Any time ALICE KRIGE appears in a horror movie it is an occasion for rejoicing. She's one of the greatest character actresses who ever lived plus she's got a near LON CHANEY-esque talent for meshing with monstrous roles. The KRIGE was all kinds of mesmerizing in GHOST STORY (‘81), seriously sinister in SLEEPWALKERS (‘92), ten tons of threatening in STAR TREK: FIRST CONTACT (‘96) and magnificently mortifying in SILENT HILL (‘06). In GRETEL AND HANSEL, she takes on the role of Holda, a haggy archetypal fairy tale witch with cannibalistic tendencies and it's her most gleefully despicable creation yet (if you don't count Tully, the literary agent she portrayed in BARFLY (‘86)). Director OSGOOD PERKINS appears to fully appreciate winning the lottery in the casting department and wisely allows KRIGE to fully KRIGE and the uncanny end result is like an inevitable monument foretold in the stars. The fact that KRIDGE spends most of her time here psychologically sparring with the formidable aptness of SOPHIA LILLIS (IT: CHAPTERS 1 &2) as the titular Gretel is even more to be thankful for. GRETEL AND HANSEL is a smidge tottery at times and I can't help craving it had a more robust right hook but I sense it accomplishes everything it sets out to do refreshingly unconcerned with audience expectations.

GRETEL AND HANSEL is much more like a trip to the art gallery than the amusement park (I might even say it's more of a spell/hex than a film/movie) so if you prefer the latter you may want to skip it altogether. I found myself in a kind of hog heaven of sorts but must admit that the candle-lit cabin coziness of everything made me momentarily drowsy at times (that's less of a complaint than it sounds). This movie is undeniably stunning on a visual level, absolutely gorgeous; a shoebox diorama filled with perfectly lit construction paper silhouettes. It's like GUY MADDIN (CAREFUL (‘92)) playing WIN LOSE OR DRAW with ALEXANDRO JODOROWSKY (HOLY MOUNTAIN (‘73)) and the answer he's trying to illustrate is ROB ZOMBIE's LORDS OF SALEM. It's as if THE WITCH (2015) and EYES OF FIRE (‘83) played hooky from school and did mushrooms while swinging in hammocks listening to THE COCTEAU TWINS. I can't say no to this sort of thing! The soundtrack is by ROB, the same dude who did MANIAC (2012) for crying out loud! I'm starting to believe watching a movie is a lot like being hypnotized and we're all susceptible to wildly different triggers and cues. This jaunt tugged all the correct occult harp strings in my spine and I tip my triangular Aleister Crowley cap to it. Maybe for its own sake, it should have thrown the audience a bone in the form of a more explosive climax but I guess that would have been against its very nature. As it stands, it's a singular dark visual poem that sure to become a totem among the esoteric. Sure the story is sort of like a trail of breadcrumbs left for the birds but this crazy catalog of cursed eye-candy left me convinced that one truly arresting image may be worth more than some entire franchises.

If my faithful TV was a fancy nightclub and I was its bouncer, I swear I'd never card an eighties slasher movie. I'd let them ALL in with a wink and a nod even if they were visibly drunk and not wearing shoes. EDGE OF THE AXE (1988) is just such a hard to reject eighties slasher movie (although I hesitate to call it a slasher movie due to the fact that nobody gets slashed- they're too busy getting chopped and hacked — and rather viciously I might add– to pieces). This flick is indeed partially goofy but that doesn't curb its potent violent streak one iota. Directed by our old pal JOSE RAMON LARRAZ (he who gifted us with THE HOUSE THAT VANISHED, VAMPYRES and DEADLY MANOR among others), EDGE OF THE AXE relays the standard tale of two computer obsessed nerds who fall in love investigating a barrage of axe murders mostly aimed at the psychiatric community. There are oddball characters falling out of the woodwork and every single one of them seems like a viable suspect. I don't suggest trying to decipher any possible clues in this random mystery, just sit back and enjoy the woodsy scenery, the instantly outdated technology, and the eerie omnipresence of orange SUNKIST soda cans.

