Who better to judge the scariest scarecrow than a crow? Remember we're not judging the highly variant quality of the below productions, we're just wondering which would be the most effective straw man in thwarting our ebony feathered friends! (In other words, the scarecrow with the LEAST birds on his head is the scariest!)Â
Thanks to our good pal Carriewhiteburnsinhell for teaching us about the art of abduction without using her dirty pillows for once (ugh…obviously the bon-bon chomping Aunt John is dictating this to me from a nearby chaise lounge.) Anyway, check THESE OUT and check out Carriewhiteburnsinhell too!Â
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O.K., I'm not a big fan of heist flicks. I don't really care about who ends up with the money and it's usually really frustrating to watch the money exchange hands for two hours just to end up destroyed at the end. I guess the lesson is "Don't be greedy," which I get, but Cyndi Lauper only took about three minutes to get that point across when she sang "Money changes everything." Be all that, as it may, one way to get me to enjoy your heist movie is to add supernatural murderous scarecrows into the mix, that and a little puppy dog named Dax. SCARECROWS includes both the aforementioned plus an ELAYNE BOOSLER look-alike, and an impressive decapitation as well. The sound effects may be atrocious and the dialogue more so, but when push comes to shove SCARECROWS pushes back with a pitchfork and it pushes back hard. Is gore enough to save a movie? The simple answer is a resounding Y-E-S! SCARECROWS delivers more than just gore though. The beginning stinks and it's just way too dark, but it's got more than a couple surprises up its straw-filled sleeve. Just when you think it's delivered its major high point, two others quickly follow. I admit during the big fight scenes, the punches sound cartoon ridiculous but hey, you knew these guys where working on a limited budget the first time you saw a fake-as-hell explosion. As far as the ever growing killer scarecrow sub-genre goes, this rates pretty high. It's gruesomely relentless and although seriously shoddy in places, enough blood is spilt to justify it and its never quite explained title creatures' existence.Â
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Oh sweet Jesus! what kind of demented individual designed this prop of prepubescent terror? I was an active lad of about 7 years old in 1985, when this film was released. Getting dirty with my Matchbox cars, playing on the rail road tracks, and attempting to get our neighbor's daughter to play doctor. VCRs were something of a rare novelty back in those days, and so it was destined to be; a Curtis Mathis shop opened up, in the humble little town where I lived. They sold VCRs, and rented VHS tapes; Ingenious! My father surprised us all one day, with a brand new VCR, and 3 movies: IT'S ALIVE, C.H.U.D., and RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD. With that milestone of change in my childhood, began my long, disturbing, depraved, and unhealthy fixation with horror movies. It was with the 3rd film we watched, that the single most disturbing image I have ever seen (besides the Joanie Laurer porn video) was burned into my retinas and into my soul, forever. He lunged out, trying to eat the brains of a group of spray painted misfits…He was the infamous zombie, known in the horror world, as TARMAN!Â
Unkle Lancifer sez: Thanks Frost, RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD is definitely one of the greats and "Tarman" is damn traumatizing! The one scene that always got to me is that re-animated split anatomy doggie model. I'm not sure how or if it could hurt me but that was seriously screwed up!Â
Nope, not for the M&M's [I always hated that kid in the chicken suit at the end], but for these gross treats:
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When all the elements come together, R & B can really knock it out of the park with an instant classic like RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER or SANTA CLAUS IS COMING TO TOWN. As discussed in these very pages before, following the formula doesn't always ensure fireworks, and R&B delivered a real dud with HERE COMES PETER COTTONTAIL.
Thankfully, VINCENT PRICE makes the most of a mediocre script as January Q. Irontail, resident bad ass and hindquarter amputee of April Valley. Perpetually embittered after losing his original tail to a child's roller skate, Irontail mounts a vicious campaign against Peter Cottontail in his bid to be the chief Easter Bunny. Aside from having a metal tail that clanks every time he wiggles it, the sharply dressed Irontail gets around on his trusty bat Montresor, and is best friends with the ghouls that populate Halloween town. Sadly, R&B chose to devote more screen time to the boring Peter Cottontail, his French caterpillar sidekick, and a shrill Easter bonnet named Bonnie.
