kindertrauma

Author: unkle lancifer

Night of the Creeps (Director's Cut DVD)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

In our recent LOOK BACK ON 2009 I mentioned some DVD releases that I was particularly happy about. Ever since I have been kicking myself (like ALICE, it's my favorite sport) because I neglected to mention a couple of other really great titles. There's MESSIAH OF EVIL (thanks to Reader Taylor for reminding me of that one) PHANTASM 2 (Phinally!), and the great THE GATE (whose remarkable effects look even more remarkable on DVD) and most importantly… NIGHT OF THE CREEPS!

How could I forget N.O.T.C.? Well, I didn't really forget it, I just hadn't bought it yet due to moths in wallet syndrome but that sad glitch has been fixed. Unfortunately, yet another bricks and mortar video store in our area is closing but not unfortunately, I was able to vulture a half price copy of CREEPS right off its corpse! So now it's mine, all mine and I couldn't be happier because it's a super awesome jam packed director's cut DVD.

We already reviewed CREEPS way back WHEN so I won't go into the plot, suffice to say it involves aliens, zombies, sorority girls and TOM ATKINS. That's really all ya' need to know and if you haven't seen it yet, you simply have to, particularly if you dig eighties horror. CREEPS is like RETURN OF THE LIVING BREAKFAST CLUB, you just can't find a better time capsule.

So I'm not crazy about the cover art or the comic book menu design, but the extras shine like a KOJAK dome polished with Crisco. Two, count 'em two commentaries; one with director FRED DEKKER (who also helmed the lovable MONSTER SQUAD) and one with the film's cast which includes JASON LIVELY of NATIONAL LAMPOON'S EUROPEAN VACATION and the cutest girl who ever lived JILL WHITLOW. There's a superior alternate ending, a tasty trailer and a gratifying plethora of mini docs that go into great detail about the making of this cult classic.

The high point is seeing the core cast reunited, there's obviously real affection on display and it's always an honor to hear any word ATKINS utters. I can't fathom how N.O.T.C. avoided becoming a hit upon release. From what we learn from director DEKKER it sounds like the studio did a crappy job of supporting and distributing the film (times sure have changed, haven't they?) Oh well, as I told my golfing buddy TIGER WOODS, "It's better too be loved deeply by a few than cheaply by a slew." The important thing is, this fun, effervescent, endlessly quotable gem is finally getting the presentation it deserves and passionate new fans are an inevitability.

Lake Mungo

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Just when I thought I was too jaded to appreciate the sub-genre of faux-reality horror, in slinks the not very creepy sounding but very creepy indeed, LAKE MUNGO. My little MUNGO is such a well-crafted film that its unauthentic nature becomes absolutely irrelevant. Seriously, this is one of the best documentaries I have ever seen, who cares if it's not real? Who needs "real" anyway? Art has been cleaning up reality's mess since the beginning of time. Feel free to quote me on this; art is reality's janitor. Why am I talking about art? Because that's what this MUNGO film is, that's why.

I blame part of my abhorrence towards PARANORMAL ACTIVITY on envious outrage. How dare that film dispense creep-cookies to everyone who stood in line except me? I like to get spooked too ya' know. Well, PARANORMAL ACTIVITY, I don't need you or your stinkin' creep-cookies, I found a less shaky fake-y with characters deeper than a Petri dish, a story that took more than five minutes to conjure and egads, something to say besides "boo!" and yea, it deigned to feed even little old me some delicious creep-cookies. In fact, it pretty much shoveled creep cookies down my throat and I liked it…I liked it! I liked it like Carrie White's mama likes whiskey breath.

LAKE MUNGO takes the mockumentary approach (think CURSE OF THE BLAIR WITCH rather than THE BLAIR WITCH PROJECT) while telling the tale of the Palmer family (DAVID LYNCH fans, that surname is no accident!) who have lost their daughter to a drowning in the lake of the film's title. Through interviews and the presentation of assorted memorabilia we get an intimate front row seat as the family's surviving members concurrently fight to accept their loss, speculate that her spirit may still remain and discover ugly truths about the deceased. MUNGO goes back and forth suggesting that the supernatural may or may not be involved but it hardly matters, as the Palmers are truly haunted in every other aspect. In fact, the film's coda seems to be, "You don't have to make this crap up…look around you!"

This is the type of rare horror film that actually has the cajones mas grandes to look death in the eye. Whatever unseen entity may be shadowing the Palmers, the family has much more profound things to express to it than, "Get off my lawn!" When we are made privy through diary entries to the dead daughter's precognition that something is getting closer and that she may be circling life's drain, the atmosphere literally floods with existential dread. Ultimately, first time director JOEL ANDERSON understands that a picture is worth a thousand words and we are shown one image near the film's close that is such a doozy that all thousand of those words is "Yikes!"