EDGE OF THE AXE acts a lot like fellow Spanish-American co-production PIECES (1982). Maybe something was lost in the translation while these films were being made but they both end up being lovably quirky, oddly histrionic, and ultimately effectively brutal. EDGE's white-faced killer is pretty darn scary at times and I'll also say alarmingly enthusiastic. Not only does this flick not shy away from gory kills it also doesn't flinch when revealing the aftermath (there's at least one applause-worthy severed head found floating in the lake). As creepy as the white-masked murderer may be, he's got nothing on the free-floating computer voice that allows the two main characters to communicate with each other. It's the strangest thing; every time something is typed onto a computer screen, it is read aloud by a voiceover that I'm guessing is supposed to sound robotic but sounds bored instead. It's off-putting and clumsily done but of course, endearing as well. I'm unsure but it's possible that this movie invented texting.

EDGE OF THE AXE is available thanks to the fine folks at ARROW who consistently knock it out of the park in regards to releasing idiosyncratic obscurities ripe for wider notoriety. The Blu-Ray's got some lovely new cover art by Justin Osbourne, liner notes by our beloved chum Amanda Reyes and a commentary by the always brilliant, Hysteria Continues. As someone who has only seen the movie on VHS, I gotta say the 2k restoration looks amazing. It's such a handsome, generous package overall that I'm going to overlook the fact that this movie shamelessly kills a doggie and an innocent pig for no reason. For all its sloppy faults it can't help being a delicious horror hoagie stuffed with a to-die-for synth score, old school gore, a masked killer, buckets of red herrings, romantic meet-cutes that involve changing light bulbs, dead bodies crammed in attics, ancient computer espionage, weird dubbing, and random Dudley Do-Right sightings. It takes a long route to get nowhere but its vivid murders scenes are worth the ride alone and really, you should have vowed to buy this movie at any cost as soon as I compared it to PIECES.

Dear THE PRODIGY, this hurts me more than it hurts you. I hate writing negative reviews. I feel guilty afterward. Creating anything is admirable and dismissing someone's hard work is not cool. On the other hand, I'd hate for people to think I'm a chump who falls for anything. Plus, maybe disliking some movies helps to accentuate the love you have for other movies? Hmm, maybe. I didn't dig THE PRODIGY. It wasn't my cup of tea. O.K., I hated it. Which is kinda crazy because I basically love all killer kid movies, even lesser ones like DADDY'S GIRL (‘96), THE PAPERBOY (‘94) and MILO (‘98). I should have been such easy pickins'! PRODIGAL SON couldn't even sell me on the idea of reincarnation when I already pretty much believe in it. They actually changed my mind in the reverse direction. Now the idea just seems silly. I do now believe in emotional vampires though because THE PRODIGY left me feeling zapped out, tired and vaguely depressed. It's a borderline distasteful joyless dirge. There's no fun to be had here. It's funless. My favorite thing about THE PRODIGY is that it makes me appreciate THE ORPHAN (2009) even more. THE ORPHAN is brilliant. Love that movie.

There's gotta be something more positive I can say. I guess the cinematography is pretty slick and…consistent. JACKSON ROBERT SCOTT (who played Georgie in IT) is a decent actor, can't blame him. The guy who played the hand-stealing killer (PAUL FAUTEUX) that the kid is possessed by was suitably creepy. TAYLOR SHILLING of ORANGE IS THE NEW BLACK plays the mom. I usually like her and know she can act but I don't think the director (NICHOLAS McCARTHY who did THE PACT (2012)- which is great) did her many favors here; she mostly just makes distorted faces and strained grimaces. I'll just point an accusatory finger at the writer (JEFF BUHLER, the same chap who wrote the PET SEMATARY remake that was only so-so) because there seems to be something wrong with this house on a structural level. For example, this movie gives away a juicy plot point that could have been saved for a later shocking revelation in its opening scene. It's annoying. THE PRODIGY only has so much Halloween candy to give out and it's like it gives half of the bowl to the first trick-or-treater that knocks on its door. Then it's like out of candy before the night is over and soon all it can do is hand out pennies and coupons and gross Mary Janes. Maybe I watched this movie too soon after I viewed the wonderful UNDERWATER and it just paled by comparison? Would I like it better with a re-watch? Nah, I'm going to give THE PRODIGY my worst possible verdict by saying I'm never going to watch it again and I have no desire to buy a used copy of it from Redbox for $3.99.

