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...:::Sunday Streaming:::...

Sunday Streaming:: The Boogey Man (1980)

February 19th, 2017 · 3 Comments

Hold up now, did you realize that there is absolutely nothing to stop you from watching 1980’s THE BOOGEYMAN for free on super swell and generous CRACKLE (HERE)? Please don’t tell me you’re one of those people trying to rewrite history and claim this movie doesn’t rule. That’s nonsense. C’mon, if being derivative of HALLOWEEN and THE EXORCIST is a crime than you’re going to have to lock up my entire movie collection! I know director ULLI LOMMEL went on to squander his talent churning out lamentable chaff but I’m going to forever contend that there’s some creepy as hell miasma emanating from this partially silly motion picture. The opening theme alone is enough to make me feel like I walked into some sleazy, unfathomable supernatural hive of unmitigated wrongness. Plus, what about that crazy shish kabob car kill? What about that annoying kid being rightfully guillotined in the bathroom window? What about that scary dude with the panty hose on his head? Eh, I give up. Watch it for the soundtrack alone for heavens sake! So good!

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Sunday Movie:: Mom (1991) (Via Comet TV)

February 12th, 2017 · 3 Comments

My name is Unk and I’m addicted to COMET TV. I can’t help it because they’re always showing the best stuff. And I love watching on my bunny-eared TV with clothes hangers and aluminum foil wrapped around the antenna. God help me, I even like the weird commercials that rudely assume I’m in golden years and have somehow fallen and can’t get up (that’s actually an assumption that gets more accurate with each passing day). Sorry, that fancy TV downstairs can go ahead and just stew in its HD juices, for all I care. My little TV is literally huggable. I don’t know, maybe I’m really addicted to nostalgia. It was always a treat for me as a kid to watch TV from under a blanket with my cat and now that my cat has been reincarnated, we still enjoy it! Anyway, you don’t need a TV to watch COMET TV, you can watch it on your computer anytime you like!

Anyway, I figured today for our weekly SUNDAY STREAMING shindig we’d try something different and I’d alert you to a movie that’s airing live tonight on COMET TV! At 6pm you can hit COMET TV and watch a strange little flick from 1991 called MOM. Have you seen this one? I avoided it for years because the VHS box made it look like some boring French comedy of some sort but it’s actually a straight up monster movie! It kind of reminds me of THE FLY (1986) a bit because it explores the limits of loyalty when a loved one progressively transforms into a toxic nightmare who threatens to drag you down with them. Making it even more worrisome is that it stars JEANNE BATES who triggers the hell out of me due to her mortifying presence in MULHOLLAND DRIVE (especially when she gets all miniaturized). Seriously, I did a terrified spit-take when she materialized in DIE HARD 2: DIE HARDER just this past holiday season! That old broad is scary (incidentally MOM features yet another DIE HARD 2 actor, ART EVANS, what does it mean?).

In closing, click HERE at 6! You’re going to be terribly convinced that MOM is going to be a goofy laugh riot from its cheap look and then by the time it’s over you’ll be all shocked at how strangely tragic and quietly unsettling it ends up being. MOM also stars the excellent BRION JAMES (THE HORROW SHOW) and ginger royalty MARY BETH McDONOUGH of THE WALTONS, MORTUARY (1983) and MIDNIGHT OFFERINGS (1981) fame! Furthermore, please remind me on a yearly basis that MOM is both a great Christmas horror movie and a great Mother’s Day horror movie! Thanks!

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Sunday Streaming:: Daughter of the Mind (1969)

February 5th, 2017 · 1 Comment

Earlier this week we had a Name That Trauma involving a father staring into a fireplace and lamenting the loss of a child. I didn’t come close to being able to identify it but it sure reminded me of a Name That Trauma from our early days (HERE) which turned out to be the 1969 TV movie DAUGHTER OF THE MIND. If you ask me, this ghost tale based on a book by PAUL GALLICO (THE POSEIDON ADVENTURE) goes a bit off the rails with its bonkers explanations but that doesn’t dilute the haunting quality of many of its supernatural scenes particularly the chilling opening that closes with a ghost child (THE TOOLBOX MURDERSPAMELYN FERDIN) admitting, “I hate being dead.” So let’s say we check out DAUGHTER OF THE MIND today, I’d say it’s perfect Sunday Streaming fare/Super Bowl counter programming! Not sold? Do the names RAY MILLAND and GENE TIERNEY mean anything to you? Hey, it’s even got the exact same opening theme music as WHEN MICHAEL CALLS! What’s that all about?

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Sunday Streaming:: I Saw What You Did (1988)

January 29th, 2017 · No Comments

I’m just going to come right out and tell you that I prefer the 1988 TV remake of I SAW WHAT YOU DID over its WILLIAM CASTLE directed, JOAN CRAWFORD starring, 1966 predecessor. You can threaten me with wire hangers all you like, I won’t budge. The revamp is directed by the criminally underrated suspense specialist FRED WALTON of WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (1979) and APRIL FOOL’S DAY (1986) fame and it is just as slick and groovy as you’d suspect. Furthermore, it stars two of my favorite people on the whole planet (SHAWNEE SMITH the same year she did THE BLOB!) and TAMMY LAUREN (she who took down THE WISHMASTER!) Plus, it’s got good ol’ CANDACE CAMERON from FULL HOUSE in it…PLUS…two (count em!) creepy CARRADINE brothers (ROBERT and DAVID)!

