Mrs. Mac has hidden 10 bottles of hooch in the bookshelf and now she can't find them! She's sobering up, so help her quickly!
Year: 2012
Happy Thanksgiving! Love, Kindertrauma
T. U. R. K. E. Y. Squad!
UNK SEZ: These movies are NOT turkeys! They're all wonderful and waiting for you! Watch them in this precise order and YOU will become a member of the T.U.R.K.E.Y. Squad!
"T" is for TROG, a film with not one but TWO beasts!
"U" is for THE UNINVITED. A mutant cat! On GEORGE KENNEDY, he feasts!
"R" is for RAWHEAD REX, who just pee'd on a priest!
"K" is for KILLER KLOWNS FROM OUTER SPACE! You'll know exactly what to expect from the title at least!
"E" is for EQUINOX from this film, it's theorized, much of THE EVIL DEAD was fleeced!
"Y" is for YOU BETTER WATCH OUT! (CHRISTMAS EVIL) Yay, our days without holiday horror have officially ceased!
P.S.: Happy Thanksgiving to you & yours!
Name That Trauma:: Reader Tomb on a Crazy Car-sized Conch Commercial
Back in the mid-to-late 70's There was this advertisement for what I think was a horror/sci-fi anthology series. The scene starts out with an old man walking on a beach. He comes across this large shell-like thing that was washed upon the shore about the size of a car. Curious, he examines the thing at close proximity, then all of a sudden an arm-or-toungue-like projection comes out and grabs him. The old man gets pulled inside as he fights and screams to no avail. Scary as hell!!
This was just the commercial for the show and it scared me. To this day I can't remember the name of the show. It didn't have a long run, maybe one season if that. It might have been a British show that was syndicated to local U.S. broadcasters, or one of those Anglo-American ITC productions.
By the way, I think I did see one of the episodes, it was about a man lost in the desert; he meets a guy on horseback and asks for help, or a way out, but then the guy says something like, "Sorry but you don't know me well". then he disappears as if he was just a mirage.
This has been a lifelong quest to see this again!
Thanks Kindertrauma
Tom B
Traumafession:: Reader Josh T. on an Animated O.J. Simpson
I was very little when the OJ Simpson trial was going on. I did not understand it. It absolutely terrified me to listen to the news and everybody trying to say how they thought everything happened, especially with that ice cream melting.
But the thing that REALLY scared the ever loving crap out of my tiny self was when one local news channel brought in a CGI expert who made a primitive CGI rendering of what they thought happened. They were these badly done 3d models of people that basically were blocks with blocky arms, domed heads with just eyes on them (dead, soulless eyes). The "OJ" model stabbed whoever it was he was accused of killing with a knife. But it was all in slow motion and horrible.
I was so scared, and I ran into my room and cried in terror and begged my mom to call someone, preferably the news studio. I'm not sure what I expected her to tell them, but I was just so horrified.
Name That Trauma :: Reader Val on a Crazy Killer Clown Comic Book
Hello there!
For quite a long time now I've been checking your site regularly but this is the first time I actually had the guts to write you. Lately I had a conversation with my girlfriend during which an old memory came up again, that I've forgotten about for a long time. It's a memory of an old movie or television series (I'm not quite sure about that) I watched as a child and that scared the living shit outta me.
There was a boy that had this strange comic book with a clown on the cover and he read it in class. His teacher confiscated it and threw it into an aquarium. Later the boy got it back and put it in the microwave at home to dry it. Then he went to look at it again, the clown on the cover was like cut out and now ran free in the real world. Of course nobody believed the boy's story but everyone the clown came across went laughing like crazy with blue slime coming out of their mouths – including the boy's parents. Yuck! The boy and his friends followed the clown with the help of the comic book, in which they could read what was going to happen next. One scene I remember is then they were sitting in a bus and reading the book which told them, that the bus driver was the clown/infected by the clown and they were looking up and the driver turned his head, laughing like crazy.
So, long story, big big trauma that haunted me for years aaand… I think I'm scared now. Help!
