Author: unkle lancifer

During World War II my parents took the family to see DRAGON SEED, a movie about the Japanese invasion of China. The tension built as the Japanese approached a small rural community. The family's grandmother was too obese to travel fast so they hid her in some bushes. The soldiers found her and raped her. Her hysterical crying remained with me throughout the war, reminding it could happen to my mother if we were invaded. To this day I have fears of being attacked because of invasion, whether by wars or into my home, car, etc.

I must add my family, especially my very creative mother, were fans of the gothic. During the depression after my parents lost their farm we moved into a small, rural village. For lack of money and no special events in the community my mother would take us to the cemetery at night to tell us macabre stories as we sat on tombstones.

We also lived in a very large home with a basement not unlike a dungeon. If I had to go to the basement, on return I would run up the stairs as many outstretched arms pursued me.

At age 75, I am a very happy person!!!!!!!!!

UNK SEZ: Tom, where do I even begin with such a stellar Traumafession? First of all, thanks for dispelling the notion that trauma is reserved for the horror genre. The truth is war, rape and fear for our loved ones trumps most of what is found in the average horror film. Secondly your mother is an inspiration, being taken to the local cemetery for some homemade brand-trauma tales sounds like a dream come true to me. And lastly thanks for including your age, not only does it illustrate the staying power of kindertraumas but their universality as well. I spend a lot of time fretting about getting older, but if I get to be half as cool as you clearly are, I'm looking forward to it!

My biggest child hood trauma would have to be an even split between GONE WITH THE WIND, as seen with my folks at a drive in at the tender age of 5 or 6 , and several children's records we would listen too all narrated by DAVID FROST.

I am probably older than most readers here and grew up in South Africa, where television was only introduced in 1976. I have no childhood television memories to speak of, and we didn't frequent the movies very often. We read a lot of books, and had LP's with children's book narrations. We were as glued to them as any child today is glued to the TV screen. These LP where not musicals, but the narration was usually accompanied by music adding to the tension created by the deep and serious voice of DAVID FROST. Tubby the Tuba was the only one of the LP's that didn't scare the living daylights out of me….

Jack and the Beanstalk's ever-coming Giant, whose large and heavy steps would vibrate the house (or so it seemed to me, would send me screaming to my mother, and to a nightmare filled night – or several.) The Pied Piper of Hamlin was another one that scared me to death (although I did like the mice) The seductiveness of his music, and the happy sounds of children disappearing though the streets echoing their laughter into the silence of god knows where terrified me. I don't think that I ever got to listen to the end of these records, or that I ever slept a good night sleep after listening to them – but still I would return, for more and more and more….

As I said above – the other half of my child hood trauma is all about the amputation scene in GONE WITH THE WIND. (Probably many of you are wondering what exactly is so scary about that movie, especially as todays movies are a lot more revealing in blood and gore) I was so traumatized by that scene (my screaming obviously forced my parents to leave the drive-in with some haste,) that I refused to see that movie until I was about 25 years old…. at which point I did watch it in complete and utter boredom unable to understand how this is what had haunted me for so many years…

UNK SEZ: Thanks Rachel. Rachel blogs about horror over at TOP HORROR MOVIES CLUB. A recent post even concerned Kindertrauma and her thoughts about just how young is too young to allow kids to experience scary films. Similar discussions recently took place at both VAULT OF HORROR and CLUB SILENCIO. I threw my two cents into all three, but you know your Unk, my creepy kiddies, I wouldn't trade my childhood kindertraumas for the world!

Strangely enough, one of my most vivid experiences in the trauma department was with a pink little turd by the name of Kirby. That's right, that Kirby. This spherical chump has been a classic example of early video gaming to the point that I was familiar with him, even though my parents never bought us video games (my sisters and I were already lazy enough with worshiping our cuboid deity known as the television, after all). Now my mother was always rather neurotic about what we watched on television, what with the bad influences of certain programs and especially the easily frightening things we could get exposed to. However, obeying the rules of the house and only watching family friendly channels was no deterrent to being frightened out of my young mind.

Back to Kirby. One day whilst watching my comfy cozy cartoons where Wile E. Coyote could experience all the deaths of the FINAL DESTINATION series and not even lose his bladder control, the commercial breaks introduced to me an association to Kirby I never thought I would make. I don't know if anyone else remembers this commercial for the newest in Kirby video games, but it involved a hapless glutton in a bowling shirt being served meal after meal in a restaurant. He continued to eat so much that button after button burst from his shirt, but he continued to stuff his face, even oblivious to a breaking belt buckle and snapped trouser button. The finale to this disturbing meal was a slurp from a whipped cream covered finger. Predictably a rumble sounds and a huge explosion follows, covering shocked fellow patrons in undigested spaghetti. Gee, we're all so glad Kirby can outdo this bastard, right?

The images of those ripped clothes preceding such a disgusting burst of still intact food was cartoonish, but a child's mind doesn't always catch on to the humor of these things, does it? Anytime the commercial came on, I either hid my head under a pillow or left the room. My fear of people getting stuffed with food until they popped like a zit got worse when I overheard a conversation my parents were having with friends on a lovely little film called MONTY PYTHON'S THE MEANING OF LIFE. I did not get to see the film (including the humorously disturbing Autumn Years sequence involving Mr. Creosote) until my early teens, but just hearing about it, as well as the graphic details of exposed ribs and projectile vomiting, brought back some very discomforting memories. Clearly the advertising crew for Kirby had been inspired by our British friends in the MONTY PYTHON team. Watching it again after all these years brings loads of laughs, but know this: coerced organ removal while a stranger is still alive is nothing compared to exploding fat men.

UNK SEZ: Dear Bloodylocks, this Kirby person has a serious eating disorder. He can justify his actions by claiming that when he consumes his enemies he acquires their strengths, but let me tell you… been there, done that! And the results were disappointing at best. I recommend sitting your pink pal down in front of NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET 5: THE DREAM CHILD. If that movie's bulldozer of a bulimia sequence has no effect on him then I say the pixelated pinko is a lost cause!!!! Wait a minute, Aunt John just informed me that you were writing about a commercial involving a fat guy exploding post spaghetti gorge and not seeking advice about a troubled friend…never mind. You should still check out ELM STREET 5 though, at least for that face stuffing bit!