Happy Birthday to all of the groovy 1987 horror flicks that turn 30 this year! These gems are aging like fine wine! How many can you identify?
Author: unkle lancifer
Kinder-Link:: Amanda Reyes Visits Dangerous Minds
Let's take a field trip over to DANGEROUS MINDS! That cool joint is interviewing our pal AMANDA REYES about her upcoming book entitled ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE? A TV MOVIE COMPENDIUM 1964-1999! Amanda gives an overview of some of the shiniest jewels in the TV Movie universe and the full flicks are even included so you can catch what you might have missed! It's everything you could possibly want besides an egg salad sandwich and a frosty Yoo-hoo! After you've read the post go mow a lawn and save some money to buy that book! Even if yours truly didn't contribute a tiny portion to it, your favorite shelf would be begging for that lovely tome to sit on it! Jump on over HERE! These TV Movie classics can't watch themselves!
Traumafession:: Grant G. on Mego Dolls and Cyborg Annie Ross in Superman III
My name's Grant, and I write a blog called FIRE BREATHING DIMETRODON TIME where I watch wonderfully fun old adventure shows and movies with my son, now five, and see how he enjoys them. Since he's still small, we haven't hit anything like the heights of horror that you all celebrate, but he's been mildly frightened by various threats like the Sleestak and a couple of Batman's enemies.
I'd like to share a ridiculous traumafession of my own. I get the impression that quite a few people were traumatized when Annie Ross got turned into a cyborg in Superman III. It rocked me as well, but perhaps in not quite the same way as most.
I saw Superman III in theaters, but I'm pretty sure it didn't give me the creeps until a year later, when it showed up on HBO. So this is 1984, and my best buddy and I had pretty impressive collections of Mego's 8-inch tall superhero dolls. He and I really were, in the words of parents, "too old to be playing with dolls," but I enjoyed being a kid and was in no hurry to discover girls and guitars yet. I had superheroes and Shogun Warriors to play with.
Mego dolls had been out of production for at least five years by that point, but we were still scouring garage sales and anywhere we could think of to find new Mego bodies – Star Trek, Dukes of Hazzard, Emergency, whatever – to customize into new characters for our various Justice Leagues. Of course, since we were 12, we didn't have the skills necessary to make good costumes for the toys, but we did have lots of paint, multi-colored electrical tape, duct tape, and imaginations.
So one day that summer, I was playing in my room and decided that Superman was going to get grabbed by an indestructible robot – Biotron from the Micronauts – and turned into a cyborg like Annie Ross in the movie. So I interrupted the action and spent about an hour carefully cutting out detailed little duct tape circuitry for Superman's hands and face, planning to sic the Man of Steel on his low-powered colleagues like Falcon, Human Torch, and Green Arrow.
And somehow, admiring my handiwork, it suddenly sunk in that this was really terrifying. I was actively bothered by what happened to Annie Ross's character in the movie… and my toys weren't fun anymore so I quit playing that adventure. I remember having this sinking feeling in my gut, and the next time HBO showed Superman III – because we watched favorite movies every single time HBO showed them, probably within a week – I started dreading her conversion so much I couldn't enjoy the movie anymore. Then I started having nightmares. Then I packed up the toys and started paying attention to girls and guitars.
Sadly, very few of those toys have survived into adulthood, although my Mego Supergirl is still with me, her shoes long lost and replaced by spare Batgirl boots with red electrical tape, and my Shogun Warrior Daimos still looms from atop a bookshelf, with a little bit of 40 year-old duct tape to help on its sides where a previous owner tried peeling away the sticker from around its massive robotic waist.
Official Traumatizer: Author Richard Adams
Very recently (12,24,16) we lost the great and noble inadvertent traumatizer, author RICHARD ADAMS who passed away at the ripe old age of 96. Two of ADAMS' books, WATERSHIP DOWN and PLAGUE DOGS, both concerning the plight of vulnerable animals in a heartless world, were turned into animated feature films which subsequently have been responsible for more indelible anguish than any less well meaning horror film. I think it's safe to say that on these pages we have received more traumafessions (HERE, HERE and HERE for example) regarding WATERSHIP DOWN than any flick starring Freddy Krueger. With it's notorious "shotgun scene," PLAGUE DOGS makes it clear that it's just as woke, savvy and capable of shredding viewers every preconception of what animated films were capable of depicting.
I wish I could honestly tell you that I've read either of the books mentioned but no, I haven't and I can safely say that I never will because hey, I know my limitations. I'm sure I told you before that I'd rather see a human decapitated than a bunny with a splinter. In any case, we here at Kindertrauma salute RICHARD ADAMS eternally for fighting the good fight and opening so many minds to the vulnerability and emotional complexity of our four-footed friends. WATERSHUP DOWN and PLAGUE DOGS may have traumatized many an unsuspecting young viewer but sometimes that's what you have to do to shake a human from his or her cocoon of complacency. Like any great Artist ADAMS changed a lot of hearts. Now go hug the nearest animal in honor of him!
Official Traumatizer:: Suspiria TV Commercial
Now seems like a good time to award the infamous SUSPIRIA TV commercial with the coveted OFFICIAL TRAUMATIZER award! I mean, what could be more 2016 than a benign, almost comforting image that spins around to reveal a shrieking death skull? Seriously- what gives with this evil commercial? You don't have to be Don Draper to know that television ads don't traditionally threaten the viewer with their own demise. What's more impressive is the fact that this TV spot is so wickedly brazen that it doesn't even deign to derive its power from one of the most visually stunning films in the history of horror! Moreover, by most accounts this seething slap of psychosis was broadcast willy-nilly and any time of the day scarring unsuspecting kids across the country (for which we thank it). Here are just a few choice trauma-testimonials we've harvested thus far….
