Egad, those rascally Overlook spookies have trashed the radio room! Can you help Wendy find the ten discrepancies before her husband loses his temper? All work and no Kindertrauma Funhouse makes everybody dull! Don't be dull! Click the middle images to enlarge!
I swear to God I'm not purposely trying to be the most unhip horror fan in the universe. Baby I was born this way. I've already stated my affection for crusty mansions, blood-stained doilies and cracked doll heads and now I must salute the incredible joy that is Southern-fried sud-goth. 1972's DEAR DEAD DELILAH is like a soap opera with axe murders rather than commercials and it's my favorite thing I've seen since the last favorite thing I've seen. Some people think it's boring and those people have no idea what they are talking about. Really, I'm beginning to think that "It's boring" is code for "There's dialogue." How can anyone not enjoy this movie?
Like all great stories, we begin in the past. In this case, we meet Little Luddy who is opposing her mother and preparing for an unapproved of date. She explains her actions to her mom who does not respond, not because she doesn't care but because she is chopped up with an axe. Years later an older, artsy Luddy (PATRICIA CARMICHAEL) is released from prison. She has nowhere to go but thanks to a fortuitous event (being hit in the head by a football!), she soon finds herself nursed back to heath and gainfully employed in a Tennessee mansion. The homestead is overseen by dying matriarch Deliah (AGNES MOOREHEAD) who has gathered her family together to divvy up the inheritance. Chaos, angry words and ultimately many an axe murder are the result when Delilah informs the congregated that the family fortune is hidden in the house and it's finder's keepers.
This being MOOREHEAD's final film appearance, I was fully prepared for the phone-in routine. Oh, me of little faith. AGNES is as sharp as ever and devours every line with acidic relish and her southern accent adds an extra bite to her performance. Her mere presence is enough to satisfy but someone up there must like me because she is not only there but she is also there in a motorized wheelchair! There is one scene where Delilah wheels her chair into a mausoleum and then, after a momentary scream, the chair comes whizzing out by itself and that is when my couch officially turned into cloud nine. Sure, the plot and execution of D.D.D. dips into veritable camp at times but the shear darkness of its humor is too aggressive to dismiss. Just because the film is having some fun doesn't mean it doesn't take its horror seriously.
DEAR DEAD DELILAH was written by author JOHN FARRIS the mind behind THE FURY and it's sadly the only film he ever directed. At times it has the cardboard drive-in vibe of S.F. BROWNRIGG (DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT, DON'T OPEN THE DOOR!) but its flashes of dreamy surrealism, and taste for broad soap opera theatrics also brings DAVID LYNCH to mind. It is a bit rough around the edges (me likey) but it truly accomplishes some striking moments of eerie weirdness. Best of all, the various deaths of the conniving family members are as strong as anything in BAY OF BLOOD or FRIDAY THE 13TH. My life was a little bit more complete seeing Grandpa Walton (WILL GREER) stumble out of a smoke house carrying one hacked off hand in the other. I feel I was always meant to see that.
Like BLOOD AND LACE (1971) and MANSION OF THE DOOMED (1976) both of which I just discovered recently, I think D.D.D. is a sorely undervalued film. Why, even my trusted Encyclopedia of Horror is a naysayer! I even read one review that called it "typical." C'mon, can you really use a word like "typical" to describe a movie that exhibits decapitations via horseback, a forced heroin overdose, unexplained random optical effects and an axe blade used for foreplay? I guess the inheritance gimmick is passé but that's just a springboard. Truth told, I would have liked to have gotten to know Luddy a little better but the fact that she's such a unique proto-final girl is ultimately enough for me. I couldn't help but dig that her post incarceration experiences resemble those of dear Norman Bates in PSYCHO II. Anyway, don't get fooled by the consensus and haters to the left, if you're like me, a fuddy duddy who likes it bloody, give this often sneaky and slightly creaky crazy train a ride.
UNK SEZ: When situation comedies transform into situation trauma-dies it's time to call for backup! Let us now join intrepid roving reporter/T.V. aficionado AMANDA BY NIGHT of MADE FOR TV MAYHEM as she investigates the elusive but not elusive enough for my comfort TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT episode "For Every Man, There's Two Women"…
The Night Monroe was Rah-Rah-Rah-Raped!!!
Like many urban legends, the infamous TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT featuring Monroe's rape is a bit like the alligator in the sewer or having a kidney stolen. It's one of those whispered things where you know someone who knows someone who knows someone who saw it. The fifth season episode of TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT titled "For Every Man, There's Two Women" should really be called "For Every Man, There's One Woman and a Huge Guy in Drag", but we'll get to that. From what little I was able to garner about this episode, Ted Knight refused to do it during the fourth season, because he probably felt there was no place for it in such a lightweight sitcom (he was right), but he must have been coerced into it because it was finally shot and aired in November of 1985, during the fifth year of the show.
When TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT finished its original run and went into syndication, this controversial episode was dropped from its package and the world continued on as though Monroe (Jim J. Bullock) had never experienced any true acts of violence. As the years passed, and the internet became a great tool for connecting the hazy dots of childhood, the "Monroe rape" episode began to catch some attention. I came to know about it through the excellent site THE RETROIST, and I became almost as obsessed with seeing it as the person running that site did. My timing was a bit better though because I had much less of a wait. The greatest T.V. station in the world, Antenna TV had been airing TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT and I began to monitor the episodes more closely. Lo and behold, they actually re-ran it last week!
If I had not been prepared for what I was about to see, I'm not sure how I would have reacted. The canned laughter at the male rape jokes was disturbingly reminiscent of that crazy Rodney Dangerfield segment of NATURAL BORN KILLERS and I felt like I was watching a sick parody of the show (it should be noted the R word is never used). Monroe reveals to everyone that he was abducted by two women and blindfolded in the back of a van while the "big one" sat on him. They took him back to their place and had their way with him all night. The joke about breaking his beeper elicits a round of applause from the laugh track machine. The female leads act completely out of character, tossing about insulting remarks about rape and in general, stereotyping men and sex while giving Monroe not one iota of sympathy.
Jackie (Debra Van Valkenburgh) finally admits that she just simply doesn't know how to react, which may be the most honest moment of the show (and probably was the exact feeling the actress had when she read the script). The women on the show seem frustrated and disgustingly nonchalant about the whole ordeal. They mostly disappear after the first half and after a much needed commercial break, this becomes Monroe and Henry's show as they head off to confront Monroe's attackers. Henry (Ted Knight) comes off a lot better, but he bounces around from being thoughtful and concerned to acting bothered because Monroe interrupted Henry and Muriel (Nancy Dussault) during a tryst. Apparently dealing with a rape victim all day must make you all hot and stuff.
Once they get to the women's apartment, the audience is treated to an overweight woman aggressively forcing herself on Henry and a giant man in drag. The first woman is credited simply as Charlene and the drag queen has no credit at all, making the whole affair even more disturbed. Does this gargantuan man still walk the streets and could I possibly be hanging out in a bar one night and overhear, "Yeah, I played one of Monroe's rapists." It's enough to make me never leave the house again!
This infamous episode aired just months after the made for TV movie THE RAPE OF RICHARD BACK which is a Golden Globe nominated film starring Richard Crenna as a gruff cop who is assaulted by an even gruffer assailant. If I wasn't going to laugh at Mr. Beck's horrifying encounter, why did the crew behind this TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT think anyone would be chuckling at Monroe's unfortunate evening of violence? Seriously, guys. 1985 was all kinds of awesome, but this is really reaching into neon-dripping madness! When I think about male rape in pop culture (I know, why should I be thinking about that?!?), I recall stuff like OZ and DELIVERANCE… you know… stuff that isn't funny. Now that this demented episode has recently re-aired – for the first time in years – some beautiful soul took the time to upload it onto YouTube! Those of you who caught Monroe's rape during the original run can now relive the nightmare while us newbies can create new, lurid memories of our own. Sweet dreams!
Hey gang!
This movie has been bugging me for a while. All I remember is a scene that scared the daylights out of me as a kid. I'm pretty sure it's from the early seventies. All I can remember is an artist makes life-sized statues of gargoyle-ish type beasts in his studio. The scene that's been branded on my brain is one where the artist removes the head of one of the gargoyles and a there's a dead body inside. The moment he removes the statue's head, the corpse's head flops to one side. And then I think a woman screams. That was it for me. I must have run back to my bedroom to cry myself to sleep.
Sorry I can't provide more details.
Thanks,
David Y.
UNK SEZ: David Y., I think what you are looking for is the 1973 made-for-TV movie SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY! We' ve gotten a Name That Trauma! for that one before (check it out HERE, big thanks to readers Mike & Senski for the solve!) and I even went on to review it over HERE! Since we last spoke of PRETTY PEGGY, some fine fellow has uploaded the movie to YouTube so you can check it out HERE! Let us know if it's the right Trauma!
Back in the '70s, when I was around 6 or 7, my sister and I were obsessed with THE BIONIC WOMAN and, to a lesser extent, THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN.
