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Rob Zombie’s Broadcast News

August 2nd, 2009 by unkle lancifer · 8 Comments

ROB ZOMBIE‘s HALLOWEEN remake and its sequel may leave horror fans divided, but it seems most are in agreement that MR. ZOMBIE should not be handed the reigns of a proposed retelling of the 1987 JAMES L. BROOKS rom-com classic BROADCAST NEWS. Although a dream cast including the usual ZOMBIE co-horts has been locked in place for months, an early leaked script has much of the loyal BROADCAST NEWS fanbase (who refer to themselves as “Broadbanders”) up in arms…

I know it’s fun. I like fun. It’s just not the f*cking news.

I am beginning to repel people I’m trying to f*cking lay.

Wouldn’t this be a great world if insecurity and desperation made us more f*ckable?

“It must be nice to always believe you know better, to always think you are the smartest person in the room.”

“No, it f*cking sucks.”

I would give anything if you were two people so that I could f*cking call up the one who’s my friend and tell her about the one I want to f*cking screw.

I like you as much as I can like anyone who thinks I’m a mother f*cking douchebag.

There was a rhythm we got into. It made me want to purge my snork.

“What do you do when your real life exceeds your dreams?”

“Eat shit and die.”

“I can f*cking sing while I read. I am singing and f*cking reading… both!”

“Six years from now, I’ll be back here with my wife and two kids. And I’ll see you, and one of my kids will say “Daddy, who is that?” And I’ll say, it’s not nice to point at the fat whore.”

NOTE: Kindertrauma apologizes for the use of blue language in the above report (personally we prefer the term “round heel” over “whore”), but we believe it was necessary in order to bring you the most accurate representation of the key instances in which MR. ZOMBIE‘s script differs from that of the original. In no way should it be inferred that Kindertrauma and its affiliates condone the use of such words. Due to our strong personal convictions, we wish to also point out that this post in no way endorses a belief in the occult.

Tags: Future-trauma

8 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Professor Von WhiskersenNo Gravatar // Aug 3, 2009 at 10:37 am

    Great photoshops guys.  But, are you sure that’s not Maureen McCormick in the first picture?

  • 2 FoxNo Gravatar // Aug 3, 2009 at 11:07 am

    Goddamn, UNK. You are one genius chicken! Leak some more… leak some more!!!

  • 3 RATSAWGODNo Gravatar // Aug 3, 2009 at 12:25 pm

    Wow, Broadcast News is one of my top ten favorite films… how do you guys think this stuff up?! Too funny!
    You know, I wish it were a more popular title, because James L Brooks shot three different endings for it and I’ve always longed to see the other two- but I don’t think it will ever get the Special Edition DVD treatment. Sigh.
    (I also had a crush on Albert Brooks for years because of this movie. Shhhh!)

  • 4 Pax RomanoNo Gravatar // Aug 3, 2009 at 3:21 pm

    I love you beyond words for this posting – marry me. Yes, that’s how happy this post made me!

  • 5 godmonsterNo Gravatar // Aug 3, 2009 at 7:21 pm

    God Bless! I thought you were serious there for a second.  I liked Devil’s Rejects, but Halloween was best left for dead. His films are remakes anyway. I hope he makes a decent movie again one day, instead of just churning out one-note exploitation films.  I could use a new album too, remember those Rob?

  • 6 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Aug 3, 2009 at 7:47 pm

    Pax, I accept!

    (That will teach A.J to string me along!)
    Very glad you guys dig this,  before I posted, I told Aunt John that I was prepared for this to go over like a lead balloon.

  • 7 Meep ParkerNo Gravatar // Aug 6, 2009 at 5:56 pm

    As a fan of Broadcast News, and no fan of the cinema of Rob Zombie… Consider me traumatized!

  • 8 gcap2719No Gravatar // Aug 13, 2009 at 3:17 pm

    How did you think of that?! In the age of remakes,  I think you need to get this made! 😉
    What an interesting spin and makes me look at the movie a whole different way.

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