kindertrauma

Traumafessions :: Reader Carol McM. on Phantom of the Paradise, Young Frankenstein, & Ghost Story

Posted on By aunt john

I've seen PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE mentioned around here in various posts – but I'm surprised no one has done a traumafession about it.

Sometime between 1979 and '81 my mom's boyfriend's daughter (who was a teenager) took my sister and I (who were 10-12ish) to a double feature of PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE and YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN (these both came out in '74 – but because of when my mom started dating this guy I'm pretty sure I was about 10 when I saw them.) These movies are both pretty hilarious, but it's kinda funny how horror comedy seems to be totally lost on kids. I've seen both movies many times as an adult, but when I was a kid, after having watched one seemingly traumatic movie on a huge, huge screen, and then half of another seemingly traumatic one – googly eyes ceased to be funny and sitting in the lobby for the last half of the comedy YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN seemed like a total necessity.

PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE is basically PHANTOM OF THE OPERA set in a rock club in the ‘70s. I won't go into the plot – just the parts that scared the hell out of me. The first scene is towards the beginning of the movie – where the songwriter, Winslow, gets his teeth yanked out and replaced by freaky metal teeth. Then he gets his head squashed in a record press, which totally deforms his face – and totally sent me into kiddie shock. Then he skulks around the dark corners of The Paradise in a freakaziod, beaked mask and cape and sings his songs in this horrible metallicy, warped voice.

If all these events aren't scary enough to make a kid run out of the theater, just wait. At the end of the movie, after we see Beef get killed on stage (Beef kinda scared me too), weirdo, creepy, short, devil guy PAUL WILLIAMS (who I just reencountered in THE HARDY BOYS AND NANCY DREW MEET DRACULA – yay!!!) gets his gold mask yanked off to reveal a bloody face. My kinder memory of this event has massive amounts of blood all over his face. In reality, there's not so much blood. Even now -when I see the scene, I am surprised that there isn't more blood or gore – cause seriously, I remember it being more like CARRIE.

And Beef? Silly? Yes. Funny? Yes. Over the top, campy fruitcake? Yes. Scary? Nope.

I actually didn't leave the theater until my sister told me she wanted me to go with her to the bathroom during the second movie, YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN. We both wound up on a padded red theater bench in the lobby with her telling me how she couldn't go back in and look at "that guy's" face anymore, and I sat next to her telling her that his movie isn't really as scary as the other movie. But I think the one I was really trying to convince was me – 'cause I couldn't make myself go back into the theater any more than she could.

Oh, and you may be asking who "that guy" is whose face scared my sister so bad.

MARTY FELDMAN.

Another early horror-movie-in-the-theater experience I had was right around that same time – with the same chick – who took us to see GHOST STORY. The popping out of nowhere ghost lady scared the CRAP out of me so bad and forced me to stare at the back of the seat in front of me for most of the movie and I still remember a very distinct trapped feeling – like the darkness and the GIANT gross faces in the movie were all closing in on me.

Now that's scary.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Cate on a Monster Making Milkshake

Posted on By aunt john

Dear Kindertrauma,

When I was a little kid in the mid-'70s, I went to a day care that showed movies when it rained. One time we watched a movie that scared the CRAP out of me and I've always wondered what it was. I think it was a DR. JEKYLL & MR. HYDE-type movie.

The part I remember was the guy drank this glass of what looked like milk with red dots in it and turned him into a monster. His lab/office was full of all kinds of stuff and I remember a parrot being there. The milky drink for some reason is the most vivid part for me.

Why the day care people thought showing this to little kids was a good idea I don't know! I know after this scene I spent the rest of the movie with my head under a blanket and an older kid trying to calm me down by telling me it was only a movie.

Anyone out there think this sounds familiar? I'd love to know what the hell kind of movie this was!

Thanks and I love the site!

Cate

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Thanks to reader EMG for solving it with THE NUTTY PROFESSOR.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Joseph B. on Freaky Faces

Posted on By aunt john

When I was a kid, what always terrified me was the occasional horror trailer that would suddenly pop up on a seemingly innocent video rental. I would hide behind the couch whenever one of them came on, but even the sounds were enough to haunt me for weeks. I've since managed to identify most of these trailers, but one particularly traumatizing example remains elusive.

I'm not sure how much of this is due to my own runaway imagination, but I think the film concerned a young couple either moving into a new house or staying at a vacation house at some pastoral location. The beginning of the trailer made the movie appear to be an innocent love story, but halfway through things turned dark. I think a storm brews, and all hell breaks loose — perhaps the house is cursed or there is a cursed object in the house.

