kindertrauma

Name That Trauma :: Reader Rick G. on a Big Black Gun

Posted on By aunt john

I'm looking for a movie from the '80s or maybe the '90s where a teen or a guy in his twenties builds a futuristic gun or laser type weapon and in the end is killed. Seems the gun had a pack that went with it and it was black. The kid who possessed it had long dark hair, looked like some rocker kid and seem like his family life wasn't very good either. Sorry I can't describe it more except that I doubt highly it was a comedy. Thanks!

UNK SEZ: Rick G, I was pretty sure you were talking about 1978's LASERBLAST until you mentioned the character having long dark hair. Sorry I could not help you but at least you have given me the excuse to post the LASERBLAST video below…(as you can see this laser toting dude has blonde hair). Hopefully one of our readers can help you better than I!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Carolyanne G. on Stoned Assassins

Posted on By aunt john

O.K., this one has been bugging me for a while. I saw this movie a long time ago, so I might not be dead on, but it was a zombie flick (I think.) All I really remember was there was some kind of bad guy killing people or something, and these two stoner kids chopped him up. The little bits and pieces came to life and started doing stuff, so they burned them. When they burned them, all the ashes landed in the graveyard and brought all the zombies up. Does anybody know what I'm talking about?

Traumafessions :: Reader Maxson M. on "I Am A Little Pig," Wegman's Cinderella, & the Giant from Twin Peaks

Posted on By aunt john

When I was really small, there was a book called "I Am A Little Pig" by Francois Crozat. It was the strangest and most surreal children's book ever and had many weird drawings. The two pictures that terrified me to tears were of the pig in overalls writing at a school desk and the pig on a unicycle in clown makeup. I would cry whenever I saw it and make my mother skip those parts. The pages still creep me out and I still have a horrible fear of animals on two legs to this day.

Although the horror of the pigs was enough, the most terrifying children's book of all time is famed photographer William Wegman's interpretation of Cinderella with pictures of dogs as the characters. The dogs would have on overwhelming costumes, but still have dog paws and heads. There was one picture that I was especially scared of, the Cinderella dog in a big dress by a window with the Fairy Godmother dog looking in through that window. I would always be scared to look out the window for fear that a freakishly tall dog in a huge dress would be staring at me. When I looked the book up on Amazon, I found out that Wegman had many other children's books out there. What kind of a twisted person is he? I still blame my fear of this book starting with "I Am A Little Pig."

Now to get off the subject of books featuring anthropomorphic animals, I will talk about the amazing Twin Peaks. I think I am the only 12-year-old Peaks freak, but the thing I found scariest about the show was not BOB. I found the scariest thing to be the friendly, Cooper-helping giant. His caved in cheekbones, his pale complexion, and especially his bow tie unnerved me to pieces. But it was more than his appearance! The scene were he appears in Hide-Out Wally's and tells Coop that Maddy is being killed saddened me and it also disturbed me that the giant knew what was happening but couldn't stop it! It was so sad! Another terrifying scene was where Leo woke from his coma and attacked Shelly after his face had fallen in the cake. He looked like a member of the Insane Clown Posse!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Kylee H. on a Pale Face in a Dark Hat

Posted on By aunt john

When I was a kid, I would always see a movie at the video store that I wanted to get but never did. I've been searching for it on the interwebs but only remember the cover and the pictures on the back. The cover was a long white mask/pale face with a dark hat, it had something similar to Wolverine claws, and the title was one word, something like "Slasher" or "Slayer."

I know it sounds cheesy but at the time it looked creepy. On the back one of the smaller pictures was from a scene with a car crash, with Mr. Pale Hat Man standing beside the car, looking at the camera, in the rain. I'm not sure when it was made exactly, but I'm thinking sometime in the late ‘90s/early ‘00s. I've searched IMDb to no end, and know you guys usually have the answers, I'd really appreciate the help, it's driving me crazy not remembering!

