Category: Traumafessions

I could do at least a hundred TRAUMAFESSIONS related to things my older brother did to me as a child, but really, who wants to read that? I will just share how my brother's preoccupation with the rock group Kiss traumatized me. It was the ‘70s and my brother was crazy about Kiss, so of course he had all their records, etc. However, it was the purchase of the 1977 Marvel comic book that both terrified and intrigued me at the same time. As many children of the seventies recall, this comic book actually contained blood from all four members of Kiss. At the age of six, I found this concept frightening. Okay, it wasn't really the blood from Paul, Peter, and Ace that I was scared of, it was Gene's blood. I mean, at that point in my life I really thought he was a demon. Naturally, Gene Simmons was my brother's favorite member. He use to stick his tongue out like Gene to freak me out. Anyway, even though I was scared I couldn't stop myself from constantly peeking at this comic book. I would have nightmares about that stupid thing, but then I would find myself looking at it again. Recently I started thinking about the comic book again and found a website where someone had scanned all the pages. Now I can relive my childhood trauma whenever I want.

UNK SEZ: Mickster, we must lead parallel lives, I too remember the salad days of KISS before the airing of KISS MEETS THE PHANTOM OF THE PARK when they were still kinda terrifying. I also remember seeing KISS graffiti when I was a wee lad and thinking they were a mean gang who were going to kill me soon. I was particularly in awe of the album LOVE GUN both for it's awesome COVER ART and this noise making toy surprise inside:

Too bad that they soon got so commercialized that it completely rubbed that mystique clean off. Let this be a lesson to all you aspiring scary rock stars out there, there is such a thing as over exposure. KISS eventually did recover from THIS and THIS but there's no guarantee you will!

While Maurice Sendak's more popular "Where the Wild Things Are" involves fanged monsters who are oversized and eyeball-y, it has a brave young hero who is relatable to a four-year-old and also features a happy ending. Unfamiliar British vocabulary, references to pill popping, colorless ink drawings of anthropomorphic animals with giant heads sipping tea, tangible sense of discomfort? Less relatable. An easily deceived, morose dog isn't the way to go when choosing a protagonist for a kid's book. I can still recall the suffocating feeling of terror I experienced while listening to my mom reading it.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Thanks for sharing Amalia! Although I missed out on this SENDAK chestnut, I do remember being creeped out by his mid-70's collaboration with songstress CAROLE KING called REALLY ROSIE. My elementary school music teacher thought it would be a great idea if she taught us the SENDAK/KING traumatizer THE BALLAD OF CHICKEN SOUP. We ended up performing it, along with a medley of other questionable songs, in the gymnasium at the end of the school year as a special treat for our parents. Imagine the looks on their faces when a stage filled with off-key grade schoolers began pantomiming this ditty:

I know some may find it silly, but the character in JOHN CARPENTER's PRINCE OF DARKNESS that is most frightening to me is the student who gets bruised and then ends up absorbing the most liquid from the jar. When she wakes up she still has her cute outfit and cute blond ponytail, but her teeth are black and her skin looks like an unbaked pizza. You may laugh, but her childlike wide-eyed glee as she "opens" mirrors and hisses, "Father!" always gives me the willies.

UNKLE LANCIFER SEZ: Mike, I'm not laughing! PRINCE OF DARKNESS has a haunting quality all its own. Both unusual in the CARPENTER canon and an almost perfect blending of all his most recognizable themes, the "Darkness" in PRINCE is surprisingly pitch black and the stuff real nightmares are made of. Some of that often-silly imagery you mentioned only adds to the creep factor! I, like apparently many other people, have always been taken aback by the film's disturbingly ambiguous end scene(s). Shrouded in static interference and accompanied by barely audible voice transmissions, its apocalyptic fever dream warning from beyond has always gotten to my core. Although hard to pin down, hard to focus on, faulty, digital imagery has been utilized in many movies post BLAIR WITCH, in 1987 this message from this future was suitably ahead of its time. (It should be said, RIDLEY SCOTT used similar staticy, vague visuals to great effect in early scenes of ALIEN as well) If you think about it, recent flicks like CLOVERFIELD and [REC] are all over this first hand, message from ground zero vibe. In the lone case of PRINCE OF DARKNESS though, the techno "transmission" is invading a dreamy subconscious state and involves a supernatural ultimate evil…scary stuff. Interestingly, CARPENTER thinks of PRINCE OF DARKNESS as the second film in an "apocalypse trilogy" that also includes THE THING and IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS. I'm sure there's many viewers who began the film laughing at JAMESON PARKER's massive porn mustache but found themselves later in bed, in that weird blurry state between awake and asleep, wondering where the images in their own dreams originate from.

