Traumafessions :: The Warfreak of Olympic Artichoke on The Cosby Show ep. "Cliff's Nightmare"
I must confess something to you. I was scared of an episode of THE COSBY SHOW. That's right. THE COSBY SHOW.
In 1990 I was a mere six years old, and I had a very active imagination. I had a fondness in my heart for THE MUPPETS and THE MUPPET BABIES because they were shows that actively sought to tap in to the creativity of the children watching the show. I also liked to watch my share of prime time programming including, but not limited to, THE COSBY SHOW.
Where is the connection between the two, you ask? Well in 1990 an episode of THE COSBY SHOW entitled "Cliff's Nightmare" aired. In the episode Cliff returns home from a long night at the hospital and eats a sandwich that has gone bad – in spite of Claire's warnings. After he falls asleep, Cliff is the victim of a truly bizarre nightmare that absolutely freaked me out. In the dream, Cliff winds up serving under Theo in the Navy, sees his daughter form a time-traveling jazz combo with Olivia, Clair gets caught in a tornado, he's dragged around by THE MUPPETS' Sweetums and Doglion, and then his sandwich comes to life and literally disagrees with him. Gonzo, Waldorf, and a few other MUPPETS were featured as well.
I'm not sure exactly what it was that got to me. Maybe it was the fact that THE COSBY SHOW was so utterly not fantastical in any way and to see the disruption that came from my beloved MUPPETS storming a world of normalcy was too much for me to handle. It was freaky for me to see a figure of stability like Cliff Huxtable be brought to his figurative knees by a fantastic and imaginary world – and especially one that I loved dearly. Whatever it was it has stayed with me to this day. I've not seen the episode since, but I vividly remember it and start to fret a little bit when I think of it.
– The Warfreak
UNK SEZ:: Thanks warfreak and thanks for filling me in on something else I somehow missed, "Halloween Chicken McNugget Buddies" via your super cool website THE OLYMPIC ARTICHOKE!
Traumafessions :: Reader Courtney B. on Pompel & Pilt
I came across this blog post at Open Salon.
I watched the YouTube clip and am scarred for life, and I'm 37, and don't speak Norwegian.
I love your website.
UNK SEZ: Thanks Courtney! By way of your clip I was also introduced to the extremely creepy KARIUS AND BAKTUS who have been dubbed into English and seem to get off on destroying teeth!
Traumafessions :: Readers matt323, Ema R. & Matt L. on Paranormal Activity
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Did anyone else see PARANORMAL ACTIVITY over the weekend? I caught a midnight screening in State College, PA, and the theater claimed to be the only one in the entire northeast playing it so you probably didn't but if you get the chance you definitely should because it's completely awesome!
The film uses the same found footage/ cinema verite conceit from THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT but is superior to that film in every single way and is totally the film that BLAIR WITCH wanted to be. While BLAIR WITCH had a couple of effective scenes it was ultimately cheap looking and sounding and, in the end, a cheat.
PARANORMAL ACTIVITY is well made, well acted, and delivers in the end. As I was walking out of the theater a guy behind me proclaimed, "That was the best movie I have ever seen!" It's supposed to be coming to more theaters in the weeks to come, and is playing in State College again this weekend, and everyone should definitely see it.
— matt323
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Even though this is a website for kindertraumas I thought I'd mention my grown up one. PARANORMAL ACTIVITY is one of the most terrifying movies I've ever seen in my entire life. If the EXORCIST and THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT had a child it would be this film. It left this imprint on my brain and after viewing it I didn't find myself actually asleep until 5am!
I don't want to give too much away but the scene where…(EDITED due to a lil' spoiler-UNK)… is one of the most horrific things I've ever heard!!! It's an amazing film and I hope everyone demands it! I can't wait to see it again!
— Ema R.
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Aunt John & Unkle Lancifer,
I just got back from seeing PARANORMAL ACTIVITY and I think I am now experiencing some kind of adult kindertrauma symptoms. Make sure you see this one if it comes to your town. I'm going to be sleeping with the lights on tonight, something I haven't done since I was a kid.
— Matt L.
UNK SEZ: Wow, three adult traumafessions in one week concerning PARANORMAL ACTIVITY! I missed my chance to see it this past weekend (sold out!), but I will hopefully get another chance this weekend and get back to you guys with a review.
In the meantime, are there any more readers out there traumatized by this movie? We'd love to hear from you in the comments section or send us an email via kindertrauma@gmail.com. It's not every day that a movie traumatizes the big kids, color us dying in anticipation.
Traumafessions :: Reader Dan G. on Little Nemo: Adventures in Slumberland
I'm shocked, frankly, that no one has posted anything on this epic kindertraumatizer yet. Of all the animated horror that wreaked havoc upon my childhood, including FERN GULLY, FANTASIA and SNOW WHITE, none was as terrifying as LITTLE NEMO: ADVENTURES IN SLUMBERLAND, the 1992 American release of a 1989 Japanese cartoon film. This movie scared the hell out of me.
