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Traumafession By Proxy :: Reader JennyM on Captain Zoom

September 20th, 2009 by aunt john · 5 Comments

hey matthew, it's captain zoom, birthday destroyer

I am submitting this on behalf of my husband because he will never do it himself.

Recently we were talking about stuff from our childhood that we loved or what scared us and I mentioned how I used to love to have a record played every year on my birthday that had my name in it. It was a space guy and he would say, “Hey Jennifer, it’s your birthday.”

He told me that every year his family would play his record for him and as soon as he heard the first few notes of “Hey Matthew” he would run out of the room. Well I did a little research and it is by Captain Zoom. They now have a wedding version and an anniversary version. I clicked on the sample and he said he got chills. We have a son Matthew and I wanted to get it for him for his birthday, but I think my husband would kill me.

I just found this on youtube and could not believe I found Matthew.

Tags: Traumafessions

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11 years ago

You know, some people clearly forget about the worst fears of  little kids when they become adults.  I like to think that they were so trauma’d that they have blocked out those fearful memories.
To whomever crafted this wunderbar birthday video, I have a message:  The prospect of some strange man (who somehow knows your name) visiting your darkened house after you have gone to bed, bringing a collection of hideous monsters as “presents” is more likely to cause the birthday boy to piss his pants than bring him an ounce of birthday joy.
Maybe in the next video you can have the spaceman hiding in Mat’s closet, or under his bed….   I sympathize with the OP’s husband.

11 years ago

What, he’s supposed to be PLEASANT? He sounds like some wacked out child molester – he’s way too happy about having an excuse to go to your house while you’re asleep.

God, what a horrible horrible character. I am shivering right now.

11 years ago

My brothers and I were given these when we were little (probably six or seven).  We were forced to listen to the records every year on our actual birthdays, and then we made damn sure to hide them for the rest of the year.
That said, I now know exactly what to give my siblings for their upcoming birthdays…

4 years ago

Holy shit. My eldest brother with high-functioning autism somehow managed to find the Matthew one (my other brother is named Matthew) and he drives us insane playing it on his iPad. Pretty soon our entire family will become traumatized. And for some reason this record makes me think of Commander Crush from Doc McStuffins, who in no way is like this. I only watched that character for the sake of my life because he was voiced by Steven Blum.

1 year ago

Oh, and I just recently found out this had a TV movie in 1995; written and produced by none other than Rick Copp (who wrote the Teen Titans episode “Crash,” a.k.a. ‘The One With’ Cyborg’s snot.) Rick Copp also voices the space guy’s TV sidekick “Happy.” To make things worse, this space guy looks like Gizmo (who got trapped in Cyborg’s snot.)