AUNT JOHN SEZ: If anyone out there actually got the Viewmaster's Talking 3-D thing-a-ma-bob with MICHAEL JACKSON's THRILLER cartridges, please e-mail Aunt John immediately, and then marry me.
Author: aunt john
Traumafessions :: Reader Bigwig on Operation
My sister and I were part of a "board game" family. Many an after-school evening or a Saturday was spent playing the whole gamut, anything from Ker-plunk, to Don't Spill the Beans;  Uncle Wiggly, to Parcheesi. We had ‘em all, and it was all good fun.
That is, until the dreaded "Operation" game found its way out of the closet and onto the kitchen table.
I'd like to revisit this "Classic", which showed up one Christmas, although it was most certainly nothing Santa was asked for by means of a list.
From the illustrations on the box and game board alone, you just know something is horribly, horribly wrong.
The premise is you, the "Wacky Doctor" (that is to say, you, granted  the temporary license for a first-grader to perform surgery),and your friends take turns trying to remove problematic organs from all over the bloated, naked body of an irritated looking man with a CRISPIN GLOVER-inspired haircut. The man is all pale and fleshy. The organs and such are white like bones. The openings in his body where they reside are, of course, blood red.
Oh, it's supposed to be amusing enough…he has an Adam's Apple shaped like a little plastic apple, a Funny Bone, and a Charlie "Horse". But here's the rub…touch the metal sides (exposed nerves I would wager) with your metal tweezers when performing an extraction, and what do you get? A loud, God-awful buzzer noise and his nose lights up bright red! Based on the "wackiness" factor of the doctors on the lid of the box, and the fact that the uninsured man is clearly conscious through these harrowing procedures in spite of there being some kind of gas tank pictured, it's pretty evident that he is going through a living nightmare much the same as TIM ROBBINS in JACOB'S LADDER, and you are playing the role of one of his demonic tormentors. I can only guess he was "gassed" just long enough to get his corpulent form up on the table, and carved open. Where did he come from? My guess is he was a homeless "Joe Everyman" found on the streets, probably offered a free lunch in exchange for some volunteer work. Â The fun ensues when he wakes.
The lid artwork also sports such tools to be used as a bone saw, an oil can, and a blow torch! One doctor is smoking a cigarette as he operates, with the ashes falling in the man's face. The other doctor is wearing no pants. Wacky, indeed!  I'm sure it was only the technological restrictions of the 70's that kept the buzzer noise, jolting as it was, from being what it was intended to be: a long gut-wrenching scream of pain and terror sound clip.
Yet the wackiness continues, in spite of the poor fat man's objections, and gleefully another inept surgeon gets to take a crack at these procedures.
Look at the board again. Clearly, the patient is looking down at all the openings that have been hastily been carved into him, and he's none too happy about it. Even if he has been numbed, open-heart surgery (removal, actually) is just one of the gruesome extractions to take place while he is helpless to do anything but watch. His fate will take one of two paths, that of continued unsuccessful extractions and mind-blistering pain until the young "doctors" lose interest, or being dumped in a bathtub full of ice water, without ribs or kidneys, and a note telling him to call 911, if he wakes from the shock.
This is what echoed through my mind, when I was slated for a tonsillectomy at age six. All the assurance in the world going to sleep and waking up with a big bowl of ice cream did little to quell the fears of an "Operation."
Name That Trauma :: Reader Griffin on a Virtual Lion Attack
Hey, I got a good Name That Trauma question for you.
I remember seeing ages ago something on television in the early ‘90s that might've been a movie, a made-for-T.V. movie or an episode of some T.V. show.
I'm guessing whatever it was, it was from the early '90s as well.
Anyway all I remember is a man and woman, presumably a couple enter some sort of room that's an African Savannah (I'm guessing it was probably a virtual reality room or something) and a lion starts heading towards them to eat them, but then they find that they can't open the door to escape!
That's it, I remember it being cheesy, but for some reason the idea of both a man and a woman being eaten by a lion was quite disturbing to me.
