In honor of IT FOLLOWS expanding to more theaters today, we've got a funhouse stuffed with movies with the word IT somewhere in the title. How many do you know?
Author: unkle lancifer
Sunday Viewing:: Freeway (1996)
Hey look! Currently for the price of free we can all watch MATTHEW BRIGHT's hilariously off the wall and endearingly offensive ode to little Red Riding Hood, 1996's FREEWAY on HULU. Yay and aw, I'll never forget that one time I was working at a video store and we got in a VHS screener and it had a double feature of AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE and FREEWAY on it. Of course I brought it home exclusively for AMITYVILLE DOLLHOUSE because the title promised both AMITYVILLE and a DOLLHOUSE and those are both places I want to live in. Luckily, I gave FREEWAY a chance too, even though I'm sure it was more out of laziness regarding turning the VCR off than it was about my having an open and inquisitive mind. As I recall I was in love not long after the opening credits were done.
In any case I think this is a perfect pick for Sunday Streaming as one can certainly get the wrong idea about this movie by its title, cover art and the two main leads. I know the idea of watching SUTHERLAND and WITHERSPOON drive around in a car seems like some kind of torture but SUTHERLAND is creepily menacing enough and WITHERSPOON is effervescently kick-ass cuckoo enough to make you forget all of their future, seemingly smitten with themselves baggage- I swear!
It certainly doesn't hurt that they are accompanied by what may be the greatest cast ever assembled. Holy crap, you get the stupendously squirrelly AMANDA PLUMMER (SATAN'S LITTLE HELPER), the terrifically tarantulan DAN HEDAYA (ALIEN 3), the horrendously underappreciated chameleon ALANNA UBACH (THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE), America's skyscraping sweetheart BROOKE SHIELDS (ALICE SWEET ALICE), the legendary SYDNEY LASSICK (THE UNSEEN) and most importantly, an early antsy and unhinged performance by the late great BRITTANY MURPHY (CHERRY FALLS) among others. Buckle up and pack a lunch, this is a must see for anyone who enjoys movies that are not afraid to go off the beaten path to reach their destination.
Director's Chair Funhouse
Today we have ten images from ten early films from ten famed directors. How many movies (and/or directors) can you identify?
Traumafession:: Senski on Gold Key Comics and Gloomy Sunday Suicides
I've written before about how comic books were my gateway drug into the harder horror of movies, television and literature. While my parents would buy funny cartoon animal titles for me when I was all of two, it wasn't until I turned six and made my initial forays into fright with comics from Gold Key (formerly Dell, often referred to as Western Publishing). They had a trio of terror titles: Ripley's Believe It or Not! (presumably true tales of ghosts, demons, uncanny occurrences), The Twilight Zone (stories that would not have been out of place on Rod Serling's classic series) and Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery. That book started life in 1962 as Thriller, undergoing a name change for its third issue after the cancellation of the TV namesake. "Tales of Mystery" was somewhat of an undersell and a misnomer, as most stories dealt with giant monsters and hideous aliens that would not have been out of place in a 1950's Creature Feature. The three books were great gobs of fun, all managing nearly two decades of publishing life (no small feat for a comic book.) With their sophisticated painted covers, they looked classy on the newsstand next to their Marvel and DC counterparts.
The Gold Key titles did not bear the voluntary Comics Code Authority seal due to an implicit agreement publishers had that their content would be both benign and educational. Other Disney characters and licensed TV franchises could be found between the pages of Gold Key comics, and certainly Donald Duck and Gunsmoke would never offend, right? (This self-policing was spotty on occasion. The 1970 cover of BKToM #32 featured a gorgeous canvas of the living dead emerging from the sea; the Code strictly forbade the depiction of zombies, and Code-stamped Marvel/DC would never have been able to get away with such artwork.)
As to that "educational" element…all three horror titles featured a text page that was devoted to the exploration of strange real life phenomena; ESP, weird weather, ghosts in the White House, etc. Kids were expected to read, dammit, and the Gold Key titles delivered a lot of bang for only 15 cents.
