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My Soul To Take (2010)

October 9th, 2010 by unkle lancifer · 11 Comments

Hmmm. While watching MY SOUL TO TAKE all I kept thinking was that the direction was serviceable and that the acting was passable but whoever wrote the script needs to be diagnosed with Asperger syndrome and medicated appropriately as soon as possible. Now as I look on the IMDb I see that the writer of SOUL is none other than my darling, my hamburger, WES CRAVEN himself. MR. CRAVEN, if you should be reading this, I’d like you to stop right now and go HERE until I am done.

Is he gone? Are you sure? Oh, my God you guys I am SO GLAD to be home and far away from that movie. It was driving me bonkers. It’s just non-stop jabbering from beginning to end, exposition on top of exposition over and over and over again. Rules and numbers and ifs and maybes and blah blah blah. One guy actually falls out of a closet gutted and then is forced to explain how he ended up there for twenty minutes as he dies. “I was coming to see you and then this happened and then that happened and I thought maybe this but then it turned out to be that and then I went over there and you made a sound over there and then…” Holy shit, I get that you are NOT the killer just die already and peace out.

From the very get go we’re thrown detail upon detail and are delivered nonsensical procedures that if not done properly will result in this or maybe that and are you familiar with the California Condor? Allow me to read you the Wikepidia page on The California Condor. When the actors aren’t squawking then the radio or television is on doing the same thing in the background. It never ends. Now some of this may have been intentional as a way for WES to show what it might be like to have voices in your head all the time but still, I’ve seriously just taken an Excedrin anyway. Please don’t ask me to tell you the plot of this movie because I just can’t bear to go over the convolutions again.

It’s not scary at all. Well, that’s not entirely true, there was a period where I was scared that I myself may be going crazy or perhaps that somebody had put some drugs in my DR. Pepper. Maybe I’m just getting too old. Am I really old now? Everybody in this movie looked like a troll doll and spoke like a gnome. I guess I can accept that somebody might call somebody on their cell phone while running in the woods from a killer after seeing their friend dead but would they call the person who they think is chasing them? I just think that I would concentrate on running. Am I crazy, maybe I’m going crazy?

You know what? I liked the woods. There are a lot of woods in this movie and I liked going there. The look of the movie was kind of nice and autumn-y and the main guy in it was pretty good too. He’s supposed to be an innocent “angel” that looses his wings and WES put these two gashes on his back so that was a nice touch. He may have had some gay thing going on with his friend but I always think that when two guys hug in a movie while one is stabbing the other that they really should just get a room already. His sister was pretty.

Oh, well c’mon it’s not that serious. We all know WES right? He’s the guy who followed up NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET with THE HILLS HAVE EYES 2 and DEADLY FRIEND! Ha-ha! He’s probably just joking around with this movie. He loves doing movies like this every once in a while. It’s kind of like when my little brother and I would put every disgusting thing we could find in a blender and see how gross it would come out. You’re not really supposed to like it right? I don’t know, maybe it’s me. Maybe the whole thing just flew over my head like a California Condor.

No, no, no, no, it’s NOT me. It’s not me at all. It’s YOU WES and you’re just going to have to man up and take responsibility for your actions. Since we’ve got history and I still do LOVE you even with all your faults, I’m going to give you a blurb for your DVD cover: “It’s a movie going experience that you won’t soon forget…..(cough) try as you might.” Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go to sleep now and dream of a wonderful place called “shut your pie hole town”.

NOTE: By the way, about half of the stuff you see in this trailer does not occur in the actual film. Do not be sad about that, the movie is long enough as it is.

Tags: Trauma Au Courant

11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 jennNo Gravatar // Oct 9, 2010 at 7:37 pm


    Tough break, movie! Tsk.