Once upon a time when I was a little kid living in sunny California, an older neighbor dude kindly offered to teach my two older brothers and me how to use a scuba tank in our pool! Obviously it was the most exciting proposition human ears had ever heard. Firstly though, the neighbor insisted on giving us a few safety tips. He then went on to explain that if a person were to come out of the water too quickly an air bubble would get in their brain and they'd die instantly. Say what now? My two older brothers were unmoved by this information and gamely tried the scuba tank out but when it came to my turn I was way too terrified to proceed. If mistakes were possible then I would certainly be the one to make them and I didn't want to die in my own pool. In retrospect, I doubt I could have met my demise under so much supervision in the great depths of a merely six-foot deep pool but the guy had freaked me out so badly that there was no way I was going to take any chances. All this to say that UNDERWATER sorta hit me where I live from the get-go. I felt like I was holding my breath for two hours and I even worried that I am now at the age when a heart attack is a very real possibility.

UNDERWATER is a legitimately awesome mash-up of horror, sci-fi and disaster flick that really deserves a better title (I've come up with PRESSURE, BREATHE and THE DEPTHS OF HELL). It has already been completely dismissed by critics and audiences alike but that only puts it in the same company as THE THING, BLADE RUNNER and (yay) DEEP RISING (to name but a few). I guess I don't exactly have my finger on the pulse of the nation because I absolutely dug it from ocean floor to ceiling. Besides being a non-stop thrill ride, it played me like a fiddle when it came to addressing issues like getting over a loved one's death and the simple human art of always moving forward no matter how bleak things appear. There were also some nice nods to ALICE IN WONDERLAND (drowning in tears, "we're all mad here" graffiti and a plush white toy rabbit) that I greatly approved of. Plus it's got a sense of wonder and it's often difficult to determine whether what you are beholding is hideous or beautiful. That's a space I can't resist.

UNDERWATER is the type of movie that had me physically straining my eyes to SEE more. There are all these murky depths and grainy textures and things flow in and out of frame in a magical way. The brightest bursts of fluorescent color occur in fields of gray-grunge and I thought it was all very painterly for an action dispenser. Without ruining anything, I simply was not prepared for the colossal scope the movie is ultimately capable of delivering. I found the climax to be pretty much breathtaking. The cast is uniformly excellent too with KRISTEN STEWART delivering a strangely calming resolve, the great VINCENT CASSEL as a deeper than you'd think captain and T.J. MILLER as the requisite sarcastic comic relief (props to JESSICA HENWICK, JOHN GALLAGHER JR. and poor, poor MAMOUDOU ATHIE as well). Don't listen to anybody who carps about the characters being slight. I think if you actually listen to them and hear their backstories and motivations, they're built about as well as they can be considering the time restraints. I'm sure they'll only strengthen and gel further with multiple viewings.

UNDERWATER is way more original than it will ever be given credit for. Sure, it's impossible to ignore its debt to ALIEN but geez, I'm fine with that. ALIEN owes IT! THE TERROR FROM BEYOND SPACE (1958) several beers and we all stand on the shoulders of those who came before us. Bring on a dozen more movies with such noble aspirations! I'm all on board. I proudly go on record saying that I adored UNDERWATER not as "schlocky fun" or a "guilty pleasure" but as a well-made survival adventure film (and perhaps the very first undersea creature feature that's not stingy with its monster(s)). It's a heart-pounding dive that doesn't mind contemplating humanity's arrogant need to elbow its way into spaces that we don't belong and it doesn't shirk away from the emotional ramifications of death. This is colossal, Lovecraftian-sized spellbinding horror. Trust me, you're going to be sorry if you miss it while it's playing on the big screen.