Shortly after live television director Leigh Michaels (Dial soap pitchwoman LAUREN HUTTON) takes up residence in the super-deluxe L.A. high-rise compound Arkham Towers, she finds herself on the receiving end of some odd phone calls. Neither of the heavy-breathing variety nor particularly menacing, the calls are initially dismissed as pranks by Leigh who is more concerned with adapting to life in Los Angeles. She quickly finds a confidant in new co-worker (and sister of Sappho) Sophie (ADRIANNE BARBEAU), and makes use of one of the worst pick-up lines ever to attract the attention of philosophy professor/ singles-bar habitue Paul (DAVID BIRNEY). Unfortunately, things aren’t as hot on the home front. The calls have escalated, and now Leigh finds herself receiving sweepstakes prizes compliments of a mysterious outfit known as Excursions Unlimited. First, she receives a telescope, and then a string bikini. Pretty menacing, as far as unwanted trinkets from a stalker go, no? The police offer little in the form of assistance, so Leigh and Sophie, with the occasional assist from Paul, set out to catch the creep. Using the telescope, they deduce Leigh’s stalker must be somewhere in the high-rise building across the courtyard from hers. Sadly, their amateur sleuthing results in the wrong man being run out of town, and Leigh ends up looking like “The Gap-toothed Live Television Director Who Cried Voyeur” when the calls and threats continue. Directed by Kinder-fave JOHN CARPENTER, SOMEONE’S WATCHING ME! shamelessly riffs on HITCHCOCK’s REAR WINDOW, and includes the obligatory scene where we witness Leigh sneak into the perpetrator’s apartment from Sophie’s telescopic point-of-view. Perhaps the biggest misstep is the absolute last minute introduction of the stalker’s identity which left me saying, “Wait, who?” Even with it’s left field finale, it’s impossible to deny CARPENTER knows his way around a suspense scene. He’s able to wring tension from the smallest of things and once the set up is in place, it’s virtually impossible to look away.

• Ever the wise-ass, Leigh admits to Paul that she has always harbored a fear of being raped by dwarfs
• Leigh’s narrow escape in the parking lot, complete with hiding in a sewer grate so she can look up her stalker’s pant leg
• Leigh spys the savage demise of pal Sophie through a telescope
• Leigh’s life is saved by her ugly curtains