Usually the biggest hurdle for a film that portends to be real to jump is the acting, nothing bursts the reality bubble faster than an over enthusiastic ad libber and plot progressing behavior that simply doesn't ring true. MUNGO's cast skates by these issues with ease, nobody is less than authentic and ma and pa Palmer are pretty damn astounding in their shell-shocked lethargy. Now, to be honest there are several pieces to the overall puzzle that do not fit in as smoothly as the rest, but by the time the credits roll the overall sensation it leaves you with overpowers any quibbles. I don't want to curse this movie with too much praise but if you're looking for a highly original ghost tale and you appreciate your scares whispered in your ear quietly rather than dumped in your lap like a plate of spaghetti this is for you.

LAKE MUNGO has been selected as part of this year's AFTER DARK HORRORFEST and I recommend you go see it if you can. Being that it deals with accepting tragic loss rather than posturing and preserving one's haul, I doubt it will find as wide an audience as PARANORMAL ACTIVITY did; but yeah, I'm saying that it's a far superior, vastly more satisfying film. You may not feel an affinity with all of the sorrow and grief on display, but isn't it the biggest creep-cookie of all to know that inevitably someday you will?

Traumafessions :: Reader Juturne on Munchers: A Fable

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I need to mention the most horribly disturbing claymation dental hygiene film they made us watch at school.

I have hunted it down and found it here…

Just wait until you see Jack Sweet… I swear this scarred me for life. Even worse I LOVE animation and manga, etc. It's practically all I watch and read as an adult but I've had the worst fear of claymation ever since those days…. I can't even watch the old Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and Frosty the Snowman stop motion X-Mas specials to this day. In fact, you might want to add those to your list as well. They're quite creepy too…

I guess the only positive is that I have lovely teeth today…. but at what mental cost????

I'm very happy to have found you and to get this off of my chest.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Andrew D. on a Dirty Deal With the Devil

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Have a trauma question.

O.K., love your sight by the way, it has helped me in the past.

O.K., so I think this was a PBS T.V. movie, most likely at least. Anyway, it takes place around the 1800s or so. This guy (possibly a soldier) has a meeting with the Devil while walking down the road. The Devil gives him this coat which is magical; it will never run out of money. The catch is the man must not take a bath, shave, trim his nails, etc. for a year or maybe more.

At first he parties and has the time of his life. But soon as he gets smelly he is forced to go stay in barns, etc. At this one farmhouse he helps out the owner with money in exchange for letting him stay there. The farmer promises him his daughter in marriage. He makes her a ring out of his nail trimmings. In the end he wins the contest, the Devil cleans him and he marries the girl.

Any help? I saw it probably 15 or more years ago.

UNK SEZ: Andrew, my hair stood on end when I read your Name That Trauma because I came across this same production on PBS at roughly the same time. You remembered a lot more concrete details than I did, but the time period and the deal with the devil rang a bell with me. I had too little to go on myself but with your added information, it seems I have solved this mystery for both of us!

It's called BEARSKIN, OR THE MAN WHO DIDN'T WASH FOR SEVEN YEARS. It's based on a story by THE BROTHERS GRIMM and it's a short film (20 min.) that was frequently shown in classrooms and on PBS. Even better, I found a clip that brought the memories flooding back which you can see below.

Thanks Andrew, I would never have found this without you!

Piranha (1978)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

On the surface, 1978's PIRANHA may look like a throw away JAWS rip off but thanks to the talents involved, it's a B-movie masterstroke that lovingly recalls the monster movie heyday of the fifties. I have fond memories of PIRANHA's television premiere and the spirited frenzy of conversation it spawned at the elementary school bus stop the next day. With a theatrical remake around the corner (a cable version was made in 1995) directed by HIGH TENSION's ALEXANDRE AJA and presented in 3-D, I think it's high time we take a look back and examine just what made this ROGER CORMAN produced classic so special…

JOE DANTE

In 1978, director JOE DANTE was in peak form and poised to deliver a string of hits including THE HOWLING, GREMLINS and undoubtedly the most imaginative segment of TWILIGHT ZONE: THE MOVIE. His collage of cartoon humor, twisted gore and blatant self-awareness are commonplace today, but only because DANTE paved the way.

JOHN SAYLES

He would later move on to become Oscar bait (LONE STAR, PASSION FISH) but thank God he spent some time in the trenches and gifted B-movie fans the likes of ALLIGATOR, BATTLE BEYOND THE STARS and his two collaborations with DANTE, THE HOWLING and PIRANHA.

PINO DONAGGIO

Can you ask for a better composer then the guy who did CARRIE? (Not to mention DRESSED TO KILL, DON'T LOOK NOW and TOURIST TRAP among countless others.) I know I can't.

LOVABLE HEROES

A drunk (BRADFORD DILLMAN of BUG and THE MEPHISTO WALTZ) and a snoopy reporter (HEATHER MENZIES from SSSSSSS), who let's face it, cause the entire piranha problem themselves by foolishly emptying a pool at a research facility. Extra props for the quickest "How do you do? Let's screw!" this side of JOHN CARPENTER's THE FOG.

INDELIBLE SCENES

Years of psychotherapy are predicted for this kid who watches helplessly as his dad becomes fish food and what about that old guy whose feet get eaten off?

