Author: unkle lancifer
Traumafession:: Reader Dominick on the Giant Jumanji Plant
Hello,
I like your page, I found it by searching for Bunyip, I was really scared by it.
One thing that most scared and affected me was the movie "Jumanji", which is actually a good movie and I liked it, but there is that scene where this gigantic plant grows and attacks people. I am still scared by it, so everytime I see that movie I start having nightmares about big human eating plants. That said, I still have problems looking at flesh eating plants or at unusually big plants, also afraid to touch them. When I am in the bathtub, I sometimes have got day nightmares, that out of the sink there might come a big plant and eat me…
That is still scaring me.
Faithfully yours,
Dominik
Traumafessions :: Reader Ben on NES' Friday the 13th Game
Is it normal to base a huge part of your life around a box art cover? Probably not but I have an excuse: it was Friday the 13th on the NES. I couldn't play the game because I didn't have a Nintendo but every time I was in the video store, I would stare at the pixelated map on the back and dream about being able to explore the campgrounds in the films I'd watch every time they aired on the USA network. Friday the 13th was the scariest movie in the world (even when broken up by Rhonda Shear segments and the flood of 900 phone sex ads). So the game would have to be the scariest game in the world right? RIGHT? Well, I got the answer when I finally played it years later. But something stuck with me: there was an idea there somewhere. So I started working on the slasher game I had always dreamed of playing.
Name That Trauma:: Matty from Boston needs a Christmas Miracle!
Dear groovy emperors over at Kindertrauma —
Relp me Raggy!
As a daily reader of this fun, funny, thoughtful, and tremendous site (I even was lucky enough to get my "It's a Horror to Know You" published — a banner day in my household), I'm hoping some of the swell readers can assist me in figuring out 3 long-buried and forgotten childhood images. Sadly for me, these days I have the memory of a goldfish, so I would consider it the best gift from Santa if someone could help me out.
(01) A young adult/teen thriller novel from the glory days of Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine. The cover depicts what could possibly be an old hag or a witch in supreme evil lurking mode, whilst the heroine clutches her boyfriend as she hides behind him. I remember the guy on the cover has a ripped white T-shirt. It's an illustrated color cover. It could've been part of a series of novels.
(02) A movie that played on HBO over and over in the 80's. All I remember is a young girl who has to hide underneath the fireplace from the bad guy(s). There may have been bandits or ghosts involved, and I believe the movie may have had "mansion" or "maniac" or "murder" in the title. It played during the day, so it was probably PG.
(03) A movie that also played on HBO in the 80's where people are shipwrecked and stranded on an island. At one point, they all sit around a campfire and one girl says when she gets off the island she's going to "burn this sweater".
With this wealth of information I've shared (I know, there's barely anything to go on), I'm hoping for a Christmas miracle!
And here's my shameless self-promotion throwback to my "IAHTKY"!
Sincere thank you's and wishing everyone a Happy Hanukkah, Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year filled with glitter, unicorns, and double rainbows,
Matty from Boston!
How Unk Got His Christmas Groove Back
I've got to snap out of it and get my groove back. There I was happily riding the horror Christmas train when suddenly, absolute derailment. What the hell is wrong with people? If horrendous tragedy wasn't enough to sap my spirit, here comes everybody with their too late answers for everything. In my opinion, if your solution doesn't put the value of human life above all else then it already blows. Whatever you do, don't even try to place blame on movies and video games, they happen to be exactly what I'm going to use to springboard out of this funk. I want to thank INFAMOUS 2 for providing a place for me to hide ‘til the coast was clear and now I'm going to make a ten-ingredient movie cocktail to obliterate this malaise. I'm not saying these movies (not in any order) will work for you, but I know through experience that they work for me. If you have your own secret weapon stuper-smasher please share it in the comments section!
THE NEVER ENDING STORY (1984)
Let's get the tough love out of the way . I know this movie has the saddest scene ever but I'm going to stick it up here anyway as a crystal clear mission statement. Don't let the swamp of sadness get to you Artax! Also, if you can watch the scene below without crying, you are most likely a sociopath… so please get help.
