kindertrauma

Name That Trauma :: Reader Kylee H. on a Pale Face in a Dark Hat

Posted on By aunt john

When I was a kid, I would always see a movie at the video store that I wanted to get but never did. I've been searching for it on the interwebs but only remember the cover and the pictures on the back. The cover was a long white mask/pale face with a dark hat, it had something similar to Wolverine claws, and the title was one word, something like "Slasher" or "Slayer."

I know it sounds cheesy but at the time it looked creepy. On the back one of the smaller pictures was from a scene with a car crash, with Mr. Pale Hat Man standing beside the car, looking at the camera, in the rain. I'm not sure when it was made exactly, but I'm thinking sometime in the late ‘90s/early ‘00s. I've searched IMDb to no end, and know you guys usually have the answers, I'd really appreciate the help, it's driving me crazy not remembering!

UNK SEZ: Kylee, based on your description and the time frame you provided, I think you are referring to George Romero's BRUISER which came out in 2000 (please correct me if I'm wrong.) BRUISER is not the best movie in the world, but since it's the only film I'm aware of that combines the flavors of both TOM ATKINS and PETER STORMARE and then drizzles a MISFITS appearance over the top, I'm willing to give it a break. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm going to sit in a corner and meditate about how incredibly old I have become (traumafessions from this decade tend to have that effect on me!)

Name That Trauma :: Reader Ema R. on a Ghoulish Giving Tree

Posted on By aunt john

Well this is going to be a tough one!

About 8-9 years ago I was visiting a friend's house and her mother was about to order a pay per view movie, MONKEYBONE to be exact.

The movie didn't start right away but rather a short film played before the feature presentation began. It was CGI animated and it was of a very creepy, abstract-looking girl running from a home I believe… I'm not entirely sure. Well she runs up to this tree and hands spring out of the bark.

I don't really remember a lot of the details because I was 8- and closed my eyes through most of it.

Sound familiar? It's been bugging me for years.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Kara S. on a Burned Out Escape Artist

Posted on By aunt john

Greetings! My memory is of a TV show, possibly LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE or maybe THE WALTONS. I was born in ‘76, so I'm thinking this was in the early ‘80s or so.

There was an old man who was a traveling escape artist. From what I remember, the community gathered to watch him handcuffed or tied and put into a coffin (maybe just a wooden box) and then the box was topped with a pile of straw and set on fire. He was supposed to escape unharmed but something went wrong. I don't remember if he got out somehow or not, but I remember the townspeople frantically trying to put out the fire and the camera shot of the man inside trying to get his hands untied as the box filled with smoke.

Can anyone help me out with this?

Thanks!

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! It's looks like Aunt John's favorite repeat offender LITTLE HOUSE ON THE PRAIRIE was responsible for yet another trauma. Special thanks to Reader Senski for extinguishing this nightmare!

Name That Traumatot :: Super Special Spectacular Show

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey it's another Friday and time for N.T.T.! But wait!!!! DON"T MAKE A GUESS JUST YET! Today is super special because, as of last week, we collectively identified 100 traumatots! Time to celebrate and reward ourselves WITH PRIZES!!!! Below are 10 twisted images of our picks for THE TOP 10 TRAUMATOTS OF ALL TIME! (don't hold us to them though.) Guess or identify as many as you can — but don't leave your guesses in the comment section (that will give away the answers!) instead, send us an email with your guesses to Kindertrauma@gmail.com!

Whoever guesses the most the fastest will win a PRIZE!

The second fastest and wisest will win the same PRIZE!

If you are stumped or late to the game you can still win a PRIZE because yet another person will be picked randomly in some yet to be determined way.

THE PRIZES ARE GOOD TOO!!! You will get a brand spanking new factory sealed DVD of the super excellent horror flick with the best title ever MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO!!!

Not only that, but you will also get a too beautiful for words giant sized poster for MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO signed by the brilliantly talented artist who created it STEPHEN ROMANO!

Winners will be announced in the comments section tonight!

NOW GET TO GUESSIN' KIDS!

In Memoriam… (For The Love Of Sonny Boy)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

With the sad news of the passing of DAVID CARRADINE many are sure to be mentioning his celebrated performance in KILL BILL. I on the other hand, must take this opportunity to speak of his astounding gender bending turn in the little seen 1989 cult oddity SONNY BOY. If witnessing CARRADINE in drag is not incentive enough for you to track this baby down, note that the film also features BRAD DOURIFF (CHILD'S PLAY) and PAUL L. SMITH (The loopy gardener from PIECES). SONNY BOY is as crazy as GIMME A BREAK! fan-fiction but it's also rather poignant and truly an experience you'll not soon forget. You just know a movie is damn good when LEONARD MALTIN calls it a "Repulsive, socially unredeemable waste of celluloid." (Contrarily, David Durmody of PAPER MAGAZINE voted SONNY BOY the best film of the decade in a VILLAGE VOICE poll). So long Mr. CARRADINE and thank you for participating in the insanity that is SONNY BOY!

Traumafessions :: Reader Steve G. on Last Summer

Posted on By aunt john

last summer

Well, this was going to be a Name-That-Trauma but I got good and lucky using IMDB's keyword search. And if you've ever seen this movie you'll already know the one I mean when I say that the keywords were "dead bird."

