kindertrauma

Traumafessions :: Reader Brian Katcher on The Incredible Shrinking Woman

Posted on By aunt john

My students laugh at me about this, but this was the most terrified I've ever been of a movie theater. I was five. My parents thought this would be a good family movie, comedy, a little sci-fi, probably rated PG. LILY TOMLIN plays a housewife who, due to exposure to common chemicals, begins to shrink… and shrink.

And then there was the garbage disposal scene. She falls down the garbage disposal, and the housekeeper, who's supposed to be watching her, doesn't notice. The housekeeper has on a Walkman and can't hear the screams. She goes to turn on the switch… and the doorbell rings. My mother relates how I ran screaming out of the theater about then.

It was years before I could even watch TOMLIN do her funny telephone operator shtick again.

— Brian Katcher

Traumafessions :: Reader Jay R. on Dirty Harry

Posted on By aunt john

Hey guys,

I discovered your site about two months ago and now I'm on here every day. So much good stuff on here. Anyways…I've loved horror flicks my whole life and there have been plenty during early childhood that scared the living shit out of me. My dad had a pretty big collection of vhs tapes and movies taped off of T.V. CUJO did a real number on me… I was scared of dogs for awhile after that one… and LADY IN WHITE had me sleep with the lights on for a week or so. But one that had an unexpected effect on me was DIRTY HARRY… with Mr. ANDY ROBINSON as the Scorpio Killer (who was based off of the Zodiac Killer.) My dad had the CLINT EASTWOOD spaghetti western trilogy on at least once a month… so I had seen all three and was familiar with CLINT as an actor.

I can't remember how old I was or what grade I was in, but there was this Friday where I had faked sick and stayed home from school for a three day weekend. It was great… nothing but cereal and T.V. all day. It wasn't too long after watching THE PRICE IS RIGHT that I switched to a movie channel and DIRTY HARRY was on. I had missed probably 25% of the movie already… but I knew CLINT from the spaghetti westerns so I decided to watch. It wasn't until I got to see ANDY ROBINSON as the Scorpio Killer that things started to get real scary.

Two scenes in particular did it for me… the first was at the Mount Davidson cross where Scorpio was wearing a ski mask and giving Harry a royal beating. The second was near the end where he has an entire school bus full of kids held hostage. LALO SCHIFRIN's music added to the creepiness of his character even more.

Needless to say… a great sick day turned into me home alone and scared shitless. I just watched DIRTY HARRY again recently and he is still one of the best villains I have ever seen in a movie. Goddamn..when he's yelling, "I'll kill all your mothers!" to the kids in the bus… that may have been the scariest part. I have nothing but love for the film now… and still think of that particular day as a point where rabid dogs and ghosts didn't seem as terrifying as an extremely disturbed human being who enjoys killing people.

I managed to find the "bus scene" on YouTube. I never had to ride a bus to school… my grade school was in walking distance. Thankfully.

P.S. At some point in my early teens I had purchased a vhs copy of DIRTY HARRY.. which I watched constantly and showed to everyone I knew. I was such a fan of Scorpio at this point that I started lacing all my black shoes and boots with white laces. I was surprised to find the below video on YouTube when I was looking for Scorpio footage to submit.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Leia M.'s Mom on a Mirror Hag

Posted on By aunt john

Hey everybody,

I stumbled on this site pretty recently and have been chewing my 62-year-old mom's ear off about it. Which, to my delight, prompted her to offer up her own trauma for identification.

She thinks she was about 11 (which would have made it 1958 or so) and living in New Jersey. She saw an episode of what might have been a weekly T.V. program depicting eerie stories. (I just combed the episode guides of THE TWILIGHT ZONE and ALFRED HITCHCOCK PRESENTS and viewed every title that seemed a possibility, even straying into the early sixties to be thorough.)

In the damaging episode, a beautiful young girl receives instructions to climb a spiral staircase to the top of a castle turret (?). She does so carrying some sort of light source (lantern? candle?) and reaches the top to find a room with a mirror.

Peering into the glass, she glimpses herself as a withered old woman (possibly just old, but also possibly torn up- or debauched-looking in some way.)

Y'know, it may have been my mom who actually saw this, but the act of describing it has planted such vivid imagery in my own mind that I'm as eager as she is to have the thing named!