THE NIGHT OF THE HUNTER (1955)
They may have complimentary singing voices but in the end murderous charlatan Harry Powell (ROBERT MITCHUM) is no match for unsung saint Rachel Cooper (LILLIAN GISH). "I'm a strong tree with branches for many birds. I'm good for somethin' in this old world, and I know it too."
SUPERMAN II (1980)
Ignore the cellophane "S" and let's hear it for the citizens of Metropolis! After Zod and his cohorts have apparently killed Superman, bystanders are so outraged; they band together and selflessly throw their own safety to the wind. "They killed Superman!" one screams; "Let's go get'em!" yells another. This always makes me happy. The fun's not over yet, I could watch Lois clock Ursa ("You know something? You're a real pain in the neck!") all day.
STARMAN (1984)
A list is not a list without JOHN CARPENTER. If you want to convince me that an alien would be even remotely impressed with humanity, it's a good idea to get an actor like JEFF BRIDGES to play said alien and KAREN ALLEN to represent humanity. "You're at your very best when things are at their worst" Not always true but when it is…wow.
FLASH GORDON (1980)
The theme song alone is enough to make me euphoric but what I find most life affirming is when Dr. Zarkov explains how he avoided being brainwashed by thinking of the works of Einstein, Shakespeare and the Beatles. That must be one hell of a planet he comes from! As Flash would say, "Not too bad."
CANDYMAN (1992)
You didn't think I'd neglect to put a horror film up in here did you? CANDYMAN is stuffed with stinging bees and violence but that doesn't mean it hasn't got anything positive to relay. I love that our hero Helen sacrifices herself to save a baby and I love even more that she is recognized and mourned by the residents of Cabrini-Green for her deed. They don't even know a fraction of what she's been through but they know enough.
(Tie) HOW TO TRAIN YOUR DRAGON (2010) /THE IRON GIANT (1999)
I can't choose between these two and so I won't.
(Tie) LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS (1986)/GREASE 2 (1982)
I don't always watch musicals but when I do they include songs about murder and dentistry (LITTLE SHOP) or sex education and bowling (GREASE 2).
HOLIDAY (1938)
Johnny Case (CARY GRANT) must choose between shallow dud Julia and her freethinking down to earth sister Linda who just happens to be KATHARINE HEPBURN. I won't tell you how it ends but summersaults and the world's greatest rumpus room are involved.
SCROOGED (1988)
You've seen this right? You know how it ends. Once upon a time way back in 1988 I went to see SCROOGED in the theater and I'll never forget it. After BILL MURRAY has his epiphany he breaks the 4th wall and invites the audience to sing along with the closing song "Put a Little Love In Your Heart." I don't know what was going on with the packed Center City Philadelphia audience I saw this with but they really got into it. At first it was embarrassing and then it became mandatory. You had to sing and clap along. When MURRAY told one side of the theater to sing they did and when he told the other (my side) we did too. It was amazing and I'm not exaggerating and if you think it sounds lame that means you weren't there. Hey, isn't that Harry Powell (ROBERT MITCHUM) singing along too? I forgot that he was in it. How perfect. Yes, the world really sucks sometimes but if you're one of the many people not adding to the grief, you should make sure you enjoy yourself this season. You deserve it.
It's a Horror to Know You:: Stexe of Futurechimp!
It's a Horror to Know You: Stexe of Futurechimp
1. What is the first film that ever scared you?
The Fly (1958), which I saw on UHF at the age of seven or eight. Specifically the spiderweb scene. I'd never witnessed anything so horrific. After the movie was over and I lay in bed that night, I stared up into the opposite corner of the room, where it was pitch dark, and projected a vivid image of a giant web. The spider descended towards me as I believed I was increasingly tangled in a constricting cocoon of bedsheets. I was scared, but at the same time it was thrilling.
This enjoyable, life-affirming kind of scared was very different from the disturbing-scary elements of 70's TV wasteland that tormented my developing mind. To wit, the Fig Newton Guy:
And Blob, a character on a local Chicago kiddie show called "Gigglesnort Hotel". Oh Blob, why did you ever have to exist?
And you, Spotmaker, get out of my dreams.
