Category: Traumafessions

During the mid-to-late 1970s, CALGONITE brand dishwasher detergent ran a series of TV ads featuring a creature known as THE SPOTMAKER. He was a spotted green man with an eerie echo-chamber voice that lived inside of dishwashers, putting spots on all fine dishware. His only nemesis was said dish-soap. He freaked me out so badly that I had to leave the room when he came on the TV.

Note to Freddie: It would appear that starring in CALGONITE brand dishwasher detergent commercials is not the dead-end gig one would assume it to be. Rather than retire, THE SPOTMAKER used his newfound notoriety as a springboard for a career rich in subliminal cameo appearances. A quick search of IMDB reveals the ubiquitous Riddler-like entity has appeared in over two hundred motion pictures, many of which are Kindertrauma favorites…

THE THING (1982) THE SHINING (1980) THE BLOB (1988) FIRESTARTER (1984)THE HUNGER (1983)THE PIT (1981)AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON (1981) TROLL 2 (1990)HELLRAISER (1987) THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE(1974)

The scariest movie for me as a child was ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES (1959). People always laugh when I mention the title, but it scared me to death. It has what I consider the single most nightmarish scene in all cinema, where two men are being fed on by the leeches in an underwater cave. Another movie that scared me to death was CALTIKI: THE IMMORTAL MONSTER. I actually didn't see too much of the film, because I was so scared by the first few minutes I had to leave the room.

Uncle Lancifer: Thanks Ted, You should know that any creature sporting anything remotely resembling a tentacle is welcome here at Kindertrauma! I don't blame you for being skeeved by those creatures. Leeches are gross and giant leeches are even worse. You all can watch ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES in it's entirety HERE. While we're on the subject of things that go bump or at least squish in the night, it's time for monster a go-go!

Learn how to care for your pet monster at the perfect spot to nurse a hangover DRUNKEN SEVERED HEADFrankenstein viewmasters are spied through at new favorite hangouts FRANKENSTEINIA and WONDERFUL WONDERBLOG The ID monster from FORBIDDEN PLANET is dissected at the ever brilliant MONSTER BRAINS. Speaking of, prepare yourselves for the two week long MONSTER MOVIE POSTER MANIA coming to M.B. this May!!!

I always have been a hardcore fan of horror movies. When I was a kid, I used to read the TV guide religiously to find out what horror movie was playing during the week. I would stay up late at night in my bedroom waiting until my parents went to sleep before going back to the living room to put a videocassette in the VHS to record a new treasure. I really treasured every movie that I taped. Except that night it didn't record for some obscure reasons. The movie was called PROM NIGHT II: HELLO MARY LOU, which I saw in French under the title LE BAL DE L'HORREUR II: HELLO MARY LOU. I really wanted to see this movie since I remembered loving the PROM NIGHT III: THE LAST KISS movie as a kid (I know that one was pretty bad). I don't think I really enjoyed the second installment of this series at the time since I fell asleep after the first 30 minutes. However, I woke up a few minutes later only to discover one of the most disturbing and creepy scenes I ever saw in a movie. Well, disturbing enough for a 10-year-old boy. At one point in the movie, you see the character Vicki resting in her room with her lovely rocking horse. The evil spirit of former prom queen Mary Lou Maloney starts tormenting Vicki again and she is suddenly pulled under the covers with invisible hands grabbing onto her. While trying to escape, her rocking horse becomes possessed and comes to life. That scene really gave me the willies because there was something really wrong and creepy about that rocking horse which rolls its red eyes and obscenely slithers its tongue. Time passed and I forgot about the title of the movie, but for years these images of the perverted rocking horse haunted my dreams. Recently I did some research over the Internet to find out what movie it was just to make sure I had not dreamt it up.

Uncle Lancifer: Dear Sebastien, Thanks for the TRAUMAFESSION. I forgot about that creepy rocking horse! I know exactly what you mean about waking up to see a scene in a movie completely out of context, and in your half awake state getting really freaked out by it. I also know what it's like to go on a mad hunt for a film's title that eludes you. It just so happens that Castle Kinderskull is located in Philadelphia where back in the day after SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE was over, we were all treated to SATURDAY NIGHT DEAD a horror show in the vein of ELVIRA. The show was hosted by STELLA "the maneater from Manayunk" and it was seriously awesome. Well, one night I fell right to sleep during a movie and awoke up at the film's end. The ending showed a man and a woman stuck inside a country house banging on the windows franticly, apparently trapped forever. It freaked me out even more than THIS COMMERCIAL. I have no idea what the title of this movie was, or even what the film was about, but if it sounds familiar to anyone out there let me know. In fact, if any readers have a haunted memory of a film whose title escapes them feel free to send it in as a "title-less traumafession" and maybe we can all stick our heads together and figure it out!