Which brings me to the point of this Traumafession…
Published in the Fall of 1968, Boris Karloff Tales of Mystery #24 was only my second issue of the title, and I was already quite hooked (with that stunning George Wilson cover painting, who wouldn't be?). But the text page for that issue was not only educational, it was deeply unnerving. Entitled "Melody of Death," it told the history of the tune "Gloomy Sunday," which soon after its creation had become known as the "Hungarian Suicide Song" due to its legendary propensity to inspire self-destruction in those who heard it. The song was composed by Rezső Seress in 1933 but didn't achieve notoriety until recorded by Billie Holiday in 1941. It has been rumored to be a factor in dozens of suicides worldwide; indeed, its vocal version was banned by the BBC for its fear of contributing to public depression, a ban that was in place until 2002!
Well, that was terrifying to me. Imagine a song that held such malevolent power! And the fact that it was not readily hearable on the public airwaves only gave credence to the legend. I became that little boy in the article who was happily bicycling along, enjoying life, only to encounter the strains of "Gloomy Sunday"…and fling myself into the river! How could such evil be allowed to exist in the world? And the ultra-creepy accompanying illustration (by Joe Certa, who would fittingly go on to draw Barnabas Collins and cohorts for Gold Key's Dark Shadows) didn't help matters. That poor woman!
As fate would have it, I never heard a version of "Gloomy Sunday" until 1984, when ex-J. Geils Band vocalist Peter Wolf released his first solo LP "Lights Out," but by then I was quite sanguine over the affair and wondered what the fuss was all about. And now, thanks to the wonders of YouTube, we can hear numerous cover versions by everyone from Ray Charles to Björk. But they all pale in comparison to what my childhood imagination concocted…all from the pages of a comic book.
Oh, and composer RezsÅ‘ Seress? He died in 1968 – the year I read this article.
Suicide.
Sunday Viewing:: Savage Lust aka Deadly Manor (1989)
This one is borderline stinky but I feel like it's been far too long since we've watched a movie in which a gaggle of young folk take a trip to an isolated place to be killed off one by one by a crazed maniac. SAVAGE LOVE aka DEADLY MANOR is not as consistently entertaining as say, ICED, DEMON WIND or THE MUTILATOR but it has some enjoyable flashes here and there if you scrounge. The all too familiar opening is worthwhile as you anticipate the possibilities and adjust to the idea that none of the characters are capable of speaking like a normal human and the climax after the killer is revealed is wonderfully off its rocker; there just happens to be a half hour in the middle where you might have to slap yourself to stay awake. It's worth the torture though because there is a comedy relief guy who is incredibly unfunny, the soundtrack sounds like it was provided by "Keyboard Cat" and you get to walk away feeling smarter than anyone who would stay the night in a abandoned house with empty coffins in the basement, a closet stuffed with scalps, scrapbooks filled with photos of dead bodies and a blood stained car crash shrine in the backyard. It's far too dark and far too bloodless for sure and yet it's not without a spooky setting and you have to give the killer props for working a white Laura Brannigan-style "Self Control" mask to semi creepy effect. Give it a try and feel free to curse my name later. I can take it.
Name That Trauma:: Xaero on a Purple Puppet Swallowed by a Whale
Hi, it's Xaero again. I'm the one from way back who was traumatized by the hamster in acid on Celebrity Deathmatch. There's something even more elusive bothering me this time. I'm not sure if you guys accept old 90's edutainment games as traumatizes but that's exactly what's been bothering me.
I want to say this game was based off of a TV show because there were live-action puppet clips interspersed with the games and craft ideas. I recall there being a lighthouse and a purple or maybe white bird puppet. The scene in question that traumatized me at a very young age (now I just find it cool and want to see it again) was the purple bird had somehow gotten swallowed whole by a whale and was singing a song in its stereotypically cartoony ribcage stomach. I want to say the song was slower paced. If it helps any, the types of games were all ocean-related (I remember one where you had to dodge 3 electric eels to grab a treasure) and two of the crafts were "Ugfuzz" (A kind of egg-carton and lint monster) and "Dinosaur Eggs" (Basically nasty, vinegar-soaked Easter eggs).
I search through my storage nearly every weekend and can never find it. I've never seen a computer game as a NTT before and it appears my own mother has gotten rid of it at one of her garage sales. If anyone, anyone at all could help me find out what this was, or what show the clip was from, I would be eternally grateful.