2. What is the last film that scared you?
The Innkeepers (2011)
3. Name three Horror movies that you believe are underrated.
Witchfinder General (1968)
The Burning (1981)
Trick 'r Treat (2007)
4. Name three horror movies that you enjoy against your better judgment.
Dracula vs. Frankenstein (1971)
Pieces (1982)
Humanoids from the Deep (1980)
5. Send us to five places on the Internet!
Sure I'm acting in my own interest, but where else can you find a Glow-CHUD? Or an Incredible Melting Man that actually melts? Or a Cthulhu bobblehead? Or a pig that spits air freshener if you get too close to it? All sorts of exclusive products I create in my garage that you won't find anywhere else, yo.
Thanks for everything Kindertrauma, you've been an invaluable companion ever since you helped crack the case of my Name That Trauma long ago. I've been checking your site nearly every day since, and I hope you'll keep on traumatizing for many years to come.
Traumafession:: Kevin M. on SUPERFRIENDS: The Lord of Middle Earth!
SUPERFRIENDS: The Lord of Middle Earth by Kevin of KEVIN GEEKS OUT!
Some might call this episode of the SuperFriends an homage to J.R.R. Tolkien's Middle Earth, others would call it a rip-off, but to 5-year-old me it was just plain terrifying.
Everything about this cartoon has a nightmarish quality. Recounting it here is like remembering a bad dream: It all takes place inside a maze-like cave-world. An evil wizard magically morphs Superman (and friends) into grotesque halflings. The troll-like heroes are stripped of their super-powers and forced to work deep inside in the diamond mines.
Even though it freaked me out, "The Lord of Middle Earth" was easily my favorite episode. This was the first time a show had such an effect on me.
REASONS THIS CARTOON WAS KINDERTRAUMATIC:
SUPERFRIENDS DWARFED
The heroes lose their super-powers. That's a hard thing for a child to witness. But again, some part of me must have enjoyed seeing the all-powerful crimefighters brought down to size. The little SuperFriends are roughly the same height as the kids who watched the show. Like much of the episode, it's simultaneously appalling and appealing.
DYING INSIDE A CAVE
Six minutes into the cartoon, Robin fears he's going to die inside the cave. After spending years battling Lex Luthor, Sinestro and Toyman it could all end here: collapsing in ancient underground kingdom while doing manual labor.
MY RECURRING NIGHTMARE
Full disclosure: When I was very young I had a recurring dream about being trapped inside a volcano where large lava-colored men worked with deadly magma. (This probably has something to do with my Dad being a boiler-house engineer, right?) I don't know which came first: my recurring dream or "The Lord of Middle Earth." Either the episode captured elements of my bad dream or it inspired a recurring nightmare.
MALHAVOC IS ONE BAD MUTHA
Listen to that rich, bass voice – it's even deeper than Superman's! Malhavoc perfectly embodies a child's idea of evil incarnate. Plus his pale skin, crimson eyes and jet-black hair evoke KISS and Alice Cooper (which I also found terribly unsettling when I was 5 years old.)
SCARY CAVE CREATURES
Besides the vengeful warlock, this episode features a long-tongued cave beast, evil spider-people and giant snails. (Granted the snails are "good guys", but they're still unnerving.) Plus the Dragon of Darkness ("the deadliest creature in middle-earth!") Today I recognize these monsters as obligatory obstacles in a sword and sorcery adventure. But this was the first time I'd encountered any of them and it was really scary.
THAT FREAKING STATUE
The gigantic stone gargoyle is the icing on the cake. The statue's face is wrought with dark emotion. If his twisted face looks familiar, maybe that's because both the gargoyle and Malhavoc appear in the series' opening credits. Also, in the opening, the statue comes to life!
MELODRAMATIC SCORE
I know it's the same music beds that appear in all the other episodes of the SupeFriends cartoons – but the soundtrack is especially haunting set against the backdrop of a dreary underground labyrinth.
Today I still enjoy this episode. I've even shown it to my kids. I know this cartoon can't measure up to Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings movies, but those films will never grab me the way "The Lord of Middle Earth" did.
