











your happy childhood ends here!

Recently I was expressing my disappointment in the ending of JOHN CARPENTER's THE WARD. My chagrin was inspired not only by the film's not so clever "surprise" revelation but also in the cheapy jump-scare that was to be THE WARD's final note. The more I gnawed the bone in my head the more I realized that I had every reason to find a weak closing from CARPENTER somewhat surprising; the guy has delivered some of the strongest film endings I can think of. In an effort to help me process my disgruntlement, let's say we take a look at a handful of my favorites. Please don't make me tell you there will be spoilers.

HALLOWEEN (1978)
"The Shape" is shot several times and falls off a second story balcony. Laurie Strode is all, "It was the Bogeyman?" and Loomis is all, "Yep." His confirmation is made all the more convincing when he looks to see where the maniac has landed and notices only a blank space where there should rightly be a dead bogeyman. Yikes! But this is not even the good part! CARPENTER, because he is so brilliant, takes us on a little tour of everyplace we've been that night. It's as if he's going to show us where Myers is hiding but he doesn't. We see the homes that moments ago were filled with horror standing quietly. We check out the living room where Laurie battled for her life and it looks like an empty stage. We hear Myers breathing and it's as if he has become a part of everything. To me, it's not so much the mystique of Myers that rattles the nerves but the way CARPENTER injects him into the once mundane settings. He expertly desecrates the everyday with darkness and brings evil (as the tagline warns) home. At the end of HALLOWEEN, "The Shape" whether you can visibly see him or not is everywhere.

THE FOG (1980)
Oh good, that betrayed leper ghost Blake has gotten his precious gold back and now everything is settled. Hold a grudge much? Now the scenic town of Antonio Bay can get back to normal. Hmmm, those ghosts kept saying they wanted to kill six people but I guess not. Looks like five people and a gold cross will suffice. At the end of THE FOG Father Malone (HAL HOLBROOK), rather than thanking his lucky stars and skipping town, decides to hang around church wondering aloud about why his life was spared. Blake and company are only too happy to quell his curiosity by backing their haunted boat up and tying up loose ends by decapitating his head. I think I can sum up THE FOG's ending by labeling it the coolest thing that I have ever seen in my life. CARPENTER gives us a worrying heads up then diverts our attention one way and then slams us from another. We're not even granted a moment to focus on Blake as he pulls back for the final blow. As his sword connects with Malone it lops off our view too. The screen turns black, we hear the squishy cut and then as if the saber had sliced through a pop tent during a storm, CARPENTER's rainfall score begins to pour down all over the closing credits. The timing is clockwork-precise and it's one flipping fantastic curtain drop.

THE THING (1982)
MacReady (KURT RUSSELL)'s feelings toward the slippery amorphous space visitor in THE THING are made abundantly clear when he says, "Yea, fuck you too!" and chucks a lit stick of dynamite in its direction. The shape-shifting creature is not an easy critter to dispose of and since its escape will mean the global annihilation of mankind, blowing up the entirety of Outpost 31 and hoping for the best is not a bad way to go. As the camp burns, Mac discovers another survivor in Childs (KEITH DAVID). Neither man can completely trust that the other is not hosting the entity and so they share a quiet suspicion-filled stand off. Take special note of this ending because the likelihood that you ever encounter something like it again in a studio picture is minimal. Rather than hand the audience a cathartic pacifier jump scare to send them on their satiated way, CARPENTER insists that viewers be kept in a state of unknowing just like the characters on screen. Over the years fans have sought concrete confirmations of the stalemate's eventual outcome. Is the bottle that Mac hands Childs contaminated? How come you can't see Child's breath in the cold? There is no answer and the paranoia of not being able to identify friend or foe is exactly what this film is concerned with underneath the goop and lobster legs. There lies the true horror, none of us can ever fully know one another; does it get any colder than that?

PRINCE OF DARKNESS (1987)
There's no question about whether the end of PRINCE OF DARKNESS left a mark, Kindertrauma has received enough traumafessions and "Name That Traumas!" about this movie's final moments to state, without a doubt, that it has. I can even tell you first hand that my little brother was treated to disturbing nightmares inspired by this film's close. There is something spectacularly eerie about it and it certainly brings new meaning to the phrase "ahead of its time." Last we saw Catherine Danforth (LISA BLOUNT) she was doing mankind a solid and jumping into a mirror/dimensional doorway in order to keep the devil at bay. Throughout the film characters have been receiving static filled shaky-cam dream transmissions from the future warning of cataclysmic events including, but not limited to, the rise of an anti-God. The dreams alter subtly each time they occur but they always show a dark figure emerging from a church and they always look like a fifth generation bootleg. The film ends with one last exposure to the dream and now we find that Catherine has replaced the demonoid figure in the future. We're in the "open to interpetation" zone here but one thing that's set in stone is the alarming power of the hard to pin down visual and the ominous voice and message that accompanies it. The transmission's repeated insistence that what we are seeing is real begins to have an effect and, at some point, it becomes somewhat hard to distinguish if the communication is trying to break through a dream within the film or the film itself. Seriously haunting.

IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS (1994)
We know that John Trent's (SAM NEIL) investigation into the disappearance of horror novelist Sutter Cane did not end well because he fills us in on his experiences from a padded room in an insane asylum. I suppose that spending time in a fictional town that shouldn't exist fighting off ancient dimension-stomping beasties straight out of LOVECRAFT would leave anyone feeling twitchy. How do you top the horror of discovering that the line between fiction and reality is one big joke? How about learning the punchline is you. Trent's stint in the loony bin is cut short by the technicality of the world falling to ruin. He stumbles down debris-strewn streets that lead him to a movie theater. Now playing is IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS starring himself and directed by JOHN CARPENTER. He watches what we have watched. He laughs, he cries, he goes insane.

This might be a good place for me to end things myself. IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS sums up nicely what the best JOHN CARPENTER films do. Whether he is placing the mask on our faces in HALLOWEEN; opening THE FOG with a POE quote asking, "Is all that we see or seem but a dream within a dream?"; leaving us with the same dilemma as Mac and Child's in THE THING; invading our nightmares with THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS; or simply suggesting, as he does with IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS, that reality is fast becoming fiction and vice versa, good CARPENTER tends to blur the line between onscreen and off and assimilate the viewer into the proceedings.
Perhaps the strongest thing about CARPENTER's most brilliant film endings is the implication that there is no ending. The deep vastness and over abundance of darkness in his premium work insures that every viewer receives a Tupperware container of angst to take home. Go ahead and try to lull yourself to sleep repeating, "It's only a movie, it's only a movie." The jig is up, CARPENTER knows that we know that it's not.


Hi,
Probably early-mid '70s anthology horror T.V. movie/special, not part of a series, which means it could be ABC.
Male child killer, possible family member, kills child, and then in the mansion where it took place, is tormented seemingly by the dead child.
At the end, child killer is on long winding stairs leading to ground floor, at wits end. I'm not sure who says this, but he is told that the dead child couldn't be here, but he sent us to etc, etc. Screams, black out.
Scared the shit out of me. Don't remember anything about the rest of the anthology, but I think there may have total three stories. But I was too traumatized to remember the other two parts!
Thanks Kindertrauma!
— Ken J.
UNK SEZ: My bet Ken J. is that you were rightfully terrified by the last segment of DAN CURTIS' 1977 anthology DEAD OF NIGHT entitled "Bobby." Check out the clip below and my review from long ago HERE! Wow, I just watched the scene again myself and it just never stops being scary does it? BTW, "Bobby" was remade by CURTIS in 1996 and appeared as the second segment of TRILOGY OF TERROR 2!


Hey there —
So, back in the '80s we had a show in Chicago on PBS called IMAGE UNION. A fantastic show that played independent films and videos. This was serious avant-garde stuff – some narrative, some abstract – but always interesting. Especially if you were obsessed with film making as I was during my childhood.
So, one of the shows played this really crazy film. It had a funky, 16mm, New York, whimsical tone.
It tells the story of little boy sitting at the front of a subway train (I'm guessing in NYC.) He's staring out into the moving darkness in front of him as lights whiz by. And then the film starts to cut in quick shots of Darth Vader. As the train gets faster and faster, the images of Darth Vader come more rapidly. The train stops and the little boy gets off on the platform. He starts to run because….Darth Vader is now chasing him through the crowd in the train station. As Vader closes in on him, he grabs him. The boy turns to realize… it's just his mother. Apparently, she was waiting to pick him up in the platform.
I swear, I'm not making this up. And doing a Google search for "Darth Vader + independent films" comes up with a bazillion fan films, but not this one. It has to be late '70s, early '80s.
Maybe someone in Traumaland has a lead.
Thanks!
Patrick J. D.
P.S. – A quick Metafilter search came up with another person asking for a similar video.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Thanks for the traumafession Patrick J.D.! Sadly, I have no idea as to what the short film is you are referring to; however, I did pilfer the above images from the below ImprovEverywhere short. (Hey, it was either that or this BLONDIE video and I.E. won out.) Does anyone remember the source of Patrick's trauma? Use the force and sound off in the comments!