Oh, I’ve got plenty more to say about this fantastic jam but to read that you’ll just have to buy ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE: A TV MOVIE COMPENDIUM (HERE) edited by the glamorous and multi-talented AMANDA REYES! In the meantime, you can be kind to yourself by watching the slap of eighties awesomeness below! Oh no! Just checking out the first scene with its HALLOWEEN II approved “Mr. Sandman” song featured in it has got me hooked! I’m trapped! There goes another Sunday afternoon!

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Sunday Streaming:: When Michael Calls (1972)

January 22nd, 2017 · No Comments

Hey, let’s say we all watch the TV movie classic WHEN MICHAEL CALLS! I’m not sure if it’s scary but it’s definitely creepy and sometimes I think creepy is better than scary because it lasts so much longer. I mean, there’s just some sort of feeling or tone to this movie that gets to me every time- ya know? Well, it was filmed in Canada in the early seventies and that certainly helps give it some legitimate horror cred. It’s even got Mrs. Mac (MARIAN WALDMAN) from BLACK CHRISTMAS in it and we all know she rules. Sure, it’s a little dated as it comes from that time period when everybody thought it was perfectly acceptable for a grown woman to impersonate a young boy by utilizing a Rocket J. Squirrel voice but in same ways that just makes it more surreal and weirdly off-putting. In any case, you can’t beat the cast; when you’re cooking with the likes of ELIZABETH ASHLEY, BEN GAZZARA and MICHAEL DOUGLAS how can you possibly go wrong? Trust me, if WHEN MICHAEL CALLS isn’t perfect for a mid January Sunday afternoon, I don’t know what is! Plus it’s got murder by bees! I love me some murder by bees! How did I not mention the score? Listen to this opening theme…

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Sunday Streaming:: The Legend of Boggy Creek (1972)

January 15th, 2017 · No Comments

Back in the day, one of the scariest movies you could crash into while driving down the UHF highway was the drive-in classic THE LEGEND OF BOOGGY CREEK. It didn’t matter what time of day it was, something about this flick could make you feel like it was the dead of night. Based on so-called actual events and starring real witnesses in reenactments, THE LEGEND OF BOGGY CREEK may be the first faux-documentary horror film ever conceived. With all the polish of a high school Science Ed film, it spins the tale of a town called Fouke terrorized by a hairy Big Foot-type monster. Big Foot or “Sasquatch” carries little weight in the national psyche these days, but once upon a time he was the physical embodiment of the wilderness’s last stand against mankind’s complete appropriation of nature.

The movie itself is a time capsule showcasing a world that no longer exists both within the film (the technology-free town) and without (the film’s identity as drive-in fare). Many scenes are laughable by today’s standards, thanks to sub-par acting and the obvious limitations of an ape suit, but BOGGY CREEK still has its own quiet power. This is campfire story material and the viewer surely has to be in the right mood to be effected by its vague G-rated violence. The sad fact is, with psychopaths and terrorism lurking about in the real world, it may be difficult for modern audiences to empathize with the fear of the wild. Whatever is coming to get us, we can pretty much assume it’s not coming from the woods. In fact, at this point nature certainly has more to fear from us. Still, maybe there’s something ancient in our DNA that fearfully relates…

Kindertraumatically, at the end of the film the narrator returns to the location of his early childhood fears and he surprises himself by actually longing to hear the howl that once terrified him, “Just to be a reminder that there is still a wilderness left.” Sadly, I’d venture that there’s probably a Starbucks in that space today. BOGGY can still be a lot of fun and its influence is ever reaching (BLAIR WITCH PROJECT, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY et al.), but it’s hard to be truly scared of a monster you mostly feel sorry for. That being said, I’m happy to report that sightings of the Fouke monster continue on. Maybe there’s still a little kick in the old boy after all. Take that Starbucks (P.S. this is a re-vamping of an old review. I plagiarized myself)!

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Traumafessions: Unk on Children Shouldn’t Play With Dead Things

January 8th, 2017 · 5 Comments

Director BOB CLARK’s name rightfully pops up every holiday season in connection to his contrasting holiday classics A CHRISTMAS STORY and BLACK CHRISTMAS. If those monumental movies weren’t enough to cement his status as a potent filmmaker you’ve also got the influential teen sex comedy PORKY’S and the allegorical Vietnam war zombie flick DEATH DREAM as further proof. But it’s the mention of CLARK’s too often shrugged off, earlier living dead soiree CHILDREN SHOULDN’T PLAY WITH DEAD THINGS that still sends a quiet chill of dread down my spine. How can that be? The movie is hilarious camp! Why, just look at the character’s outdated clothes and hairstyles! What a chuckle fest! Sure, maybe I take it less seriously these days and maybe I even find lumps of it annoying and borderline boring but the damn thing still makes me privately wince on some level.