Oh and my name's Val. Have a nice day!
House on Haunted Funhouse
These two posters are different in 10 different ways. Can you find them all?
Traumafessions :: Reader Mitch K. on Child's Play
As a child your life tends to revolve around one basic idea: "fun." Everyone spent their childhood with no other thought than how and when "fun" would be had. Nothing was a better catalyst for fun than toy, everyone had at least one, you shared them, you bragged about which toy you had, how many toys you had, how rare that toy was…You loved them. Of course you did. It's a TOY. Its main purpose is to instill joy into your life but what happens when that toy doesn't love you…?
What happened was: "Child's Play". If for no other reason than the fact that the sanctity of a child's toy was, in 88 terror drenched minutes, systematically pried and erased from you memory. Child's Play scarred me for life there is not just one all encompassing reason for that scar which still resides deep within my psyche, burning white hot every time I'm alone or within the vicinity of an inanimate doll toy. Brad Dourif's voice for Chucky was just about enough to induce a nice portion of urine in my undies. Maybe it's the fact that he sounded like how I imagine the guy from all the Truth ads did, right before he acquired that hole in his throat. Or maybe it was even the fact that despite the fact his soul was transferred into the vessel that was a child's toy he still, with gusto and apathy, managed to keep a fucked-up, distorted joy in his voice. Whatever the case, it was the perfect way to kick start my fear.
As if Brad Dourif's voice acting wasn't more than enough for my adolescent mind to take, next was the rest of the movie. Eerie music, jump scares, and "run-for-your-life-even-though-it-doesn't- matter-because-that-doll-used-to-be-an-accomplished-killer" suspense. Chucky's implied "innocent child doll look" was, in fact, not freaking innocent at all. The stubby little fingers, overly colorful attire, OH AND THE FACT THAT CHUCKY HAD CRAZY FUCKED UP RED HAIR AND FRECKLES. In my defense I am in no way an advocate for ginger fear mongering but nothing you can say will convince me that it's not creepy. Something about the look of someone with ginger qualities just doesn't sit well with me. Something in me says: "That just isn't right. He doesn't like it and neither do we."
*As a side note I'm aware that stubby little fingers don't tend to instill fear. That may be an isolated incident.
The end all be all of this breaks down to the corruption of innocence, something even my childhood mind was able to grasp. To this very day I refuse to sleep in a room with inanimate dolls. Even before Child's Play they were frightening enough; every second around one was another second for the doll to come to life. Then it did. In my living room at age 8 and I've never been the same since.
UNK SEZ: Thanks for the traumafession Mitch! I don't mean to ambush you but as a ginger myself, I must disagree with one thing that you said. I have a good sense of humor about ginger jokes and partake in them myself sometimes and I have no problem with folks finding me creepy (I am) or even suggesting I have no soul (I own several) but whatever voice in you is saying "he doesn't like it and neither do we" is at least half incorrect. Speaking for myself, I can tell you that I do like having red hair. When I was a kid I thought I didn't but as I grew older, I realized that it was actually other people's reactions to it that I didn't care for. No harm, no foul, I still enjoyed your traumafession, I just thought you should know that not everybody who looks different or falls into a minority is wishing they didn't. Personally, I've seen what belonging to the majority can do to a person and it's not much to envy. On the other hand, I will give you this- Chucky with any other hair color? It just wouldn't work.
Name That Trauma:: Reader Kirby R. on a Creepy Yarn Collection
Hello! I just absolutely love your site and I've been thinking for a while now about asking for your help – you've been so helpful to so many people, maybe you can help me too! I'm trying to find out anything I can about this collection of kids horror stories that was published sometime in the early 90s or later 80s – I've been looking for it for so long unsuccessfully that I'm beginning to think I may have hallucinated its existence. Anyway, I had the book in elementary school and I believe it was written by one author, it had illustrations and a featured a few different tales but I can only remember two with any clarity.