AUNT JOHN SEZ: I'm not lion lying when I say I have no clue. Does anyone out there know this one? Feel free to leave your guesses in the comments or email them to us at kindertrauma@gmail.com.
STATUS: This one has yet to be confirmed but one thing that folks agree on is that RAY BRADBURY is most likely responsible for Griffin's trauma! (see comments section for more.)
Name That Trauma :: Reader Chad on a Creepy Kids Show
So I have this memory of a really creepy kids series in the '80s. I don't remember much other than it creeped me out. I want to say that it aired in a block of shows with one of the other shows about kids being lost in a labyrinth through time. Maybe it was on a very early version of Nickelodeon. The series I'm thinking about centered on a couple of kids who lived near an ocean or large lake. There were strange sea creatures in the lake. For some reason I picture a lair the monsters lived in that the kids infiltrated. To escape capture I want to say they slid through a slide-like tunnel that the monsters used to get around the town. I don't think that the series was made in America. It was either Canadian, English, Australian or New Zealand. It's been driving me crazy to remember what this series was and if it is available anywhere. Sound familiar?
UNK SEZ: Chad, you're not thinking of SIGMUND AND THE SEA MONSTERS are you? Well, if that's not it then I don't know what it could be. Does this show sound familiar to anybody else out there? Let us (and Chad) know!
UPDATE: It looks like commenter seedymckenzie has found the movie! It's called UNDER THE MOUNTAIN (1982) and its from New Zealand. Good going speedy! (Please see the comments for Chad's confirmation). To be honest, it looks much, much, more traumatizing than SIGMUND!!
Kinder-Factory :: Aunt John's Holiday Horror Sweater Hoedown
AUNTIE: As most of you probably don't know, when I am not copy editing TRAUMAFESSIONS and tweaking the behind-the-scenes HTML at Kindertrauma, I am the imaginary C.E.O. and lead fashion designer for Kinder-Factory. I founded Kinder-Factory to fill the void encountered by horror fans like myself who love a good beheading just as much as the Bedazzler. Won't you please join me in my passion for rhinestone-enhanced knitwear with a peek at my signature line of beautifully embellished holiday sweaters?
The Captain Ho-Ho-Ho Howdy
If you have piano gathering hosted by a headstrong actress with a troubled teen daughter on your holiday party itinerary, then this is the sweater for you! Treated with ScotchgardTM, this snuggly pullover repels both eggnog and projectile vomit stains.
Amityville Axe-Mas Dreams
There's no mocking the photorealism of this mock turtleneck. The rhinestone-encrusted flies flanking the arms bring a real sense of whimsy to the infamous shotgun murder scene. The neon thread in the lawn is actually made from industrial strength elastic, so you won't need feel like Jody the Pig when you help yourself to seconds, thirds, and fourths at the office holiday party.
Christmas at Crystal Lake
Whether you're celebrating the birth of baby Jesus, or avenging the drowning death of your son by methodically murdering teens about to engage in pre-marital sex, this virgin wool number will keep you nice and toasty.
Trilogy of Terrifying Sweater Vests
Due to a miscommunication with my sweatshop foreman, this one was produced in three different styles. I recommended layering all three for the ultimate KAREN BLACK-Christmas look!
The Jamie Lee Cardigan
The holidays are the perfect time for wearing your family dysfunction not only on your sleeve, but also all over your torso. Crushed satin corduroy frames this familial tale of unrequited sibling love.
All Dogs Go to Hell
Animal lovers will love it when you show up Christmas caroling with CUJO embroidered on your chest. Should they release the hounds on you, the patented chainmail yarn used in the arms will protect you from nastiest of nippers!
The Seasonally Slim Goodbody
Just because you've packed on twenty-five pounds since Black Friday from holiday-induced anger eating, your friends and family will be none the wiser. They will be too fixated on the intricately crafted internal organs to notice you chugging directly from the gravy boat. (Nude leggings sold separately).
Sister Sister!
Show that whiny bitch sister of yours that under no certain terms are you not above taking out your hoop earrings and showing her the back your hand if she gets a little mouthy while passing the mash potatoes.
The Overlook Outer Coat
Although most of my sweaters start in the Triple XXX sizes, I realized I could make a mint by catering to the sweater needs of psychically gifted children of deranged innkeepers. This little number is perfect for the little one on your list who is destined to spend Christmas day running in terror from a possessed parent through a snow-covered hedge maze.
The Carrie White Christmas Sweater Dress
Why dream of a white Christmas when you can have a Carrie White Christmas? Belted at the waist, this flame and pigs' blood retardant tunic will make you the toast of the girls' locker room. Even the most zealous of mothers will approve of the demure, below-the-knee hemline.
Traum-mercial Break :: Baby Laugh-a-Lot
Which is Creepier: Her maniacal laughter or this ominous overdub?
[Spied on Carrie White Burns in Hell].
Traumafessions :: Reader PseudoFox on My Stepmother is an Alien
To this day memories of this movie still cause me to turn on all the lights in the house and shut all the doors that aren't being used. It was MY STEPMOTHER IS AN ALIEN, made in 1988, and I didn't have the horrible luck of seeing it until 1991, when I was 5. The movie is charming enough… an alien is sent to space on a mission and she takes the form of a babelicious woman (the actress KIM BASINGER) who marries some nerdy guy (played by DAN AYKROYD) whom already has a daughter. I honestly don't remember too much of the plot, the only thing I can remember about the movie is the object of terror… Bag.
The character's name was Bag, or The Bag… and it was an alien cohort of KIM BASINGER's that lived in her handbag. I remember it was funny when she started talking to her bag, I actually remember some parts of the movie being hilarious (when I was a child) until I saw what Bag really looked like.
Bag is, essentially, a skin tube with an eyeball stuck at the end… like a stalk, almost. I remember its tube being wrinkly and a brown color and that horrible giant eye. That's all it was… and it spoke. Bag didn't actually bother me too much when I first saw it. I was scared but I wasn't terrified to the point of tears until I realized how much of a bad alien Bag was. At one point in the movie Bag got angry and slammed the doors of the house the stepdaughter was in, closed the blinds, and stuck her to the ceiling by levitation or something. She was crying and sobbing and obviously terrified.
The worst part of the movie was when Bag went insane in the end. I think there was a storm… something involving electricity. I think Bag got struck by it in the end, but the crazy shit that was going on before hand was so frightening to me that I was sobbing in terror. I suffered nightmares about Bag for quite some time after seeing that movie.
Name That Trauma :: Reader Sonny on Turtles, Car Accidents, and Puppet Shows!
First off just wanted to compliment you on a fantastic site. For someone like myself who grew up during the 80's slasher heyday this site has been invaluable in sourcing out those titles from memories that are 20+ years old.
However, I have a few here that I am still having trouble with.
1) This is from the mid to late '70s I believe, possibly a TV movie. Maybe not so much a horror film, but something that has stuck in my psyche for years. A boy and a girl are on a beach with a small turtle and carve something onto it's back. Years later, the boy lives under the water or something and we see the turtle (now huge, I think) swimming by with the carved initials??? On it's shell!
2) This one was possibly part of a trilogy type story from the '80s or maybe from a TV show like RAY BRADBURY THEATRE, TALES FROM THE DARKSIDE, etc. but not sure. It involves groups of people who come out to the scenes of auto accidents. Don't remember much other than these groups of people all showing up when there is an accident…turns out they are all accident victims and are already dead????
3) And finally this one WAS part of a trilogy or quartet of horror stories popular back in the '80s VHS days. All I remember of this one was a guy who was performing a "Punch and Judy" type show on a beach or waterfront somewhere. I don't remember if the Punch and Judy theme was the connecting story or one of the stories itself.
Sorry to be so vague but it's all I have. Hopefully it will spark someone's memory and I can finally re-watch these and "put them to bed."
UNK SEZ: O.K. Sonny I know at least two of these three. The first one is certainly THE BERMUDA DEPTHS, a made-for-television movie from 1978. There may be more than one giant turtle movie, but only one has the initial carving scene you mentioned. The third one I'm pretty sure, is a British anthology film from 1983 called SCREAMTIME, which indeed sports a segment involving Punch and Judy puppets. The second one sounds a lot like CARNIVAL OF SOULS from 1962, but since you didn't mention it being in black and white I have my doubts. Anybody out there think they've got a clearer handle on the second one? If so leave a comment or contact us at Kindertrauma@gmail.com!! In any case Sonny, in the words of MEAT LOAF two out of three ain't bad!
NOTE: Currently you can watch THE BERMUDA DEPTHS on Youtube! The first part is below, double click the screen to get to the rest. Best to do so now, it could disappear at any time!
Traumafessions :: Reader Sonny on Future Traumatizer Tipi Tales
I have wanted to add something to your pages for some time now, but every time I think I have something not yet covered, someone else has already unearthed it as their Traumafession. So in place of my own kindertrauma I offer one for my 4-year-old daughter…
A few weeks back my daughter was watching TV in the upstairs room and we could hear her talking to the TV and interacting with the preschool type shows as she does, yelling out letters and numbers and colors and the like. About 5 minutes later I noticed it was quite quiet and went upstairs to find her backed against the wall in terror. I turned to see what she was watching, thinking she had wandered off the pre-programmed favorites somehow and saw this….
"TIPI TALES – are adventures in story and song, where Elizabeth, Junior, Russel and Sam play, laugh and grow together in the forest." – from the tipitales.com website.
Not sure if they have it in your neck of the woods, but here in Canada it runs on one of the kids channels. It looks harmless enough but when I went to look up TIPI TALES on YouTube the preview picture for the above clip perhaps sheds some light. Maybe it's just me but that face gives me the creeps…….
AUNT JOHN SEZ: Sonny, first of all, thanks for bringing this future TRAUMAFESSION catalyst to our attention. While I don't think it has crossed the border onto American airwaves, I could be wrong. Have any of you readers seen this program? If so, feel free to sound off in the comments or, better yet, report it to your local office of Homeland Security. Clearly, the last thing America needs is more childhood nightmares caused by children's television puppets. I'm looking at you LADY ELAINE FAIRCHILDE and SESAME STREET EGGMAN!
Since we're on the topic of frightening puppets, I'd be remiss not to mention the original, old school terror LITTLE MARCY who has agreed to demonstrate her unmatched powers of creepiness in a song. Hit it LITTLE MARCY:
Traumafessions :: Reader Mark B. on Busta Rhymes' "Gimme Some Mo" Video
I had a cousin who was really into hip-hop and he got me into the music too when I was about 11 or 12. He had this one CD, Busta Rhymes' When Disaster Strikes (1997), and I was really into it. I would claim to my friends that Busta was my favorite artist and I would watch MuchMusic when I could to see if any of his videos were on, (this was before YouTube).
One day we were watching MuchMusic, (RapCity or something), and then one of the videos from the album E.N.E., The Final Frontier (1998), came on called "Gimme Some Mo." I was totally focused in on it.
The video is a parody of LOONEY TUNES and really weird. It starts off with Busta as a kid talking about how "he bumped his head." From there his eyes start to dilate…and then start to swirl. Busta, as a kid, turns into this blue monster with yellow eyes and long teeth. Almost like a Japanese Hannya or something…but with these long dreads. This is when I started to get freaked out. It was the scene where he is chasing after his mom down a hallway and grabbing at her from behind a door…  that image gave me "the fear" before bed and a few nightmares.
I suggest you check it out, maybe you can relate to how this scared me as a kid.
UNK SEZ: Mark, at first I had no idea how a BUSTA RHYMES video could be scary but after viewing it, I see your point. Not only is the Busta gremlin-beastie a freakish image to behold, but the song samples the immortal BERNARD HERRMAN's opening theme for PSYCHO! I'm sold; this freaky video brings the trauma!