The details are fuzzy, but one scene I can recall were giant, monstrous faces peering into the bedroom window of the house. It was as if the entire house was surrounded by them. It might even have been a kind of wall of faces pushing up against the glass. I've searched long and hard for this film, to no avail. I was hoping someone out there would be able to identify it. This would've been the mid-to-late eighties.

Thanks,

Joseph B.


AUNT JOHN SEZ: Joseph, could the freaky faces be from the 1988 AUDREY LINDLEY tour de force SPELLBINDER? Watch out for the windows at the 2:41 mark:

UPDATE: Aunt John was right!

George Tooker vs. the Body Snatchers

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I can't watch PHILIP KAUFMAN's 1978 version of INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS without having GEORGE TOOKER's 1950 painting "Subway" come crawling into my mind (for the painting in full please look HERE). After my recent viewing of SNATCHERS, I decided to Google around for some other examples of TOOKER's work and found several others with a similar vibe. After a while I started wondering why TOOKER's incredible work was not more wildly known, then suddenly the answer became clear…it's a conspiracy!

Invasion of the B.S.

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Just as the original 1956 film adaptation of JACK FINNEY's novel THE BODY SNATCHERS unintentionally provoked a variety of interpretations (boo communism!…No, boo McCarthyism!), so too does PHILIP KAUFMAN's accomplished 1978 reconsideration (it's just too good to call a "remake"!) How fascinating is it that no matter what your angle or bias is, FINNEY's pod people scenario has always got your back? Worried that conservative ideology is spreading like a virus? It's got you covered. Feel like plant hugging lefty pop psychology is creating a cult of soft dolts? It's got you covered too. Everyone is invited to the paranoia party! All you need to know is that the world is falling apart and it's all thanks to THEM, those other people; the ones who aren't smart enough to think like you.

Let's all take a moment to thank God for creating such a simple world where everything can be perceived either one way or the other; good or bad, left or right, black or white, male or female, straight or gay, dog or cat, Coke or Pepsi, Laverne or Shirley. Imagine how complicated and messy things would be otherwise!

To me, reading political allegory into the pod movies is fun yes, but it also does an enormous disservice to just how universal its larger concerns are. More than anything and regardless of its ambitions, the framework proudly stands as one of the strongest indictments of any and ALL conformity ever concocted (with the possible exception of SHIRLEY JACKSON's "The Lottery.") Putting that massive accomplishment to the side though, what's at stake here is a bit bigger than whatever side you're NOT on getting the upper hand. When the pods come it won't matter what state, country our religious background you come from, we're ALL going down. All of humanity is getting erased. You won't be blaming anyone any more, you won't want to.

Putting that vaguely appealing thought aside though, I have to say it's the acute social alienation encrusting the tale that really gets under this paranoid person's skin. No matter the incarnation, FINNEY's mold hits a tender nerve most narratives gladly stay clear of, the fear that we as people never really know one another. As if that weren't disquieting enough, the fear of losing our sense of self is nettled with equal sadistic verve. In both films, we may eventually learn the rules of the game and exactly what the space pods are up to, but before we get there we're shown a cold, apathetic soulless drone infected world that (yikes!) rings a bell that is way too familiar for any viewers comfort.

I think it's telling and ironic that when presented with a fiction about the global annihilation of the life form known as man (yes, I just quoted the Imperious Leader!) the first thing many people think of is, "Oh, this is really about those jerks that I don't like!" You can read it that way if you wish; many do but before you pat yourself on the back and pull out that cigar kindly check the neon sign flashing in the corner that says "YOU ARE LOOSING YOUR HUMANITY!" In my opinion INVASION (whichever one) is not singling out any one group, all y'all is busted! (And that includes sweet innocent me!) Perceiving it to be about "those other guys" is sort of like a dog barking at its own reflection in a pool.

Maybe we don't all suck as much as I am telling you that we do (let's leave that up to OPRAH to decide) but I believe that the reason the movie resonates and refuses to go away is because we intuitively recognize its Cassandra wail to be true. We sense its frustrating accuracy not only on a social or cultural level but also personally. Just go and walk outside your door and bask in the disconnect that modern life affords us. Better yet, just think about it the next time you're sitting with one person and "texting" somebody else. (No, you can't kid a kidder kids, they've yet to invent any advancement in the area of "communication" that can't be used as a convenient human contact avoidance device.) The premise's inherent (albeit possibly unintentional) cultural critique is damning enough, but there is yet another darker stallion galloping up just behind. INVASION knows your dirty little secret, that as every year goes by it gets a little bit easier not to give a shit. There's a reason why the film's most notorious and unshakable image is a figure pointing into the camera. That pod bastard is pointing at you!