I could brush it away and say that my aversion stems from having caught its ghoulish dime store depravity too many times at too late an hour at a far too impressionable age but the disquiet feels deeper than the echo of nostalgia. As sarcastic and theatrical as CHILDREN loudly presents itself to be, there’s no painting over its oppressive wall of infinite-seeming eeriness. It gets to me. Those electric seventies howling bleeps and whistles, the painful groaning of slow-motion visuals and especially its neon meets inky oblivion color pallet. It’s as if if THE BRADY BUNCH cancelled their Grand Canyon camping trip and decided to vacation in DOGVILLE instead. Nothing can freak me out faster than that dense end of the world background blackness. It‘s a forewarning of that air guitar riddled FAMILY TIES episode in which Alex mourns his dead friend Greg. It’s freaky and off-putting but there’s a swirl of stripped down borderline humiliating coldness to it too. Black isn’t a color, black eats colors for breakfast. We’re all heading there, right?

On a brighter note: Orville! I genuinely love this guy! Every living dead flick worth its salt should have one standout signature zombie and in my book, Orville leaves most of his shuffling brethren in the dust. To truly understand and get the most out of this picture you must both FEAR and ROUTE FOR Orville. As much nausea as he may inspire, and as much dread as he might instill, the long suffering lummox is so outrageously disrespected that its not difficult to find his patiently prepared, masterly marinated stew o’ vengeance delectably delicious. You know, if the whole world has to come crashing down for Orville to have the last laugh on his smug oppressor, I’m absolutely OK with that…and fall down it does. Are spoiler warnings even necessary when talking about zombie flicks? You can bet your bottom dollar this baby closes out with the pessimistic understanding that we’ve only witnessed the tip of the iceberg in regards to the world’s well-deserved demise.

Hey, this traumafession about how CSPWDT scared me as a kid and still creeps me out today, also happens to be a “Sunday Streaming” post cuz I found it on YouTube! Like I nearly said before, the dialogue can be perturbing and the acting hammy and the pace almost dawdling but there’s still something unnerving burrowing around here. If nothing else, you have to admit that the title remains sound advice. Respect the dead today because tomorrow they’re YOU!

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Tags: Sunday Streaming · Traumafessions

Sunday Streaming:: Fortress (1985)

December 18th, 2016 · 1 Comment

Even though the super suspenseful mid-eighties cable staple FORTRESS (1985) isn’t exactly a Christmas movie, there’s no denying that if features one of the scariest Santa Claus masks of all time! Don’t believe me? Check out the images above and below and click HERE to read a classic traumafession on the matter! Better yet, watch the movie below before it’s swiped off the YouTubes! Heck, it even stars your favorite human RACHEL WARD of NIGHT SCHOOL (1981) and THE FINAL TERROR (1983) fame! How can you go wrong? You can’t!

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Name That Sunday Streaming :: Mind Killer (1987)

October 23rd, 2016 · No Comments

Email from Babydudeish: I’m trying to figure out the name of a movie from the ’80s where a college student’s brain keeps enlarging and so does his head. There’s a scene where he is chased in a library.

Reply from UNK: I know that one! That’s MIND KILLER! It’s from the same kooky director as that NIGHT VISION flick we checked out back HERE!

Conformation from Babydudeish: Yes! That was it! Phew. Thank you. It’s been bothering me for over a week. Haha.

UNK SEZ: Hey, MIND KILLER is on YouTube! Let’s say we turn this Name THAT TRAUMA into a SUNDAY STREAMING post!

The Entire Planet: Yay!!!

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Tags: Name That Trauma! · Sunday Streaming

Sunday Streaming:: Cemetery of Terror (1985)

October 16th, 2016 · 1 Comment

For the past five or so years Mexico’s CEMETERY OF TERROR (1985, aka Cementerio del terror) has been an important part of my Halloween diet. Director RUBEN GALINDO Jr. (DON’T PANIC) deliciously mixes up sweet and seasonal graveyard hijinks (sort of like ABC’s fellow THRILLER-wannabe of the same year, THE MIDIGHT HOUR) with some sharp and salty supernatural stalking (sort of like Italy’s more gritty and gruesome HALLOWEEEN cousin, JOE D’AMATO’s faux GRIM REAPER (aka ANTHROPOPHAGUS) follow up, ABSURD (1981)). If you are looking for something more meaty than me trying desperately to fill out a paragraph with things I’m picking straight off the IMDB tree, jump over to my original slobbering review way beck HERE (Hey, don’t judge; it’s Sunday, the KT gold bar is serving Narragansett, I just got my record player fixed and I gotta get my MISSING PERSONS on). The important thing is, you can sample out CEMETERY OF TERROR below and if you dig it, buy the DVD so that you can happily watch it every year forever as I do.

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Tags: Sunday Streaming