Traumafession:: Psychonator on Milky the Clown

Hi, Psychonator here with a traumafession inspired by the traumafession posted by Dr. Future about a Sesame Street milk related horror. I’m just a little too old for the Sesame Street traumas, since I was eleven in 1970, but there is a lactose related trauma I’d like to share.

When I was a small-fry (probably around seven) I used to watch a show sponsored by “Twin Pines Milk,” who’s spokesperson was a realllly creepy clown known as “Milky.” He hosted a show broadcast from Detroit called “Milky’s Movie Party.”

This clip is from a much earlier version of Milky. This guy passed away and the creepy-baton was passed onto an even creepier incantation.

Here’s the way I remember him. Kinda’ John Wayne Gacy, doncha’ think?

Now, if you think I’ve wasted your time with this account (what’s so creepy about a clown, right?) well…

At the tender age of seven, I missed my bus home and had a twelve block walk home in snow that came up to my crotch, so freshly fallen that none of the sidewalks had been cleared. I struggled the first few blocks in tears. Lo and behold, who should come along than a Twin Pines Milk delivery truck, emblazoned with Milky the Clown’s visage. The driver slowed, following my stumbling progress: an innocent, vulnerable seven year old child. He asked if I wanted a ride. Well, even with all my parent’s lecturing of NEVER excepting a ride from a stranger, I willingly took up the offer. I began rethinking my decision once we were on our way. I made it home without incident and the driver gave me an autographed copy of Milky, which I quickly destroyed once inside my house. I knew better than to ever breath a word of this lapse in judgement to my parents!

Notify of
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Dr. Future
9 years ago

Yep…that “Milky” is a nightmare in a bottle. It made me lactose-intolerant just watching it. If he is so “magical”, why doesn’t he heal that girl on crutches, rather than just offer her his hot dog?

He actually gives off a “Sammy Terry”/WTTV vibe to me…speaking of that, old Sammy Terry is one with this look who always seemed like he got into the creepy stuff a little TOO much, and I would want to keep the neighbor kids away from his house (although he might have been a fine guy, for all I know, and just sold the creepy persona too much).

9 years ago

Yep. “…offer her his hot dog.” Ugh.

After re-reading my submission above, I noticed all the errors. I have an excuse! It was late and I was running a fever. Honest!

I provided all the pics except for the last one. It gave me quite a start! lol

Dylan Donnie-Duke
Dylan Donnie-Duke
9 years ago

Great googily-moogily! Was Milky ever found out for his evil ways? Is there any way that we can prevent him from coming back from the grave? (I don’t care what you say, wasn’t replaced when he died. His soul simply took over the body of a younger man and carried on Milky’s experiments in terror.) Was little Nancy ever heard from again?
I grew up on a steady diet of Sammy Terry, Dr. Future, and in his defense, at lease he was meant to be creepy. It appears as though the producers of this nightmare thought that Milky was delightful and endearing to the children. If, IF, little Nancy made it out of that studio alive, I am certain that she never slept again without the aid of Flinstone’s Chewable Valium.

9 years ago

Dear Psychonator:

I’m sorry to be laughing at your misfortune, but I am in tears laughing at this. I am a newbie to this site, but I won’t ever share my trauma stories, because nothing can top that. You are the Sybil of kindertrauma.

Do you realized you combined the two most horrible childhood traumas: scary clown PLUS stranger in a van? What a brave little soldier you were.

If it makes you feel any better, I can relate to the tearing up of the photo. I used to tear ads of of magazines that I was scared of, such as the famous “cracking egg” ad for the original Aliens movie. It wasn’t enough to throw it in the garbage, that was even WORSE, because it’d be there while I was sleeping. I had to take it out to the sidewalk drain gutter.

Thanks for sharing. -Tom