I'm getting ahead of myself, we'll get back to INVASION's naggy accusations later…

I saw the 1978 INVASION in the theater as a youngin' and it did much to encourage my love of the genre. (Like many people in my age group it also happens to be the landmark watershed moment when I first saw boobs, I don't care about your orientation, that's not something you forget.) I'm a ginormous (beg to differ spell-check, ginormous IS a word now and has been since 2007, get with the times!) fan of the film but I am especially fond of its first quarter. I just feast upon the acrid paranoid vibe before anyone has an inkling of what's going down. It's just deliciously suspicious and distrustful and if you snatched the space plants out of the picture it would play like classic noir.

Even more amusing may be the way KAUFMAN's version exploits its premise to add some extra, not of this Earth potency to the standard love triangle. Elizabeth (BROOKE ADAMS, she of the inaugural bosom) is torn between her floppy haired, soft sweater wearing, wok-cooking platonic pal Matthew (DONALD SUTHERLAND) and her live in beau Geoffrey (THE BROOD's ART HINDLE). Geoff is a stiff, suit wearing stick in the mud shown as distant and remote (wearing earphones, enraptured by a television) before his body is snatched. He and Elizabeth seem destined for couples therapy from the get-go, this new pod predicament is just icing on an already stale cake.

Platonic or not Geoffrey and Elizabeth's relationship shines like the perfect antithesis of the alien agenda. Their interactions are sublimely human, their connection unquestionable. They share in-jokes, finish each other's thoughts and blissfully engage in each other's company. So too do pals Nancy and Jack (Kinder-Goddess VERONICA CARTWRIGHT and the patron saint of geekdom, JEFF GOLDBLUM), quirky eccentrics whose individualism, if lost, really would be a profound shame. I tend to consider INVASION more of a horror film but its core manifesto is clearly snatched from the best of sci-fi. If INVASION is on any side at all, it is on the side of staying awake (the hypnotist snaps his fingers) and if it's trying to tell you anything, it is that there is something wrong with living in a world where you need to suppress your true self in order to survive. Yes, my fellow humans, feelings (whoa, whoa, whoa,…feelings!) are the currency that you can't afford to lose. Kudos FINNEY, usually we need a robot to give us that tip!

I know it sounds touchy-feely corny but don't give a wedgie to the messenger. This movie mines a worry that many don't acknowledge but feel within their bones anyway, that to function in the world a certain amount of shelving of our true selves is required. It's no problem to scrape away a little bit of your soul at a time to fit through certain doorways but how much scraping can you concede to before you stop, look around and wonder, when and where exactly did you stop being you? Again, the devastation INVASION presents may be ostensibly fantastic but its jellyfish sting lingers due to our familiarity with it.

Let's face it; we already live in a culture that sledgehammers the idea that emotions are a sign of weakness, that they get in the way. What a great trick to keep us in order and cutting ourselves off at the knees. What a great way to keep us disconnected and unanswerable to the fates of our friends. What a great way to shut people up, to put them to sleep. What a great way to starve the soul into submission. It's not for nothing that within the film that once duplicated and replaced, the first order of business for a snatched body is getting to work! Move those pods! Chop! Chop! I hate to be the bearer of bad news gentle readers but to quote both films "They're already here!"

Who needs to express themselves when you can watch people on Reality Television shows do it for you? Who needs dreams of success when you can watch the rich frolicking on the glass teat for free? Who cares about your emotional fulfillment in the first place? The better question is how's that JENNIFER ANISTON holding up? If you need some help fitting in here's a make-over show to show you how to be more presentable (it may cost you some money though!). Oh, and here's a program to show you how to decorate your home correctly but first we'll ask you to throw all of your most valued possessions in the garbage. Don't worry, it's in order to make room for your new socially acceptable dream crypt! By the way, why aren't you happy all the time? You're supposed to be happy all the time!

There's a reason FINNEY's concept won't kick the bucket.

Conformity is an ugly word but the idea of fitting in is not without its charms. In fact, if you dress up fugly "Conformity" in the pretty dress of "Acceptance" the troll looks kind of hot! We all know what emotions are, we've all had them and we all know its false advertising to suggest that all of them are a blast. Rumor has it that there are rich rewards to be found by scrambling through life's emotional trenches but isn't it easier just to buy yourself a real, tangible gift instead?