LITTLE NEMO is the story of Nemo, a nightmare-plagued little boy, much as I was at the time, who is chosen to become heir of a magical dream kingdom called Slumberland. Once given an ounce of responsibility, Nemo abuses his power and opens the forbidden door to nightmare land, putting himself, and everyone else in the kingdom, in some really deep shit. This includes getting King Morpheus of Slumberland captured by the evil Nightmare King. Way to go, Nemo, you putz.
Now, for starters, let's just ignore what kind of presently scary lessons this movie might teach kids like a)It's always O.K. to accept possibly drug-laced cookies from bearded, bespectacled child-molester types who come through your window at night, or b) it's a great idea to pick fights with policemen, as long as you have the help of a cigar-smoking criminal hobo voiced by MICKEY ROONEY, and let's concentrate on the stuff that really made you piss the bed.
For one thing: the fucked up nightmares. I think it seems natural that, when animation depicts a helpless boy being whisked away in a flying bed through the clouds to a creepy decrepit city, being betrayed by said bed (which is supposed to represent safety to small children) and dropped like 5,000 feet into some insane vortex that turns into a tunnel where he almost gets run down by an evil choo-choo train, maybe the viewing five-year-olds might not ever want to go to bed again. I mean, seriously, what the hell?!
And those creepy, slimy looking, black, smoky-type nightmare monsters with the red eyes who flood out of evil looking doors in caves? Can you say scared shitless? Even the supposedly "good goblins" were scary as hell. I don't give a damn how funny or cute you are supposed to think they are, they still have claws and fangs and beady little eyes. And those guys don't even go away when you wake up! They come out from under your fucking bed!! That's messed up.
Not to forget the poisoned cherry on top of this horrific sundae, last but not least, is the Nightmare King himself. Giant horns, big claws, glowing red eyes, oh, and did I mention he's like 50 stories tall? He bears close resemblance to another animated frightener, that big mountaintop Satan guy from the end of FANTASIA (on which I also intend to make a submission, since he scared the living piss out of me too) except instead of just grinning evilly and conjuring up weird skeletal warriors and little naked sprites to play around with, he imprisons your friends in funky little tubes where they're frozen in odd positions and he shocks them for fun. Combine all that with an impressive basso voice (complete with a slight hint of a theatrical mock-British accent) a lava pit, and claws that can pop up anywhere, you've got one wicked, creepy motherfucker who lives in a weird spirally castle and makes you piss the bed for a week.
All in all, we have here a genuine kindertraumatizer that will screw with your mind and keep you up and shaking way past your bedtime. And if you can eventually get to sleep without being convinced that the Nightmare King is in your closet, as soon as you doze off your bed is going to fly out the window and drop you in the ocean. Yeah, that's right, go jump in bed with mommy and daddy.
On a final note, I can tell you exactly why this movie is screwed up the way it is: because the man who adapted the screenplay is a sicko who's been frightening grownups for decades. Fucking RAY BRADBURY.
Yours in childhood trauma,
Dan G.
Where The Wild Things Are :: Soundtrack
I wanted to write a review for the WHERE THE WILD THINGS ARE soundtrack, but what the hell do I know about writing about music besides, "It's got a good beat and I can drink to it." Still, I feel compelled to tell y'all about just how enjoyable this soundtrack is. I was a borderline fan of THE YEAH YEAH YEAHS and then became a die-harder with the release of their dipped in chocolaty new wave IT'S BLITZ!
My opinion of KAREN O, the YEAHS front woman has expanded even further still now that my ears have gotten a taste of her work with the WILD THINGS soundtrack; it's joyous, vaguely creepy and filled with junkyard beats that stay bouncing around your cranium for days. Also performing on this album is a bunch of folks from other bands too hip to be known by me, and a chorus of kids. (Whether it's PINK FLOYD's THE WALL or PAT BENATAR'S WE BELONG, who doesn't love a chorus of kooky kids?) You can listen to the whole album HERE and if ya' dig it, buy it on the Amazon HERE.
Hey, Aunt John even likes it and that guy only listens to DOLLY PARTON Christmas music!
Halloween III: Season of the Witch (A Holiday Classic!)
In 1982 audiences across the globe cried like big babies because they didn't get their Michael Myers rattle in HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH. Talk about pearls before swine, a critical and commercial failure, H3, or as I like to call it "The non-stop genius show" was considered the redheaded step child, black sheep, blighted pimple of the HALLOWEEN franchise for years. When H3 walked down the streets of town, spinsters called it a floozy and spit on its shoes. Thankfully one day everyone everywhere decided to stop smoking crack and woke up to the obvious slice of perfection before them and declared HALLOWEEN 3: SEASON OF THE WITCH the greatest robot-infested, killer mask thriller that involves a stolen rock from Stonehenge that TOM ATKINS has ever starred in and an unmitigated holiday classic for all eternity. Nice job catching up dum-dums!