  • 2 TVSANo Gravatar // Oct 9, 2010 at 9:27 pm

    So what’s up with the Skeksis thingy? srsly

  • 3 Chris DIY Drive-InNo Gravatar // Oct 9, 2010 at 10:28 pm

    This is a review right here. WES. WES! Where have you gone, executive producer of the beloved Wishmaster? Jeez, man!
    I think I can skip the movie, unk,  because after  living vicariously through your breakdown,  nothing could really live up.

  • 4 AcadiaNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 12:22 am

    So really no chance of you telling me the convoluted plot?

  • 5 Meep ParkerNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 12:29 am

    I seriously want to make love to this review. I’m a little tipsy after having a lot of scotch throwing a pizza party for a friend (the first time i’ve ever made pizza and I rocked it) and i came across this review for a movie I was kind of up and down with… Wes Craven is kind of an insane person. He comes across as a well spoken professor type, but he makes great films and crap alike… Somehow i’m drawn to them regardless. Deadly Friend should be a sad 2nd film after a masterpiece like A Nightmare On Elm Street but it’s so utterly entertaining and hilarious… Someone’s head gets blown off with a basketball! … I dunno, Wes Craven might be a mad genius.. Who else could put up with Courtney Cox for 4 movies… I’m kinda hoping my soul to take will exactly do that.. Take my soul away and never let me enjoy a “good” movie ever. The very least Wes could invite me to a party with Heather Langenkamp and we can talk about pajamas and how to be the all-american girl next store. Not that I would ever wear pajamas or be the girl next store mind you, i just would love to be like her boyfriend glenn, wearing a cut off football jersey and die in bed while watching Miss Nude America.

  • 6 LaDraculNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 9:01 am

    I do not like to admit this, but I was diagnosed with aspergers and again, it’s not something I’m happy about, so please be careful what you say. 🙁

  • 7 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 9:40 am


    I’m sorry I didn’t mean to offend you or anybody with Aspergers! 
    I was just trying to make a point that the script was very detail oriented and verbal. 
    I have a friend with Aspergers and I asked myself if I thought he’d be offended and I guessed he wouldn’t be… but I should have realized that he is not everybody!
    I have been diagnosed with foot in mouth syndrome!

  • 8 LaDraculNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 10:11 am

    Nah, it’s ok…I’m just not comfortable as it’s in the media and I truly do not want people to make a big deal out of it…seriously, Jenny McCarthy and Holly Robinson-Peete are not helping their sons with autism by reminding everyone they’re different, and I truly do prefer to treat everyone like an equal.

  • 9 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 10:19 am


    Ok now that I’m rested I’ll give it a shot

    This guy is possessed by a bunch of spirits and he kills some people and leaves behind a daughter and then he may or may not be dead. On the very same night six or 7 babies are born. Later those babies are teens and every year they must go to a lake and scare away a puppet of the killer to stop him from returning. This year they don’t scare away the puppet and so they all start being killed. Either the guy came back or one of the troll babies is possessed by him. The big surprise in the movie is that one of the kids is the girl from the beginning and that the main guy is her brother and that the killer is his dad. The main guy sees his dead friends in the bathroom mirror…nobody put bathroom mirrors in horror movies anymore!! Stop!
    Also why does Wes Craven think that people only enter homes through windows? Nobody has ever climbed in my window not even Melissa Etheridge. 
    TVSA…. that skeksis thing is a costume of a California Condor that the kid wears to school it throws up and takes craps on students.

  • 10 Meep ParkerNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 10:30 am

    re-reading my post, post-drunk the morning after… I really do wish could meet this girl next “store”… Maybe I can try to haggle a discount!

  • 11 micksterNo Gravatar // Oct 10, 2010 at 1:06 pm

    LaDracul, I couldn’t agree with you more about McCarthy and Robinson-Peete! They need to love and appreciate their children for who they are not a diagnosis. As a special education teacher, I have worked with many children with autism and Asperger’s. I enjoy working with these unique individuals very much. Unkle L, I’m sure anyone that reads Kindertrauma regularly knows that you would never purposefully offend anyone.

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