Once, when visiting my friend Jim in Chicago, we wandered into this little second-floor memorabilia shop to look around (you know, one of those I'm-tired-of-collecting-this-shit-so-I'll-open-a-store-and-sell-it-to-some-other-loser type places). The place was full of books, comics, models and geeks, of course. Well, to both my joy and horror, I came upon something that dredged up childhood memories both happy and traumatic. When pointing out what I found to my friend Jim, the look of dread upon his face said it all. Finally, I felt validated for all the years of abhorrence that I'd suffered as a kid, someone else had been scarred. What did I find, you ask? Why, just a 16 inch model of one of the hapless shipwrecked members of the cast of MATANGO. Or, as it's commonly known in America, ATTACK OF THE MUSHROOM PEOPLE. MATANGO is a Toho release from 1963 that lived for awhile in the Saturday afternoon matinee/late night chiller TV slot before disappearing completely sometime in the 80's. This is truly a shame because, after finally getting to see it again with the DVD release, this movie holds up as one of the creepiest and subversive things to ever come out of Japan.Directed by ISHIRO HONDA of GODZILLA fame, everything about this movie holds up 40+ years later.
This movie is the reason I couldn't eat mushrooms for at least 10 years. Only when I reached adulthood (mentally) could I separate fact from fiction and approach our fungal friends again. Still…the movie never fails to come to mind whenever I do eat them.
Search Results for: it's a horror to know you
TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Doomed Moviethon's Richard on Mike + The Mechanics "Silent Running"
Like most children of the 80s, MTV was the center of my world. My parents couldn't stand the channel so, of course, it became even that much more important thanks to my burgeoning rebellious streak. One of the videos that hit heavy rotation in 1985 was Mike + The Mechanics' "Silent Running," and it was pretty terrifying to my 9 year old self. I remember watching it once all the way through but after that I just couldn't face the dang thing again. Even worse, the video would show up on USA Network's "Night Flight" and haunt me again and again in the wee hours.
TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader Walt on Mister Rogers' Neighborhood
There is probably not a child alive in the United States that hasn't been "touched" by MR. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD. Maybe you couldn't wait for the trolley to whisk you to the Neighborhood of Make Believe, got excited over Mr. Rogers tour of the local denizens, or maybe it was the "shoe toss" that gave you a thrill. For all the good memories you had from the show, let me dredge up some repressed horrors that you may have forgotten, but still haunt me and my wife years later.
The most nightmare-producing images from the show was when Lady Elaine Fairchilde was on screen. Did FRED ROGERS purposely pick a puppet design to scare children into his submission? Her phallic red nose, alcoholic-red cheeks, her creepy CHYNA-like man-pretending-to-be-a-woman voice, and an overall look that seems Fred pulled her out of the trash. If I was a child in IT, my fear would manifest itself as this puppet.
The next horror-vision on my tour of The Neighborhood is the amazing limping Chef Brockett. I know it's not a politically correct thing to say, he had a physical disability, but hell, this guy gave me the creeps as a kid. He would be cooking and then all of a sudden lunge towards Mr. Rogers, scaring the crap out of me. I had to keep telling myself, it was only a limp, he does not want to eat Fred's brains. While searching for information on DON BROCKETT, I found an eerie link to my fears. Did you know that he was the "Friendly Psychopath in Cell" in THE SILENCE OF THE LAMBS AND played a zombie, not only in GEORGE ROMERO's 1985 classic DAY OF THE DEAD but in the 1990 remake of NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD by TOM SAVINI? Who knew that the chef with a perfect zombie gate had such ties to horror greats?
The last one almost made me crazy. When I was really young, I had the Mr. Rogers' "long playing" record. It included the regular songs that everyone knew, but I also remember a song where Fred warns his young listeners that they can't marry their mothers. Now, I don't quite recall fighting the Oedipal complex as a child, but if I had an inkling to want to kill my dad and run away with my mom, Mr. Rogers was there to help.
No one I knew could remember this song, leaving me to look like some crazed lunatic, babbling something about Fred Rogers and my mother. But thanks to that series of tubes called "The Internets," I was able to find this song and play it; confirming that I wasn't nuts (Thanks to a blog called Dr. Forrest's Cheese Factory). The song is available on-line, so you can be as appalled as I have been. While this song did not appear to damage me in any way when I was young, the memories of it as an adult has.
I'm sure there are other horrific memories from MR. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD (remember the rumor about him being a trained sniper? Look it up on Snopes)… but these are the few that scarred me. And speedy delivery to y'all.
EARLIER: Walt discusses the unsolved, possibly GHOULIES-induced death of his childhood Cockatiel.
Curse of the Cat People
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- Irena's first ethereal appearance
- The magic tree mailbox is on the fritz!