Thanks, all.

Looker (1981)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

There is many a genre picture released in the early eighties to universal shrugs that went on to become a recognized classic. Not so much LOOKER, MICHAEL CRICHTON's unjustly forgotten 1981 prophetic skewering of both television advertising and the siren call of evasive physical perfection. The movie undeniably has its blond moments and some major structural issues but it also spills a handbag full of fascinating notions on the floor and if you bend with it a bit, it's quirky fun and anything but superficial.

Dare I say that LOOKER is just the type of movie that should be remade? Its blemishes are so prominent they could be nip/tucked with ease and its concept is more relevant now than ever. Many of the technological advancements that it daydreams about are now commonplace. In 1981 the idea that actors could be completely replaced with computer generated images of themselves seemed far-fetched. Today, it's not only possible but in some cases (I'm thinking MEL GIBSON), maybe something we should encourage. (LOOKER actually features the very first CGI human character ever depicted on screen.)

The major problem with LOOKER is that it forgets its opening premise mid-way through the film. An intriguing mystery is set up and only vaguely defused by its awkward climax. Ironically, folks who caught this one on commercial television were gifted a motive to the happenings thanks to an additional scene. If you caught it on cable or in the theater though, you were on your own. See Mr. CRICHTON, television ain't so bad after all! In order to sell more products, they lengthened your movie to the point where it actually had time enough to explain itself. Damn, that really is irony, look it up!

ALBERT FINNEY is plastic surgeon LARRY ROBERTS who is perplexed by the fact that already beautiful young women are asking for surgery to improve themselves further. (Can you imagine such a thing?) When several of the "perfect" women that he has worked on start ending up dead (mostly from falling out of buildings) he becomes suspect numero uno because somebody stole his pen. Trying to save his own ass and protect the lone, not-murdered-yet "perfect" beauty Cindy Fairmont (Awwwww, SUSAN DEY), he discovers a nefarious corporate operation utilizing subliminal mind control and the coolest gun ever made. The coolest gun ever made is the L.O.O.K.E.R. gun, its name stands for Light, Ocular-Oriented, Kinetic, something, something and it is a true blast. It hypnotizes the target with light and allows the shooter to make hay while the sun shines and the victim is dazed and confused. Hmmm, wonder if I could find a use for such a thing.

The "lost time" experience that the gun provokes is an interesting phenomenon to behold. The first couple of times we witness its use we are given no explanation and the effect is wonderfully confounding. (Although it should be said that anyone who has ever been abducted by aliens, has a serious drinking problem, or even just access to the Internet should be able to relate.) Just as LOOKER's interest in body dysmorphia and the power of false images is uncannily contemporary, so too is this playing with a character's perspective through his understanding of time. Go ahead and call LOOKER a bimbo if you like, just make sure you realize that it is a creative, forward thinking psychic bimbo who can see into the future.

There's one surprisingly poignant scene where DEY's character returns home seeking comfort from her parents only to find herself competing with an I LOVE LUCY rerun but for the most part; LOOKER is breezy fun despite it's sometimes slack pacing. The subject matter, serious as it may be can't help but slide into goofy camp on occasion and the years have made that slide all the more steep. Amusingly, much of what CRICHTON rallies against in LOOKER now seems positively quaint. A climactic battle that cleverly takes place inside a slew of commercials as they are being televised (shades of WES CRAVEN's SHOCKER) is beyond unlikely but clever and hilarious anyway. It's dated for sure and frankly I look forward to it becoming even more dated as the years go on.

Ugh, I'm sick of writing and isn't it boring to have to read things? Let's look at some pretty pictures and I'll share some more about why I think LOOKER is just plain adorable…

Because of my monster sized love of all things BLADE RUNNER the LADD COMPANY logo will forever fill my pretend heart with glee.

One thing is for sure and that is that LOOKER has the choicest theme song in the world thanks to one SUE SAAD. Once you hear it it will be stuck in your head for exactly one century. It's too bad a soundtrack was never released as the entire score is synth-awesome.

Who doesn't dig the DEY and what's wrong with you?

You have to admit the gun is just too cool.

So are these shades!

Let's hear it for zero chemistry!

COBURN!

