UNK SEZ: Today's KINDERTRAUMA FUNHOUSE was brought to you by…
Author: unkle lancifer
Traumafession:: Melody M. on Fargo's Headless Movie Poster
Thought I'd share another trauma with you guys, seeing as how I feel much better about spilling my guts about The Blob remake (Haha not really…I don't think that one's going away any time soon).
Anyway, this one is kind of odd, and I was reminded of it today because it's been snowing like a son of a bitch here.
Back when I was much younger and people used to go to video stores to rent VHS tapes, I would always be drawn to two things when I would visit my local rental place; the box art of the horror movies, and the posters that would be hanging up for new releases near the entrance. One day I went with my father to rent a couple movies, and the poster hanging up was for a movie by the name of Fargo. It depicted a lonely snow-covered road, a car turned upside-down over on the side, with what appeared to be a dead body in snow gear nearby leaking blood onto the snow, and appeared to be headless because of the angle. The tagline: A lot can happen in the middle of nowhere.
This poster frightened the crap out of me. What COULD have possibly happened to that poor person out in the snow all alone? For some reason, my mind went to "abominable snow man." I was sure that unfortunate driver stumbled upon a wilderness road, came across a yeti, which flipped the car over and dragged the man out, brutally decapitating him and leaving his bloody body behind. I actually would stay up at night thinking about that poster and what the movie could have been about, giving myself nightmares in the process.
I didn't actually see the movie until I was 20, about 13 years later (yeesh, I'm getting old…), and while it couldn't possibly live up to my childhood imagination-induced nightmares, I still found it really enjoyable. A good mix of humor and thriller, I thought. Still kinda wish it had been about yeti attacks, though.
Name That Trauma:: Rich B. on a Santa Claus Corpse Burned in Effigy
Hey guys! Love your web site and while I have some confessions I have more of a question, hopefully you and maybe your readers can help. I've been trying to find a movie to be exact. Last year I saw a youtube Christmas mixtape of various footage of Christmas themed horror movies, one clip in particular drew my attention. It had a group of people outside around a bonfire, and there was a man dressed as a priest with the collar saying how evil Santa was. The people had a effigy (or maybe even a corpse) of a Santa. The effigy had a corpse face and they were feeding it into the fire. Can you or anybody help me with the name of the movie? Nobody has been able to tell me where that clip came from, I've been on various comment boards, looked for it in a search engine and on blogs to no avail. Hopefully this can be solved. Thanks!!!
Always a fan,
Rich B.
The Horror of The Love Boat!
Did you realize that before they appeared together in THE FOG, legendary mother daughter horror icons JAMIE LEE CURTIS (HALLOWEEN) and JANET LEIGH (PSYCHO) took a cruise on THE LOVE BOAT? It's true! In fact it was CURTIS' first post Haddonfield venture and notably the only time the two played mother and daughter on screen.
Do you remember when FRIDAY THE 13TH's mega momma BETSY PALMER appeared in the same episode as head-turner LINDA BLAIR albeit in separate storylines? Who could forget that once in a lifetime horror star configuration?
For one fantastic decade, whether one was climbing up or down the ladder of fame, there were two places they could always rely on finding themselves welcome, in a horror film or on "The Pacific Princess" better known as THE LOVE BOAT! Hey, why not let's check out a few more horror pals who tested their romantic sea legs? Who cares if it was before, during or after this amorous ship sailed? I have a feeling this is going to be exciting and new! Come aboard! We're expecting you!