 

 

DEAD OF NIGHT is an obscure little TV horror anthology directed by DAN CURTIS ("DARK SHADOWS") and written by RICHARD MATHESON in 1977. I can't remember exactly how old I was (probably around 10 or so) but one Saturday afternoon, a local station played this trilogy of horror stories. I'll be damned if I can remember the first two segments but the final 30 minute tale made quite an impression on me. Holy crow, it completely terrified the living shit out of me! In the story, a woman uses a magic ritual to resurrect her son Bobby who drowned accidentally. Bobby comes back but it ain't exactly a joyful reunion. I will never forget how much I jumped when Bobby reveals his true nature to his mother while slowly creeping down that darkened stairway. For years, the memory of that moment would pop into my head and I would get chills. I found the final 40 seconds at YOUTUBE. Sure, it looks silly now but the creepy atmosphere and the sense of dread that builds throughout the segment are undeniable. Hopefully, DEAD OF NIGHT will finally make its way to DVD and I can see this excellent short horror tale in its entirety.  

Unkle Lancifer: Thanks Richard, and congratulations on celebrating DOOMED MOVIETHON's third year of public service to horror aficionados. I'm sorry to say I've missed this particular nugget thus far but really, how can you go wrong with the A-team of DAN CURTIS (BURNT OFFERINGS) and RICHARD MATHESON (DUEL), the duo responsible for the trauma legend TRILOGY OF TERROR? I gotta get something off my sunken chest though, DEAD OF NIGHT sure is an often enough used title isn't it? Besides this 1977 television movie, you have the classic 1945 anthology film that gave ventriloquist dummies a bad name, the 1974 BOB CLARK night of the living war vet flick AND the criminally under appreciated 2000 SIMON HUNTER chiller (known outside the U.S. as LIGHTHOUSE) all sharing the same title. No wonder this bad boy slipped through my claw like fingers. If that YouTube clip is any indication, regardless of title, I've been missing something definitely worth tracking down!

 By the Bye, Is it just me or does the above picture of lil' bobby bring to mind yet another famous (mad) BOB?  

In the 1970's it was all about KAREN BLACK scary movies. One KAREN BLACK movie in particular comes to mind when I think of movies that terrorized me as a child, BURNT OFFERINGS. Well, TRILOGY OF TERROR too but I am just going to focus on BURNT OFFERINGS. I think I was about 7 when I first saw it on T.V. The scenes that kept me awake at night involved that creepy chauffeur. You know, the one OLIVER REED keeps remembering from his childhood. Anyway, that tall, skinny, pale, bespectacled man probably caused plenty of kids' nightmares. I went back recently and watched the movie again. I must say it has a few boring parts, but the chauffeur still gives me the willies big time.

Unkle Lancifer SEZ: Mickey, I agree with you completely, BURNT OFFERINGS' (1976) chauffeur (Anthony James) is one of the creepiest cats ever. In the film OLIVER REED's character remembers his smiling off-putting presence from his mother's funeral when he was a lad and he becomes an almost grim reaper like harbinger of doom. In the novel the film was based on by ROBERT MARASCO his origin is slightly different but he's equally menacing if not more so. I'm not sure if he was a direct influence on these other grinning, lanky louts of cinema but he certainly shares a similar diet and disposition…

ANGUS SCRIMM as the terrifying "Tall man" in 1979's PHANTASMJULIAN BECK in 1986's POLTERGEIST 2: THE OTHER SIDE (NATHAN DAVIS portrayed the not-so-good reverend in 1988's POLTERGEIST 3)Don't forget "The Gentlemen" from the 1999 episode "Hush" of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER. If those grinny skinnies didn't send a chill down your spine, then you ain't nothing but jaded!

 

 

One movie that really scared the crap out of me when I was very young was CARRIE. This one I remember the most. I was about six and watched it with my sister. The part that freaked me out was the scene where she has pigs blood dumped on her during her moment of bliss. The insane look on her blood covered face before and during wiping out the entire school. The ruthless way she used her psychic powers to off everyone. That part was pretty intense for a six year old.

Thanks Dogboy, you're certainly not alone. You've brought up one of the most enduring images in all of modern horror. You also got me thinking: isn't it especially horrific because it's pigs blood? Well, I guess there is really no kind of blood you would want dumped on your head at your prom, but pigs blood just seems especially disgusting. In fact, pigs have snorted their way into some of the creepiest scenes ever. Don't believe me? Take a look…. 

In 1981's EVIL SPEAK, RON HOWARD's more talented brother CLINT HOWARD took a cue from Carrie White and decided to demolish all the jerks who were poking fun at him. He didn't have any telekinetic powers, so he contacted Satan through his computer and viola! Giant hogs from hell rose up from the church floor and ate everybody. Good times!Holy crap. Do you remember that little girl in THE AMITYVILLE HORROR was best friends with a demonic pig named Jody? Everybody thought she was full of it, 'till the night her psycho father JAMES BROLIN looked up and saw the porcine poltergeist winking at him with a glowy red eyeball! In the remake they made Jody into your typical ghost girl. Dumb idea, nothing is scarier than a pig.If a simple pig is not scary enough, how about one with a chainsaw? Actually, that's really Farmer Vincent from MOTEL HELL wearing a pig head as a mask which is even worse, now that I think about it. That shit ain't kosher!Yikes! This is my all time least favorite. It's from the 1972 movie ALICE'S ADVENTURES IN WONDERLAND which they were awful enough to show on T.V. every five seconds when I was little. In the movie, Alice rescues a baby from being beaten to death and then, as a thank you, it turns into a pig! To be honest, I think I would usually prefer a pig to a baby, but this one was ugly as hell, just look at it! In that same deadly year of 1972 there was even a movie called PIGS (a.k.a DADDY'S DEADLY DARLING), but I refuse to grant it infamy by including it on this list because every time I tried to watch it on ELVIRA, it made me fall asleep. Dear readers if you can think of anymore scary pigs please throw them into that troff we call the comments section so I can be sure to avoid them at all costs! 