I gotta thank good ol' Mickster for sending me over to Hulu the other day because I wasn't there more than a couple minutes before I bumped into DEADLY BLESSING (1981). Why does DEADLY BLESSING think that it can hide from me when it can't? It looks pretty good as far as the picture goes, less grainy than my rusty VHS but it needs some work done for sure. The fact that it's horribly cropped is made apparent during the opening credits as every other name that appears has portions lopped off. Poor DEADLY BLESSING has never found its way onto DVD somehow (at least not in my neck of the woods.) You'd think a movie directed by WES CRAVEN would garner a little more interest and respect. It's not his best work of course but it's far from his worst. If you look really closely, I think you can see little idea seedlings that will come into fruition on Elm Street.

Luscious MAREN JENSEN (of BATTLESTAR GALACTICA fame) is Martha Schmidt. She and her hubby Jim (DOUG BARR of the often seen by me THE UNSEEN) are enjoying the country life and expecting their first child. The fly in their buttermilk is Jim's estranged family members who do not approve of the marriage, wear creepy hats and chatter about demons and damnation all day. They look like the Amish but are called "Hittites" and I refuse to judge them because they revere ERNEST BORGNINE and are apposed to the wearing of short pants just like me. One day Jim dies in a mysterious tractor accident and Martha can only be cheered out of her mourning by the likes of SHARON STONE (of the legendary classic thriller SCISSORS) and SUSAN BUCKNER (who played Patty Simcox in GREASE.) Things get scary when MICHAEL BERRYMAN starts snooping about and people start swallowing spiders in their dreams, taking baths with snakes and receiving unsolicited egg deliveries from LISA HARTMAN (of the smash hit BEWITCHED spin-off TABITHA).

DEADLY BLESSING is loopy, semi-spooky fun albeit a little overstuffed. For a horror film released in 1981, it certainly marches to it own drummer (that reminds me, the nifty score comes care of JAMES HORNER the dude who did HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP, ALIENS & SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES.) The story may not hold up to much close scrutiny but somehow the near constant shifts in direction and focus work in its favor. The setting allows for some rich atmosphere and you can tell CRAVEN had some fun playing around with the expansive openness of the location. In fact, I'd say there's almost always eye candy on this table, whether it be the easy to look at cast, the rife with personality homestead or the weird off kilter paintings provided by HARTMAN's engagingly oddball character.

Maybe I'm just a sucker for a movie that mixes slasher elements with a heavy occult vibe and you can just take out the "maybe" I started this sentence with. Not that it matters much, but I'm also madly in love with the poster art for DEADLY BLESSING. It's just really cool and that's coming from somebody with a generally indifferent attitude toward boobage.

Many feel, WES CRAVEN included, that DEADLY BLESSING's tacked-on, producer-insisted ending betrays the film but I strangely don't mind it at all. It's just one more crazy wrinkle in a film full of many, so it hardly breaks the tone. Blaming the ending scene for making this movie bonkers is like having a heard of bulls trash your china shop and only getting mad at the last one out the door as they leave. I say that as a fan. I am soooo biased when it comes to this picture because I saw it at a certain age and it was one of the early R-rated horrors I caught in the theater. I still remember my wonderment and how mysterious and forbidden it all felt. It seemed that anybody in this movie could be murdered or take a bath wearing their underwear at any moment. This is a message movie really and the message is, "Look out for the incubus!" It is a message that is heartbreakingly still relevant today. I still don't understand my attraction fully. I still don't understand a lot of things, but I do understand that you can watch it for free HERE.




Check it out!
Kinderpal Joanna Wilson is living in a '90s kind of X-Mas world over at Christmas TV Companion where Unkle Lancifer stopped by earlier this week to chat about the BUFFY THE VAMPIRE episode "Amends."
Today, you dear old Aunt John turns an eggnog eye towards the yuletide episode of '90s urban sit-com staple LIVING SINGLE where QUEEN LATIFAH's character (Flavor Magazine editor Khadijah James) methodically stalks and kills her housemates because they make fun of her Christmas vest.
OK, not really, but you should still check, check, check it out!

UNK SEZ: Aunt John and I have gone fishing but don't worry, as I was able to coax everybody's Kinderpal Mickster into recommending one of her faves for you. Thanks Mickster!

MICKSTER SEZ: Netflix isn't the only place that offers obscure horror movies instantly. Hulu.com is another good source for instant streaming. The best part is that Hulu.com is free. The only caveat is that you have to watch commercials every ten to fifteen minutes; however, it is worth it when you come across a movie that has not been released on DVD. This brings me to my recommendation for the week, JACK'S BACK (1988). I first discovered this little known gem on USA's UP ALL NIGHT during the early '90s.

