kindertrauma

Name That Trauma :: Reader Heidi on Popped Out Peepers

Posted on By aunt john

Dear Kindertrauma,

This is a movie that keeps coming to my mind from time to time and I hope someone will recognize it. I saw it on T.V. sometime in the early-mid '90s, but I really can't remember if it was old or new movie at the time.

There's only one scene I can remember and I think it was the ending of the movie: A man is lying in bed scooping his own eyes out with a spoon. I think there was a dead woman lying next to him and he had killed her before. I don't know if I remember correctly but I think it was his eyes that somehow made him kill her. I keep running into a movie called THE HEADLESS EYES (1971) but judging by the scenes I've seen, I don't think it's the one I'm thinking of.

Maybe someone could name another movie with some eye scooping in it?

Thanks!

— Heidi

Devil (2010)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

It takes a village. My friend Fetsko may have ruined the ending of DEVIL for me, but I had it on good authority (The Mickster) that it was worth a spin anyway. Fortuitously, my generous neighbors Raj and Amanda had rented the film from my buddy Carol and allowed me to kidnap the disc overnight. I think it's ironically fitting that so many people had a hand in my finally getting to see this film on account of DEVIL gets some serious play out of urban suspicion and the fear of strangers. Oh, and it takes place in my hometown of Philadelphia too. Whoever's idea it was to show "The City of Brotherly Shoves" upside down during the opening credits is a genius. It's disorienting and sinisterly effective, not to mention splendidly thrifty.

Actually DEVIL is as economical as a coupon-clipping auntie. You got your limited setting, minimal special effects and nada on the marquee names (unless Claire's Republican boyfriend from the last season of SIX FEET UNDER and that weird lady who got canned from the first season of FACTS OF LIFE are marquee names.) We often wax nostalgic here about television movies from the seventies and there's a reason for that, with limited budgets, emphasis was placed on storytelling and characters. DEVIL behaves like a television movie and that's a compliment. It's not always entirely credible but I've got the back of any movie that moves at its own pace and doesn't desperately resort to banging on a pot with a ladle to get my attention. Kudos to this humble dumpling for making back its production budget on its first weekend in theaters, but I'm glad I caught it at home, late at night, on the couch where it belongs.

Who's afraid of M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN? I'd say, anyone who has witnessed the hilarity of THE HAPPENING. As you may know, DEVIL is the first part of a proposed trilogy from the guy. It's based on a tale from his head, though it's written by BRIAN NELSON (HARD CANDY) and directed by QUARANTINE's JOHN ERICK DOWDLE. Don't worry, it's not as silly as NIGHT's last couple tablecloth tricks but it does bare his fingerprints as it focuses on generic morality, beeline redemption and that stinky emotional residue that often results when one is a shitty driver. Claustrophobics should find it especially tense as the action involves a group of people trapped in a small space being mysteriously slaughtered one by one. As for me, I'm just happy it stars my favorite villain of all time. I mentioned DEVIL's T.V. movie nature, it's really just SATAN'S TRIANGLE on an elevator and that suits me just fine.

It's important that I don't pull a Fetsko and reveal too much more of the plot (Mickster's right, the ending really is a hoot whether you anticipate it or not.) It's enough to say that DEVIL has a lean, breath of fresh air approach when compared to much of its competition. It stirs a pot of paranoia and makes you question what you have witnessed rather than chucking rubber spiders at your head at regular intervals. I doubt it will make me cautious of elevator travel in the future but it does nice work exasperating the worry that everybody is not quite what they appear to be. There's some good performances here too, so don't be surprised if Claire's boyfriend (CHRIS MESSINA) does become a marquee name in the future. (I'm also rewarding DEVIL with an extra gold star for employing shish kabob recipient MATT CRAVEN of HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME who was also in JACOB'S LADDER. I'm always glad to see that guy. ) Here's hoping the future additions to this imagined trilogy are patient enough to reach the same floor.

