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Twelve Horror Houses You Should Avoid When Trick-or-Treating.

October 30th, 2011 by unkle lancifer · 11 Comments

It’s time to go trick-or-treating again but why waste your time on houses that don’t deliver? Here are twelve horror homes that we recommend avoiding!

This place? The only “candy” they hand out are those wax soda bottles with colored juice inside. Unless you are a fan of those things, don’t bother.

11. CREEPSHOW Billy’s House
Don’t be fooled by the pumpkin in the window! Billy’s dad is cranky and not such a fan of horror in general.

Props go to the Firefly family for their year round commitment to Halloween decorations but unless you have time to sit through an amateur variety show, it’s not worth the trouble.

9. HELL NIGHT (Garth Manor)
One two many Gorks. ‘Nuff said.

8. TRICK ‘R TREAT (Steven’s house)
I should probably warn you about Principal Wilkins’ house because he and his son Billy are liable to carve your decapitated head like a pumpkin but instead, I say stay away from Mr. Kreeg’s place because he thinks generic peppermints are passable as treats!

7. THE HAUNTING (Hill House)
This place is far off the beaten track and once there nobody will be around if you need help. No one lives any nearer than town. No one will come any nearer than that. In the night. In the dark.

6. HALLOWEEN (The Myers house)
The place has been abandoned for years and not only will you not get any candy, you may bit hit by a stray rock thrown by an angry mob of Haddonfield locals!

5. FRIDAY THE 13th part 2 (Jason’s shack)
Yes, hillbilly Jason has THE BEST Halloween centerpiece for his table in the form of the rotting decapitated head of his mother but other than that the place is still a shack and the candy he hands out is super low end (Mary Janes)!

4. PSYCHO 2 (The Bates house)
Speaking of dead mothers, you might as well skip Norman’s house when trick or treating too. Not only are the front stairs a bitch to climb, but who in their right mind hands out toasted cheese sandwiches for treats?

3. POLTERGEIST (The Freeling house)
This house folded up into itself and then disappeared into another dimension and with no front door to knock on, it’s really a waste of valuable trick or treating time.

This place offers the opposite of candy because the opposite of candy is being shoved on a meat hook. Am I wrong?

1. CARRIE (The White House)
Talk about evil! Rather than candy, Margaret White hands out Chick tracts!

BONUS TIP: If you find you’ve eaten too much Halloween candy this year just stop by THE CHANGELING (1980) house on November first! Nothing burns calories faster than running away from a ghost powered wheelchair!

Tags: General Horror · Halloween · Holidays · Plug It Up!

11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Jami JoAnne RussellNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 10:32 am

    Personally I prefer Professor Henry Jarrod’s House Of Wax in New York. I hear his waxworks are to die for.

  • 2 Amanda By NightNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 11:04 am

    I am kind of obsessed with Jason’s house. So, it looks like a really makeshift place but it has what looks like a working toilet, which says to me, if he can good plumbing out there, I think he missed his true calling.

    I love the house/building at the beginning of Prom Night. Go for candy, end up with some glass lodged in your chest. Not quite as fun.

    Great list. I love all of these creepy houses!

  • 3 wings1295No Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 11:08 am

    Great list!!! Love your choices and so glad you included them all. Perfect for Halloween. Tricks more than treats, just the way we like them.

  • 4 cmcmcmcmNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 11:29 am

    I’ve always said I’d rather get a bag of candy than get shoved on a meathook.

    You’re right as usual Unk!

  • 5 micksterNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 11:43 am

    This is awesome! Great list, Unk!
    Don’t forget that you have to avoid that pesky bouncy ball at The Changeling house too.

  • 6 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 11:54 am

    Does this mean it’s ok if I trick-or-treat at the Camber farmhouse & garage?

    My Pinto is due for an inspection:

  • 7 Ina SeaveyNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 12:06 pm

    I just watched Trick ‘R Treat last night for the first time. I love it!!!!! Love it!

  • 8 Chuckles72No Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 2:09 pm

    House of The Devil

    ’nuff said.

  • 9 Stacy PershallNo Gravatar // Oct 30, 2011 at 10:01 pm

    Lancifer! I am aghast! Did you just defile wax soda bottles?!?

  • 10 nukefaceNo Gravatar // Oct 31, 2011 at 8:10 am

    Hull House Night of the Demons! At least my old lady wears underwear.

  • 11 David FullamNo Gravatar // Oct 31, 2011 at 11:41 am

    The house in Hellraiser would also be a good place to steer clear of.

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