Year: 2013

I'm 15 and have watched almost every horror movie I can think of since I was little but there was just one thing I couldn't bare to watch without crawling out of my mothers arms and screaming! It was the purple dancing star, the logo of the Comedy Channel on Foxtel (formally known as Austar). I don't know what it is about it but it just makes me cringe! The ad always came on before my parents favourite show "Whose Line Is It Anyway?" so they would have to wait 2 minutes for the show to start and then watch it. I wish I knew what it was that scared me so much!

From Leticia

UNK SEZ: Thanks for this truly stellar traumafession Leticia! Don't feel strange about getting the willies from a mere logo, we'e gotten traumafessions concerning those before! You've also reminded me of the brilliant short THE S FROM HELL! Have fun relating to that film below!

Hi, Psychonator here with a traumafession inspired by the traumafession posted by Dr. Future about a Sesame Street milk related horror. I'm just a little too old for the Sesame Street traumas, since I was eleven in 1970, but there is a lactose related trauma I'd like to share.

When I was a small-fry (probably around seven) I used to watch a show sponsored by "Twin Pines Milk," who's spokesperson was a realllly creepy clown known as "Milky." He hosted a show broadcast from Detroit called "Milky's Movie Party."

This clip is from a much earlier version of Milky. This guy passed away and the creepy-baton was passed onto an even creepier incantation.

Here's the way I remember him. Kinda' John Wayne Gacy, doncha' think?

Now, if you think I've wasted your time with this account (what's so creepy about a clown, right?) well…

At the tender age of seven, I missed my bus home and had a twelve block walk home in snow that came up to my crotch, so freshly fallen that none of the sidewalks had been cleared. I struggled the first few blocks in tears. Lo and behold, who should come along than a Twin Pines Milk delivery truck, emblazoned with Milky the Clown's visage. The driver slowed, following my stumbling progress: an innocent, vulnerable seven year old child. He asked if I wanted a ride. Well, even with all my parent's lecturing of NEVER excepting a ride from a stranger, I willingly took up the offer. I began rethinking my decision once we were on our way. I made it home without incident and the driver gave me an autographed copy of Milky, which I quickly destroyed once inside my house. I knew better than to ever breath a word of this lapse in judgement to my parents!

I entered the first grade in 1970, which meant that my class was one of the first to enter an era of modern "experimentation" on our young minds, as guinea pigs of the newly minted "education technocrats" trained in the 1960s. This was the beginning of "new math" and "set theory", and new ways of learning; gone was "Dick and Jane", and even the old schoolhouse. I entered a new school with "mod" lowercase lettering on the doors, "open" floor plans, mentally soothing environments and new textbooks and ways of learning.

It was also the beginning of the era of "Sesame Street" – the biggest national mass-education "psy op" ever devised (Papa Joe Stalin would have been proud). I and my peers took the maiden voyage on that ship. Gone was Howdy Doody and learning to say your prayers and listen to Mom and Dad; it was replaced by multi-cultural harmony, saying "nope to dope", and an urban consciousness. Much of it was fun, like the guy that would bring in 27 cream pies and fall down the steps, or the "manamana" song. However, there were dark elements as well – and I don't mean just the Grouch and the Count, when Mr. Hooper died, or the frustration of Mr. Snuffelupogas disappearances. Elements of it were haunting, to me at least, right up to today.

I have always had this dim memory in the cobwebs of my mind of a Sesame Street film, in their tender folksy style, about cows, with the recurring refrain, "Hey cow…I see you now" (I know that sounds weird to hold on to). The memory itself creeped me out, in its schmaltzy, saccharine way like when you meet a burned out hippie who is just a little TOO MUCH in touch with his feelings. Inspired by Kindertrauma and my peers here, I recently commenced to searching for this enigmatic piece of celluloid on my local Youtube, and voila! There it was all along, in all its creepy, washed-out ‘70s glory…

As I relived it, watching it again for the first time in 44 or so years, I was immediately transported back to my favorite purple jeans with hippie flowers, polo shirt and Donald Duck cup (or a Great Shakes cup full of Nestle's Quik), watching the black and white Heathkit portable TV that Dad built, curled up in a chair in the kitchen. And yes – it was just as creepy as it ever was. Beyond the grainy, porn-like video quality and watching grown men grab the extremities of large animals, most importantly it was accompanied by the most unnerving folk/soft rock love ballad, directed lovingly to a cow – a style perfect for bestial love-making, with the haunting refrain of "Hey cow…I see you now" as he gently strokes the acoustic guitar strings.

The composer, Joe Raposo, was evidently famous for composing the Sesame Street theme and a host of other theme songs for iconic ‘70s TV shows, but if it were me, I would have immediately put his name on a neighborhood watch list. The pinnacle of the video, if you choose to indulge, is around 3:52 into the voyeuristic film where a man grabs the swollen nipple/udder of a cow, and SQUIRTS IT HORIZONTALLY FOR A NUMBER OF FEET, UNTIL IT FLOWS DIRECTLY INTO THE OPEN MOUTH OF A SMALL CHILD! I felt dirty after watching it and felt a need to report it to somebody, but if you watch it, you will know what I mean – it was the reason cinematic censorship was justified. I will never be the same, having seen it again. We see in the film that this "Hellfire Club" of barnyard sin and debauchery is brought directly and innocently into each of our very homes, with every carton of milk we bring home. I don't know if I can even use those little creamer cups for gas station coffee anymore.

