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VHSaturday:: Anguish (1987)

April 29th, 2017 · No Comments

Who in the world is strong enough to resist the VHS box for 1987’s ANGUISH? Why, it’s positively hypnotic! I’m not sure why the good people of KEY VIDEO (one of my all time favorite distributors) decided to drop ANGUISH’s charming eye-filled theatrical poster art and simply zoom in on ZELDA (POLTERGEIST) RUBENSTEIN’s scowling mug encased in a swirly spiral (which makes sense only after you’ve seen the movie) but I’m going to give them high marks for thinking outside the box anyway. And really, what kind of person is going to pass up a tape that comes emblazoned with an urgent warning stating: “contains scenes of powerful hypnosis, shocking crimes and unrelenting terror!”? I hope you all appreciate that I had to put on my glasses to relay that fine print for you. But wait; hold up! The best part is on the back! ANGUISH pays tribute to the fact that at least part of this Spanish produced motion picture takes place in a movie theater with an adorable illustration depicting a tub of popcorn and two un-torn movie tickets! I will marry this box.

Because ANGUISH partially takes place within a movie theater (that is showing a movie called THE MOMMY) the optimum way to view it is in a theater (as I did because I’m that old) because it adds to the forth wall breaking paranoia (sorta like the beginning of SCREAM 2). If that option is not feasible than I’d recommend the DVD because this movie is reliant on its tactful visuals. In other words I’m not recommending you watch it on VHS at all but I like having this old tape around anyway because the DVD cover art is drab as hell. According to the security labels inside, this tape was once a former rental at TOWER VIDEO (but I’m pretty sure I picked it up at a used joint in Philadelphia not too far from the theater I once saw the actual movie in which is now a hideous pharmacy). Not much more to say about the tape itself but I will always respect this strange movie for doing its own thing and being so against-the-grain bizarre. I’ll also admit that when I first saw it, I didn’t care for it that much because it was a lot to take in and ZELDA’s acting style can sometimes be a little rough around the edges (sorry Z!). Eventually though, I learned to love it so there’s your tip for the day, never be afraid to give a flick a second chance! Ciao! Arrivederci! Have a nice Saturday! Stay woke!

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Check This Out :: Philly’s Alien Covenant Subway Car!

April 19th, 2017 · 1 Comment

I’m super old and slightly cranky but that didn’t stop me from turning into a giddy 12-year-old the other day when I fortuitously found myself walking into a Philly subway car that was taken over from top to bottom with ALIEN COVENANT advertising. It was even on the roof! To the chagrin of my fellow passengers who seemed even crankier than myself, I took some photos to share with you guys. How cool is this? I only wish this subway was taking me into the future to MAY 19th so that I could go directly to the movie theater and get my full dose of ALIEN COVENANT.

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Fake Horror Posters:: Happy April Fool’s Day!

April 1st, 2017 · 2 Comments


Happy April Fool’s Day! Here are a bunch of fake horror movie sequel posters I made in the early days of Kindertrauma. Some of them surely stink but be kind; I taught myself (with help from John) and they’re just for fun and fandom. We will return to VHSaturday next week! I promise!



























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Name That 1988 Horror Flick!

October 21st, 2016 · 16 Comments

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Name That Horror Poster Funhouse!

September 23rd, 2016 · 4 Comments

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Mini-Tribute:: Creature (1985)

September 15th, 2016 · 3 Comments

Stop me if you think that you’ve heard this one before. The other day I snagged a used VHS tape of a movie I had vague negative memories towards at one of my favorite thrift shops because what the hell? It was only a dollar. But halt the presses! After watching the movie, I ‘m pretty sure my bad memories of it must be false implants of some sort because I suddenly love it! The movie in question is 1985’s CREATURE. Am I sure I even watched this before or am I mixing it up with a sloppy fusion of ANDROID (which also featured KLAUS KINSKI) and boring INSEMONOID (which also featured a pissed off space monster)? As it turns out, CREATURE is one of the more entertaining ALIEN wannabes and from now on, I’m going to think of it in the same high regard as say FORBIDDEN WORLD (1982) and GALAXY OF TERROR (1981). Good lord is there anything more fun than a sci-fi horror hybrid riding the coattail exhaust fumes of the unmitigated masterpiece ALIEN? Doubt it.