JULIET MILLS of BEYOND THE DOOR
LAURIE WALTERS of WARLOCK MOON
ROSS MARTIN of DYING ROOM ONLY
PAMALA GRIER of SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES
DENISE NICHOLAS of BLACKULA
SLIM PICKENS of THE HOWLING
DIANE LADD of THE DEVIL'S DAUGHTER & WILD AT HEART
KENT McCORD of THE RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD 3
MAUREEN McCORMICK of RETURN TO HORROR HIGH
MORGAN BRITTANY of THE INITIATION OF SARAH
RICHARD GILLILAND of BUG
JAYNE KENNEDY of MS.45
ELKE SOMMER of LISA AND THE DEVIL & FLASHBACK
ROBERT VAUGHN of C.H.U.D. 2- BUD THE CHUD
HOWARD KEEL of THE DAY OF THE TRIFFIDS
BELINDA J. MONTGOMERY of SILENT MADNESS
JOSE FERRER of BLOODY BIRTHDAY & THE BEING
JENILEE HARRISON of CURSE III: BLOOD SACRIFICE
KATHERINE HELMOND of LADY IN WHITE
MICHELLE PHILIPS of SCISSORS
BRITT EKLAND of THE WICKER MAN
JOAN VAN ARK of FROGS
RICHARD BASEHART of MANSION OF THE DOOMED
LESLIE EASTERBROOK of THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
JOAN FONTAINE of REBECCA & SUSPICION
PATRICK LABORTEAUX of GHOULIES III & SUMMER SCHOOL
MORGAN FAIRCHILD of THE INITIATION OF SARAH
JESSICA WALTER of HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS
DARROW IGUS of THE FOG
AUDRA LINDLEY of SPELLBINDER
ANNE MEARA of HIGHWAY TO HELL
DARYL ANDERSON of MOSTER SQUAD
ELINOR DONAHUE of FREDDY'S DEAD: THE FINAL NIGHTMARE
ELAINE JOYCE of MOTEL HELL
ROBERT ALDA of THE BEAST WITH 500 FINGERS
LUCILLE BENSON of HALLOWEEN II
ROSE MARIE of WITCHBOARD
HENRY JONES of ARACHNOPHOBIA
MARY McDONOUGH of MORTUARY
JOANNA CASSIDY of NIGHT CHILD
BERT CONVY of JENNIFER
LYNDA DAY GEORGE of PIECES
JOHN PHILIP LAW of NIGHT TRAIN TO TERROR
TANYA ROBERTS of TOURIST TRAP
LYDIA CORNELL of BLOODTIDE
JUDY LANDERS of HELLHOLE
VERA MILES of PSYCHO & PSYCHO II
DICK VAN PATTON of THE MIDNIGHT HOUR
FABIAN of KISS DADDY GOODBYE
PRISCILLA BARNES of STEPFATHER 3 & THE DEVIL'S REJECTS
DOUG BARR of THE UNSEEN and DEADLY BLESSING
SONNY BONO of TROLL
WOODY BROWN of KILLER PARTY
JARED MARTIN of AENIGMA
JOANNA PETTET of THE EVIL
PAUL WILLIAMS of THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE
KEVIN BROPHY of HELL NIGHT
SUSAN STRASBERG 0f SCREAM OF FEAR & THE MANITOU
DAVID HEDISON of THE FLY
KIM DARBY of DON'T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK & HALLOWEEN VI
CHRISTOPHER GEORGE of PIECES & GATES OF HELL
SHELLEY HACK of THE STEPFATHER
JOSEPH COTTEN of THE HEARSE
OLIVIA DE HAVILLAND of LADY IN A CAGE
JOAN PRATHER of THE DEVIL'S RAIN
SYLVIA SIDNEY of DAMIEN OMEN II & BEETLEJUICE
CINDY MORGAN of THE MIDNIGHT HOUR
BARBI BENTON of HOSPITAL MASSACRE/X-RAY
PETER HASKELL of CHILD'S PLAY 2 & 3
SAMANTHA EGGAR of THE BROOD
VINCENT VAN PATTON of HELL NIGHT
JENNIFER LOPINTO of HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE
STEVE MARACHUK of PIRANHA 2: THE SPAWNING
RON PALILLO of FRIDAY THE 13th: PART 6 & HELLGATE
MARIE LAURIN of CREATURE
TRISH STEWART of MANSION OF THE DOOMED
DANA WYNTER of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS
LISA HARTMAN of DEADLY BLESSING
BARRY VAN DYKE of ANTS!
ZSA ZSA GABOR of PICTURE MOMMY DEAD
ERIN GRAY of JASON GOES TO HELL
MELISSA SUE ANDERSON of HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
TROY DONAHUE of HARD ROCK NIGHTMARE
FARLEY GRANGER of THE PROWLER
BETTY WHITE of LAKE PLACID
BART BRAVERMAN of ALLIGATOR
GAYLE HUNNICUTT of THE LEGEND OF HELL HOUSE
MAREN JENSEN of DEADLY BLESSING
LANI O'GRADY of MASSACRE AT CENTRAL HIGH
ROBERT CULP of SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT 3 & SANTA's SLAY
DARREN McGAVIN of KOLCHAK: THE NIGHT STALKER
ERIN MORAN of GALAXY OF TERROR
DAWN WELLS of THE TOWN THAT DREADED SUNDOWN
DENNIS COLE of ZOMBIE DEATH HOUSE
TOM HANKS of HE KNOWS YOU'RE ALONE
VIC TAYBACK of BLOOD AND LACE
LARRY WILCOX of DEADLY LESSONS
PHYLLIS DILLER of THE BONEYARD
ERNEST BORGNINE of THE DEVIL'S RAIN & WILLARD
SHELLEY WINTERS of TENTACLES & THE TENANT
KIM RICHARDS of ASSAULT ON PRECINCT 13
ADRIENNE BARBEAU of THE FOG & CREEPSHOW
And don't forget your perky cruise director Julie (LAUREN TEWES) battled for her life against a deranged psychopath in EYES OF A STRANGER!
