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Official Traumatizer :: Zelda

November 12th, 2008 by unkle lancifer · 11 Comments

zelda pet sematary

What’s so scary about Zelda? The better question is what’s NOT scary about the Z-bomb! When we first encounter her in PET SEMATARY, it is by way of a tale told by her surviving sister Rachel (DENISE CROSBY) who at a young age was left responsible for her care. Zelda (played by not really a lady ANDREW HUBATSEK) automatically inspires a wave of mixed emotions. She is pitiable due to her suffering, but one is made extremely uncomfortable by her almost corpse like form. This collision of sympathy and nausea tends to produce a blend of acute anxiety and remorseful shame in viewers. These feelings are underlined further as Rachel explains a similar emotional conflict immediately after Zelda’s death. In fact, it is difficult for her to recall whether Zelda’s sickly demise inspired her to cry or to laugh in relief…

All that would be disturbing enough, but due to some unleashed and unfriendly forces stomping about (the novel points a finger at American Indian legend the Wendigo), Zelda gets a new lease on life via monstrous hallucinations. I don’t know about you folks, but I’ve always been a light touch when it came to witches. I’d take on a vampire any day over a cackling twisted hag. Zelda2.0 brings to mind early fairy tale memories of just such a creature (she should also be set up on a blind date with “Bob” from TWIN PEAKS). Maniacal, gleefully inflicting terror, Zelda is shown crumbled up in a corner like a discarded newspaper and then crookedly expanding herself. Even more disconcerting is how she walks TOWARD the camera (and the audience) howling and screeching as she curls her paws like a rabid raccoon doing a MR.BURNS impersonation.

NEVER GET OUT OF BED AGAIN!!!

Zelda may have been a victim in reality, but the thought of her when shoved into a blender with some malevolent mojo is the stuff wet beds are made of. Just think of your darkest most regrettable memories coming back to vicious life…or have you already? That’s the power of our lady Zelda,and that’s why she’s an official Traumatizer. We didn’t give her that honor; she swiped it out of our hands.

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11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 mrcanacornNo Gravatar // Nov 12, 2008 at 9:01 am

    Yikes!  She still gets me after all these years.  When I first found Kindertrauma, Zelda immediately popped into my mind!  She’ll always be one of my top 5 traumatizers ever!

    Now that you mention it, Zelda does have some sort of Bob-like heebie jeebie inspiring awesomeness about her….shudder.

  • 2 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Nov 12, 2008 at 9:46 am

    I think PET SEMETARY wqas a “cool movie”. Not necessarily “SCARY”. Miko Hughs was adorable,none other than childhood hero  “Herman Munster” himself was in it, it presented us with a dilemma to think over – Wouldn’t WE do the same thing if a big rig knocked off OUR loved one??? And I was enjoying myself knockin back a few shots of the JACK DANIELS I had smuggled into the theater- when all of a sudden ZELDA appeared! And the hairs on my arms and every other part of my body that has hair stood on end! There’s just something so NOT RIGHT about Zelda. And I think what also strikes a chord with folks is most of us have a relative we’re embaressed to admit we’re related to and try to hide from the public’s eye. Maybe it’s not a cackling, twisted deformed witchy woman…but we all have a drunk uncle that trys to sing at family weddings or a cousin whose the town slut, right? Or is that just me?

  • 3 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Nov 12, 2008 at 10:10 am

    Holy crap Mamamia, You just made me realize that I’M ZELDA! I better start working on my cackle!

  • 4 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Nov 12, 2008 at 12:59 pm

    Hahaha…I think he’s on to something! If anyone read my last post and thought “Hmmmm…Noooo…I cant think of any Black Sheep Disgraces in my family, then it’s probably because THEY themselves are “The Family F*ck Up”!  So either dig deep and think about who your family’s “Zelda” is , Folks, cuz if you cant think of anyone than more than likely The Family Zelda is YOU!

  • 5 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Nov 12, 2008 at 1:49 pm

    I wish I had figured this out BEFORE Halloween. I guess I know who I’ll be going as next year! Now I just have to find a nice pimp outfit for Aunt J so he can be Gage.

  • 6 CarrieWhitePowerNo Gravatar // Nov 12, 2008 at 6:04 pm

    You and J should totally be the MOTEL HELL couple next Halloween.

  • 7 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Nov 13, 2008 at 1:07 pm

    CarrieWP,
    Where were you when we needed you? The Motel hell duo would have been perfect this past Halloween. It certainly would have gone over better than Aunt J’s obscene “ghost whisperer” get up.

  • 8 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Nov 13, 2008 at 7:08 pm

    Hmmm… drunk unkle and the town slut to boot… Lancifer really is ZELDA!

  • 9 eskimoposhNo Gravatar // Nov 26, 2008 at 8:37 am

    Oh god….I’m 29 and I STILL can’t go into a bedroom without picturing Zelda in the corner quivering and moaning and then scurrying up to my face….and i also can’t eat pea soup without picturing it pouring out of her mouth….what an absolutely horrific character. God bless Stephen King for creating such traumatic characters!

  • 10 AnisNo Gravatar // Aug 10, 2009 at 3:48 pm

    Oh sh*t! I can’t remember how I found this website but immediately Zelda came to my mind. I couldn’t recall from which movie it was so I did an in-blog search and found this. I’m 30 years old and this gave me serious goosebumps. Arghhhhhh!!!

  • 11 Serval87No Gravatar // Aug 23, 2010 at 1:28 pm

    Zelda is by far the most traumatic character. There’s just something so creepy about her.

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