One involves a little girl who falls asleep on a city bus and upon waking gets off at the wrong stop. Now lost in an unfamiliar part of the city, she finds this ball – of twine or yarn or something like that – and she begins to unravel it as she walks. As she's unwinding it she comes upon several scraps of paper with warnings written on them that say things like "Stop!" and "Don't Go Any Further!" When she finally does get the whole thing completely unwound there is an eyeball at the center of it and it is at this point that a homeless woman appears and comes rushing at her, yelling, "Can't you read?!" And the homeless woman is, of course, missing an eye.
The other story I remember involved a family that has just moved into a new house and one by one the family members disappear into the basement and do not return. Finally only the frightened son remains and he too ventures down and encounters a monster. But it is a friendly monster who has a cake and wants to welcome the family to the house, and everyone is alive and unharmed. If anyone could help me out with any information at all about this I would be so monumentally grateful. Thanks for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it!
Streaming Alert :: The Pact (2012)
Remember when I was much better at alerting you to worthwhile movies on Netflix Streaming? I still watch movies on there all the time but somehow instead of writing about them, I end up shrugging my shoulders and taking a nap instead. What is there to say? People will either like stuff or they won't and I've been having extremely entertaining dark dreams lately that trump my ability to care either way. Luckily there is a cure for this particular type of writer's block and it's called a good movie. THE PACT (2012) snapped me out of my apathetic haze and I'm now going to enjoy giving you a short list of spoiler free reasons you should check it out.
1. THE CAST. In THE PACT, most of our time is satisfyingly spent with Annie, a young woman who returns home after her abusive mother's death and is confronted by malignant forces. She is played by CAITY LOTZ and, by my estimation, LOTZ kind of rules. She reminds me of MELISSA GEORGE and AMY STEEL combined with a little GILLIAN ANDERSON meets JENNIFER RUBIN thrown in and if that weren't awesome enough, she rides a motorcycle. LOTZ is a real find, striking a perfect balance between ornery and sympathetic. Another stand out is HALEY HUDSON who shows up as creepy psychic Stevie, emaciated and sunken-eyed, you can't tell at any given moment if she's going to break down in tears or explode into flames. I was also really happy to see good ol' CASPER VAN DIEN of STARSHIP TROOPERS and SLEEPY HOLLOW fame working against his human action figure looks by playing a weathered, been-around-the block cop and an unrecognizable AGNES BRUCKNER (THE WOODS) as Annie's ill-fated sister. MARK STEGER deserves high praise to for a ghoulishly graceful physical performance but I can't get into that any further without ruining things.
2. THE LOOK. THE PACT is beautifully shot. There's an unnerving meticulousness and I just happen to be a sucker for psychotic wallpaper and a limited beige and gray palate. Delicate touches are everywhere, meaning that repeat viewings promise to bring things to the forefront that I may have missed the first time and Christmas decorations loiter in the background, meaning I can happily throw this baby onto my perennial holiday viewing pile. Everything seems to have its own peculiar place and there is such a somber softness that when horrific images finally do appear, they are all the more jarring.
3. THE SCARES. I don't mind telling you that this movie fucking scared me. I can nick-pick a few story elements that didn't quit gel for me, but who the hell cares when THE PACT so successfully delivered for me on the fright-front? There's a wondrous bit that takes place in a motel where I thought maybe I was seeing something in the background and then it was suddenly made shockingly clear. It's a brilliantly sly thing and yes, I yelped. Actually, several scenes made me their bitch, but what really impressed me was the lingering creeps I was left stewing in. This is one of those great supernatural flicks that alters the way you observe things while you're watching it. Every shadow in my house was a little bit darker by the time it was done. If you enjoyed INSIDIOUS and/or LAKE MUNGO, you are probably the prime audience for THE PACT; it's a haunted house flick that genuinely feels haunted. Will it scare you as much as it scared me? I hope so but if not, tough luck! I've got my own bones to chill, and my own bad dreams to feed and this sneaky doozy about skeletons in the closet and one very gnarled family tree, snuck up behind yours truly pitch-perfectly.