HALLOWEEN 3 knows how great it is, but it's not stuck up like some other sequels (get over yourselves TROLL 2 and LEPRECHAUN 4: IN SPACE!) The reason it works as well as it does may be because it is respectful enough to honor many of the holiday classics that came before it, particularly the untouchable RANKIN AND BASS cannon. Hear me now and believe me never, I've compiled the evidence and I almost know what I'm talking about. Below are some instances of suspicious overlapping that will make even the most credulous among you go hmmm, like you're at a C+C MUSIC FACTORY concert…
EVIL OLD BASTARDS!
Be it Conal Cochran or Burgermeister Meisterburger, one thing's for sure, old rich white dudes with nothing but time on their hands want to rain on your parade. These guys hate holidays of all kinds because they promote joy and laziness amongst the masses.
SUFFER THE CHILDREN!
Our world's innocent children are always the targets in these nefarious schemes! I'm not sure what is worse, taking a child's toy away from them or making their head explode into a seething mass of snakes and vermin by way of vague witchery that incorporates Halloween masks, television signals and stone shavings from Stonehenge, but both sound like they would be about as appealing to a kid as a McDonald's Salad Shaker.
CAPITALSM: A LOVE STORY
Putting aside children's general unhappiness and/or mass annihilation, just think of what the absence of holidays would do to our struggling economy! Granted if Cochran's plan were to come to pass, insecticides and snake trap sales would go through the roof, but only at the expense of the bankruptcy of Ferra Pan.
TOWNSPEOPLE ARE PARANOID AND NOSY!
In some cases they are fearful of strangers wearing bright red outfits and in other cases they are rightfully curious about what's going on in that motel room between that old guy and that young chippy that could be his daughter.
NEVER TOO BUSY FOR HITTIN' BOOTS
Everyone with awe inspiring facial hair knows that when the going gets tough, the tough get busy and by busy I mean, (insert gross sexual euphemism of your choice here) wink-wink, nudge-nudge or as the audience on FAMILY MATTERS says "Woooooooooo!"
CLOCKWORK MINIONS!
With the possible exceptions of Hitler and RACHAEL RAY, most obvious embodiments of evil have a hard time finding gullible yes men to do their bidding. Enter robots; robots do what you tell them to do and you never have to thank them or worry about unionization.
THE HERO IS CAPTURED!
Well, at least one of these guys gets to watch the original HALLOWEEN during entrapment.
EVIL HEADGEAR
A talking Easter bonnet or a booby-trapped Halloween mask; who's to say which is more foul and diabolical?
BRAIN NUMBING TUNES!
What better way to get an audience to remember you than cramming a torturously repetitive song into their heads?
STILL NOT CONVINCED?
Neither am I, so here's a shot of Mrs. Claus with her face blasted by a laser beam and a bug crawling out of her mouth!
Traumafessions :: Reader KtBear on Disney World's The Haunted Mansion
First of all, love your site! I've showed it to all my friends, and most of them couldn't get past the first page, they were so scared! I've scoured almost 30 pages of this here web site, and haven't seen one mention of Disney World's The Haunted Mansion!
I remember when I just a wee child of probably about six my parents took me to Walt's Florida escape, and they thought I was finally old enough to enjoy The Haunted Mansion. I was a little freaked out even going through the queue, but I managed to make it to the little room, which gave you the prologue to the actual ride. I was O.K. until the pictures in the room started moving and stretching to reveal some very horrifying images to a 6 year old!
I flipped out, and demanded my parents take me OUT of this ride immediately! Thankfully, there IS an emergency exit in this room, and I was escorted to safety.
Also, I never learned, until years later, what happens at the end of the picture stretching…the awful (and traumatizing) image of a man hanging himself right above you! Twenty-two years later, I'm not terrified anymore, but I still do feel a little uneasy in that little room. I hope I'm not the only one who spent years having nightmares because of WALT freakin' DISNEY!
AUNT JOHN SEZ: Thanks for writing in KtBear! Although I have yet to physically step foot in any of the fine family theme parks owned by the Disney Corporation (I am more of a low-rent, Wildwood, NJ boardwalk kind of boy who's going to take this opportunity to give a shout out to the now defunct Whacky Shack!), I have always been intrigued by The Haunted Mansion attraction.
I have spent countless hours lurking on DoomBuggies, drooled over the LP posted by Brother Bill at THE HAUNTED CLOSET, and most recently discovered the awesome design work of KEVIN KIDNEY. I reckon this all to say that if I were to have a bucket list of places I need to see before going to that malt shop in the sky, visiting The Haunted Mansion would be on there somewhere right above Dollywood, and maybe slightly below the Moscow Cat Museum.
Regarding trauma delivered at the hands of WALT DISNEY, you are definitely not alone! Just ask Lene, Carol, Jillcs, Vicar of VHS, me, and anyone else I might have overlooked (my apologies, in advance, to anyone who might fall into this neglected category).