Kinder-Art :: Owen Allard

Posted on By unkle lancifer

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UNK SEZ: KINDERTRAUMA is proud to present the incredible artwork of OWEN ALLARD! At the age of five OWEN is making some amazing stuff and his choice of subject matter is super cool. Talent runs in the family as OWEN's pop operates the always great DINNER WITH MAX JENKE. Thanks for sharing your creations with us OWEN and keep up the good work!

Traumafessions :: Reader Grimpressions on Honeymoon Horror

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Freddy Krueger didn't really scare me the first time I watched A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET when I was about 8 years old. I saw Freddy as more of a cartoon character than anything else. Maybe it was because he could change shape and had a wicked sense of humor. Don't get me wrong, I love ROBERT ENGLUND's acting, but I found him funnier than I did scary. There was another horribly-burned mangler that traumatized me, even though I wouldn't get to see him in action for over another decade, the killer from 1982's HONEYMOON HORROR.

My parents got their first video rental membership in the late '80s from a discount drug store called Phar-Mor. They were always trying to find a bargain so we ended up shopping there a lot. Their rental section was tiny, consisting of maybe a few hundred videos, but I remember it was usually swarming with people mainly trying to snatch the new releases. I spotted an empty video sleeve which had an illustration of a couple, in their underwear, sitting on a bed, surrounded by flames, and a guy with a hatchet looming over them. I picked it up and flipped to the back to be startled by a picture of a bald man that looked like the skin on his face was burned away.

I remember it looked like he was in pain, maybe because he resembled a normal person rather than a one-liner spitting maniac like Freddy. I couldn't really tell from the taglines on the box if this guy was supposed to be bad or good, but I gathered that he was the character with the hatchet on the front. The thought of being disfigured by fire scared me more than anything. Since the couple on the cover were in their underwear, there was no way my parents would let me rent it because that insinuated a possible sex scene or nudity which was off limits. Now if the couple who was about to be slaugtered were fully-clothed, that would've been a different story. I was too afraid to watch the movie anyway. I think we ended up renting GHOST DAD that day.

Everytime we went back to Phar-Mor, I 'd scan the entire section to find HONEYMOON HORROR. I would dare myself to pick up the box and check out the back. Half the time I'd chicken out. So when I found the VHS 12 years later in a bargain bin at a video store that was switching over to only renting DVDs, I was finally ready to face the terror. The movie was a sorry excuse for a slasher and wasn't interesting at all for the first hour. I fast-forwarded to the last ten minutes to when the scarred killer busts through and shatters a kitchen door to hack some girl up with and ax. Even though the gore effects were laughable, it was worth the 7 bucks I payed for this scene and to have the video box. He then gets his guts blown out with a shot gun by, who I assume was, the girl's lover. He had also killed a couple of other people before this scene, but his face isn't revealed until the last ten minutes. The best part is, he sits up and throws a knife into a guy's back from across the room for one final kill.

I read on IMDB that Sony Home Video bought the movie from its filmmakers' for $50,000, distributed it, and it made $22,000,000 on rentals world-wide. With the images on the sleeve I can believe it. I'd be surprised if anyone who actually watched it wasn't disappointed. HONEYMOON HORROR was a nice addition to my little video nasty collection. It's since been packed away in my Mom's basement and I haven't watched it for years. It's such a terrible film that I'm not sure it's worth digging up anytime soon.

—Grimpressions

The Beguiled

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Folks shouldn't forget to invite THE BEGUILED (1971) to the horror party. Just because nothing supernatural is going on and hardly anybody gets killed, doesn't mean it won't bring any bean dip. Directed by DON SIEGAL (INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS ‘56) and starring frequent collaborator CLINT EASTWOOD, THE BEGUILED spins a delicate, deleterious web adapting the southern gothic novel A PAINTED DEVIL by THOMAS CULLINAN. If you appreciate the ominous beauty of NIGHT OF THE HUNTER or the psychosexual undercurrent of THE INNOCENTS you should get along with this movie just fine. Its blade is sharp enough that you may not realize that you've been cut until the film is over.