"This is not a dream..not a dream. We are using your brain's electrical system as a receiver. We are unable to transmit through conscious neural interference. You are receiving this broadcast as a dream. We are transmitting from the year one, nine, nine, nine. You are receiving this broadcast in order to alter the events you are seeing. Our technology has not developed a transmitter strong enough to reach your conscious state of awareness but this is not a dream. You are seeing what is actually occurring for the purpose of causality violation."

NOTE: Audio "samples" from this ominous message are found on DJ SHADOW's album "Endtroducing" and MARILYN MANSON's version of "Down in the Park." Although there is no direct connection, to me, NINE INCH NAIL's entire album "Year Zero" seems cut from the same cloth as well. While we're at it , it also reminds me of one of my favorite record covers, THE JESUS AND MARY CHAIN's "April Skies" which, like PRINCE OF DARKNESS, came out in 1987.

When I was a little kid, my teenage sister was a big STEPHEN KING fan. One of her favorite ways of tormenting her little brother was to chase me around the house with the cover of her paperback copy of Pet Sematary, which I was completely terrified of. For those unfamiliar with or don't remember, the original paperback featured a screaming ghastly-looking undead kitty pouncing forward at the reader. I'm not ashamed to admit that glancing at the cover still gives me little chills to this day.

UNKLE LANCIFER SEZ: Zack, thanks for the Traumafession! You just reminded me that my little brother had a terrible issue with a particular paperback himself, it was called The Devil And Ben Franklin and it tormented him whenever we stayed at our grandmother's house. It didn't help that grandma lived right next door to a cemetery (not the pet kind)! This is what Unkle Tomifer sez:

"I had to run to the bed when I turned out the lights. And I would be so mad at myself if I accidently saw it or thought of it before bedtime, because it ruined my night until I fell asleep!"

I can't really blame him, I mean, can you think of a scarier pair than the Devil and Ben Franklin? Eternal damnation is bad enough, but pairing it with a history lesson is just too cruel!

I guess this is a retro edition of TRAUMAFESSIONS, since my own childhood somewhat predated the ‘80s horror boom and cable TV. When I was just a wee Monster Kid, I could happily sit through any number of Universal classics, atomic monsters, CORMAN's Poe pictures, Italian gothics, and HAMMER films without flinching, but I always had trouble with dark comedies — the cruelty underlying comedy always hit me deeper, and movies like LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS or THEATRE OF BLOOD really disturbed me when I was in elementary school. Which brings me to the one moment of pure, abject horror that struck something deep within me when I was about five years old, and triggered a lingering existential dread that has dogged me my whole life.

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There was a show on when I was little called DARKROOM. It was kind of like THE TWILIGHT ZONE and they told different horror stories each week. One episode was about a girl who was convinced that this guy she knew was a vampire and nobody believed her. At the end she is proven wrong and is all relieved, but then the guy says at the last minute "I'm not a vampire…I'm a werewolf!" and attacks her. Just thought you should know that this was the scariest thing I can remember seeing on T.V.

UNKLE LANCIFER SEZ: Brad! God bless you! I had nearly forgotten about this show! The episode that sticks in my brain is one that involved toy soldiers coming to life and attacking a guy. DARKROOM was hosted by JAMES COBURN, ran from 1981-82 (7 episodes, 16 stories in all) and is not currently available on DVD. The episode you mentioned is called "The Bogeyman Will Get You" and was written by PSYCHO scribe Robert Block. Believe it or not, it stars a young HELEN HUNT and telenastie-fave QUINN CUMMINGS (THE BABYSITTER, NIGHT TERROR). I found a great episode guide HERE and if you're up for it, you can watch the beginning of the episode you mentioned HERE. Unfortunately that scary ending is nowhere to be found, but maybe that's for the best. Another interesting thing that I discovered is that the stories in the much-loved theatrical anthology film NIGHTMARES were all originally written for the show DARKROOM, but were considered too intense for television. Man, Brad you lit a fire under my shoe! Now I gotta find me some more DARKROOM!

