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Kinder-News :: Attention Kindertrauma Shoppers!

November 29th, 2009 by aunt john · 4 Comments

UNK SEZ: Kindertrauma apparel! You’ve dreamt about it and now it’s real! Why waste your precious time with exhausting workout routines, over priced self-help books, goofy yoga positions and fruitless meditation when you can improve who you are as person simply by buying new clothing? Do you really want to be the last person on your block wearing one of these babies? Be you an oldster, new born, emo, goth, tranny, hillbilly or time traveling Puritan, you are going to look like a fashion God or Goddess if you slip into one of these garments!

Psst! All you guys out there having trouble with the ladies say goodbye to excruciating loneliness forever. Purchase one of these items and your days of binoculars and blow up dolls are gone for good. Ladies, is Prince Charming taking his sweet time hitting you with that happily ever after stick? Shell out some green and it’s off to the ball, your gal pals left fuming and stomping in out of control jealous hissy fits! In today’s struggling economy you need to wear clothes, why don’t you wear these clothes?

Animal fans, do you realize that all of the proceeds from your purchase will surely go to feeding our five cats? Vegetarians, that means you can even eat a hamburger while wearing one of these shirts and nobody will holler at you!

Just in time for the holidays, here comes Kindertrauma apparel, reasonably priced goods that will turn every trash-strewn sidewalk you walk on into a fancy-schmancy, highfalutin catwalk!

Note: Kindertrauma is not responsible for loss of privacy due to paparazzi attack!

Buy now, think later, suddenly life is yours for the taking!

AUNT JOHN SEZ: So here’s how it works. Kindertrauma has partnered up with Zazzle and they print the shirts, ship ‘em out, and gladly take them back if you are not 100% satisfied. All the designs are customizable, so if you don’t care for the style of a particular shirt, you can pick from over 250 styles and colors. Basic t-shirts start at $16 and some change + shipping & handling (bargain!) and from there the prices go up depending upon how awesome you want to look. Don’t be a clown this holiday season… WEAR A CLOWN!

UNK SEZ: Still clinging fiercely to that wallet and or purse and or coffer of leprechaun gold? Take a look at these cats who will surely starve if you do not buy a shirt! Look into their pathetic eyes and tell them you would rather shop at Old Navy this holiday season!

Note: Two of our beloved felines declined to participate in Kindertrauma‘s “Ize get to eat!” ad campaign (Gato Malo and Victoria “Figgy” Figgstone respectively.) Gato described it as, “a truly nauseating attempt at attention grabbing” and lil’ Figgy called it, “a kitty-cat exploitasionsplosion!” We would like to state for the record that no cats were intentionally exploited during the SARAH McLACHLAN supervised red-hot photo shoot. (They chose these sexy poses themselves!) Furthermore, all claims of starvation are facetious. In the cases of Rory and Kevin, who are both a mere six months of age, kitten labor laws were strictly adhered to.

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Tags: Holidays · Kinder-News · Kindertrauma Shop

4 responses so far ↓

  • 1 TaylorNo Gravatar // Nov 29, 2009 at 6:00 pm

    T-shirt ordered!  I’m going to be a regular Dana Plato* in no time.

    * Except sober and alive and male.

  • 2 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Nov 30, 2009 at 10:20 am

    Need more incentive to shop Kindertrauma Mart?…

    Cyber Monday Special!


    Today ONLY!

    Use Code: FREESHIP2DAY

  • 3 micksterNo Gravatar // Nov 30, 2009 at 6:42 pm


  • 4 eugeniepetiteNo Gravatar // Dec 1, 2009 at 1:35 pm

    hey, so long as eugeniepetite-sized clothing is offered, i’m in!!

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