Hey, it's the evil shrink from FRIDAY THE 13th PART 7: THE NEW BLOOD! (TERRY KISER.)

Oh look it's the guy from MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH! (DERREL MAURY.)

Meanie Mustachio is ex-Philadelpha Eagle TIM ROSSOVICH! His lil bro is RICK ROSSOVICH who stared in the AUDRA LINDLEY smash SPELLBINDER! Can you believe that TIM used to be roommates with TOM SELLECK?

OMG, it's Vicki's dad from SMALL WONDER (DICK CHRISTIE)!

Holy moly… super bananas backwards slo-mo!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Heidi on a Trampled Tot

Posted on By aunt john

Hi there,

I've just discovered your wonderful site and wonder if you could help me with a kindertrauma my mum experienced as a kid.

It was a fairly old film, set in some kind of circus or carnival. There is a little girl who is always skipping around singing a song – it might be "Bye Baby Bunting" — and annoying everyone.

In the scene my mum remembers, a scary man (possibly a clown) snaps and starts jumping heavily on this kid, singing her annoying song in a kind of staccato as he stomps on her, finally realising she is dead. I think this happens behind a parked car.

My mum was going crazy trying to remember the name of this film.

Any suggestions?

Heidi

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! After some back & forth with Heidi, she came around to the realization that Unk was correct with DAY OF THE LOCUST.

Kinder-Quiz!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

QUESTION: Can you guess which of these five videos makes Unk the most excited?

ANSWER: It's a five-way tie!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Jonathan on a Fishy Finale

Posted on By aunt john

Greetings Kindertrauma,

I watched a movie with my parents when I was very young that has haunted me to this day. It was not a horror movie but I think more of a dumb action movie.

I cannot remember anything except for the end where the ‘bad guys' are chasing the ‘good guys' in some kind of animal reserve or something and one of the guys dunks another one's head into a thing of water where he is then eaten alive from the chest up by piranhas.

That scene has scared me for years and now I think its time to face those fears.

If anyone can help that would be awesome!

Regards,

Jonathan

Traumafessions :: Kinder-treasure Senski on Super Chicken Toupee

Posted on By unkle lancifer

OK, guys…this one is strange.

When I was a tyke, I hated, HATED getting my hair cut. In the small town where I grew up, our barber actually made house calls to cut the hair of small children, and it was always an unpleasant experience. I can recall the hideous sound his antique electric clippers made, and the way they overheated and filled the kitchen with the sickening scent of burning hair. And I just wailed like a banshee through it all, watching my hair fall on the floor in big, blond clumps. To my mind, that hair was a part of me that was being lopped off, no different than a hand or limb, and now it was on the floor, dead. And I also was very upset by the trope of sudden baldness as a source for T.V. comedy. (In fact, as I write this, I'm recalling seeing either a sitcom episode or a movie about a beauty parlor full of beautiful women, all having their hair burned off by malfunctioning hair driers, and being played for laughs. I'll have to do a Name That Trauma search on that!)

But my adverse reaction to disembodied hair reached its apex in an episode of SUPER CHICKEN, one of the other animated series that accompanied installments of GEORGE OF THE JUNGLE in 1967. In it, Super Chicken and Fred combat a giant living toupee, growing to Kong-like proportions and wreaking havoc across America. My brain didn't register it as animation, and I had nightmares for months about that writhing, ferocious mass of hair. And how did they kill it? By causing it to shed! This just verified what I thought — that my life was endangered every time I had a visit from the barber. (Add the fact that in the cartoon they use the deceased scalp for a practical purpose, and that just layered a whole 'nother level of weirdness on for me.)

This wasn't a trauma that lasted long; by the time I was seven, I was going to the barber shop without incident (and to his credit, he invested in new clippers). Now I just consider it a prescient flash-forward, as male pattern baldness made me its bitch starting in college. Maybe I was screaming and carrying on because I should have been sweeping up my precious locks and saving them for a follicle-challenged day!

UNK SEZ: Thanks Senski for the wonderful traumafession! If any of you out there have not visited Kindertrauma legend Senski's fortress of smartitude HEART IN A JAR then remedy your folly right quick YONDER! Biggie thanks to clucking awesome DAVE'S UN-OFFICIAL SUPER CHICKEN HOMEPAGE for the hirsute capture above!

