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Five Feline Flicks for National Cat Day

October 29th, 2015 by unkle lancifer · No Comments

If you follow these pages you already know that my best buddies are cats even though they are incredibly inconsiderate when I’m trying to sleep. If you don’t have a cat make sure you get one and if you do have a cat, make sure it’s neutered because there’s nothing sadder than a homeless hobo cat especially in bad weather. In any case, here are a handful of movies that feature our whiskered friends…

SHADOW OF THE CAT (1961)

A cat that witnesses the murder of its old lady owner seeks revenge on the conniving creeps responsible! Yes, please! If you like old dark houses, BARBARA SHELLY who also starred in CAT GIRL (1957) or just the fact that most cats have no problem detecting a degenerate when they see one, this is for you!

HAUSU (AKA HOUSE, 1977)

Is it even possible to describe this movie? Once upon a time I think I tried to HERE. As I recall a bunch of teenage girls take a trip to one of the girl’s aunt’s house in the country and an avalanche of inexplicable events ensue. The insanity is somehow overseen by a painting of a big white fluffy cat that eventually shoots blood out of its mouth. This movie can also be watched on National Watermelon Day.

CAT’S EYE (1985)

Don’t even get me started. General the cat is my hero and I will weep tears of joy when he turns on the record player while the troll is standing on it and sends him flying. You’d probably have to live under a rock to have never seen this STEPHEN KING-penned horror anthology directed by the guy who did CUJO (LEWIS TEAGUE) and starring the only human nearly as cute as a cat, the young DREW BARRYMORE. My younger self thought this movie was pretty good but my smarter older self knows it’s beyond phenomenal. Why am I not watching it now?

THE UNINVITED (1988)

As I revealed to you HERE, my late great cat Gato Malo once starred in a movie with the legendary GEORGE KENNEDY and the result was high entertainment on the high seas! I have a theory that every night when God goes to bed he/she cries himself to sleep because he/she knows that he/she lacks the power and ability to create something as perfect as THE UNIVITED and it makes him/her feel like a slouch.

HOCUS POCUS (1993)

Here’s my last choice and I know I had several EDGAR ALAN POE cats to choose from for this list but I’m going to ignore them because you never know when a cat in POE movie is going to get strangled or something (I’m looking at you, TOMB OF LIGEIA– and don’t act so innocent TWO EVIL EYES). Besides, Halloween is just days away so let’s say we again salute good ol’ Binx shall we? I’m always astounded when I hear that black cats are the hardest for shelters to adopt because black cats are the best and smartest and most personable. Trust me! If you want to be superstitious about something be superstitious about Friday the 13th because that is the day Jason Voorhees comes out and shoots an arrow into your eyeball in 3-D. For real.

EXTRA BONUS DON’T WATCH: THE RETURN OF DRACULA (1958)

Ugh, what was wrong with people in the fifties? Were they Neanderthals? I had to turn this crap off when a little boy’s cat got stuck in a pit in a cave and then the boy was like, “I’ll be back to help you later!” (!!!) and then he left the cat in the hole OVERNIGHT and when he went to rescue him in the morning it was dead. What? Take a hike RETURN OF DRACULA, you suck.

Tags: Holidays




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