Don’t you love it when bad things happen to bad people? It’s a major flaw in the universe that this does not occur more often. A wonderful aspect of the cinema is that it can easily create the moral universe that we all secretly yearn for. Case in point, DOLLS. Meet Little Judy Bower (CARRIE LORRAINE) an adorable dickens who is strapped with two atrociously mean spirited guardians. Her father (IAN PATRICK WILLIAMS) is a gold digging condescending Prig and her new step mother (played to a campy hilt by CAROLYN PURDY-GORDON) is a shrill, haggy, grade “A” bitch. After their car gets stuck in the mud, the three find themselves fortuitously located in front of a crusty old mansion framed by requisite lightning bolts. Once inside they meet a sweet, yet strangely sinister elderly couple (GUY ROLFE & HILARY MASON) whose pregnant glances toward each other might as well be yellow canary feathers hanging out of their mouths. They are soon joined by the affable Ralph (STEPHEN LEE) and two rude, sly, opportunistic Brit punk Rockers he was kind enough to give a lift to (one of whom, BUNTY BAILEY is the chick from the A-ha video!). Did I mention the house is filled floor to ceiling with dolls? They’re everywhere and they’re the scary old-fashioned kind; this is way before BRATZ. Anyway, that night, “The longest night ever,” is a night of wonder and mystery for those who keep their inner child well fed, and a night of murderous blood soaked reckoning for those who are assholes.
If you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to get trapped inside a pop-up fairy tale book, this may be the closest equivalent. STUART GORDON the director responsible for breathing life into the dead with legendary results in RE-ANIMATOR grants the same favor to the creepy little playthings that line many a child’s bureau. In an early fantasy sequence, Judy’s beloved teddy bear shows his true colors when he splits apart at the seams and begins mauling the deserving adults. It not only sets the stage for black humor and pre-adolescent revenge wish fulfillment, but also perfectly captures the movie’s being as a whole, a cuddly charming toy with hidden claws.
- Teddy shrugging after his double homicide
- The “Take on me” girl takes her eyes out
- Toy soldier attack
- PURDY finds she’s not alone in bed
- The BOY TOY belt
- Punch speaks!
- Judy’s bloody slippers