UNK SEZ: Kylee, based on your description and the time frame you provided, I think you are referring to George Romero's BRUISER which came out in 2000 (please correct me if I'm wrong.) BRUISER is not the best movie in the world, but since it's the only film I'm aware of that combines the flavors of both TOM ATKINS and PETER STORMARE and then drizzles a MISFITS appearance over the top, I'm willing to give it a break. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to sit in a corner and meditate about how incredibly old I have become (traumafessions from this decade tend to have that effect on me!)

Name That Trauma :: Reader Ema R. on a Ghoulish Giving Tree

Posted on By aunt john

Well this is going to be a tough one!

About 8-9 years ago I was visiting a friend's house and her mother was about to order a pay per view movie, MONKEYBONE to be exact.

The movie didn't start right away but rather a short film played before the feature presentation began. It was CGI animated and it was of a very creepy, abstract-looking girl running from a home I believe… I'm not entirely sure. Well she runs up to this tree and hands spring out of the bark.

I don't really remember a lot of the details because I was 8- and closed my eyes through most of it.

Sound familiar? It's been bugging me for years.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Kara S. on a Burned Out Escape Artist

Posted on By aunt john

Greetings! My memory is of a TV show, possibly LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE or maybe THE WALTONS. I was born in ‘76, so I'm thinking this was in the early ‘80s or so.

There was an old man who was a traveling escape artist. From what I remember, the community gathered to watch him handcuffed or tied and put into a coffin (maybe just a wooden box) and then the box was topped with a pile of straw and set on fire. He was supposed to escape unharmed but something went wrong. I don't remember if he got out somehow or not, but I remember the townspeople frantically trying to put out the fire and the camera shot of the man inside trying to get his hands untied as the box filled with smoke.

Can anyone help me out with this?

Thanks!

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! It's looks like Aunt John's favorite repeat offender LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE was responsible for yet another trauma. Special thanks to Reader Senski for extinguishing this nightmare!

Name That Traumatot :: Super Special Spectacular Show

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey it's another Friday and time for N.T.T.! But wait!!!! DON"T MAKE A GUESS JUST YET! Today is super special because, as of last week, we collectively identified 100 traumatots! Time to celebrate and reward ourselves WITH PRIZES!!!! Below are 10 twisted images of our picks for THE TOP 10 TRAUMATOTS OF ALL TIME! (don't hold us to them though.) Guess or identify as many as you can — but don't leave your guesses in the comment section (that will give away the answers!) instead, send us an email with your guesses to Kindertrauma@gmail.com!

Whoever guesses the most the fastest will win a PRIZE!

The second fastest and wisest will win the same PRIZE!

If you are stumped or late to the game you can still win a PRIZE because yet another person will be picked randomly in some yet to be determined way.

THE PRIZES ARE GOOD TOO!!! You will get a brand spanking new factory sealed DVD of the super excellent horror flick with the best title ever MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO!!!

Not only that, but you will also get a too beautiful for words giant sized poster for MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO signed by the brilliantly talented artist who created it STEPHEN ROMANO!

Winners will be announced in the comments section tonight!

NOW GET TO GUESSIN' KIDS!

In Memoriam… (For The Love Of Sonny Boy)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

With the sad news of the passing of DAVID CARRADINE many are sure to be mentioning his celebrated performance in KILL BILL. I on the other hand, must take this opportunity to speak of his astounding gender bending turn in the little seen 1989 cult oddity SONNY BOY. If witnessing CARRADINE in drag is not incentive enough for you to track this baby down, note that the film also features BRAD DOURIFF (CHILD'S PLAY) and PAUL L. SMITH (The loopy gardener from PIECES). SONNY BOY is as crazy as GIMME A BREAK! fan-fiction but it's also rather poignant and truly an experience you'll not soon forget. You just know a movie is damn good when LEONARD MALTIN calls it a "Repulsive, socially unredeemable waste of celluloid." (Contrarily, David Durmody of PAPER MAGAZINE voted SONNY BOY the best film of the decade in a VILLAGE VOICE poll). So long Mr. CARRADINE and thank you for participating in the insanity that is SONNY BOY!