Ghostkeeper (1981)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

There ain't no cure for the summer time blues but 1981's GHOSTKEEPER works as a mighty fine placebo. Director JIM MAKICHUK thankfully resists gilding the lily and permits the frozen Canadian landscape to play its own chilly tune. There's no spray-on frost on these windowpanes. Snow encrusted trees tower like glittering skyscrapers and we're shown that walking a few feet through the accumulation is a feat in and of itself. Filmed on location in a preexisting lodge/hotel, the devil's in the details everywhere you look. Some accuse this movie of being a poor man's THE SHINING but you'll find no clean, calculated imagery here, it's all very worn and haggard and the dark, damaged indoor photography reads like bad memories better left avoided. There's a vibe established and it's pretty powerful even if the spine of GHOSTKEEPER is frustratingly brittle.

Stop me if you think that you've heard this one before; malfunctioning vehicles result in the seeking of shelter in a seemingly abandoned whatever. Hoary as it may be, this is my jam; this is my favorite song on the radio. Let me introduce you to Jenny (RIVA SPIER) an introverted doormat-in-training who lives in fear of losing control like her insane mother once did. Then there's Marty (MURRAY ORD) her too casual boyfriend who understands that ambivalence is the sharpest knife in the drawer when tormenting your partner. Our "three's a crowd" trio even comes complete with a bubbly flirtatious blonde ripe for punishment named Chrissy (SHERI McFADDEN). I think we're meant to dislike Chrissy, but thank God she's present. Sure, she's a floozy and macking on Marty but at least she's lively. It's New Year's Eve gang, lighten up!

These characters don't sound particularly likable because they're not but their dysfunction adds to the grim mood. There doesn't seem to be any space for gallantry and we sense early on that Jenny stands alone. The three eventually encounter the caretaker of the hotel, a foreboding older woman (an invaluable GEORGIE COLLINS) who apparently buys her apparel at "Gap for witches." The crone wastes no time sprouting ominous warnings and suggestively compliments Jenny on her "inner strength." I don't want to give away the ending but there's a bit of a lift from THE HAUNTING going on here. Jenny is being groomed and her so-called "inner strength" seems to be her advanced ability to stay tight-lipped while catering to others. The point is made that Jenny is a seasoned pro at keeping certain monsters at bay and that the old woman is getting a bit long in the tooth for whatever her mysterious racket may be. I should also mention that the hag has a son who runs around with a chainsaw and that there is a weird igloo prison in the basement housing a ghoul.

Now I know that all sounds inviting but don't let's everybody jump on the GHOSTKEEPER train just yet. Exactly half of you will hate it. There's zero gore and it loses some major steam toward the end. In other words, you need to put two quarters in for every gumball you get out of this machine and I don't think everybody is going to have the patience for that. It's really rather frustrating because it does such a fine job of setting you up and then just when it has you where it wants you, it loosens its grip. It whispers in your ear, expertly tunes your fork and just when you're preparing for the bite down it mumbles something about Indian legends and lets the moment pass. Still, somehow some of the seemingly throw away imagery (for example: a long line of empty chairs facing windows filled with nothingness) wedge their way under your skin and set up camp there. A chase scene through the attic is not exactly miraculously staged but the attic itself is an authentically unnerving space where you'd never want to be.

The ultimate ending is gratifying enough but things do get murky just as they should be crystallizing. If you happen to favor misty ghost stories that linger rather than jack in the box scares though this is a true find. Personally, I've never met an early eighties Canadian horror film scored by the guy who did MY BLOODY VALENTINE and edited by the guy who did BLACK CHRISTMAS that I didn't like. It's true that I craved for it to gel and be less gentle but the apprehension it inspires (at least for awhile) is pretty impressive. It's hard to forgive a film for not dropping the hammer when it has you in the position to do so, but it certainly deserves some credit for getting you in that position in the first place. So O.K., maybe my snowshoes were not exactly blown off but I did feel a chill in July during a hellish heat wave and that my friends is pretty darn cool.

NOTE: Thanks to Amanda and Taylor for pushing me to see this one!

NOTE 2: The above video has nothing officially to do with GHOSTKEEPER but who cares. I think they make a good team.