Reader Bilgin:
When SUSPIRIA first came out, I remembered seeing the trailer for it on TV. All you would see is a woman brushing her hair from behind and her singing, "Roses are red, violets are blue, the iris is a flower…..(something, something) SUSPIRIA!! After that, every time it came on, my sister and I would run from the room. Needless to say, since my mom was a horror lover we ended up seeing it at a matinee. I was 9 and my sister was 6.
Father of Tears:
I was "introduced" to this TV trailer back in 1977 during a commercial break for "Welcome Back Kotter". I first thought it was some surreal shampoo commercial until "she" turned around! It was one of those "heart leap into throat" scares! I was 10 when that came out and every time it was on I would run out of the room while my 7-year old sister would RUN into the room to watch it!
For the above reasons and more the SUSPIRIA TV commercial deserves to be recognized as an audacious, self-standing trauma-inducing device of the highest order and for that we salute it! Of course, words can never do it justice so make sure to watch the menace to society below….
Name That Trauma:: Vincent T. on White-Haired Humanoid Cavern Dwellers
Hi Kinder!
Maybe you can help me! I'm looking for a movie I saw 25 years ago and I can't remember the name. Here is the story I remember: a couple of adventurers (speleologists, I think) go into some caverns where they discover humanoid inhabitants. These people have all white hair and skin. As I remember, they don't speak (maybe a few do) and they use their mouth sounds to kill or whatever. I remember also that they use a slingshot to kill… I think that at the beginning of the story they are friendly but became angry for some reason, I forget… Plz help me. I've been looking for this movie for ages and can't find it on the net … bleedy holidays to you!
Vincent T.
UNK SEZ: I asked Vincent if it could be THE TIME MACHINE (1960) based on the white creatures but he said the movie must be from the 1980s. After a little more searching I found somebody else looking for a similarly described film and the correct answer turned out to be WHAT WAITS BELOW (1984)! How have I missed this movie all of these years? It stars ROBERT (ASYLUM) POWELL and the great LISA (DEAD AND BURIED) BLOUNT! Hey, it's on YouTube! While I wait to hear from Vincent, let's check it out below!
The Night That Krampus Saved Christmas
Merry Christmas kindertots! My plan today is to watch MICHAEL DOUGHERTY's KRAMPUS (2015) over and over again in a perpetual A CHRISTMAS STORY-style loop! KRAMPUS was my very favorite movie last year and now somehow I am miraculously discovering that I enjoy it even more than I previously thought! How is that possible? Why, it gets better with each view! To tell ya the truth, I was having a hard time getting into the Christmas spirit this year on account of the weather sucking and the world stinking and people everywhere being horrible. But that's exactly what makes KRAMPUS even better and more relevant than it was last year!
KRAMPUS begins as a stocking full of Xmas angst and soulless consumerism and the type of familial division that our entire country seems to be suffering from right now. It's one relatable shit-storm after another even before the nightmare shenanigans begin. I won't give any more away for those who haven't seen it but suffice to say that after the parade of horror has passed, what's left standing is a sturdy reminder to stand your ground, not allow anyone to crush your spirit and maybe give other people a break every once in a while too. Don't worry! It's also very creepy and very weird and pretty damn scary in places too. When KRAMPUS first shows up and he's hopping across the rooftops, I get an ice blast down my spine every time. In any case, watching KRAMPUS late last night with cats and vodka put me in the mood I needed to be in and not a minute too soon. Henceforth I shall refer to it as the night that KRAMPUS saved Christmas (with maybe a little help from that vodka). Here's hoping everybody has a stellar day. May the road rise with you and may you always have the upper hand in any interactions with gingerbread men.
PSA: Home For The Holidays (1972) on DVD!
This is a public service announcement created to inform you that the classic 1972 TV-movie HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS is secretly available on DVD! The indispensable gem is discreetly hanging out in one of those cheap-o twenty movie combo packs you might easily overlook at your local Walmart! Check out the cover below and scan it into your brain for future reference...
This is important news for folks like me who watch this movie every December and have been concerned that their VHS tape is become increasingly exhausted. I watched this very DVD last night and the flick looks the best I've ever seen it. It might not be up to the meticulous standards of the more persnickety collectors but I wouldn't count on a better release before the Apocalypse. Personally, I like a couple scratches and dust particles floating around when I'm watching a TV movie. It adds flavor! It's rustic, and weathered and all kinds of shabby chic! Here are a few screen shots to give you an idea ...
In case you didn't know, HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS is wonderfully atmospheric, takes place during Christmas time and operates much like your favorite paranoid mystery killer slasher flick (which it probably predates). Sure it's a little dry in the blood department but who cares when you're hanging out with the likes of THE HAUNTING's JULIE HARRIS, PLAY MISTY FOR ME's JESSICA WALTER and SYBIL's one and only SALLY FIELD! Not only that, It was written by JOSEPH STEPHANO of PSYCHO fame and directed by JOHN LLEWELLYN MOXEY who crafted the stellar classic HORROR HOTEL! Why, I could go on and on and in fact I do go on and on about this favorite flick in the upcoming book ARE YOU IN THE HOUSE ALONE? A TV MOVIE COMPENDIUM edited by MADE FOR TV MAYHEM's globetrotting AMANDA REYES which you can preorder right HERE!!!
I realize I'm delivering this information kinda late. How are you supposed to secure this DVD in time for Xmas? Don't fret! HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS is available (albeit in a fuzzier state) on YouTube and you can sample it out below. Don't worry; we can be friends if you don't like it. We just can't be GOOD friends. More importantly, Happy Christmas Eve to you fine folks! Drink stuff!
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