Like almost all children of the '80s, I lived for Saturday morning cartoons. Those four or five hours of the week belonged to children everywhere. So why did they show commercials for TALES FROM THE DARK SIDE side during kiddie cartoons!I'll never forget how terrifying the previews for one show was for me. The episode was titled "Inside the Closet." The brief glimpse of the show alone left me with numerous sleepless nights and fear of the dreaded closet-thing.I saw the whole episode years later, and I found it laughable–not so when I was eight years old listening to that eerie narrator's voice asking "What's in the closet? Is it under the bed?" And the brief clip of some huge-eyed horror shadowed in the closet. I was scared by so many trailers when I was a kid, but this one was THE WORST.

 

 

For me as a kid, scarier than a machete-wielding stalker or malicious aliens were the monsters that allegedly had my best interests in mind: my parents. They weren't bad parents, but thanks to a few movies and television shows I was convinced that some day they could turn out to be evil. The nightmarish parental vision that stayed with me the most was on an episode of FREDDIE'S NIGHTMARES that I caught one night while battling insomnia. "Do You Know Where Your Kids Are?" (1989) concerns a babysitter named Lisa at a seemingly ordinary house with someone very strange in the basement. You see, the family's daughter murdered the mother, and rather than letting the girl rot in jail they simply imprisoned her below the house, with the dumbwaiter serving asher source of nourishment. The parents see nothing wrong with this arrangement, even though occasional screams escape from the basement during the Lisa's stay. Through strange circumstances, Lisa is lured to the basement and imprisoned while the evil girl (who coincidentally looks much like Lisa) escapes. Despite Lisa's many pleas, the family keeps her locked into the basement, thinking it to be one of their daughter's ploys. Months pass and eventually Lisa escapes but to her horror finds the evil girl living at her house, with Lisa's mother mistaking the lass for her own missing daughter. The idea of Lisa being falsely imprisoned haunted me, especially since my family lived in a house with a sprawling basement and a firewood elevator — more than accommodating facilities to jail a troublesome child should my parents see fit.

Thanks Adam! You lucky kids can not only visit Adam regularly at DVD PANACHE but watch the episode of FREDDIE'S NIGHTMARES of which he speaks, in it's entirety HERE. (Both highly recommended!)

 

 

Oh sweet Jesus! what kind of demented individual designed this prop of prepubescent terror? I was an active lad of about 7 years old in 1985, when this film was released. Getting dirty with my Matchbox cars, playing on the rail road tracks, and attempting to get our neighbor's daughter to play doctor. VCRs were something of a rare novelty back in those days, and so it was destined to be; a Curtis Mathis shop opened up, in the humble little town where I lived. They sold VCRs, and rented VHS tapes; Ingenious! My father surprised us all one day, with a brand new VCR, and 3 movies: IT'S ALIVE, C.H.U.D., and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. With that milestone of change in my childhood, began my long, disturbing, depraved, and unhealthy fixation with horror movies. It was with the 3rd film we watched, that the single most disturbing image I have ever seen (besides the Joanie Laurer porn video) was burned into my retinas and into my soul, forever. He lunged out, trying to eat the brains of a group of spray painted misfits…He was the infamous zombie, known in the horror world, as TARMAN! 

Unkle Lancifer sez: Thanks Frost, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is definitely one of the greats and "Tarman" is damn traumatizing! The one scene that always got to me is that re-animated split anatomy doggie model. I'm not sure how or if it could hurt me but that was seriously screwed up! 

  

I was either in second or third grade at the time, and as a special St. Patrick's Day treat my entire grade school was forced to don green attire, drink Shamrock Shakes concocted by the cafeteria staff, and watch DARBY O'GILL & THE LITTLE PEOPLE in the gymnasium. Overall, the film was pretty dull and could barely hold the attention of kids cracked out on mint-chocolate chip drinks. The mass boredom quickly gave way to hysteria with the on-screen appearance of the screaming banshee, who had come to claim the soul of title character's daughter who had fallen ill after chasing a horse up a mountain side. The younger kids started screaming and some were even audibly sobbing. Things got worse when the phantom death coach came tearing out of the sky to take Darby in place of his daughter. The girl sitting in front of me on the floor became so upset she vomited green ice cream chunks all over the back of the boy sitting in front of her. The teacher running the projector stopped the film, and I don't think they ever showed it again for St. Patty's Day.