kindertrauma

Traumafessions :: Reader Heather on the Tristar Pegasus

Posted on By aunt john

I was afraid of many things as a child, but nothing proved to traumatize me more than the old Tristar opening before movies with the Pegasus running towards the screen. I can honestly say that I have never watched that little 15 second opening all the way through. When I was young, I was convinced that if I watched it all the way through, the Pegasus would jump through the TV and attack me. (Which makes no sense, seeing as the Pegasus of mythology was a good creature and I knew this, being a mythology nerd from a young age.) I would run out of the room or hide behind a couch as soon as I heard the highly recognizable music. Everyone in my family found this amusing, but at the time I was scared to death.

A few years back, I got bored and popped in an old VHS tape I hadn't watched in years. As I stood in the middle of my room contemplating fast forwarding, I heard the music and saw the Pegasus head enter the screen. I lost my breath, my chest tightened, and the sense of doom I felt was overwhelming. The Tristar Pegasus caused an irrational minor panic attack. You think I would be over this by now, but to this day, at 23, I cannot watch that opening.

Traumafessions :: Reader Kim S. on A Claymation Christmas Celebration

Posted on By aunt john

The WILL VINTON CHRISTMAS CLAYMATION SPECIAL gave me nightmares for years. My mom and sister watched it every year and I was given no choice but to destroy the video. I mean what twisted human creates a Christmas Special for kids hosted by two Dinosaurs named Rex and Herb, and then does a scene of bells ringing with an evil creepy old hunched back man. Seriously, dinosaurs…WTF!

Name That Trauma :: Reader Joe D. on Warden Eating Dogs

Posted on By aunt john

I have a vague recollection of having seen a movie on T.V. many (many) years ago (early to middle 1960s) about a cruel prison warden who kept these fierce hounds as guard dogs. I recall that the prisoners were mistreated, perhaps they were political prisoners, and, at times tortured, and, perhaps, fed to the dogs. I also recall that their blood was sometimes drained, and, perhaps consumed by the warden (none of this is very clear to me and given the time, none of this would have been explicitly shown). I recall the film had a Mexican or Spanish setting, but this may be my own childish interpretation of the uniforms of the guards (I was a child, and may have misread the setting).

However, the conclusion was something that has frightened me for years, even though it was an off-screen event: the warden, fleeing from some disruption in the prison (perhaps a revolt, I cannot recall), is torn to death by his own dogs. His shrieks and the dogs' howls were quite vivid and terrifying, "blood-curdling" as goes the cliché.

Perhaps this is why I am, to this day, so wary around dogs.

UPDATE: It seems Joe D. (with assistance from Leonard Maltin) has answered his own question with 1958's BLOOD OF THE VAMPIRE…

Name That Trauma :: The Vicar of VHS's Co-Worker on a Leprous Lady

Posted on By aunt john

One of my co-workers has a Traumatic memory he can't place, and has promised me tee-shirts if I can figure out what it is. Help me, you Traumatized legions!

Here are his clues:

Scene 1: An Asian-looking guy is stuck in a closet or something and he can look into the room and there is a woman laying on a cot and her skin looks like she has leprosy or something. He's locked in there and there are two people trying to dig through the wall to get him out. The leper woman wakes up and comes to the door and knows he's in there, so the guy flips out and starts beating his way through the wall with his mag light. He gets through and they cover the hole.

Scene 2: The same girl with the leper skin is reaching into a glowing mirror or doorway and is pulling some kind of demon or monster into our world, dimension, or whatever. There is another girl in the room and she heroically charges the leper chick and knocks her into the portal and falls in with her. At the same instant some dude throws something on the portal and it closes. I remember the chick reaching out to get saved and that always creeped me out. The dimension where the demon/monster was like water…if that makes any sense…like the chick was floating down into water reaching out.

Not much to go on, I know, but if it were easy everyone would do it. That first clue had me thinking THE PEOPLE UNDER THE STAIRS, but nothing else in it fits and my co-worker knows T.P.U.S. and swears that's not it. Hope you guys can solve this mystery, or else I'll have to do laundry.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Since the holidays are the times that we should be doing things for others, let's put on our helper hats and see if we can spare the VICAR OF VHS the indignity of doing laundry and into a free t-shirt. If anyone knows what this one is, please sound off in the comments or shoot us an e-mail.

UPDATE: It took reader EegahInc all of two minutes to recognize this one as JOHN CARPENTER's classic PRINCE OF DARKNESS!!

Kinder-News :: 'Tis the Season for Santaphobia

Posted on By unkle lancifer

You can't blame kids for loving old Saint Nick, for every year he brings them toys on Christmas Eve and then splits without requiring any sort of face time. Sounds like the perfect relationship to me, so how come parents have to ruin this perfect symbiotic alliance by shoving their toddlers on his lap and taking pictures?

Thankfully my parents never pimped me out in such a fashion. Contrary to popular belief, being forced to sit on an old, fat, gray-bearded stranger's lap for a photo shoot is not my idea of a good time. Obviously many children agree with me because 4 out of 5 Christmas snapshots involve Munchian howls of disapproval by the child involved.

There's even a BOOK out right now celebrating this sadistic ritual abuse. Which means for less than whatever it would cost you to see whatever crappy holiday movie is in the theaters right now, you can ogle at the anguish of confused terror stricken kiddies. How Kindertraumatic!

Note: For even more Satan Santa-induced horror look HERE and HERE.

