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Sunday Streaming:: Blood Beach (1980)

August 30th, 2015 by unkle lancifer · 5 Comments

Thanks to a genius advertising campaign, BLOOD BEACH (1980) looked like it might be the coolest movie ever made before it came out. The poster was sharp as a knife and the tagline threatened a menace with the capacity to sink JAWS. I recall ominous radio spots that would stop me in my tracks and take a look at this TV ad…

I wasn’t old enough to go see it but my older brother was and I couldn’t wait for him to fill me in with details and tell me how great it was like he had with FRIDAY THE 13th. That would never happen because his opinion after seeing it was “It sucks, the monster is a plant.” I’m don’t think I completely believed him but it wasn’t long before it popped up on VHS (everything cool back then was on the MEDIA label) and I was able to watch it myself and verify that my brother wasn’t lying; it did suck and the monster was a plant! Many years later I sought out BLOOD BEACH for nostalgic reasons and to reaffirm what I already knew (that it sucked and the monster was a plant) and it was nowhere to be found. Really, I bumped into just about every other VHS tape I set my mind to eventually but that one (perhaps knowing that I didn’t truly love it) avoided me like the plague.

Times changed, computers took over the world and eventually sneaky movies couldn’t hide from anybody anymore because horror convention bootleggers and good ol’ YouTube don’t play around with coy wallflowers. Unfortunately these versions of BLOOD BEACH have always looked like crap or more accurately, crap’s long lost cousin many generations removed as seen through a screen door while wearing scuba goggles filled with Karo Syrup. In fact, it was just a couple months ago I searched for BLOOD BEACH on YouTube and that’s all I found. But look, some angel saved the day! Somebody posted a respectable version of BLOOD BEACH! It’s even an extended cut, which I assume includes the famous few seconds of extra grossness that was added to appease the German audience! Check it out! I’s like the difference between MASH and AfterMASH…..

Does it make the movie any better? Does it make the monster less of a plant? Maybe a little and nope! For me, BLOOD BEACH the movie will never be as large as BLOOD BEACH the anticipation but I still have a fondness for it because the concept, no matter how poorly executed, still thrills me a bit. Sure, the pacing leaves a lot to be desired (and then some and then some more) but on the plus side, it uses its location well enough, represents its time period fairly well and it’s got your favorite dad from A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET, JOHN SAXON and your not so favorite dad from AMITYVILLE II: THE POSSESSION, BURT “You think that’s funny?” YOUNG! If all else fails, it’s a great way to visit the beach without getting sand in your drawers! Let’s watch it below! Hurry up! Labor Day is right around the corner!

Tags: Sunday Streaming

5 responses so far ↓

  • 1 FatherOfTearsNo Gravatar // Aug 30, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    I too was suckered in by that TV spot. It looked promising. A creature that sucks people under the sand. So with that my Uncle took me, my sister and his three daughters to a movie theater in Suffern, NY to see it. Well, when it was over we were all disappointed! In fact, years later I always thought this would be perfect for a certain cable TV show featuring a guy and two robots who heckled movies. If they edited out the scene where “plant monster” castrates a would be rapist along with the following bit where some kids find the severed organ and toss it at “Pauley” (I’m not kidding!) “Blood Beach” would have been perfect for “Mystery Science Theater 3000”.

    BTW, this film also stars Marianna Hill (“The Baby” and “Messiah of Evil”).

  • 2 Chuckles72No Gravatar // Aug 31, 2015 at 9:19 am

    It was a plant? My mom saw this when it came out on Spectravision or ONTV or some other pre-cable movie service and she told me that it was a giant killer CLAM. Am I confusing Blood Beach with something else that actually featured a killer clam?

    Also – Wes Craven has passed on 🙁

  • 3 FatherOfTearsNo Gravatar // Aug 31, 2015 at 5:01 pm

    The “head” looks like a cross between a clam and a Venus Flytrap. I guess a giant Ant Lion was beyond the film’s low budget? If they went with a giant worm they might have been sued by Frank Herbert!

  • 4 johnnyblackoutNo Gravatar // Aug 31, 2015 at 8:39 pm

    When people talk about remakes, this is one that makes sense. The concept is awesome, but the execution is awful. I can’t see anything on screen, and the monster sucks. Great poster though!

  • 5 johnnyblackoutNo Gravatar // Aug 31, 2015 at 8:40 pm

    I’d do it as ‘Tremors on the beach’. It should be fun, and have a better cinematographer.

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