Hard to believe, but it was just one year ago today your Unkle Lancifer and I let down the drawbridge at Kindertrauma Castle and opened our virtual doors to the masses. What should have been a festive day of celebration complete with pony rides, face painting, balloon sculptures, and canned beer drinking has been overshadowed by a veritable fatwa issued against Unkle Lancifer by Waltons’ Mountain Extremists.
Sadly, dear readers, I am as serious as a heart attack. WALTONS’ fans DO NOT mince their words:
It is unbelievable the disgusting garbage and filth that is on the internet. This vulgar and obscene website should be eliminated!
This is absolutely the stupidest thing I have ever read!!!
Oh my God! How rude could this person get! Did you notice the author didn’t even have the guts to leave an area for a responds?
Your dear old Aunt John even catches some serious heat for our second, and equally as innocuous, post:
I saw that the person on there even took time out to make fun of Little House! I don’t mind someone constructively breaking down what they don’t like about an episode, but there’s no need in anyway, to go as far as that person obviously did in that article.
We hope you understand that due to these circumstances, we’ve had to cancel our scheduled gala celebration at the Castle. Currently the grounds are teaming with torch carrying WALTONS’ zealots committed to stopping anyone from entering or leaving the premises. The last time I took a peek from my terrace to watch the effigy of Unkle Lancifer burn, I was hit with several tomatoes and a well aimed glazed ham. Regardless, we’d like to extend our heart-felt thanks to all of our really great readers, TRAUMAFESSION contributors, colleagues, family, and friends for making this past year really special.
P.S.: Should we ever go missing, please send the police and cadaver dogs over to WALTONS’ MOUNTAIN to retrieve our remains.