Author: unkle lancifer
Name That Traumatot :: Super Special Spectacular Show
Hey it's another Friday and time for N.T.T.! But wait!!!! DON"T MAKE A GUESS JUST YET! Today is super special because, as of last week, we collectively identified 100 traumatots! Time to celebrate and reward ourselves WITH PRIZES!!!! Below are 10 twisted images of our picks for THE TOP 10 TRAUMATOTS OF ALL TIME! (don't hold us to them though.) Guess or identify as many as you can — but don't leave your guesses in the comment section (that will give away the answers!) instead, send us an email with your guesses to Kindertrauma@gmail.com!
Whoever guesses the most the fastest will win a PRIZE!
The second fastest and wisest will win the same PRIZE!
If you are stumped or late to the game you can still win a PRIZE because yet another person will be picked randomly in some yet to be determined way.
THE PRIZES ARE GOOD TOO!!! You will get a brand spanking new factory sealed DVD of the super excellent horror flick with the best title ever MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO!!!
Not only that, but you will also get a too beautiful for words giant sized poster for MURDER LOVES KILLERS TOO signed by the brilliantly talented artist who created it STEPHEN ROMANO!
Winners will be announced in the comments section tonight!
NOW GET TO GUESSIN' KIDS!
In Memoriam… (For The Love Of Sonny Boy)
With the sad news of the passing of DAVID CARRADINE many are sure to be mentioning his celebrated performance in KILL BILL. I on the other hand, must take this opportunity to speak of his astounding gender bending turn in the little seen 1989 cult oddity SONNY BOY. If witnessing CARRADINE in drag is not incentive enough for you to track this baby down, note that the film also features BRAD DOURIFF (CHILD'S PLAY) and PAUL L. SMITH (The loopy gardener from PIECES). SONNY BOY is as crazy as GIMME A BREAK! fan-fiction but it's also rather poignant and truly an experience you'll not soon forget. You just know a movie is damn good when LEONARD MALTIN calls it a "Repulsive, socially unredeemable waste of celluloid." (Contrarily, David Durmody of PAPER MAGAZINE voted SONNY BOY the best film of the decade in a VILLAGE VOICE poll). So long Mr. CARRADINE and thank you for participating in the insanity that is SONNY BOY!
Drag Me To Hell
Hey now, did I not just recently make a statement about the sad fact that if one wants to see a decent horror movie they are better off staying home and renting rather than going to the theater? Luckily for all of us, the known universe was at least partially created to prove me wrong at regular intervals and consequently there is now a horror movie playing in theaters nationwide that is actually good. Ah-hah! I got you universe! I got you with my fancy reverse psychology! I just went to see DRAG ME TO HELL and I didn't even want my money back by the end! I liked it and from what I could tell, so did the other people in the audience. Yep, they even clapped just like you are supposed to do after you have been successfully entertained.
It's pretty neat to witness a simple story enthusiastically told by a person who knows what they are doing. DRAG ME is a crisp, clean cut of horror, designed to run like a funhouse ride, full of squirms and screams with zero bitter after taste. It has no intention of shaking you to your core or changing your life, but it is bound and determined to remind you that every once in a while horror can be fun. Everybody knows that director SAM RAIMI (THE EVIL DEAD TRILOGY) knows how to work a camera in stunningly inventive ways, but his real gift on display in DRAG is his talent for well-timed, pitch black comedy. You won't find any gritty realism here, but RAIMI has an astonishing ability to keep things breezy while still allowing his characters' hands to get sufficiently dirty. Miraculously the film's conclusion is wonderfully cop-out free.
ALISON LOHMAN (WHITE OLEANDER) took over the film's lead when ELLEN PAGE (JUNO) flaked, which is all kinds of fine by me. The role requires LOHMAN to go from mild and self-effacing to wild and self-serving without being too self-aware or losing the audience's sympathy. It's a lot to ask, but LOHMAN pulls it off and her delivery of the line "Here, kitty, kitty" is, mark my words, destined for horror infamy. In fact, I think you can expect DRAG ME TO HELL itself to become a future classic. Hopefully the DVD release will coincide with Halloween 2009, as this is the type of non-taxing, fun loving, yet still effective spook show that is tailor made for the holiday and can be enjoyed by many ages (DMTH is PG-13 but somehow doesn't reek of it.) I wouldn't wait for the DVD release though, SAM RAIMI has made it safe (and worthwhile) for horror fans to head back to the theater. Grab some like minded friends and expect some spirited conversation afterwards.
Name That Traumatot :: Round 10
It's Friday and time for another rousing round of "Name That Traumatot!" Your Unkle Lancifer is going to sit this one out so the festivities will be hosted by super celebrity Aunt John. He'll give you the answers and clues when needed. After today you will have collectively identified 100 movies, pretty impressive stuff. Good luck kids!
Jack Brooks: Monster Slayer
Am I last kid on the block to watch JACK BROOKS: MONSTER SLAYER? I had been reading about it for some time, finally bought a copy and then just sat on it for months (literally- it somehow found its way under the couch)! Well, just in case there are any other stragglers out there even more lost in the eighties than I tend to be, here is a spiffy post all about how I finally watched it and how I think if you have not yet, you should.
JACK BROOKS: MONSTER SLAYER is about a guy named Timmy O'Tool, no, just kidding, it's about a guy named Jack Brooks and yeah, by the end of the flick he does indeed turn out to be a monster slayer! The movie has been compared to THE EVIL DEAD films and PETER JACKSON'S DEAD ALIVE, but try not to think about that because that will just leave you needlessly disappointed when you should be enjoying yourself. Personally, I was reminded of the criminally overlooked straight to DVD gem SOULKEEPER from 2001. (SOULKEEPER has the worst cover art in the history of the DVD, but it's a really entertaining supernatural romp with a DEBRA GIBSON cameo that should be seen by all! My hero in life BRAD DOURIF even shows up!) J.B. may also owe a tip of the trucker hat to an ass kicking gal named BUFFY which is just fine by obsessive Sunnydale dweller me.
When we first meet Jack he has some severe anger management issues which stem from a real life kindertrauma he endured. As a child Jack witnessed the slaughter of his family during a camping trip at the hands of a hideous creature. Therapy is useless and it is only when Jack owns up to his anger and channels it into the destruction of similar monsters that he finds his true calling. The first half of the film might lose some impatient viewers with its cartoon character development, but once Jack achieves self actualization it is wall-to-wall action garnished with joy inducing splatter and a highly appreciated zero CGI ratio. Somewhere in the future I am waiting in line to purchase its sequel and I'm very, very excited.
Here is where I give big props to horror legend ROBERT ENGLUND. Seeing his name on the DVD cover I wrongfully guessed that ENGLUND was going to show up, be ROBERT ENGLUND, grab a paycheck and then split. He's actually amazing in this movie and showcases some serious chops in the physical comedy department. Who knew? I've always been impressed with ENGLUND's ability to emote so much personality from behind a wall of makeup, but now I'm picturing an alternative universe where he might have been the second coming of JERRY LEWIS. Way to show me what an assuming closed minded twerp I am Mr. ENGLUND, I like it when actors do that!
TREVOR MATTHEWS does a fine job in the title role and is a breeze to hang out with for the course of the film. He's no BRUCE CAMPBELL but neither are you. Kudos also go to RACHEL SKARSTEN, if for nothing else than forcing me to contemplate the concept of latent heterosexuality. I'm going to throw this baby onto the ever growing pile of movies in my head that support the fact that if you want to see a good horror movie these days you're better off cranking up the T.V. and staying home. Turns out there's plenty of great stuff going on this decade, just maybe not at your local theater.
Traumafessions :: Reader Kahotep on a N.Y.P.D. P.S.A.