We would lay on our stomachs on the floor in front of the huge wooden T.V. console and bask in the weekly hour-long glow of bionic metal bending and jumping and listening – all done in slo-mo. I loved Jamie so much and wanted to be like her so much that my next door neighbor and I would place a magazine with her picture on it between us on the concrete front steps of my childhood home, and scribble furiously on pads of paper in hopes of building up our bionic strength. I guess the whole bionic surgery thing sort of eluded me at that age.
There were a few BIONIC WOMAN episodes that scared me back then – the Fembots and the doomsday one – but the one that really took the cake was actually an episode of THE SIX MILLION DOLLAR MAN where Jamie starts to reject her bionics. It starts out with some spazzy hand action, but then escalates to a meltdown of gargantuan proportions where she runs around in the rain and freaks out in a phone booth.
This whole thing took place before my Jamie love developed, so I was basically just watching a pretty lady turn into a melty-faced freak show before my eyes. Sadly, I couldn't find a clip of the meltdown – but here are some screen shots of one of my earliest childhood T.V. traumas.
Thanks guys!!!
xoxo,
AUNT JOHN SEZ: For more on those fantastic Fembots, be sure to check out Kinderpal Brother Bill's bionic post over at THE HAUNTED CLOSET.
There is a reason so many people remember eighties horror movies so fondly and it's because many of them were actually, you know, fun. Fun is important and fun is impossible to fake. If you really enjoy and believe in what you're doing, fellow humans can often detect it. It's like a sixth sense or something. If you create something solely to make money, bask in your own ego or grind a boring axe, people can smell that too and it smells really bad, like as bad as that sponge in my sink is beginning to smell. To prove my theory, just watch both A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET and its remake back to back. Notice how the first one smells like fine leather and the other one smells like being smacked upside the head in a urine soaked alley with a sweat stained tube sock stuffed with spoiled clam dip? That's what I'm talking about!
2004's THE HAZING directed by ROLFE KANEFSY is officially NOT the best movie I have ever seen in my entire life (how could it be, it doesn't even have DIANE FRANKLIN in it?) but I can assure you that it IS fun and you won't have to whip out the glade brand room deodorizer afterward either. The budget was obviously on the light side and some of the special effects are sub-MR. BOOGEDY, but it has heart and what I detect as a genuine desire to show its audience a good time. It actually began life as a potential sequel to 1981's HELL NIGHT which it still vaguely resembles, but it ends up being more of a cross between THE BREAKFAST CLUB and NIGHT OF THE DEMONS (the original, non-depressing one.) You may notice nods to TOURIST TRAP and THE EVIL DEAD too and happily these nods come across as affectionate hat tips rather than cinephile regurgitation.
You can't have a likable film without a likable cast and fittingly you'll find one here. NECTAR ROSE as a bimbo hiding her inner Buffy comes across as this generation's answer to NANCY ALLEN, TIFFANY SHEPIS shows some real range for someone constantly clad in a skin-tight astronaut outfit and when is anyone NOT glad to see genre legend BRAD DOURIF? You get decapitations, you get laughs and you even get to know some of the characters before they die. I forget and refuse to Google how many more days it is to HALLOWEEN but the best part of THE HAZING is that it makes it seem so much closer. Check this one out on Netflix Streaming while you can and you just might find yourself positioning it on your permanent October playlist in the future.
There are After School Specials and then there are After School Specials. In my questionable opinion, the ABC After School Special WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? is primo, cream of the crop stuff! It's strangely morose yet consistently compelling and it signs off on a surprisingly wise, bittersweet note. MELORA HARDIN (who would grow up to star as Jan on THE OFFICE) plays twelve-year-old Amy who has just moved into an apartment building with her divorcee mother. She quickly meets neighbor Michelle Mudd, an overall-wearin', bull-in-a-china-shop Peppermint Patty type, portrayed by the late and very loud DANA HILL (SHOOT THE MOON). Although they have little in common, the two quickly bond as Michelle is reeling from her parents' disintegrated marriage too. Aw, was there really a time when being a child of divorce made you different? How quaint!
Amy soon learns that Michelle Mudd is high maintenance and then some. She's wildly unpopular amongst her peers, she lies like a rug, she steals like a magpie, she requires near constant affirmation and vows of loyalty and she dabbles in the black arts. It's too bad that Amy finds Michelle such a handful because honestly I would have gotten along with her just fine. When Amy walks in on Michelle drowning a doll in the bathtub wearing goth make up in a bizarre, blood red voodoo ritual she is outraged and horrified by the display, whereas I truly believe my reaction would be, "How can I help?"
WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? feels like it may nosedive into FATAL ATTRACTION/ SINGLE WHITE FEMALE territory at any moment. Since it's aimed at the pint-sized crowd though, it touches down in a place of understanding and acceptance rather than boiling bunnies and puppies pushed out of windows. Fine by me really, I hate to see anything happen to fluffy animals and dolls are always asking to get drowned anyway! They love it!
Amy basically learns that while she feels some compassion for Michelle that it's not her responsibility to repair her. More importantly she realizes that some relationships have an expiration date and that sometimes one must cut their losses and move on. This revelation allows her to finally accept her parents' divorce and forgive them both for parting ways. I think I learned something too. I learned it's a bad idea to shoplift gifts for people other than myself and that you have to be really specific about who you want to have disappear from your life when performing a voodoo spell.
We're all familiar with the slasher rules right? Only wholesome, virginal "good" girls have what it takes to survive! That's news to our pal Alice here who, when not sleeping with her employer, enjoys smoking pot, drinking beer and playing strip Monopoly! Go Alice! Help Alice win the game and survive the night by finding the TEN differences in these two pictures! (click to enlarge!)
Movies scenes I have very vague memories of, but have not idea what they were. Any help would be appreciated. This is very early '80s stuff here. Late night T.V., before cable:
1. A woman becomes possessed by some power, and she is cutting her own fingers off in the kitchen with a kitchen knife and a cutting board.
2. A young girl and guy are fooling around in a barn, on a pile of hay. I think there is a crazy person/monster that is kept in this barn. It makes weird noises, maybe grunts. It either attacks or kills the young couple. Maybe with a pitchfork? Hard to say.
3. Maybe the same movie as number 1. Little people with giant sewing needles sneaking up on a woman in her bed. Not making that up. I know I saw it. Traumatized by that scene! I thought those midgets were going to get me while I was in bed, for weeks after seeing that.
4. Maybe the same movie again. A mother gouges her own eyes out. You don't see the actual gouging, but she suddenly looks at the camera and there's just 2 black holes where her eyes should be.
I definitely didn't dream these movies.
Great idea for a site, btw.
Thanks,
— Bill B.
Florida
UNK SEZ: Hmmmm, I thought I might be more help than I 'm going to turn out to be! #4, the "eyeless mother" could be THE STEPFORD WIVES. I'm wondering if #1 may be STEPFORD too, a hand is cut in that movie but not actually on a cutting board. #3 sounds like DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK but I don't remember there being giant sewing needles. #2 the barn murder with the pitchfork has got me stumped! Pitchfork deaths show up in THE OTHER, THE SLAYER, THE BOOGEYMAN, FRIDAY THE 13TH: PART III and a host of others! If it was more of a shed than a barn it could also be THE INCUBUS! I'm hoping some Kindertrauma readers can help!
T.V.:THE BRADY BUNCH episode when Bobby idolizes Jesse James. Mr. Brady has the old man whose father was killed by J.J. come talk to him to show him J.J. was not a good person. At the end, Bobby dreams that he's on a train in the old West with the rest of the Bradys, and J.J. and his gang ride up on horses and get on board. Bobby is initially excited, till J.J. starts shooting his family! The guy playing J.J. keeps yelling "Bang, Bang" when he would shoot someone.
Movies:
- SALEM'S LOT: Ralphie and Mark Glick floating outside the windows! Holy crap!
- RACE WITH THE DEVIL: The initial Devil Worship scene. Creepy chanting and yelling.
- THE HOWLING: The scene with the silhouettes of werewolves standing upright on 2 legs, howling. 2 legs?? And the fact they were even transforming in the daytime! That was a game changer for me! Not even safe during the day!
The movie posters for CAT PEOPLE (never saw the movie). I was in N.Y. City for the first time, around 6 years old, and that movie was out. The posters were on bus stops etc. I think it was NASTASSJA KINSKI that was in the poster (i didn't know who she was at the time of course, it was just a creepy poster). The poster was a combination of erotic and scary, both confusing for a six year old.
Book Cover: COMA. My mother was reading it. I was maybe 4. What the hell was with all the naked bodies suspended???
Thanks,
— Bill B.
Florida
UNK SEZ: Thanks Bill B. for the excellent (and timely-we were just talking about CAT PEOPLE!) traumafessions! I too was disturbed by that episode of THE BRADY BUNCH. That cardboard dream train was strangely surreal & there's something so wrong with seeing an entire family shot in the back like that! Stay tuned folks, Bill B. also sent us some NAME THAT TRAUMAS to figure out which we shall post tomorrow. I think I know the answer to at least one! (I hope!)
