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...:::Traumatots:::...

Official Traumatot: Ann Carter

January 16th, 2008 · No Comments

Give it up for 40’s child star ANN CARTER! After gaining attention playing VERONICA LAKE‘s bewitching offspring in I MARRIED A WITCH she astounded many with her touching portrayal of an imaginative square peg in the classic CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE. HALEY JOEL OSMET may have become a household name whispering “I see dead people,” but decades earlier this flaxen haired wonder had been there and done that. We’re proud to bestow her with our highest honor THE HONORARY TRAUMATOT AWARD!

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Kids in Horror Films :: The Best of 2007

December 30th, 2007 · 1 Comment

hot for teacher!

You know we love to talk about the movies that scared you as a kid, but don’t forget that here at KINDERTRAUMA we’ve got our eyes peeled for kids in horror films in general, and 2007 brought a fine bounty of critters who face horrific obstacles and/or are horrific obstacles themselves. Here is our list of favorites from 2007. Please let us know in the comments if there are any that we forgot and remember, watch where your tread there are spoilers ahead!

  • JACK KETCHUM’S THE GIRL NEXT DOOR
    Take away the fact that this movie is a nearly unwatchable, soul-destroying slip and slide ride into an endless abyss that will have you scrambling to piece together not only your will to live, but your tattered faith in humanity and it’s a pretty good flick. It’s certainly a faithful adaptation, though whether that’s a good or bad thing, I have yet to come to terms with it. The entire young cast deserves accolades, if not for their more than competent work, than for simply not committing suicide midway through production. At 22, BLYTH AUFARTH is far from a child actress, but she should be singled out for her unflinchingly brave performance as the tortured title character especially when her peers are busy playing amputated strippers.
  • THEM (ils)
    By mentioning this film on this list I have spoiled it’s secret surprise ending. “Them” are a bunch of kids who murder and terrorize for sport in this French import based on a true story. The fact is, we take a “You snooze, you loose” attitude here at Kindertrauma. I know it hurts, I wanted to be surprised by the retro-cylons in BATTLESTAR GALACTICA: RAZOR and some web site blew that for me. But don’t be angry; just think off all the subtitles I just saved you from reading.
  • ROB ZOMBIE’S HALLOWEEN
    DAEG FAERCH, whose name I’ve typed so many times this year that I can almost spell it correctly without Google aid, had the daunting task of playing the young version of the slasher world’s most honored icon. Even if you’ve seen the theatrical and bootleg cuts, do yourself a favor and watch that spiffy new unrated edition. I was already impressed with the lil’ squirt’s interpretation, but the new version has some great black and white hand-held Loomis-cam footage that cinches the deal.
  • WHISPER (aka HELLION)
    This doomed to DVD troubled production fails on many accounts, but has its heart in the right place and more than enough going for it to sustain interest. A great set up, “What if you accidentally kidnapped a devil kid?” garnished with excellent supporting players (like HENRY’s MICHAEL ROOKER) and topped off with the awe inspiring cinematography of DEAN CUNDY (HALLOWEEN, THE THING). Sure, it’s all a bit unconvincing but it blows last year’s OMEN remake out of the water thanks to devil kid BLAKE WOODRUFF’s knowingly sly delivery.
  • 28 WEEKS LATER
    MACINTOSH MUGGLETON plays the part of a normal kid with a normal name, but his life is anything but. In this quiet domestic drama, Andy finds out his mother is half zombie and his dad is about to follow her lead. How do people who love each other stay together when the people they love are no longer the people that they love?… Nah! just kidding, there are no zombies in this movie, just speedy red-eyed RAGE virus freakos!
  • JOSHUA
    What happens when you cross arthouse with grindhouse? Joshua the creepy kid tries to kill SAM ROCKWELL’s baby! Or at least it seems that way at first. Actually little Joshy (JACOB KOGAN) has much more elaborate plans that include turning everyone around him ape-shit bonkers. His work is more subtle than most child maniacs, but you gotta respect the fact that he offers a homeless man 5 dollars if he’ll let him throw a rock at him, and that he closes the film belting out an impromptu show tune about his misdeeds.
  • THE MIST
    Apparently I only ruin French movies because my lips are sealed on this tragically ignored future classic. Suffice it to say, the ending will blow you away and that young NATHAN GAMBLE participates in a scene that happily breaks every law of American cinema.
  • KID NATION
    O.K. this is not a horror movie, it’s not even a movie, and some would say it’s not even a proper television show, but c’mon we needed some more gals in our class [Note to Hollywood: Where have all the killer girls gone? Get on that!] and who is cooler than SOPHIA? Casting agents get to work, and redeem yourselves by tapping the talents of this TATUM O’NEAL-like, wise beyond her years, super-star waiting to happen! Stick her in MIST 2: THE AFTERMATH, or even 28 MONTHS LATER, just make it happen!