This is where INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS stops being thrilling entertainment and stars being a big fat piece of brilliant art. It's the opposite of a backhanded compliment, it's a condemnation covered with kisses. It knows how tempting it is to get lost in the crowd, to fall in step, to sell out your pain and it's looking you straight in the eye and saying you are worth more, that EVERYBODY is worth more. It warns you that sleep is the enemy and it goes one better and points out how to identify the already stricken and lost by their emotionless gaze. It does not have the side of any one group, on the contrary, it laments that such groups restrain our humanity.

I'm going to say it once again to all those Oscar winning weepies and critically lauded period pieces that didn't hear me the first time. If you ever really want to talk about what's relevant in life, you need to start taking some cues from teams horror and sci-fi, they don't fucking play around.

O.K. so I'm starting to get rowdy which is my signal to wrap it the hell up. INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS is an extraordinarily profound erupting volcano of genius. You can't go wrong with either the 1956 or the 1978 version (you're on your own with the other two). These films are beyond cautionary tales they are a rallying cry. Keep dodging those who want to douse your fire! Don't let anyone tell you what to think! Relish your emotions, don't curb them! Stop texting people and actually talk to them for crying out loud. Most importantly, if you can do a crazy, weird trick with your eyeballs, by all means do it!

"Don't ask yourself what the world needs. Ask yourself what makes you come alive and then go do that. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive." -Howard Thurman.

Traumafessions :: Reader Carol McM. on The Gluts from "Fun With the Environment"

Posted on By aunt john

I'm probably gonna drive you guys crazy – but I just can't stop!

O.K. – here is a book trauma from my youth. There was this environment coloring and activity book that was handed out to grade school kids in the '70s – "Fun With the Environment." If I remember right the publication date was 1974. I grew up in Portland, OR – so I don't know if they had it all over the country or just on the west coast.

As you can see I took full advantage of the coloring action. Anyway – it was all about how we can do all these things to help the environment like not litter and conserve water and ride bikes – but then there was this whole comic strip type thing with a family called "The Gluts." Their freaky green blob heads totally creeped me out, and the creepiest part was the freakishly weird angle their heads were at. Like their heads were chopped off and then placed back on at a different degree – not unlike THE EXORCIST head-turn dealie.

These freaky glut people didn't really stick in my mind as I grew up – but I found this book in some old school stuff and it all came rushing back! Maybe that's why I am so good about recycling now-a-days – it's 'cuz I'm afraid I'm gonna see one of those freaky-headed gluts rummaging around in my trash can.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Alicia K. on a Terrible Totem & a Witch Crushing Wheel

Posted on By aunt john

Oh how thankful I am to have stumbled upon your site! These two movies have been in the back of my mind for years! Yahoo Answers couldn't help me, so I'm really hoping you can.

Both of these I saw around 1977-79, but I'm not sure when they were made. It is possible they were made-for-T.V. movies/shows since I saw them via hiding behind my mom's lazy-boy when I wasn't supposed to be up.

The first movie featured an evil totem pole or carved Indian statue (not huge, probably 2-4' tall.) It was a round, wooden thing with a carved face and it seemed to glide around. I remember it sneaking down a hallway because it was going to kill someone. There was a good guy who was trying to save the lady and they had to make a protective circle to keep the evil totem out. I think at one point he had to protect someone in a hospital bed and was trying to beat the totem there.

The other movie was about witches – maybe Salem trials, since it was portraying 1600-1700s. I remember it showed a woman strapped to a big wheel or huge wooden spool and people rolling it to crush and kill her.

Any ideas are appreciated!!!

Happy Father's Day :: Where's My Brood At?

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Just when I was about to hit the hay on Friday I caught THE SHINING on cable and naturally I was trapped watching it until it was over. At some point I was miraculously brought back to the first time I ever saw it in the theater. I was under age at the time but my father was somehow able to get my brothers and I in. Did he slip the ticket taker a Washington or two? No, this story takes place in the good old days when nobody gave a crap. To be honest, the movie disturbs me much more now as an adult than it did when I was a kid. As a kid, it kind of disappointed me and here's why…

Flipping through some magazine, perhaps FANGO or STARLOG, I caught a picture from DAVID CRONENBERG's THE BROOD. The picture was of a bunch of the little brood brats coming through a doorway or something. Later, I saw the yellow poster for THE SHINING with the distorted face in it and I wrongly thought, "That's the movie with those creepy mutant kids in it that I saw in that magazine!" The trailer for THE SHINING with the elevator piqued my interest even further. I knew that when the elevator door opened all those creepy kids would jump out and wreck havoc! So when I finally got to see THE SHINING this is exactly what I was waiting for with doe-eyed, clammy anticipation. When the elevator scene finally did occur and NOBODY came out of the elevator, I was flattened like Silly Putty on a comic strip.