It is one hundred years after the original Jack the Ripper murders in London, and a serial killer in Los Angeles is meticulously recreating the killings. If you like Jack the Ripper-themed movies, you should enjoy this one. It does not hurt that JAMES SPADER is so damn hot in this. He plays twins John and Rick Wesford. John being the straight-laced med student and Rick being the "bad-boy" shoe store manager. The supporting cast includes ROBERT PICARO (THE HOWLING) , ROD LOOMIS (aka Sigmund Freud from BILL & TED'S EXCELLENT ADVENTURE) and CYNTHIA GIBB.

Mickster's Special Moments:


Hey there,
I love your site…now onto my very vague clue. An '80s horror movie which involved people (friends/couples/family… I can't recall) who go into a wooded, forestry area and are terrorized and killed by a humanoid, animal-like creature. At the end of the movie the characters set up an elaborate trap to try and capture the beast. I recall the beast using the tree tops to get around as well…I realize this doesn't offer much but it's been killing me for years to try and recall this movie I saw one Saturday afternoon in my youth. (I'm guessing it appeared on the good ole Saturday Shocker creature feature which aired from a Detroit-based station in the '80s).
Hope you can help out!
/stu
UNK SEZ: This is a tough one /stu! It could be so many movies! I hope I'm not barking up the wrong tree but three films popped into my head immediately: HUMONGOUS, MADMAN and THE FINAL TERROR. I posted the trailers below for you to take a gander at and because they're sure to be fun to watch anyway. Do any of our readers know of any other movies this might be? Throw your bets in the comments section and if nothing else, we'll end up with a nice collection of woodsy horror titles!


It's safe to say that JOHN CARPENTER is my favorite director of all time. I may have been more fascinated by CRONENBERG for a wee while, but that was only during my artsy phase. CARPENTER has made the majority of my favorite films and I have returned to and watched his movies over again a zillion times. So really, I came to this conclusion using simple math. I admit I was a bit cautious approaching his latest, THE WARD but considering I count myself among the few who appreciated GHOSTS OF MARS, I figured my chances of being outraged enough to throw a trash can through a pizza shop window were slim. I wasn't expecting a tour de force, just a competent work with a few adornments that high-fived his previous films. So what if he lost some zing and vitality? I wasn't feeling too hot myself. In other words, my expectations were not too high or too low. I've already gotten so much from this filmmaker that demanding much more felt like being an ungracious turd.

No need for plot details, it's basically GIRL INTERRUPTED…BY A GHOST! Most of the film runs smooth as silk and desperation free. It looks crispy clean in general and J.C.'s lovely signature is present and clearly legible. The atmosphere is not especially strong for ghostly subject matter but select moments hit the right uncanny nerve. The man has an eye and that eye still impresses; there's a bounty of wonderful shots all filled with his exquisite affection for lines and angles. I will assume that the film would have benefited some from a score by CARPENTER himself but a CARPENTER-approved score will have to suffice. (Did I hear a nod toward SUSPIRIA?)

I also really dig the cast, AMBER HEARD is all types of engaging, both beautiful and convincingly staunch. MAMIE GUMMER, as a quirky inmate, reminds me of a young MERYL STREEP and that I'm blaming on her mom, MERYL STREEP. JARED HARRIS is outstanding as a Loomis-y shrink leaning on nuts himself. I'd love to see him become a recurring CARPENTER player as PLEASENCE and ATKINS have done before him. I think this is a fantastic movie up to a point…

The problem is the script and more precisely, the end of the script. The film follows familiar paths and that is fine and dandy but then all the sudden it tramps things up big time with a highly irritating, borderline excruciating twist. I had such a good time with the HALLOWEEN II-ish setting, the FOG-zombie ghost, THE THING-esque group dynamics and CARPENTER's overall swoopy snug as a straightjacket style that I thought I could forgive the insulting "reveal" but then something worse happened, something that I'm still trying to reconcile.

The film ends with (and you can't spoil the already rotten) a goddamn medicine cabinet scare! Have you ever gone on a perfect date and then at the end of the evening the so and so bends to kiss you and their breath smells like roadkill? It's not a good way to leave things. I can't be too hard on a movie that is mostly good. I suppose if it was released twenty years ago, it would have curled my toes and buttered my English muffin. The good news is that CARPENTER still has the serious chops and honestly I'll take this movie before many a recent offering from some of his peers. Now, somebody please get this poor guy a script with an ending that doesn't make me sneeze. I'm allergic to mold!