Hello, guys, Kahotep here, terrific site, and I'm looking forward to exploring every crook and nanny here, and all this Traumafessin' has made me remember a Public Service Announcement I saw once or twice late at night growing up in New York. I'm wondering if anyone else remembers it: it's a face shot of an actor playing a policeman, saying something to the camera along the lines of, "When some of you look at me, you don't see a person, you see a pig."
And then his face morphs or dissolves into that of, yes, a pig. I don't remember much else, but it was in the same style as that Smokey the Bear one where a model unzips her head to reveal the bear underneath.
Good old-fashioned nightmare fuel, that.
Anyway, thanks for listening!
Kahotep
UNK SEZ: Kahotep, I think I know what you are talking about! I remember it being an anti-littering spot. There was this woman's voice that kept saying, "You're the one!" as in "You're the one who throws trash from your car." Each time she makes an accusation the man turns more and more into pig until finally he was some kind of Dr. Moreau-type pig monster. If it's the same spot I'm thinking of, I can attest to how disturbing it was. I may have mentioned how I feel about scary pigs once BEFORE.
Name That Trauma :: Reader Shane of The Short Spire on an After School Gang Fight
I've been reading your site for a long time now and decided to finally submit this burning name-that-trauma question of my own: Sometime during the early 1980's, I was traumatized by what must have been some kind of after-school special or something that ended with a too-gruesome-for-daytime-T.V. moment. The show or T.V. movie was about a kid who made some bad choices and got mixed up either with a gang or drugs or both. The only part I remember vividly was near the end, when the young hero found himself lying on the pavement with a gaping stab wound in his side. I'm pretty sure there was some kind of montage or voice over here that was all about how much he regretted the choices that had led him to this sorry end, but mostly I just remember that gaping, red stab wound. It was probably much more tame than I remember it, but as a young lad it haunted me for years. (Maybe it worked! I never did join a street gang!)
Perhaps one of your readers can identify this after-school trauma special.
Cheers,
UNK SEZ: Aunt John and I have thought hard about this, but we have only come to one conclusion; the after-school special you are looking for is probably not this one….
Name That Traumatot :: Round 9
Ten more traumatots, ten more movies to identify. How many do you know?
The Demon Murder Case
THE DEMON MURDER CASE is a television movie from 1983 that purports to tell the tale of a young child possessed by a demon (or 42.) What separates it from the standard possession tale is the fact that a close friend of the boy's family ends up killing a man and proclaiming that he was effected by the demon as well. It became the first case in which possession was suggested as a potential defense in court. (I've used the possession excuse myself to explain many indiscretions and I can tell you, much like my Big Bird alarm clock, it only works part of the time.) Ultimately the man responsible for the murder spent five years in jail and the possessed child was reportedly successfully exorcised. Although the story made worldwide news at the time it has since nearly evaporated from the public consciousness.
I actually caught this telenastie back when it originally aired and, being the lightest touch imaginable when it comes to possession films, it had my imagination running around like a cat with firecrackers tied to its tail. (Please do not test out that analogy.) The idea of an evil entity not only jumping hosts but also forcing a person to kill against his will is frightening alone, but what got to me was the kid's description of the instigating demon. The boy describes him as being burnt black from head to toe, with sunken eyes, a plaid shirt and ripped jeans. As an afterthought he adds that the being has cloven feet, "Like a deer." That's some pretty vivid stuff and who could make something like that up? (Oh, and did I mention ED & LORRAINE WARREN are involved?)
Philly's own KEVIN BACON, CLORIS LEACHMAN, THE THING's RICHARD MASUR, EDDIE ALBERT and, Aunt John's dream date, JOYCE VAN PATTON are all in the cast. As far as the direction goes this is pretty rudimentary stuff, but due to the subject matter it needs only touch a few bases to be effective anyway. Distorted camera angles go a long way when depicting a tortured soul and there is just something legitimately disturbing about a grizzled adult voice coming out of a child and wailing, "You're all going to die!" Sure, I fell asleep a tad during the boring second half, but when I did, I had bad dreams, bad dreams with hooves!
