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The plot was some dumb thing about kids being turned into zombie-like killer munchkins by toxic waste, then going around hugging their parents to death in a cloud of flesh-dissolving chemical fog. Much like WHO COULD KILL A CHILD?, in this one the adults had to defend themselves by murdering the kids–by cutting off their hands, or something, I believe. (Don't ask me, I didn't write it.)
Something about this movie just GOT me as a kid–maybe it was the creepy, CARNIVAL OF SOULS makeup on those innocent little faces. Maybe it was the idea of Mommy reaching out for a hug from her beloved daughter and instead of warm fuzzies getting SCREAMING CHEMICAL DEATH! Or maybe it was the emotionally gut-punching notion that in order to survive, the parents had to kill their own children–an idea so distressing to my 9-year-old mind just thinking about it made me cry. Whatever the case, this movie got into my brain and stuck there. Anyway, I loved my parents, and I knew they loved me…so the horrification of that love, even making that love DEADLY, was truly traumatic.
I rewatched it years later and found (as I figured) it wasn't a well-made or well-acted movie–and yet I still had the same visceral emotional reaction to it! So there's still some scar tissue, obviously.
Afterwards, I called my Mom.
Once again messing around with Mother Nature spawns slimy results in the ROGER CORMAN produced monster-thon HUMANOIDS FROM THE DEEP. Here it is mankind's eternal quest for a superior salmon that gets him into hot water with the powers of fate. Meddling with the DNA of these fishes produces the inevitable result of eight-foot tall, long-armed fish-men with one-track minds. Think late night double feature mash-up of CREATURE OF THE BLACK LAGOON and THE ACCUSED. DOUG McCLURE (You know him from such films as THE HOUSE WHERE EVIL DWELLS and SATAN'S TRIANGLE) teams up with "a great little lady scientist" (CARLY SIMON double ANN TURKEL) and scapegoat American Indian (apparently sufficiently non-Caucasian Latino ANTHONY PENA) to thwart the horny hybrids power move for the next step on the evolutionary ladder. Whether our heroes are successful is anybody's guess. I do know that the town of Noyo's annual salmon festival was a complete disaster, with dozens of humanoids crashing through the pier to tear the tops off of every female they encountered and ripping the faces off of any man who stood in their way. Directed by "great little lady" BARBARA PEETERS and considered too dull by producer CORMAN, HUMANOIDS was hijacked and injected with extra scenes of gore and nudity to fit the tastes of 1980 teenage audiences. These outlandish, over-the-top trashy breaks from the story have done much to cement HUMANOIDS into the minds of puberty stricken, cable-watching males over the years. Let's be honest, this is one cult favorite where nobody's clamoring to view the original director's cut. Even without the T&A though, HFTD is an entertaining throwback and fun diversion from the then current slasher craze. It's a goofy spectacle of bad taste and, like the impressive ROB BOTTIN creatures that inhabit it, its cross-pollination lineage may be it's strongest suite.
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I nearly shat myself with evil old memories when I saw the movie trailers on the KINDERTRAUMA CHANNEL! The worst offender has got to be IT'S ALIVE. LARRY COHEN is in need of serious psychiatric help. I remember the first time I saw that trailer…I was 11 years old, May 1977, on an afternoon after I'd just got home from school. My mother kept going "what the hell is that?" I was so freaked out she had to dose me with NyQuil just to sleep…my school attendance improved markedly because I didn't want to see that trailer! Now, at 42, I still can't bring myself to look at pix from that movie…and I'm bloody dreading when the trailer for the remake hits TV… I thought I was the only one who got warped by these trailers…
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Opening with documentary footage of children suffering in Auschwitz, India, Korea and Vietnam, WHO CAN KILL A CHILD? promises to be a grim experience. Once you get past those initial scenes it is thankfully less savage than one would imagine, and a rather well directed film. Thematically, it's actually a kissing cousin to animal revenge films like THE BIRDS. Here children (who it is pointed out suffer the most in times of war) collectively decide enough is enough and set out to kill all existing adults rather than continue to be doormats and pawns. This Spanish precursor to CHILDREN OF THE CORN begins as a young couple Tom (LEWIS FLANDER) and Evelyn (AMY STEELE clone PRUNELLA RANSOME) decide to take a holiday on a remote island. She is pregnant with his child and although he was originally not too keen on bringing an infant into such a mad world, he has since warmed up to the idea. Upon reaching their destination they find a somewhat deserted seaside town. It's actually only the adults who are M.I.A. as children roam the streets randomly and in packs. Eventually, through the testimonial of an adult survivor, they learn that the children just snapped one night and went on a non-stop killing spree. Their attack was easily successful because, as the bloodied witness points out, "Who could kill a child?" Well, it turns out Tom could, especially when his wife and unborn son are on the chopping block and he's left no other choice. After the survivor is lead away by his daughter to be hacked to death by a kiddie mob, Tom and Evelyn decide to cut the R&R short and head for the mainland, which proves less than easy. The audience is delivered one suspenseful scene after another, until a grisly finale that harks back to NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD occurs. This all may sound exploitive, but it's not. Anyone who feels squeamish about the demise of the underage in this movie need only rewind to the film's news footage introduction to see what real horror is.
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THE PIT used to freak me out when I was a kid. Those trolog things that lived down in a hole in the ground that the kid, Jamie, started talking to and then started feeding people to them. I remember just being scared of the trologs, glowing eyes and all that, kinda hairy Bigfoot type creatures. Also the talking bear with glowing eyes was pretty creepy too. Some funny parts to me as I watch it now are the grandma getting thrown into the pit after Jamie pushes her there in her wheelchair, and just Jamie being a pervert peeking at girls all over the place.
Uncle Lancifer says: Devon, that Jamie kid was an oddball, and THE PIT is one of our favorite "Kids Who Kill" movies. Expect to see more of him in these pages in the future, good pick!
Sure, Americans have stuff like SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT and CHRISTMAS EVIL, but old Icelandic folk tales speak of 13 yulemen, not the ho-ho-ing Saint Nick you all know, but mean spirited demons that stole and killed. Their mother, "Gryla" was a cannibalistic ogre that stole naughty kids and put them in her bag. Her humongous cat ate them. These old stories have been fed to us icelandic kids for centuries, and no one has really thought about how seriously fucking disturbed they are and how traumatizing they are! Heres a trailer for a recent horror-short on the subject, "UNHOLY NIGHT"
"P.I" even sent us a video! (Not to mention the above pic). How cool is he? O.K., we promise by next Xmas we'll have spruced up, Icelandic friendly keyboards to accommodate our new pal!
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