- Irena's picture burning in the fireplace
- As with all VAL LEWTON's films, the cinematography through out is uniformly exquisite but Amy's flight from imagined danger through a snowstorm is especially breathtaking
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Book Report :: Miss Hickory
TRAUMAFESSIONS :: Reader P 'orour Ingi on The Yulemen
Sure, Americans have stuff like SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT and CHRISTMAS EVIL, but old Icelandic folk tales speak of 13 yulemen, not the ho-ho-ing Saint Nick you all know, but mean spirited demons that stole and killed. Their mother, "Gryla" was a cannibalistic ogre that stole naughty kids and put them in her bag. Her humongous cat ate them. These old stories have been fed to us icelandic kids for centuries, and no one has really thought about how seriously fucking disturbed they are and how traumatizing they are! Heres a trailer for a recent horror-short on the subject, "UNHOLY NIGHT"
"P.I" even sent us a video! (Not to mention the above pic). How cool is he? O.K., we promise by next Xmas we'll have spruced up, Icelandic friendly keyboards to accommodate our new pal!
Cat's Eye
KAREN BLACK, watch your back! You think you own the corner on horror anthologies? Well, lil' DREW BARRYMORE has got some wigs up her sleeve too. She makes playing four separate characters look like child's play in this whisker-licking STEPHEN KING penned comedy-horror hybrid. Her first appearance? A magic mannequin that sets a wayward feline on a vision-quest. Ever played a mannequin before Karen? Didn't think so. Next up, Drew is JAMES WOOD's mentally handicapped child in the black comedy showcase "Quitters Inc." Here the unstoppable Drew sports oversized glasses, talks slower than normal, and is threatened with electrocution if her dad doesn't nix the nicotine.(Don't people usually get nominated for OSCARS when they go GUMP? I guess not when all of Hollywood is jealous of how cool you are, like in Drew's case!) This story is also laced with more danger for our cat pal who must escape being used as a guinea pig! In story two our little Drew is spotted in a cat food commercial wearing an ANNIE fro. Go Drew GO! It's called "The Ledge" and the cat's in it too, along with the meanest pigeon you've ever seen. He pecks ROBERT HAYS' foot while they're both a jillion stories high trying to escape a cuckoo cuckold from Jersey. Finally our Puss find's his way to the final story which is always the best one. This segment is named "General" and now so is our cat friend. He must protect America's darling from a harlequin-hooded troll that wants to steal her precious breath! General's major obstacle is Drew's bitch of a mom who won't listen to reason and thinks she's the center of the universe. This character was obviously based on real-life spaz JADE BARRYMORE. Anyway the dumbbell mom tries to put the cat to sleep but fails miserably and before you can say "euthanasia" General returns to save the day! And when I say "save the day" I mean participate in the rockingest throw down that has ever graced theater screens EVER! Now Drew and her Cat can live happily ever after and look forward to a future without wigs!Â
INDELIBLE SCENE(S):
- This cat is so awesome that he foils both CUJO and killer car CHRISTINE both on the same day! If anyone knows how he configures into the DARKTOWER series please email me!
- ALAN KING rules as the head of "Quitters Inc."
- Suicide is not an option in a universe that is home to a film that features a cat putting a troll on a record player and then playing it faster with his paw at DREW BARRYMORE's command! This scene could put Bellevue out of business for good!
Gremlins 2: The New Batch
The Willies
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Here's a strange little horror anthology geared toward the Nickelodeon set. It's wraparound tale involves three kids in a backyard tent (one of whom is SEAN ASTIN) swapping scary stories and trying to gross each other out with adolescent humor. The structure is an oddity as we begin with various blink and you'll miss them vignettes about well known urban legends, like the dog in the microwave, then move on to two excessively long tales that fill out the bulk of the film. The first concerns a tormented boy who finds a monster in the boy's lavatory at school. Although it's played as broadly as possible, it's easy to imagine a child thinking twice about using a bathroom stall after viewing. It's given some buoyancy thanks to stand out performances from greats JAMES KAREN & CLU GULAGER (RETURN OF THE LIVING DEAD) and KATHLEEN FREEMAN(GREMLINS 2 THE NEW BATCH). The second and most memorable tale introduces us to the most unlikable protagonist this side of 1981'S THE PIT. Gordy Belcher is an overweight social pariah who spends his days creating tiny dioramas of dead flies. He's impossible to sympathize with, but bizarrely fascinating anyway. He has a constantly constipated expression unless he's witnessing somebody in anguish, in which case he howls with delight. His private war with a crypt keeper like farmer ends when the farmer offers him an olive branch in the form of magic manure that escalates growth in plant-life. Gordy's tiny insect obsessions dine on the doo and greet him at the foot of his bed in new gargantuan form ready to extract long overdue revenge.
INDELIBLE SCENE(S)
- The appearances of Seaver siblings TRACEY GOLD, JEREMY MILLER and yes, a sense of humor intact KIRK CAMERON!
- TWIN PEAKS alum DANA ASHBROOK and KIMMY ROBERTSON also appear!
- The Janitor putting on his mask
- Gordy laughs at a near fatal car crash
- The fly on a crucifix in the tiny church
- Girl munching into Gordy's homemade fly cookie
- Gordy's new appendages
Kinderguest Joe of "Carrie White Burns in Hell"
There is something about freaky old people that just irks me. ‘Till this day if I see an old woman on the street and she's freaky looking, I throw rotten vegetables at her and run the other way. I was always obsessed with horror flicks as a child. Nothing really creeped me out, such as monsters or zombies etc. Old people though, are another story. I was really freaked out by that old bathtub chick in THE SHINING severely. However, 1984's CLOAK AND DAGGER was a source of severe trauma for me as a kid. (more…)