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Trauma-Scene :: Garfield: His Nine Lives

August 6th, 2008 by unkle lancifer · 10 Comments

Et tu Garfield? In the 1988 television special based on the popular 1984 book GARFIELD: HIS NINE LIVES, we are, for the most part, delivered what we have come to expect from the ornery orange feline: wise-cracky humor that’s about as deep as a lasagna tray. It’s important to note that before becoming a corporate tool, the bug-eyed Garfield was snarky and sarcastic way before it was considered hip. Back then it was called being “a jerk” and most kids felt a fondness for the guy for voicing (through telepathy) his unwarranted repulsion toward his loving owner and caretaker. As in the book, the television show reveals Garfield’s previous lives throughout the centuries and it actually goes so far to suggest that he was not only once a caveman, but also a jazz playing court musician.

As if this propagation of disinformation was not enough, the seventh life of Garfield seems to have been created solely to traumatize any straggler children who were smart enough to pass up seeing PLAGUE DOGS. The story opens with the cat being given experimental shots in a government science research facility.  Apparently the sight of the obnoxious Garfield as we know him being dissected is not traumatic enough, so through the magic of animation he is transformed into a Disney-esque kitten. We never do get to see his innards though because the about to be mutilated kitty smashes through a glass window and escapes (a feat that my own beloved cat Gato Malo can tell you (telepathically) is impossible after many failed attempts!) After hitching a ride on a helicopter and swimming across a stream, the plague cat suddenly suffers every cat’s worse nightmare of indignity; due to the experimental drug in his body, he morphs AMERICAN WEREWOLF-style into a dog!!! Not just any dog mind you, but a dog with glowing eyes! This would be a perfect time for the filmmakers to stage a cathartic bloody revenge scenario, but satisfying the viewer is the last thing on their minds. Hapless kiddie viewers are left with the image of a likely possessed dog, a bounty of lingering questions, and a severe case of the creeps.
Watch the horror HERE.

P.S. The ultimate blasphemy is yet to come. By this show’s conclusion it is revealed that God himself is a feline when Garfield finally kicks the bucket! It is also outrageously suggested that our lord and savior is gullible enough to be fooled into not only giving Garfield an additional unearned nine lives but also awarding Garfield’s tag along non-cat friend Odie nine lives as well. How this got on the air, I will never know. I am lighting up a torch and forming a mob as we speak…

Tags: Trauma-Scene

10 responses so far ↓

  • 1 stavnerNo Gravatar // Aug 6, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    Don’t forget the eighth segment, where Garfield is owned by a cute girl; he dies at the end.  That made me really sad, but not scared.

  • 2 FoxNo Gravatar // Aug 6, 2008 at 1:33 pm

    “Creeps” is right.  That whole post just kinda revised my image of Garfield as a whole.

    (a feat that my own beloved cat Gato Malo can tell you (telepathically) is impossible after many failed attempts!)

    My lord!  What have you been doing to that poor kitty??  Kittytrauma.  🙂

  • 3 AbsintheNo Gravatar // Aug 6, 2008 at 1:42 pm

    That is sick and twisted – what was it with the 80’s that produced so many experimental mad scientist kitty/puppy torturing cartoons??

  • 4 TenebrousKateNo Gravatar // Aug 6, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    Oh wow–I hadn’t thought about this in years!  Some undoubtedly vicious and evil relative of mine gave me the accompanying graphic novel as a gift.  WTF, Jim Davis?  Not. Even. Right.

  • 5 VicarOfVHSNo Gravatar // Aug 8, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    If you think this is creepy, are you familiar with the whole “John is Dead/Garfield is in Denial” series of strips from Halloween 1989? Links to the strips and commentary here:

    THAT’S some creepy Kitty Litter.

    Also creepy but in a funny way: Garfield minus Garfield:

  • 6 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Aug 8, 2008 at 4:24 pm

    “After years of taking life for granted, Garfield is shaken by a horrifying vision of the inevitable process called “time” He has only one weapon…denial…” HOLY SH*T! Thank you so much for sharing that Vicar! That truly is nuts. Garfield’s entire existence is a delusion! I love how they compare those strips to one of my favorite episodes of BUFFY “Normal again” , when she’s in an insane asylum imagining the entire series!

    Folks, you gotta follow those links provided by good ol’ Vicar!

  • 7 thetrace360No Gravatar // Oct 7, 2008 at 6:59 pm

    If you all hate Garfield as much as I do I suggest you check out
    Fatal Farm’s Lasagna Cat
    . They took actual Garfield comics and then acted them out with costumes and then proceeded to make music videos featuring their renditions of the comics. My personal Favorite is to the midi version of Haunted Hamburger by none other then Jimmy Buffet. Enjoy!

  • 8 thetrace360No Gravatar // Oct 7, 2008 at 7:00 pm

    Oh nos! I messed up my link 🙁 I don’t know how to fix it 🙁

  • 9 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Oct 7, 2008 at 7:19 pm

    @thetrace360: Fixed!

  • 10 ETHNo Gravatar // Nov 16, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    Compared to the source material, though, the special was pretty tame.  A couple of segments didn’t make it in, and one of them was “Primal Self.” It’s another realistically drawn one about an orange kitty (presumably Garfield) who gets possessed by some primal feline spirit, and, in the last panel, lunges for his grandmotherly owner—presumably, he kills her. That’s right: Garfield murders an old lady.

    Fortunately, my dad had the foresight to paperclip that segment’s pages together, and although I peeked at the first couple of pages, I conflated that story with the lab animal one and never saw the (apparently horrific) final panels of “Primal Scream.”

    The crazy part? A bunch of different writers at the PAWS Inc stable contributed stories, but Jim Davis himself wrote “Primal Scream.”

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