countless traumatized masses. Keep it up!

Corey Convex
13 years ago

Only a year?  Wow.  Congrats from Awesomeness on your first anniversary!

And damn you, Waltons’ Fans!  You’d think they’d be down with the Trauma Clown…especially since their show was one of the creepiest things I ever did see on the tv as a child!

I’m still packing up the truck with water balloons filled with urine to toss off the Kindertrauma turrets at those weirdo Waltons reenactors!

I call a Jihad on Walton’s Fans!

Down with Waltons!  Long live Kindertrauma!

Now where are those BJ and The Bear fanatics?  I got a balloon or two for them as well!

13 years ago

Oh btw, Richard Lester wanted me to forward this to you: “Why all the hating on Superman III?!!  What, are evil robots scary now?  Superman is an American icon, deal with it.”  I think he missed the point.

Big congratulations!  (From me, not Richard Lester and the Salkinds who think your website is satanic.)

13 years ago

I love youz guyz. Congrats on your one year of making us ALL recall things we’d thought we’d forgotten. Your site is a pure joy to visit everyday.

13 years ago

Congratulations – you guys rock.  Ever since seeing Kindertrauma for the first time two months ago, I cannot go a day without the latest ‘fession.

13 years ago

You guys get me through the work day.  Instead of working hard for a meager paycheck, I am transported to the repressed dark recesses of my childhood thanks to your site.

It’s what I believe, the internet was made for.

Thanks & Congratulations!

13 years ago

I love your site – everytime I log on its the first thing I look at (and like I’ve said before- it always amazes me that you don’t ever Miss A Day – there is ALWAYS something new up) I can’t believe you’ve acomplished so much in One Year. Those other sites SUCK – You are Da Bomb! (Do people still say “da bomb”???)

13 years ago

I would love to have my site called “vulgar”, “obscene” and “stupidest”. Congratulations

13 years ago

Finding out you have only been around a year has gotten me digging in the archives – what a hoot!

Don’t you just love hate mail? It’s always hilarious! People can never just say “”I dont like your site” they always go on a tear about how much you suck and how you’re gonna burn in Hell. I remember I once said I didnt like the movie HOODWINKED and this woman went all Carrie-White’s-Mother on me about what a hellion I was! I wish I had saved that letter – everytime I think about it I laugh my ass off.
Praise is nice but people going ape-shit on you with venomous hate is a riot!

13 years ago

I want to see the gang from Little House kick the Walton’s a$$es!