Poor confused me, I had built something up so big in my head and it was never meant to be. It was all my fault, my imagination whipped up this impossible coolness that no movie could ever possibly live up to. I mean really, if THE BROOD kids came out of that elevator in THE SHINING the sheer awesomeness of that event would probably tear the universe in half.

I learned a valuable lesson that day and I've only made that same mistake of forging impossible expectations out of shear obliviousness a couple thousand more times over the years. By the way, THE SHINING, I should give you some credit for freaking me out with the guy in the dog costume bit, I certainly wasn't anticipating that. Oh, and the old lady, mission accomplished with that one too. O.K. SHINING, I'll admit it, you were really scary but you would have been even scarier with some BROOD kids thrown into the mix.

What I really wanted to say is how cool was my Dad for taking me to see THE SHINING? I'm sure some might tsk tsk such a thing but look how well adjusted I turned out! O.K., well maybe I'm not the best example but look at how well adjusted my brothers turned out. Uh, maybe that's not such a good idea either. Well, actually screw the well adjusted! Can anyone really stand those people anyway? I just want to push them down a flight of stairs.

So thanks DAD! Thanks for taking me to see THE SHINING. That movie is not exactly the best commercial for Dads but you took me anyway. Now that I mention it, I kind of remember having a new found fear of you after seeing NICHOLSON go bonkers, so if that was the idea all along, all I have to say is, "Well played sir, well played."

Thanks for taking me to see GODZILLA VS. THE SMOG MONSTER, JAWS and PROPHECY too. Those are some of the strongest memories from my youth. It may not be traditional family fare but I also recognize that you taught me how to BEHAVE in a theater and I think that was more important than anything MARY POPPINS could teach me. Really, I think all of those horror and sci-fi movies trained me to approach the world with a bit of awe and respect and I'm glad I wasn't force fed the, "It's all about ME!" dreck that is considered so appropriate for kids.

Thanks for telling me ghost stories too and for not throwing away my FANGOS. I know I wasn't the most normal kid in the world but as the saying goes, "I learned it by watching you!"

Traumafessions :: Reader Carol McM. on Terrifying Trailers

Posted on By aunt john

Hello there –

This is my first traumafession (of many to come as my obsession with horror as a child was only slightly overshadowed by my intense fear of the dark) and I thought I'd start with perhaps the scariest of all entries into the horror genre – for me as a child, that is. That would be the commercial. I have always found the scary commercial to have a rather epic horror feel – because you just never know when it's coming. They sneak up on you right and left and the only warning you usually have is some alarming music or a deep warning voice – and sometimes that's just not enough – especially if you find yourself unable to look away.

At the age of 5, the first commercial that scared the pants off me (where I was actually aware of the title of the movie) was IT'S ALIVE. I don't remember anything other than the image of the baby carriage with the claw hanging from it and maybe some crying and a voice telling me about the impending terror – and it scared me so much that I would avoid all commercials before bedtime just to be on the safe side – only to go to bed with the radio on and have to radio spot for the movie send me careening into a pit of fear. Great.

The next movie to cause a premature heart attack/aneurysm combo in my 6-year-old psyche was THE REINCARNATION OF PETER PROUD. I had no idea what the hell was going on with the title or any of the images from the commercial when I was a kid, and the only vague image that I have of it to this day is what seemed to be the cross section of two legs – as if they were sawed off. I don't know if that image is even in the movie (I just found it on You Tube and plan on watching it soon) but something about the whole feel of the commercial just scared me to death.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: No trailer available on this one, but here's a clip:

Next we have AUDREY ROSE. As most of you who had this scare as a wee child and then saw the movie later know – this is really not a scary movie at all. It was the damn commercial! I think all of us who survived those dark days remember the scenes of her up against the window (both inside and outside) – and nothing really happens. Just a little girl who herself is really scared.

And last but not least – the piece de resistance – MAGIC. Another movie that, as it turns out, isn't really all that scary. But man oh man; I couldn't get that freaking dummy face image out of my head for years! Every time the lights went out that image would be there -burned in my brain – keeping me awake.

I never saw any of these movies as a kid (and still haven't seen whether or not Peter Proud's legs are sawed off or what), and they were all pretty humorous and/or tame when I did see them as an adult. Pretty funny.

Thanks you guys so much for this site – I am officially addicted!

Carol