Kinderguest Joe of “Carrie White Burns in Hell”

There is something about freaky old people that just irks me. ‘Till this day if I see an old woman on the street and she’s freaky looking, I throw rotten vegetables at her and run the other way. I was always obsessed with horror flicks as a child. Nothing really creeped me out, such as monsters or zombies etc. Old people though, are another story. I was really freaked out by that old bathtub chick in THE SHINING severely. However, 1984’s CLOAK AND DAGGER was a source of severe trauma for me as a kid.

My brother was obsessed with this movie, and made me watch it with him whenever it was on as the WPIX Saturday Afternoon Movie [Editor’s Note: Channel 11 rules!]. For some reason, in the NY area this movie had a ton of TV play in the mid-80s. Seemingly a harmless tale, we are following Davey (HENRY THOMAS) and his adventures surrounding a video cartridge containing top-secret data. DABNEY COLEMAN (post lying hypocritical bigot), as Jack Black, is at Davey’s side guiding him through the madness and danger.

The actual plot details are hazy to me now, but Davey is at the Alamo at one point. He attempts, poorly I might add, to swipe a camera case with secret data in it. Watching the whole moment from afar are the MacCready’s, George and his wife Eunice. Davey is caught by the security guard in mid-swipe, but is bailed out by George claiming he instructed Davey to grab his camera case which looks the same. So, for some reason, Eunice leads Davey out to a car, and the couple drives off with him.

Fine ok, things are dandy. One expects an offering of ribbon candy, talk of childhood antics, and even perhaps a comparison to a “lost” grandchild whom is caught in the midst of an 80’s divorce and has since been living with his/her Father in Tacoma, Washington. Damn you Justice system.


Eunice and George are fucked up!

Eunice, being the clever minx, pulls off her leather glove (which is terrifying enough in the Giallo sense) and reveals that she has only 3 fingers! WTF!? Not only that, but it’s all like sawed off & amp; fucked up. Next thing I knew, there was a shot of her looking all sinister, the music turns paranoid, and then she puts that chemical to make one pass out on a her hanky and covers Davey’s face.

As far as the rest of the movie, who knows? I do recall a dead fat guy in a video game type store though; whom I recall looking like BRUCE VILANCH for some reason.

Is this wasn’t childhood scarring enough; my Mother was friends with this older gentlemen, Mr. Heinlein, who attended her church. Yes, Mother is a hardcore Christian. I know, it’s another trauma for me. Mr. Heinlein lived at an assisted-living residence nearby that was filled with old biddy’s that looked EXACTLY like Eunice!

I was convinced some gimpy old bitch was going to rag me with her stubby hoof at any moment. I would have to go to the car if Mom forgot something, and be forced to be alone in the elements. It felt like a geriatric DAWN OF THE DEAD. There was one instance where I actually ran to the car crying as an older woman tried to say hello to me.

To this day, I still feel a sort of inane fear of older people.

Editor’s Note:
We’d like to thank Joe for being the first unsolicited blogger to link back to us here at the KINDERTRAUMA.

To check out more of Joe’s work, please visit him at his most excellent blog Carrie White Burns In Hell.

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