Shooting at the walls of trauma (Bang! Bang!), your dear old Aunt John is this week’s Stream Warrior and, heart to heart, you will win… if you can survive… my two Netflix Streaming choices.
THE CAPTURE OF BIGFOOT (1979)
A little whiles back Reader Tim sent in a stellar Traumafession on Bionic Bigfoot and it reignited your Aunt John’s grade school crush on the big hairy lug. I ravenously devoured all of the YouTube clips available on Mr. Big and his equally as dreamy cousins Yeti and Sasquatch and was left still wanting more. Thankfully, Netflix Streaming cured my furry fever with the 1979 ju-ju jive turkey THE CAPTURE OF BIGFOOT. The film had me its epic ballad intro, but from there things just went downhill. For starters, there is no Bigfoot in this flick; the creature terrorizing the ski resort community is an Abominable Snowman. The sub-par plot coupled with the atrocious acting honestly makes SNOWBEAST seem like an episode of Masterpiece Theater.
I reckon I should just save everyone their time and show the best musical number filmed in a ski lodge besieged by a bipedal beastie… ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm Kindertrauma welcome to The Friends who have graciously agreed to perform their amazing hit Sensuous Tiger!!!!!
PS, by the way: If anyone knows where your Aunt John can score a red halter jumpsuit like that, please sound off in the comments!
MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE (1971)
Saturday mornings in the late ‘70s used to be your Aunt John’s jam. My two older brothers were usually out doing manly things like playing little league or taking swimming lessons and my two younger siblings were toddlers, so yours truly had full run of the television set. The morning usually consisted of SCOOBY-DOO, CAPTAIN CAVEMAN & THE TEEN ANGELS, JOSIE & THE PUSSYCATS, JABBERJAW and any other cartoon involving groups of plucky teens who solved mysteries while performing in bands. In hindsight, these morning HANNA-BARBERA chestnuts simply served as the amuse-bouche for the always anticipated afternoon airing of Channel 48’s CREATURE DOUBLE FEATURE.
I would go crazy at the sight of the cheesy hand popping out of the grave and even crazier if one of the featured films on the double-bill happened to be MURDERS IN THE RUE MORGUE. As a kid, I had no idea what was going in the movie other than there was a creepy little person working in a Punch and Judy booth, everyone wore capes, and the leading lady had large and hypnotic eyes. After recently re-watching it on Netflix Streaming, I can confirm there is a pint-sized puppeteer, everyone in this movie (even the background extras) are bedecked in capes and lead actress CHRISTINE KAUFFMAN has one heck of a set of peepers. The film also features HERBERT LOM, occasionally in a gorilla suit, and a somewhat younger JASON ROBARDS (in my mind, he will always have grey hair and be the father from SOMETHING WICKED THIS WAY COMES) in a cape.
PS, by the way: Can someone please bring back the cape? Think of how sophisticated you would look if you paired it with a red halter jumpsuit. Sensuous tiger, indeed! Hit it Patty: