Here are ten images from ten movies that you could be watching for free on TUBI TV right now! How many can you identify? Check out TUBI TV HERE!
Author: unkle lancifer
IT (2017)
IT (2017) is a blast from its first moments to its last. It's as moving as it is freakishly frightening and thanks to a multitude of outstanding performances and consistently keen direction, I'm comfortable calling it an instant classic. I don't want to spoil the experience by dissecting it too much, so I'm just going to use this space to celebrate a few of my favorite things about the film. I don't think I need to hard sell this movie to you guys; anyone who enjoys these trauma-filled pages is likely to be already raring to see it. And really, has there ever been a better time for a movie about fighting an obnoxious clown who uses fear to divide and conquer the downtrodden?
THE PERFORMANCES. Nobody could ever eclipse TIM CURRY in my heart as Pennywise but BILL SKARSGARD certainly brings something of equal value to the table and there's no law that says I can't love both interpretations (torn between two killer clowns, feeling like a fool, loving both of you is breaking all the rules). SKARSGARD's Pennywise has got a slippery, slobbering serpentine streak and he's interestingly more child-like which makes him connect to and interact with the kids (and the bullies he mirrors) in new ways. All of the kids, parents and bullies are perfectly cast. In fact, I'd like to thank the casting director for somehow finding out what my bullies looked like and scouring the country for their exact doppelgangers-well done! I have to especially spotlight SOPHIA LILLIS as Beverly Marsh because she is phenomenal and apparently incapable of even one false note. Her Beverly is truly the heart and glue of the Losers Club just as she should be.
THE SCARES. I'll never forget walking home from our local theater (at the Valley Forge Sheraton) after seeing THE THING and AN AMERICAN WEREWOLF IN LONDON and feeling like I had to push my eyeballs back into my head. IT brought back that great feeling. I thought I knew exactly where each scare was going to end and kept consistently finding out I was dead wrong. It's like putting a quarter in a gumball machine, expecting a lone gumball and watching the entire machine pour into your hand (and then, just when you think it's over, your hand falls off). It's really an eye-popping spectacle at times and many of the surreal goings-on have an off-kilter and uncanny edge to them almost like a hypnotic optical illusion. It brought me back to the early days of the NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET series when you couldn't trust anything that was happening and your sense of reality would actually be slightly weakened by the time you left the theater. No matter how familiar you are with STEPHEN KING's novel or the previous miniseries, this IT knows how to pull the rug out from under you even if you are standing on wall-to-wall carpet.
THE SOUND. I don't know much about the technical aspects of sound design but whoever is responsible for the evil children singing and laughing directly above my head and the music box chimes rising from the floorboards deserves either an award or a kick in the shins. Thank God I don't partake in recreational drugs anymore. I feel like my movie theater was in cahoots! Before the movie even started they were flickering the lights and forced us to look at the flat image of an IT Snapchat ad for an ungodly amount of time and I'm pretty sure they were utilizing (highly illegal) subliminal messages to make me antsy and desire a Coke (maybe not). Anyway, the sound effects and score of this movie were ace and I'm thinking my theater is going to need an exorcism when this mad circus of a movie skips town.
THE SETTING. What a great job recreating the late eighties! Who do I kiss for not lazily placing a Rubik's Cube on a coffee table and calling it a day? Who do I buy a beer for involving THE CULT, THE CURE and XTC in these twisted shenanigans? Who wants a hug for not overdoing it with wardrobe and dressing every bystander like CYNDI LAUPER? I really dig how the town of Derry is represented and how it feels lived in and real and like a place I've been to before. It really helps this movie feel like a full satisfying meal rather than the usual throwaway, fast food, horror stopgap.
THE VIBE. Early on, IT excellently establishes Derry's dark and dirty undercurrent. As charming as the town may be on the surface, the anguish, alienation and dejection felt by its young residents feels thick as knee-high mud. Loved ones are lost without reason, parents are sleazy or overbearing monoliths, librarians are mean-spirited, pharmacists are shifty, cops are abusive, and I don't even want to talk about the incomprehensibly grim things Mike (CHOSEN JACOBS) is expected to do to helpless sheep. Mike's grandfather clarifies the horror of adulthood standing before these kids as they leave their childhood behind, it's time to make a choice, are you going to be the butcher or the meat? Maybe you have to be a loser yourself to appreciate how on point IT's depiction is of the pain and fear that comes with being an outsider and how accurately it displays the priceless joy of being an outsider who is lucky enough to meet kindred spirits. I am that loser! This movie reminds me so much of my (on-going) awkward years and yep, my eyes got misty on more than a few occasions. I could go on and on (and I'm sure I will in the years to come) about just how smitten I am with this film that juggles terrifying and touching with the greatest of ease but not today. It's beautiful outside. I want to walk in the sun and I've got long-loved fellow weirdo friends I think I need to spend some time with.
Kindertrauma Funhouse!
I'm not going to lie- all I can think about is going to see IT. That's why you now find yourself looking at a ridiculous "Help Unk get to IT" maze. Sorry, my stubborn brain refused to offer up anything else. If it doesn't float your paper boat then may I suggest this super cool retro IT video game you can play on your computer right over HERE? As for me, I'm on my way to Derry, Maine!
Name That Trauma:: Art L. on a Woman Slowly Losing Her Mind
Hey gang!
Asking for a friend, so could get touch and go if you need additional info. They told a story this weekend about a movie their parents exposed them to when they were but a wee lass that has ruined their brain for most of their life. They said it was new-ish at the time of viewing, so we're looking early – mid 80's. Set in early 1900's. Quite possibly subtitled and quite possibly French (though this could be incorrect, so hopefully it doesn't misdirect too much). Story is something along the lines of a woman ends up marrying some horrible husk of a man who gaslights her like crazy as she slowly loses her mind. Standout scenes included going to see a doctor (or maybe/more likely a dentist), asking where he keeps the arsenic, plunging her hand into the paste and smearing it all over her mouth and grinning at him in an attempted suicide. Another scene involved her in a prison where prisoners are kept below the floor under a metal grate. The woman apparently walks over top of the grate and squats down saying something like, "you are all my lovers now!" and slurping sounds can apparently be heard.
I can maybe try and extract more, but that's all that she was able to recall about it this weekend. My searches have yielded nothing. Hopefully there's not too much misdirecting info in there to bog down the investigation.
Cheers and more cheers! Thanks for all the trauma always!
-Art L.
Traumafession:: L.L. on Suspiria's TV Commercial
It's 1977. My older brother and I are staying up late watching The Twilight Zone alone in the darkened living room. He's 12 years old and I'm 11. Everyone else is asleep and I feel pretty cool for being awake after midnight, watching and enjoying this "scary" grownup show. I don't recall for sure which episode it is, but I feel like it was The Hunt, the one where (SPOILER!) an old hillbilly and his dog die while hunting raccoons and the loyal dog prevents the old fella from wandering into Hell. It's not one I've ever found all that frightening, so my guard is down.
There's an act break and a commercial begins. My brother and I both assume this is a Clairol ad, or some other hair care product. We see the back view of a woman brushing her long dark hair, reciting the "roses are red, violets are blue" rhyme. And after putting a flower in her hair, the figure turns, revealing A FREAKING SKULL YELLING AT US!
Of course this wasn't a hair care ad at all, but a commercial for Suspiria, a movie I wouldn't actually see for decades—and when I did see it, didn't realize that it was related to this image stuck in my head since childhood. I was pretty happy to run across this on YouTube a few years ago.
Of course, I had to send the link along to my brother.
Traumafession:: Julia D. on Pingu's Nightmare
Hey guys!
I just happily discovered your blog and I think I've got just the right kindertrauma gem for you:
Many people on the internet will agree that there are a lot of traumatizing moments in the Swiss claymation show "Pingu". And young me has been scarred by this show as well. The worst: The Pingu's Nightmare episode. Just look up a picture of that disturbing walrus, it's…. unsettling to say the least. I remember seeing this as a kid and feeling like I had some weird fever-induced hallucination.
Here's a personal fun-fact: I forgot about this Pingu episode for a long time until someone handed me a christian flyer as a teenager. On that flyer was a crude picture of an alien with a moustache and without knowing why, I was overwhelmed with a very unsettling feeling. Then all the memories came back… f*cking Pingu. F*cking moustache walrus. Ugh.
And here's another one, thou this one might be for the Name That Trauma!- section:
I remember seeing this weird episode of a Cartoon Network show as a kid. It might have been "Cow and Chicken" or "I am Weasel" because I can faintly remember the Red Guy being the antagonist. In that episode the two main characters visited a factory that, well, turns people into furniture.
Yep. You can see the people on a conveyor belt going INTO the factory and sofas, cabinets etc.comming out. I always loved the very absurd humor of many cartoons back then, but this episode was just a little too weird even for me. I tried to find this abomination of a kids show for a few times, but with no result. Even thou many people watched these shows, nobody knows what I am talking about when I'm trying to describe the plot to them. Maybe you guys can help!
Thank you and keep up the good work!
Julia
Traumafession:: Katie B. on Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
I was recently thinking back on favorite movies from my childhood and Chitty Chitty Bang Bang came to mind. While The Child Catcher always gave me the heeby-jeebies, there was another character and scene in the film which particularly traumatized me to the point that I would always fast forward or leave the room. It was… Dick Van Dyke aka Caractacus Pott disguised as a life-sized clown doll. The box opened to his lifeless body coming to life and dancing around the room, performing silly antics. Then he would sing with the music box doll (Julie Scrumptious). The sudden change in his appearance and behavior scared me so badly. I was always terrified of clowns and seeing a character who otherwise was friendly and fatherly become temporarily unrecognizable was quite conflicting. At least the children made their grand escape in the next scene and Mr. Pott took off his wig.
-Katie
In Memoriam:: Tobe Hooper
TOBE HOOPER is well known for creating one of the most frightening and influential horror films of all time. I personally found THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE so fiercely disturbing upon my first viewing that I was left feeling queasy for hours afterward. I'm not kidding; just ask my little brother who suffers from the same post-TCM-stress disorder. Years later when we were older we thought its sequel THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE 2 would be a breeze but then our doorbell rang during the nightmare opening scene and we realized we were both too freaked out to answer it. HOOPER rightfully will always be strongly connected to his cherished masterpiece but I'm truly a huge fan of his entire creative output. Maybe there are a couple misfires but that can be said for any artist. He did things differently and I think his unexpected counter-intuitive viewpoint is exactly what made his work so fascinating and effective. He never took the obvious path. Here are some of my favorite TOBE HOOPER memories. Like many horror fans, I am forever indebted to the man for his incomparable contributions…
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE (1979) As stated above, TCM rocked my world. It felt so chaotic and feral and purely unsafe and I think it slapped the idea that goodness will always prevail right out of my head. The house (at least on the outside) resembled my family's earliest home and reminded me of my very first memories of the world. How could such things happen there? More importantly, why did I think it was a good idea to eat fried seafood out of a Styrofoam container on an aluminum TV tray while watching this rented VHS? I had to go lie down afterwards. It was like having a hangover at age 13.
SALEM'S LOT (1979) The TV film that launched a million kindertraumas. I'll never forget having to go to bed after seeing that smiling demon float through the window. I couldn't have been more terrified if it happened to me and it felt like it had. Those kids were my age. That looked like my room. This scene has lost exactly zero of its power. It remains one of the most purely eerie visions ever created. Chills.
THE FUNHOUSE (1981) I adore this movie and it's one that I think gets better with every view. Amy Harper (the incredible ELIZABETH BERRIDGE) is so much deeper than your average final girl. She's actually more like the usual cynical sidekick that goes looking for trouble and finds it. She wants to break free from her parental restraints and then feels completely lost and vulnerable when she does. It's really a brilliant film about the horrors of growing up and leaving childhood behind. There's one scene in which Amy looks out of the funhouse she's trapped in and can see her parents looking for her but she can't make contact and it's heartbreakingly similar to Dorothy seeing Auntie Em in a crystal ball in THE WIZARD OF OZ. It's one of my favorite moments in all of horror and it's so brilliantly underplayed. I wrote a longer review way back HERE and it's one of my favorite posts just because I remember how much fun I had writing it. And don't get me started on just how delicious this movie is on a purely visual level; I could look at it all day.
POLTERGEIST (1982) I don't care how much is SPIELBERG and how much is HOOPER. There's nothing wrong with collaboration, all that matters is the end result. On the way back from the movie theater after seeing this perfect slice of cinema heaven my friends and I decided to cut through a graveyard. This was either the best or worst idea ever and I'm kind of surprised that I didn't return home with a streak of grey on my 14-year-old head. This movie is as much fun as it is genuinely terrifying and that damn clown doll can haunt you at any age.
EATEN ALIVE (1977) I somehow didn't get around to EATEN ALIVE until I was in college and maybe that's good thing. I think its consistent weirdness would have thrown me off as a kid. As an adult I really admire how this film feels so much like a nightmare you can't wake up from. Full gushing review HERE.
LIFEFORCE (1985) I saw this crazy sci-fi horror mash up when it first came out and it flew directly over my head. I had no idea what was going on. But later in life when I decided to check it out in HD it just opened up completely for me and I was in love. Check out my change of heart HERE.
THE TOOLBOX MURDERS (2004) Talk about underrated! This remake in name only is one of my favorite horror films of its time period and I think it's nearly right up there with HOOPER's finest. Full love letter HERE.
And let me say HOOPER was very reliable in delivering on the small screen as well. Besides gifting us with the aforementioned unforgettable miniseries SALEM'S LOT, he also handed over excellent episodic work to FREDDY'S NIGHTMARES (1988 "No More Mr. Nice Guy"), old pal SPIELERG's TAKEN (2002 "Beyond the Sky"), buddy JOHN CARPENTER's BODY BAGS (1993 "Eye") and my personal favorite, THE OTHERS (2000 "Souls on Board") just to name a few.
In closing, I love TOBE HOOPER. I will always love TOBE HOOPER. I wish I could properly explain how much. I think a lot of people very rudely wanted him to somehow repeat the watershed magic that was CHAINSAW and that's just greedily asking for the impossible. CHAINSAW is a once in a lifetime perfect storm. I commend HOOPER for exploring uncharted territory no matter the result and I think as the years go on we all will more fully realize how fantastic his post TCM work actually is. I keep reading how HOOPER's favorite drink was Dr. Pepper. How fitting that he would enjoy something known for it's against the norm uniqueness.How fitting that he'd have no interest in the more popular conformist colas. Our man HOOPER was a Pepper! Wouldn't you like to be a Pepper too?
Spot the Difference:: Demonoid (1980)
There are ten differences between the image above (A) and the image below (B). How many can you find?