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Official Traumatot: Drew Barrymore

November 30th, 2007 · No Comments


She established herself as a superior screamer in STEPHEN SPIELBERG‘s love letter to space aliens E.T. She saddled up next to scaremeister extraodinaire STEPHEN KING for FIRESTARTER and CAT’S EYE. And as a young adult in WES CRAVEN‘s SCREAM she pulled an audience crushing early departure that would make JANET LEIGH shower her with praise. If Drew’s not TRAUMATOT material… nobody is!

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Official Traumatot: Linda Blair

November 7th, 2007 · 1 Comment

She’ll be remembered forever for her Oscar nominated turn in the trauma machine known as THE EXORCIST. But even sans that notch in her belt, she would still find a happy home on these pages. She’s battled a usurping witch in SUMMER OF FEAR , had an unfortunate run in with a broom handle in BORN INNOCENT and even survived a deadly hazing ritual in HELL NIGHT. The list of her genre contributions is extensive and ever growing. Bow before Blair!

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Official Traumatot: Danielle Harris

October 23rd, 2007 · No Comments

 

danielle harris Halloween sequel rob zombie
 The sufferings of young Danny have not gone unnoticed here at KINDERTRAUMA MANOR. HALOWEENS 4 AND 5 would have been enough to justify her portrait hanging in our illustrious halls but she recently kicked it up a notch by withstanding yet another onslaught in ROB ZOMBIE’S boffo retelling. We demand a D.H.-centric sequel!

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Official Traumatot: Heather O’Rourke

October 20th, 2007 · No Comments

 

Heather O'Rourke poltergeist

Dear Heather, by rights you should have been our very first TRAUMATOT but we were at a loss to try to find the words to describe your Herculean influence on KINDERTRAUMALAND. You owned POLTERGEIST, and though some say you toy-phoned in your performances in 2 and 3 to that we say …P’SHAW! Our only wish is that we could have seen you in parts 4,5 and 6!!!  

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Official Traumatot: Corey Feldman

October 16th, 2007 · 2 Comments

 

Corey Feldman  Goonies Stand by me killed Jason

    He stared in all the best eighties kid flicks, GREMLINS, GOONIES, STAND BY ME but more importantly, he killed Jason! I’m not talking about zombie Jason, ambulance driving non-Jason, uber space station Jason or body jumping demon Jason. He killed the REAL Jason! And he didn’t chain him to the bottom of the lake for somebody else to deal with at a future date, brother shaved his head and whacked the malicious mongoloid in the melon with a machete screaming, “Die!, Die!, Die!” For that reason and many more Corey Feldman is forever a true blue TRAUMATOT. Show some respect! 

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    Official Traumatot: Fairuza Balk

    October 9th, 2007 · No Comments


    Our first TRAUMATOT award goes to Lil’ Balky for her stellar work in RETURN TO OZ, and her ongoing genre contributions like THE ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU and, especially, THE CRAFT, in which she rocks it even harder. Hooray for you Fairuza for being the first ever TRAUMATOT award recipient!

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