The Dark (2005)

Posted on By unkle lancifer


I kind of enjoy this quiet brooder that many seem to despise. I can't disagree that it's far too familiar and that nobody needs another "Where's My Kid At?/ Not Without My Undead Daughter!" flick. Maybe I'm just a sucker for its Isle of Mann pretending to be a Welsh seaside location. Then again I've always had a thing for hometown heroine MARIA BELLO who, if she donned a fake mustache, I'd marry tomorrow (sorry A.J.!) I admit that THE DARK may not reinvent the wheel-o, but the cinematography is borderline gorgeous and even though it has maybe five too many endings, it's got a passionate core that's enviable.

BELLO plays Adelle, an emotionally distant mother who carts her young daughter Sarah (SOPHIE STUCKEY) off to the isolated shabby chic home of her estranged ex (SEAN BEAN). Nightmares of losing her daughter become prophetic as the little girl ends up being whisked away by the crashing sea. In actuality, she is trapped in a mythical Welsh underworld known as "Annwn." Soon after a girl similar in age as the missing daughter appears and it becomes evident that a trade of some sort has been made. Unfortunately, folks who return from Annwyn are worse for the wear and tend to have a highly toxic effect on livestock and a general schleprockian disposition.

Following the requisite searching of the local library's microfilm collection, Adelle decides the only way to get back her real daughter is to force a trade back by chucking the new kid off a cliff. (Personally I would have kept the depressing Wednesday Addams chick and let my iPod wearing mouthy brat to her new home.)

I doubt THE DARK could rock anybody's world, but it's a perfect time-waster on a winter night. I rather enjoyed learning about the refreshingly low key limbo like dimension "Annwyn" to boot. The whole affair is more spooky than scary, but MAURICE ROEVES is perfect as the salt of the Earth handyman Dafydd and flash back scenes of homemade lobotomies are actually kind of cringe worthy. Extra kudos are earned by showcasing a suicide cult learning the hard way that the first step off a cliff is a real doozy.

More than anything though, this movie has the world's most profound, yet borderline hilarious pie-in-the-face door slamming scene I think I have ever witnessed, That's gotta count for something!

The Year Without a Santa Claus

Posted on By kinderpal mickster

Hey kids! Unkle Lancifer here and boy have I got a treat for you, it's an early Christmas present from Kindertrauma legend Mickster! Our dear pal was kind enough to send us her views on one of our all time favorite Christmas specials, THE YEAR WITHOUT A SANTA CLAUS. Is there any greater holiday gift than having a friend who is as cool as Mickster? Not in my book! Take it away Mickster….

The title alone of this 1974 RANKIN/BASS classic sparked terror in the hearts of children. Like all RANKIN/BASS stop-motion specials, it features the voices of stars from the past. SHIRLEY BOOTH (TV's HAZEL) voices Mrs. Claus and MICKEY ROONEY (ANDY HARDY Movies) once again voices Santa Claus. The special begins with Santa, who has a terrible cold, being advised by his doctor, who acts suspiciously like Ebenezer Scrooge, to stay home this Christmas. Santa proceeds to call the elves to "cancel" Christmas. Okay, how many Christmas specials over the years have frightened children by claiming that Christmas could be canceled? Of course, as adults we know this is ridiculous, but as a child, it is a traumatizing idea.

Sparked by an idea from Mrs. Claus, who does an awesome dance number in drag, those super intelligent elves Jingle and Jangle set out to find people that still believe in Santa. Jingle and Jangle bring Vixen along with them. All three end up in South Town and begin their search. The genius elves pretend that Vixen, who is suffering in the Southern heat, is a dog and she is thrown in the pound. Jingle and Jangle question a group of children to see if they believe in Santa, which they don't. They do, however, meet one nice kid named Ignatius "Iggy" Thistlewhite. In the meantime, Santa finds out that Jingle, Jangle, and Vixen have traveled into the "cruel world." Santa races to bring them back and meets Iggy. Iggy is promptly put in his place on the subject of Santa through a wonderfully sad song sung by Santa (in disguise as Mr. Klaus) called, "I Believe in Santa Claus."

Excuse me, I have to wipe the tears from my eyes just thinking about this song. Mrs. Claus comes to get Jingle, Jangle, and Iggy. They all travel to see Snow Miser. Mrs. Claus requests that the Snow Miser let it snow in South Town, USA. What follows is probably the best remembered sequence in the special.

As a child, I found characters of Snow Miser and Heat Miser frightening. I think it was because they were so much larger than Mrs. Claus and the fact that they had creepy miniatures following them around. At the same time, Santa retrieves Vixen and returns to the North Pole. He receives a special letter from a little girl (singing "Blue Christmas") that changes his mind about Christmas.

Sorry, I have use some more tissues as this song makes me weepy too. Let's stop for a commercial break. Take it away Mother Nature!

With the intervention of Mother Nature, Heat Miser allows snow in South Town. All is well again as Santa goes out on his yearly trip. This special premiered in 1974 and I am sure I watched it then, but I was too young to be traumatized. However, I remember specifically being traumatized by it two years later in 1976. I was so upset at one point that I left the room crying. I was convinced that Santa was not coming. My mom had to bring me back to the living room to finish watching.

  • "I could be Santa Claus"
  • Iggy feels the guilt of not believing
  • "The Snow Miser Song"
  • "The Heat Miser Song"
  • Don't mess with Mother Nature!
  • "Here comes Santa Claus!"