This was one of those films that would run late, late, LATE at night when I was a kid and 24-hour news and informercials hadn't yet been invented. I'm talking about programming geared for insomniacs and swing-shift workers. Or kids who were awake way past bedtime. I think back and realize I either stayed up that late a LOT or else my melatonin-deprived brain turned anything I witnessed at 3:15 a.m. into a trauma, because I sure seem to recall a bunch of chilling scenes.

This one, though, probably tops the list. It's not scary, really, but it sure is horrible. Moral horror, my favorite kind. Here's the setup:

There are these three teenagers on summer vacation, palling around on the beach for days on end and getting a little too friendly at night for a trio. In the end, this arrangement leads to trouble, but I didn't stay tuned that long. I was too shocked by a scene in which the boys find the girl with a seagull that they'd found on the beach, wounded. They'd nursed it back to health and were going to let it go that day. It was all very heartwarming as the guys made their way up the beach to meet the girl at their little bird sanctuary.

And when they got there, they found she'd crushed the bird with a stone. The reason? She couldn't bear to let it go, she loved it too much and knew it would just fly away and never come back. I didn't know what foreshadowing was at the time, but nowadays that sends up a red flag. I may be a bit fuzzy on the details. I also seem to recall that they DID let the bird go and it got injured again, and THEN she killed it.

The point is, she had a rationalization for her heinous act and explained it without a hint of remorse. And the guys knew she was crazy right then but stayed with her because…well, it wasn't the healthiest relationship in the first place. And that just messed up my young mind in the worst way. Ever since, folks who find themselves doing the wrong thing for the right reason have creeped me out far more than zombies or homicidal maniacs.

The movie's title, BTW, is LAST SUMMER. Not an easy title to research, thanks to those I KNOW WHAT YOU DID movies. And the girl with the borderline personality? BARBARA HERSHEY, who was evidently as disturbed by the aviacidal scene as I was.

And yes, it's on YouTube, so I finally got to see the whole thing. Turns out I was a bit off on the motivation, but it was foreshadowing all right. It's quite a film that manages to scar you twice, in viewings decades apart.

AUNT JOHN SEZ: Dead bird alert at the 8:09 mark:

"He was just a stupid bird":

Drag Me To Hell

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey now, did I not just recently make a statement about the sad fact that if one wants to see a decent horror movie they are better off staying home and renting rather than going to the theater? Luckily for all of us, the known universe was at least partially created to prove me wrong at regular intervals and consequently there is now a horror movie playing in theaters nationwide that is actually good. Ah-hah! I got you universe! I got you with my fancy reverse psychology! I just went to see DRAG ME TO HELL and I didn't even want my money back by the end! I liked it and from what I could tell, so did the other people in the audience. Yep, they even clapped just like you are supposed to do after you have been successfully entertained.

It's pretty neat to witness a simple story enthusiastically told by a person who knows what they are doing. DRAG ME is a crisp, clean cut of horror, designed to run like a funhouse ride, full of squirms and screams with zero bitter after taste. It has no intention of shaking you to your core or changing your life, but it is bound and determined to remind you that every once in a while horror can be fun. Everybody knows that director SAM RAIMI (THE EVIL DEAD TRILOGY) knows how to work a camera in stunningly inventive ways, but his real gift on display in DRAG is his talent for well-timed, pitch black comedy. You won't find any gritty realism here, but RAIMI has an astonishing ability to keep things breezy while still allowing his characters' hands to get sufficiently dirty. Miraculously the film's conclusion is wonderfully cop-out free.

ALISON LOHMAN (WHITE OLEANDER) took over the film's lead when ELLEN PAGE (JUNO) flaked, which is all kinds of fine by me. The role requires LOHMAN to go from mild and self-effacing to wild and self-serving without being too self-aware or losing the audience's sympathy. It's a lot to ask, but LOHMAN pulls it off and her delivery of the line "Here, kitty, kitty" is, mark my words, destined for horror infamy. In fact, I think you can expect DRAG ME TO HELL itself to become a future classic. Hopefully the DVD release will coincide with Halloween 2009, as this is the type of non-taxing, fun loving, yet still effective spook show that is tailor made for the holiday and can be enjoyed by many ages (DMTH is PG-13 but somehow doesn't reek of it.) I wouldn't wait for the DVD release though, SAM RAIMI has made it safe (and worthwhile) for horror fans to head back to the theater. Grab some like minded friends and expect some spirited conversation afterwards.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Andrew D. on a Spirit in a Jar

Posted on By aunt john

Greetings! Love the site. Visit just about every day. Love taking a trip down memory lane with all the horror and suspense movies of my youth. I can't even begin to tell you also how many great flicks I've been turned onto. Was wondering about your help with a movie that has plagued me for many years.

Was never bothered by most horror movies (or the monsters/killers) but there was this one film that has always bothered me. Not sure if it was an actual theatre movie or made-for-T.V. Saw it maybe when I was between 10-13 (am 36 now). It involved several people (possible kids) digging up a glass bottle/mason jar out of the ground. After opening it (or having it break) a vengeful spirit/demon thing caused all sorts of mayhem until they managed to trap it back in another bottle at the end of the movie.

I remember it was really creepy and had an evil edge to it and it always bothered me that you could release something so evil on accident. Any ideas folks?