So get this, shortly after T.D.M.C. originally aired my family got transferred to beautiful Brookfield, Connecticut. It was hard starting at a new school and I was spending loads of hours by myself with only my stinky brain to keep me company. One day at a grocery store I spied a horror paperback called THE DEVIL IN CONNECTICUT which I convinced my mother Cartman-style into buying for me ("But muuuum…") It wasn't long before I realized that not only was this book based on the same tale as THE DEMON MURDER CASE, but that I was now living in the very town where it all took place. Further still, while my family was waiting for our house to be finished our Dog "Misty" was staying at the dog kennel where the actual murder happened. (Cue Tubular Bells…)
I never finished reading the book because it was just way too damn scary and like I said above, I was a light touch. What sticks out about it though was that somewhere on or in this paperback it said something about the demon vowing to return and possess someone else and kill once again. (I no longer have the book so if that is a bit off I apologize.) Looking around Brookfield, at its well scrubbed and robust inhabitants, I surmised one thing; if anyone was going to get possessed around here it was going to be pasty little ginger-ghoul me. I swore to keep a keen eye out for burnt people with hooves and pre-grunge fashion tastes…
This case is often confused with another one that was recently made into the film A HAUNTING IN CONNECTICUT and both do involve the WARRENS, the parapsychologist couple made famous for their work in Amityville. Interestingly, the kid who was allegedly possessed in Brookfield is all grown up now and says it was all a big fat hoax adding that he was exploited and then ostracized. (As someone who drove past his house in a car full of howling teens on Halloween, I can attest to the fact that his family was indeed given the BOO RADLEY treatment. ) Still others like LORRAINE WARREN claim that these dismissals are only being made to sell yet another book and that there is plenty of documentation to support the more supernatural version of events (not that you are allowed to see it.).
As much as this story haunted my youth, I'm honestly a little saddened by the idea that it was probably just a bunch of flimflammery concocted to keep an accused murderer out of jail and attempt to score another Amityville style financial bonanza. As with that more famous case, I am left wondering which is the more frightening truth, rampant supernatural demonic activity or soulless garden variety greed? Burnt faced men with hooves are still a scary idea, but at least such a creature is not so low as to try to pinch your wallet. The good news is, if it was all a sham, that means I can sleep at night knowing that the reason I personally never got possessed during my stint in Connecticut was because there never was a demon in the first place not because I wasn't worthy material as I've sometimes feared.
SUPER FREE BONUS REVIEW: A HAUNTING: Ep. "Where Demons Dwell"
In its translation to television many details and characters are lost in THE DEMON MURDER CASE, but it is small potatoes compared to the story's reworking into an episode of the Discovery Channel's supernatural reenactment show A HAUNTING. Upon first viewing it is almost unrecognizable as the famous tale of the first murder ever committed in Brookfield, Connecticut. This is mostly due to the fact that the murder itself is never even mentioned.
The episode "Where Demons Dwell" works just as good as any other for daytime creeps, but it ups the ante in the questionable truth department tenfold. Like a video version of the telephone game, some ideas are expanded (an old well is blamed) and some are dropped completely (like a man being stabbed to death and his attacker blaming a demon.) Considering that this case owes its notoriety to the murder itself makes this a head scratching omission. Taking into account that the man who committed the act is one of the talking heads recounting the tale, I just think that maybe somebody might have thought to bring it up.
Also glaringly absent is the viewpoint of the now grown boy who was once considered possessed, who claims to have never been approached for his side of the story (probably because he now says it is all baloney.) I of all people have no idea what the ultimate truth is or even if there is one, but it does seem to me that one should always consider the source. Something tells me though (a voice in my head?) that if the entire truth ever could be known that the least interesting character in this bizarre family drama just might end up being the devil himself.