KINDERTRAUMA IN ACTION

That drunk's kid is rightfully hydrophobic but that doesn't stop her from jumping on an inflatable raft and saving her favorite camp counselor (frequent DANTE player BELINDA BALASKI.) Way to overcome your fears Suzie!

KEVIN McCARTHY

Here's a tip, if KEVIN McCARTHY (INVASION OF THE BODY SNATCHERS ‘56) warns you about something, no matter how outlandish it sounds, BELIEVE HIM.

BARBARA STEELE

I'll let this legend's eyes do the talking.

PAUL BARTEL

I know he's supposed to be a jerk in this but who can hate the one and only PAUL BARTEL?

DICK MILLER

What JOE DANTE movie would be complete without this guy?

THAT WEIRD SOUND THE PIRANHA MAKE

Forget the JAWS theme, I'm all about the crazy whirly whirl sound that tells you that you are currently being chomped on by a school of killer PIRANHA!

LATE SEVENTIES FASHION

Really? People walked around like this?

AND FINALLY THIS GUY…

So many questions: Who is he? What does he know? When does he get his own movie? Where can I buy one? Can I feed him after midnight?

Name That Trauma :: Reader Sebastian on a Hit & Run Hag

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Hey guys and girls,

Great site, I thought perhaps you could help me with my own scary vague memory/trauma from childhood.

I saw it sometime in the early ‘90s, but the film might be a bit older. The scene I remember is when the main characters, a man and a woman, are trying to escape from a village where some bad stuff has taken place (which I can't remember…)

So they're in the car driving away but don't seem to be getting anywhere. In fact, they keep passing this creepy old lady on a creepy old bicycle. They can't escape, everything just repeats itself, and they aren't getting any further from the bad place.

At one point they actually hit the old lady on her bike; the two people get out of the car to check if she's alright, but she's dead. They stand there for a bit discussing what to do, then when they turn back to the body of the old lady, she's gone…

This is all I remember, it would be so great if you knew per chance where this scene is from, I would love to relive it.

Keep up the good work!

Sebastian

UNK SEZ: I might be wrong here, but I think you're talking about JOHN CARPENTER's IN THE MOUTH OF MADNESS. It's actually an old man that gets hit and seems to momentarily disappear, but I've heard him being mistaken for an old woman before (probably due to the long hair.) He's shown as a young boy at first but as he tries to escape the town of Hobb's End he appears to turn into an old man. After he is hit, he says in a young boy's voice, "They won't let me out."

It may be the creepiest scene in the film and the way its shot is truly nightmarish. I also wonder if it was a partial inspiration for this scary (and Kindertraumatic) music video from BATS FOR LASHES…

The Burrowers

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Regardless of the sparkling buzz, I have been avoiding THE BURROWERS. Yes, I'm shallow, the DVD case turned me off and I feared it was going to be some dusty, sepia-toned worm-run-amuck movie (although come to think of it, that doesn't sound so bad.) What finally piqued my curiosity was learning that it spawned from the mind of J.T. PETTY who made the compact, claustrophobic and marvelously against the grain MIMIC 3: THE SENTINEL. (Add that fact to the film's current hand reach availability on Fearnet and my being semi-voluntarily confined to an ALF snuggie and you have yourself a sealed deal.)

Hooray for my noodle limp resolve, THE BURROWERS is worm free, my new crush JOCELIN DONAHUE (THE HOUSE OF THE DEVIL) is in the first scene (though not much more), and rather than being crusty and dusty, it's a beautifully shot film that answers that question nobody ever asked, " What if TERRENCE MALICK directed ALIEN?"

Now before you slip on your Sketchers and run to the video store, I mean mailbox, I mean computer or remote (if you should also have Fearnet) let me warn you that this movie paces itself much like a classic western so it requires a certain amount of patience. This means no squirmy monster dessert until you've eaten all your peas! The peas here are pretty tasty and fortifying though, you might just like them.

When a frontier family disappears in the dead of night it's reckoned by all that it must be the work of Indians. A search party is formed that includes a young Irish immigrant named Fergus (likable MIMIC 3 star KARL GEARY) whose heart belongs to one of the missing. As the group of men ventures further into the wild they discover that their assumptions are way off and that something sinister is UNDER foot.

As if creatures that poison and then bury their victims underground only to chomp on their "soft bits" later were not bad enough, our rag tag cavalry is plagued with willful ignorance, covert agendas and a douche-y guy who purposely mistranslates the native tongue to suit his own needs. Yep, a bit more effort in the communication department may have saved some lives here folks, that and a smidge of respect for the land. See, the "burrowers" used to dine on buffalo but with no more buffalo around eating humans is their only recourse. Don't judge, desperation can make you eat anything; how else can you explain airplane food? (ba-dum-bump!)

THE BURROWERS slowly unspools the suspense, like the aforementioned ALIEN it mischievously plays with darkness and shadow to keep the viewer on edge. There's also a rather compelling drama here about a group of men playing king of the hill to their own detriment. It even ultimately touches upon accepting loss and the fact that some things just can't be made right again thanks to the larger powers at play. It also stars the one and only CLANCY BROWN, maybe I should have mentioned that in the first place.