EASTWOOD (in his prime, I must say) plays injured Yankee soldier John McBurney who is discovered and drug home by a young girl (ubiquitous seventies child star PAMELYN FERDIN.) He finds himself being nursed back to health in an all-girl Confederate school and, although the ladies present express their trepidation about allowing the enemy in, it may be he who should be apprehensive as their bedside manner ends up being more Annie Wilkes (MISERY) than Florence Nightingale. A handful of the women instantly establish designs upon McBurney and he, operating as a blank slate, allows them to project whatever they like upon him. It isn't long before romantic fantasies are clashing and colliding and amity is thrown to the curb. Events eventually come to such a head that manipulative "McBee" pays for his underestimation of the fury of a woman scorned with a rather symbolic and wince-worthy loss of an appendage.

EASTWOOD showcases murkier depth than is usually associated with him and the supporting players are equal to his best. GERALDINE PAGE, as headmistress Martha, is chilling in her self-deceptive rationalizing and RAPE SQUAD's JO ANN HARRIS plays the perfect pouty vixen. During my last viewing though, I came away more impressed than usual with ELIZABETH HARTMAN who portrays the fragile Edwina. Turns out the Academy Award nominee voiced Mrs. Brisby in THE SECRET OF NIMH and tragically took her own life in 1987. The way all of these characters are represented with their own inner voices and personal flashbacks is unusually keen. There are no specific bad guys here really, just a group of people whose motivations and aspirations don't mesh. Outside of the alarming operation scene, THE BEGUILED treads softly but the mood established is cozy-creepy and the film has a rather luxurious candle lit glow. No, the supernatural does not come out to play, but thanks to cinematographer BRUCE SURTEES (whom EASTWOOD would wisely borrow for his own PLAY MISTY FOR ME later the same year) the movie feels legitimately haunted anyway.

THE BEGUILED is precise in its understatement and it's one of those movies that refuses categorization and therefore tends to get lost in the shuffle. Perhaps too, it was difficult for audiences to except EASTWOOD as such a calculating character who uses his masculine charms to get his way. He's no mere "womanizer"; he blatantly exploits romantic expectations to his advantage and yet still evokes sympathy like a wounded bird. In any case, this is one of EASTWOOD's best performances and further indication of what a fine, thoughtful artist SIEGAL could be. With one foot in the lovely and one foot in the grotesque, THE BEGUILED may not be traditional horror fare but it if you ask me, it does fall into that smaller category of a "great film."

Name That Trauma :: Reader Paco on a Pop-up Doll

Posted on By aunt john

Back in the '80s when I was a kid there was a toy where a monster would pop out and eat people/elves (not sure). As I remember it was a mini scene where something comes out from under a rock. It haunted me for years.

Later as a teen, I saw the DEVILMAN anime movie and it had an intro with fairies flying peacefully over an alien looking forest. Out of nowhere these cute things get eviscerated by all sorts of nasty carnivorous fauna and creatures. It's terrifying and also creeped me out for a while. It reminded me of the toy I am trying to remember.

Please help,

— Paco

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to Chris for solving it with Rocks & Bugs & Things!

Traumafessions :: Reader Brian Katcher on The Visible Woman

Posted on By unkle lancifer

The Visible Woman is an exhibit you used to see in museums. It's a life-sized mannequin with transparent skin, so you can see her organs and skeleton. When I was about six, I was into the human body, so when we went to a museum, my dad took me to see this. We went into a small auditorium, where a real life woman stood next to the plastic one. When the chairs filled, we assumed she'd explain to us about the various organs.

Then the real woman walked back stage.

Then the lights went out.

Then the plastic woman's brain began to glow.

"This is my brain," said an eerie, disembodied voice.

That was enough for me. I began to cry. My dad, realizing how creepy this seemed to me, picked me up so we could leave.

AND THE DOOR WAS LOCKED FROM THE OUTSIDE.

This was so that no one would interrupt the presentation, and you exited through a different door. However, dad couldn't figure out how to leave without disturbing everyone, so I spent about ten minutes crouched in the corner, my eyes closed, covering my ears.