And you know what’s really weird? As much flack as CREATURE gets for being an ALIEN clone when you watch it now, it’s actually more like a psychic precursor prediction of PROMETHEUS (try saying that a hundred times fast). Seriously there’s some kind of DEAD SPACE death disease bouncing around this flick that transforms KINSKI into a black-eyed, space helmet headed zombie-oid who could easily have been lifted right out of that semi-recent spooky space jam. Plus you want stars? I’ll give you stars! CREATURE boasts cinema’s greatest father, LYMAN WARD!!! He’s the dad of both FERRIS BEULLER and ELM STREET 2’s Ron Grady (ROBERT RUSLER). And how about sophisticated glamour-puss DIANE SALINGER? Not only did she star in both PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE and PEE WEE’S HOLIDAY, she was also married to PEE WEE as Penguin’s ma in BATMAN RETURNS! She’s a total badass in this and probably the inspiration for that Kay-Em 14 character (LISA RYDER) in JASON X. Not that you need more than KINSKI.

I guess now is the part when I’m supposed to plead to the powers that be that CREATURE be released on Blu-ray but nope, I gotta say I’m all set here with this rusty and crusty VHS tape! The picture is actually way better than what I had prepared myself for and there’s something so fitting about watching low-tech science fiction on tape because it comes across as an intercepted transmission of some sort. Plus I’m a horror fan not a horror consumer and yes, I really dig the nostalgia factor. Folks keep trying to make nostalgia a bad word but that’s never going to work on me. Perhaps the most retro reaction I’m going to have toward CREATURE is I’m going to watch it again! Does anyone remember when a movie rental was so special that you tried to get as many views as you could out of it before you returned it? In closing, this is one of the best dollars I ever spent. CREATURE delivers all the eighties goodness you could ever want plus it’s never stingy on the blood and gore and it’s kind enough to treat you to a decent view of the big bad monster. What more can you ask for? Should I have told you the plot? C’mon you know the plot.

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Name That Trauma:: Jared D. on a Black and White Horror Trivia Book

September 6th, 2016 · No Comments

So, back in middle school, I checked out this book from the library more times than I can count. I can’t remember the name of it to save my life though. It had a hand-drawn black and white cover and the bulk of it was filled with information regarding Dracula and other generic scary things. But at the end of the book, there was a section of horror movie trivia that included questions about “Frankenhooker” and the name of the video store that Jason walks past in one of the “Friday the 13th” sequels. If this rings a bell for anyone, I would greatly appreciate it!

Thank you!

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Happy Labor Day!

September 5th, 2016 · No Comments

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Name That 1986 Horror Flick!

March 25th, 2016 · 23 Comments

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Traumafession:: Tenshi on Sesame Street’s Trippy Lost Boy Toon

May 28th, 2015 · 3 Comments

OK, just to start things off…

Why are these on your site?

Now to the main portion.

I saw the Crack Monster and the Courage episode already. (OH PLEASE USE THE ROMY & ROACH IMAGE AGAIN!) but there was another Sesame animation that freaked me out.

There was this boy who got lost, okay? And he passes by all these things that look like something straight out of Pepperland. Then he FINALLY finds out he’s lost, and this weird guy with a yo-yo appears and tells him to make the first thing he passed the last. That’s how the boy got home.

What the hell, PBS? Why would you air that?

Surprisingly enough, the day I watched it again, right after I saw it, I discovered the Crack Monster cartoon had been found.

Oh, and that anti-heroin toy monkey PSA. THAT USED TO SCARE THE CELESTIAL OUT OF ME!

Speaking to you from Bhava-Agra,

Tenshi.

UNK SEZ: Thanks for the delicious traumafession, Tenshi! I remember that psychedelic SESAME STREET short all too well! To answer your first question, SNOOPY COME HOME is represented on our sidebar thanks to this horrifying scene….

And ANNIE is included because ANN REINKING is secretly Satan as is proven by this slice of spazzy Hell…

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