KINDER UPDATE: Talk about Synchronicity! It has come to my attention that one of your Unkle Lancifer's favorite people Jeff Allard, just posted a great piece on this very show. So, for even more developments in the DARKROOM make sure you stop by and have DINNER WITH MAX JENKE !

 

 

 

So, when I was little I sat down to watch this cartoon movie about bunnies on HBO – and it turned out to be this vivid blood-wrenching movie! There were tractors and farm equipment plowing into these bunnies – I freaked out so bad – completely hysterical, my brother wasn't allowed to finish watching it. I still get queasy when I think of it.     

 

 Unkle Lancifer sez: Pink is the new black and WATERSHIP DOWN is the new SUPERMAN 3! Greta joins READER MATT N. in naming this hoppingly morose bunny tale the Traumatizer du Jour. Yours truly will never be old enough to swallow the grim life realities and existential horror that WATERSHIP DOWN funnel feeds and that's fine by me. I like my cartoon rabbits dressed up as Carmen Miranda and taking left turns in Albuquerque!     

 

 

The moment that upset me something chronic wasn't from any horror film, it was the horrific scene in SUPERMAN 3 when that seriously ugly woman gets tortuously transformed into some steel-plated, killer cyborg for dispatching Superman. I was only very young when I saw it and I don't know what in particular it is about it that upsets me…maybe that grotesque wailing she does and the supernatural way the components fly onto her body via reverse photography. I looked at my brother after that joyous little sequence and said, "I don't want that to happen to me," to which he said, 'There's nothing I can do to stop it." Course once he knew how much that clip messed me up, he then in the coming weeks took great pleasure in sitting me down in front of it over and over with the volume cranked all the way up to the top and pushing my face right into the screen while I cried in utter horror (we're like THAT me and my brother). Ever since I still get chills down my spine when I see SUPERMAN 3 is on TV and that killer ZX Spectrum starts to attack him. I actually get tense when they try to outrun the computer, then she gets sucked inside… STILL!      

 

UNKLE LANCIFER SEZ: Wow, who knew that SUPERMAN 3 was such a traumatizer! Between this great TRAUMAFESSION from Dave, the one we got BACK IN MARCH, a recent post on MY NEW PLAID PANTS and the confessions spied over at the SUPERMAN 3 IMDB MESSAGE BOARD, it appears that this little scene involving the cyber-molestation of TWISTED jazz singer and BASKETCASE broad ANNIE ROSS really did a number on more than a few kiddies! Who can explain it? Some claim it's ANNIE's screams or the overall claustrophobia it evokes that gets to them. Some cite its depiction of a rapid loss of humanity to an alien force as a fundamental element to the scene's ability to unnerve. You got me; your Unkle Lancifer must have been too old when he saw SUPERMAN 3 because I find the whole scene hilarious. Oh well, I can't judge. I still have a horrible fear of MR. SIX, the nightmarish monstrosity/ Six Flags spokesperson!       

As if his Bob Ross perm wasn't frightening enough, Slim Goodbody just had to wear that body stocking with all of the organs, veins, tendons and muscles graphically painted all over it. He really gave me the creeps the first time I came across him when I was home sick from first grade. He still creeps me out just thinking about him all these years later. I guess that's why I was never a big fan of exercising and nutrition. If that's what a "good body" is supposed to look like, no thanks!

Aunt John & Unkle Lancifer sez: Thanks Alan for the great TRAUMAFESSION, and congratulations to Slim Goodbody for beating out multiple decapitations, rotting corpses, and BONNIE FRANKLIN to become the most repulsive image ever posted on Kindertrauma! And with no disrespect to Alan, we have to admit to being huge fans of Slim's work with his curiously named jug-band The Fruit Packers Pickers:

After seeing CANDYMAN I slept in my parent's room for months and I was afraid to use the bathroom at night for a long time. I must have seen this movie when I was too young because I thought all of it was real. I really believed he could jump out of the mirror and grab me and I would never be seen again. My parents told me that it was just a movie but I didn't care what they said. I would always try to pee as fast as I could and run out of the bathroom before he got me.