Name That Trauma:: XX on an Cook Cracking Egg
I am wondering if you could help me find this clip. I remember some time between 1983 and 2000 there was a Sci-Fi channel ad for the channel that featured a cook and an egg. There is an old song playing in the background and some of the lyrics were "On stormy sea"… The cook nervously takes an egg out of the fridge and places it on the counter and starts to chop something up. The egg wobbles on the edge of the counter and he has a look of horror as the egg falls to the floor. He tries to catch it but falters and then the guy falls to pieces instead of the egg.
Did this exist or did I imagine it? I would love to see this short clip again. Thanks for the help.
Traumafessions from Lord Pariah!
Greetings all:
Kindertrauma is a cross between a fan site and a support group, isn't it?
Anyhoo…at almost 50 years old I have a lot of Traumafessions from the "classic" (cough) days of horror movies.
My parents bear some of the blame. We had a drive-in theatre (remember those?) that would play maybe one first-run movie ("Smokey And The Bandit," "Cannonball Run," etc.) and then some Grade Z horror stinkers, like "Grizzly," "Schizoid" and "The Toolbox Murders"…and sometimes really late, they would have bad European soft-core skin flicks (dubbed or subtitled) but those weren't listed on the marquee!
On top of it, this drive-in was in northern Indiana, directly across the road from where the Ford Pinto got rear-ended and exploded in the late '70s! I remember an aerial shot of that on the NBC Nightly News with John Chancellor showing the theatre and this big black burnt splotch across the road. Don't tell me that area wasn't cursed! The theatre doesn't exist anymore; it was torn down and a Walmart built (still cursed with bad service the last time I was there about 15 years ago).
That was the only place my mother would consent to go see movies…and it didn't matter what they were, and my young, impressionable butt got dragged along. The only time I think I won out was when the aforementioned "Grizzly" was being shown. My mother thought it was something like the then-popular Dan Haggerty "Grizzly Adams" TV show (so help me, it's true!), but I'd seen the trailers (oh, the impact trailers had on my life!). I finally persuaded my dad to call the theatre box office and they confirmed what I said…and dad said "no, we're not going to see that." He was the sensible one – he wouldn't let me see "Jaws" at 9 years old in the theatre. He said "it's rated PG, Parental Guidance, I'm your parent and I don't want to see it so you're not either!"
I think the movie trailers were in some ways worse than the actual movies! They would pop up on TV when you weren't expecting them, even in the middle of something like "Hogan's Heroes" or reruns of old Looney Tunes cartoons…you're watching Porky Pig, and then you crap yourself over one of those horrible trailers. The worst one for me, beyond a doubt, was "IT'S ALIVE." I still can't watch that!
Other Hall of Shame trailers:
1. "Suspiria." That scene where the woman with the beautiful long hair turns around and has a decaying, rotted skull of a face…
2. "Magic." That grotesque ventriloquist dummy, "Fats," should have been turned into kindling wood!
3. Even the first, original 1977 trailer for "Star Wars" was kind of spooky in the beginning, with the logo in outer space and someone's creepy voice talking over it.
4. "Carrie." My parents did go to see that one (I persuaded them to let me go elsewhere!) and it scared hell out of my diesel mechanic, former Army soldier dad.
5. A qualified mention for "Alien," as that actually became one of my top films! I remember the very first trailer with just the egg without scenes from the movie inserted.
6. "Phantasm." That horrible, evil silver ball…
Theatre owners were devious. They'd even slip those in as "COMING ATTRACTIONS!" when I would go to see something innocuous like "The Bad News Bears!" A pox on them for eternity!
Of course, there were the tried-and-horrible TV episodes like the Hallowe'en "Little House on the Prairie," and "The Day After," though I was older then and it really didn't get to me…and I ended up joining the Air Force!
Sunday Viewing:: Final Jeopardy (1985)
Yikes, the day is almost done and I forgot to pick a Sunday movie to view. I know, how about one of my all time favorite TV movies that never gets nearly the love it so richly deserves, 1985's FINAL JEOPARDY? This movie made zero sense back in the day and it makes even less now but it's so darn entertaining anyway. RICHARD THOMAS (THE WALTONS) and MARY CROSBY (DALLAS) star as a couple of country mice who get trapped in the big city overnight and face a zillion unlikely obstacles trying to get back home. It's absurd and it's awesome and it must be seen even if only for John Boy's killer mustache. Hurry, the city closes at seven!!!