UNK SEZ: Thanks BRIAN, for the great traumafession! For more on author BRIAN KATCHER, visit his home base HERE! Painting above "Visible Woman" thanks to artist VICTOR RODRIGUEZ!

Star Crash

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Post-holiday poverty stricken and desolate, I had no right to be perusing the used Blu-ray aisle in one of the last remaining brick and mortar stores in Philadelphia but I did so anyway like a delusional Delta Dawn. Normally, I just carry items around for a while, with no intention to buy, wearing an invisible hair shirt and scolding myself for contemplating things made superfluous through Netflix streaming. Every junkie has his Achilles' heel though, and why did they have to put out that recent ROGER CORMAN collection on Blu-ray? I swore I'd stay away from the Blu-beast temptation but my PS3 slobbers karo syrup like a bullying VIDEODROME accomplice. I had to get me that copy of STAR CRASH because it was reasonably priced and I could skip a meal or rob a convenience store if I really put my mind to it.

You can't deny STAR CRASH's cast which includes both JOE SPINELL and CAROLINE MUNRO, before they starred in MANIAC, MARJOE GORTNER who, when I was a critter gave me serious heebie jeebies in EARTHQUAKE due to his crone mug, a still-sorta human seeming DAVID HASSELHOFF, and CHRISTOPHER PLUMMER acting as if he had taken a wrong turn somewhere and might as well make the best of it. PLUMMER may not be alone in his feeling that he showed up to the wrong party, Oscar winning composer JOHN BARRY (MIDNIGHT COWBOY) inexplicably lends his talents to the questionable cause. Up ‘till now I'd only seen STAR CRASH on an ancient VHS tape sporting murky stroganoff color schemes but I've always had a crush on its ludicrous nature and clunky stop motion animation. I point and guffaw when its pants fall down.

Well, I'm glad I dipped my cone into STAR CRASH's rainbow jimmies on Blu-ray because it sure as hell showed me what's what. Moments in, I realized that my eyeballs were about to get reamed. You want stars? Where STAR WARS offers stars in one lone color, STAR CRASH gives ya a whole assortment of glimmering lite-brite hues. As much as this movie gets labeled a rip-off of GEORGE LUCAS' blockbuster its mise en scène is more bargain basement BARBARELLA. I know I'm looking at a junk pile, but it's a junk pile of beautiful sparkling garbage. Oh and the special effects, they still suck but now they suck brilliantly. Now I know what to drive when my FLASH GORDON is in the shop. Anyone who has ever dived into a swimming pool filled with Gummi Bears will know exactly the sensation that this psycho slapdash space adventure provides.

What's it about? Um. Smugglers who hate cops and then don't and then encounter nudie Amazons and cave people and who have to save a prince? Something about red lava lamp dot monsters that float around and some torpedoes with soldiers hiding inside? I do comprehend that JOE SPINELL is the bad guy and he wants to wreck everything. If you like your robots there's a really awesome cowboy talking robot named Elle (JUDD HAMILTON, Executive producer of MANIAC) who gives Twiki from BUCK ROGERS a run for his money in the, "My head looks like a dildo" department. Yeah there's not much of a plot, just a series of sloppily strung together sci-fi vignettes with a major, semi-excellent battle with fake Lego looking spaceships at the end. Perhaps most confusing of all is PLUMMER's final speech, which I think amounts to, "Let's do this again sometime."

Director LOUIS COATES (aka LUIGI COZZI) would go on to frappe ALIEN next with the splatter-tastic goo explosion CONTAMINATON. I love this guy; he's in the business of making counterfeit Gucci handbags but insists on decorating them with a BeDazzler. Yes this was a wise investment after all, as I've watched it three times already playing it like one of those video fireplaces burning nonsense. STAR CRASH is terriblific and certainly not the worst STAR WARS rip-off ever made. (I think that honor belongs to THE PHANTOM MENACE.)

NOTE: I had no way of capturing screenshots from my Blu-Ray but if you'd like to see the glory I'm speaking of, I suggest checking out the images included with this impeccable review by GARY TOOZE over HERE!