Sunday Streaming:: Eve Tushnet on Resolution (2012)
Hello! Most of my favorite "underrated" horror movies either aren't that underrated ("Spider Baby," "The Face of Another") or you've already featured them ("I Start Counting")…
But the 2012 indie film "Resolution" (Currently available on Netflix Streaming) really moved me. The basic idea is that a man receives a disturbing video from his meth-addicted former best friend, and he heads out to the friend's remote hideout with a terrible, terrible plan to rescue him from addiction.
It's a fun genre mash-up with an implied attack on the audience, like "Cabin in the Woods"; it's got a good shift of balance as you start to wonder which friend is really crazier; the friendship is palpable, the dialogue is really funny, and the ending is a good sharp twist. Definitely more eerie or thought-provokingly disturbing than straight-up scary, but I loved it.
I wrote a somewhat longer review HERE.
All best–love KT & have found lots of great movies through you all,
Where is the Love? Five Underrated Flicks by Propagatrix
Strange Behavior (1981) — not-bad story, nice work by Dey Young, and great Tangerine Dream soundtrack.
Death Mask (1984) — Farley Granger, based on Philadelphia "boy in the box" case
The Night Walker (1964) — so much to love here — William Castle, Barbara Stanwyck, Robert Taylor, a blind Hayden Rorke (!!!), Lloyd Bochner and his voice, and music by the composer of the Addams Family theme
Count Yorga, Vampire (1970) — two words: "kitten eating"
Dracula's Widow (1988) — directed by Nicolas Cage's brother and starring Emanuelle and Harold from "Twin Peaks"
The Dark Crystal: Director's Cut
Have you heard about the so- called DARK CRYSTAL "Director's Cut"? A bunch of folks have already written about this wonderful thing and now I'm going to as well on account of it's just too specifically kindertraumatic for me to resist. Once upon a time, it seems there was an earlier version of THE DARK CRYSTAL. It was shown to a preview audience to get their reaction and their reaction was mostly stuff like, "What was that?", "Huh?", "Come again? " and, "I want my mommy!" The movie had to be altered in order to more likely receive wider acceptance and so rambling scenes were chiseled down and explanatory dialogue and clarifying voiceovers were added. Finally the movie was deemed ready for popular consumption and this new easier to digest version was released to the masses who reacted mostly with stuff like "What was that?", "Huh?", "Come again?" and "I still want my mommy!"
Yay, THE DARK CRSTAL (shaking Kermit arms above head)! It's beautiful, obtuse, crazy-making, corny, gorgeous, mystical and as disturbing as a bad dream. It's a truly singular visionary work that gets better with each passing day. It's awesome and freaky and sometimes boring in any form but yeah, a few nips and tucks do make a big difference. Hey, movies, or any art for that matter, are incantations and of course you can't alter a speck of the spell and expect the exact same results.
The big news is that some guy by the name of Christopher Orgeron had access to a ratty old copy of the original version and like a saint, decided to painstakingly craft it back together as best he could. Nicer still, he wants to share his accomplishment with us! What he did from the best of my ability to understand is, keep the original soundtrack in place, leave in everything that was later removed and spackle on top the better picture of the standard version wherever possible. So sometimes the picture and the sound can get wonky but it's the closest you're likely to get to JIM HENSON's original, preview audience disapproved stab. It's pretty cool.
The biggest difference is that those horrifying plucked rooster demons, the Skeksis, now speak their own language and we are not privy to their words. It works great because you can kind of guess what they're going on about but the language barrier makes them all that much more alien and off-putting.
The other thing is, and this is just me, I'm totally fascinated by the (minimal) scenes that are of the shoddy quality that Orgeron would probably prefer to do without completely. Content wise they are inconsequential but wow, they come off like bizarre radio signals from another planet (or BEGOTTEN or some super early episode of DOCTOR WHO). They are so hauntingly strange, I half wanted to watch the whole movie in this vague, craptastic static-o-rama style. Which makes no sense because DARK CRYSTAL is so pretty and nice with the purple but whatever. Is this version any more kindertraumatic? Hmm. Yeah I think so, but it should be mentioned that the most disturbing parts of DARK CRYSTAL are front and center in both versions. Still, the estranging effect of holding the audiences' hands to a lesser degree does make a difference. Fans of the film should check it out below or download it HERE. Thanks Christopher Orgeron! What a noble endeavor!
Name That Trauma:: Josh M. on a Forceful Forest & an Imploding Music Box
Seasons Greetings Kinderdudes!
Let's get right to it.
I recently saw just the intro of a movie, that I never ended up watching the rest of….follow me?
This young girl is walking home from school (most likely) and she is strolling down a forest path. She either hears something or senses something, and then all I remember is the 'forest' literally pulling her in! Then the camera closes in on either a music box or record player as it seems to crumble/slowly implode.
Ok, WHAT!?!?!
Please help, I'd love to see the rest of this movie.
Awesome site as always!