Well, having conquered my fears and confronted them directly, like identifying a body in the morgue, I will try to move on in life, although I am afraid the haunting melody is only etched ever deeper. At least now I know it is real and not my imagination, and as G.I. Joe says, "Now we know what's wrong, and that's half of solving the problem". I know that's why this shared quest is why destiny brought us all here together at Kindertrauma.

Hi gang! Here to share another traumafession with you.

I think I was ten when it happened and I was at that stage where I thought I was old enough to watch whatever my older brother was watching (he's three years older than me). Anyway, he was watching Terminator 2: Judgment Day and I decided to watch it with him. He didn't stop me, in fact he didn't mind me watching it with him at all. The movie seem to be going all right till the scene where to boy is with the terminator and the boy is talking to his mother on a pay phone. The boy seems a bit suspicious of her so the terminator talks to her cleverly disguising his voice. A few minutes later, he hangs up the phone and said "that's liquid man" Then the next scene… She stabbed a man thought the head with her arm!!! She retracts her arm and morphs back to his normal self. Eep. Even though that terrified me, I continued watching the film but as soon as the liquid silently sneaks up behind a policeman and stabs him in the mouth with his knife like arm, I had enough. Out the room I went!

It affected me quite badly though as I would be in bed at night having trouble going to sleep as I was worried that the liquid man would come into my room and stab me!

Not only that, but a documentary showed that scene with the policeman later that year. Knowing what was going to happen I may a mercy dash out of the room. I think It took me a year to get over being frightened of him

Thank a lot, liquid man! You creep!

Hey there, Kindertrauma! I found your site by pure chance, having heard someone mention it in the comments on Youtube. I'm really glad that I did, and I'm still browsing through the pages. I saw that you let readers submit their stories of things that scared them as a child, and I just had to share my own. I know that these movies come a bit late in time compared to others on the site. I'm a 90s kid, you see. That doesn't make them any less traumatizing, though.

My first trauma was from Twister. As a kid, I was fascinated by tornadoes, and I still am to this day. Knowing this, my parents decided to pop in Twister, and we decided to watch it as a family at dinner. I was so excited! Well, that excitement didn't last too long… As you all probably know, the movie opens with a flashback of Jo Harding, one where her and her parents have to take shelter from an oncoming tornado. Well, the door to the storm shelter starts to come off, and the father tries to keep it from doing so, getting sucked up into the tornado in the process. Cut next to Jo screaming for her daddy. I began to cry and cry, distraught by the idea of losing my own father in such a way. My parents cut off the movie, and I subsequently ran to my dad, sobbing and holding him tight. Eventually, I decided to go through with watching the movie, but we fast-forwarded past that part. Being the kind of kid that I was, having no real friends whatsoever, my family doubled as my friends, and I wouldn't trade them for the world. You can see why a scene like this would affect me to such an extent, which brings me to my next trauma, Dante's Peak.

The trauma comes in at the scene where the family must escape from the grandmother's house, which was now being destroyed by lava. There was a lake nearby, and they were going to try and get away by boat, but the lava starts to leak into the lake. The lake became acidic, dead fish everywhere, the acid now eating at the bottom at the boat. The motor died, and the boat stalled, so the grandmother got out of the boat and into the lake so that she could push it to shore. Her legs were burnt to a crisp, and she later died. After that scene, I had to call my grandma. When I did, I was absolutely blubbering, asking if she was dead. She assured me many times throughout that call that she was alright, and that she loved me. I was satisfied, but I was still crying after the call was over.

You guys have helped me twice with Phantasm and Magic Island, it's time I give back and tell the stories about what scared me as a kid.

When I was younger than ten, my family decided they were going to put on E.T. Everything was going fine at first. I was sitting in the living room, eyes fixed on the television when I felt uneasy. At the beginning where the UFO is discovered and E.T. makes a break for it, is where I was scared out of my wits. There was something about when he was rushing through the bushes, with the creepy UFO lighting in the background and the distressed noises from the alien. I ran out of the room crying and screaming I was so afraid. It took me years to finally watch E.T. without being frightened, and my family still makes fun of me for it.

Another tidbit from my early youth will probably make you laugh. I admit as a child I was terrified of the intro music to X-Files. As soon as the first note hit, I was in my room covering my ears. I'd stay in there until the intro was over, then go back into the living room to watch the show. It was just the music that scared me so much. The music! How lame is that?? These days, I love theremin music.

I'd tell you the story of my first time watching Pet Sematary, but it involves a family that wanted to scare me, a haunted house, and nearly hiding under the couch. Perhaps another time.

Thanks for listening,

Woody Monster