kindertrauma random header image


They’re Back! Kindertrauma II: The Other Side

July 14th, 2013 · 17 Comments

Hey, look we’re back and better than ever! Well, actually that “better than ever” part isn’t accurate but the part about us being back is mostly true. Sorry we were away for so long. Our move turned out to be a great deal more arduous than expected. We had zero Internet for a time and then when we did get it back, I didn’t exactly welcome its return with open arms. I needed all the white plastic flakes in my snow globe brain to settle before I could even think about turning my computer on. I did play a great deal of Candy Crush on my phone though. I admit that. It didn’t help much and neither did imagining zillions of Chicken Little apocalyptic scenarios. Do they make thunder shirts for people? Why do dogs get all the luck?

Somewhere along the line I became morbidly obsessed with the Artax –sinking notion that my working hard on something and my not doing anything at all both produce uncannily similar results. Naturally this resulted in oblivion-seeking naps followed by more oblivion-seeking naps. Futility is the fluffiest pillow. Almost too late I realized the cause of my discombobulation, molasses-dipped ennui and dramatic Mathew Perry-style weight loss was my foolish decision to go cold turkey from my required dosage of trauma. No wonder my kilt was off-kilter! And so I return. Thanks for your patience stalwart kindertots and my apologies to anyone whose submissions were not processed promptly. Hopefully we’ll be running at full capacity soon! There’s still plenty of trauma gold in them there hills!

[

Tags: Kinder Loves Mickster! · Kinder-News

Happy Memorial Day and Kinder- Hiatus Alert!

May 27th, 2013 · 7 Comments

Hope everybody out there is having an excellent Memorial Day! I have to give you a warning that things may be a little quiet around here for an undetermined amount of time. Here’s the thing, we are moving out of the Kindertrauma Kastle! Don’t worry we found some place older and darker and bigger and better! It even has a vestibule, the only thing I ever wanted! I decree that we will never move again and that I shall grow old and die at this new address! Isn’t that cool?

The rub is that there is so much packing etcetera to do that I need to focus and laser style. I’m going to be as nervous as a hermit crab between shells until we are in our new abode with all the hatches battened down! I’ll certainly post any and all traumafessions and “Name That Traumas!” that come in, but our reviews and regular features like Friday Funhouse and Sunday Streaming will have to be put on hold. Those suffering from acute trauma withdrawal are invited to explore our extensive archives and to LIKE us on Facebook HERE! Hang tight! We’ll be back to haunting the internet at full capacity before too long!

[

Tags: Holidays · Kinder-News

Rondo Rally!

April 1st, 2013 · 3 Comments

Here at Kindertrauma we are very honored to have been nominated for best blog in the 11th annual Rondo Hatton Awards! Why not pretend that we never had a post titled “Help the Leprechaun catch Jennifer Aniston!” and jump over HERE and vote for us! Even if voting is not your thing, checking out that ballot is a great opportunity to familiarize yourself with a bunch of stellar writers and blogs! We can’t possibly cover all of the nominees here, so allow me to spotlight a few fine folks who were generous enough to participate in our “It’s a Horror to Know You!” campaign! Good luck and congratulations to all these guys who were nice enough to stop by and share their expertise with us! It’s a horror to be nominated with all of you!

It’s a Horror to Know: J.M. Cozzolia of Zombo’s Closet!

It’s a Horror to Know: Christine Hadden of Fascination with Fear!
(And a special happy fifth Anniversary to Fascination With Fear!)

It’s a Horror to Know: John Squires of Freddy in Space!

It’s a Horror to Know: Brittney–Jade Colangelo of Day of the Woman!

It’s a Horror to Know: The Mike of From Midnight with Love!

It’s a Horror to Know: Jaako of Groovy Age of Horror!

And as always, everyone is invited to participate in It’s a Horror to Know You! Just respond to the questions as these folks have done and send your answers to! We’d like to have the horror of knowing you too!

[

Tags: It's a Horror to Know You! · Kinder-News

Kinder-News:: Drew Daywalt’s The Hurting Man

February 14th, 2013 · No Comments

UNK SEZ: Listen to this great news! Our old pal DREW DAYWALT has just signed a deal to direct the horror feature THE HURTING MAN based on his own original script and executive produced by LARRY FESSENDEN of THE HABIT and THE LAST WINTER fame! This is from the press release:

THE HURTING MAN follows the story of a police officer who tragically finds his family murdered after a failed 911 call and now must work to save their souls from a demonic boogieman haunting his childhood home.

“I wrote this script and kept it close to my chest,” says Daywalt, “ because this one was written from my own worst terrors, both as a parent of small children, and also tapping into my own childhood fears of a hideously costumed boogieman. This one’s going to scare the hell out of everyone. I promise. I can say that because it really scares me, and I’m letting my fear guide me on this one.”

Says Fessenden, “There’s a certain kind of genuinely terrifying old-school-campfire scare that Daywalt gets right in his Fear Factory gems and I can’t wait to see him nail those chills in a long form film.”

This is exciting news for any horror fan familiar with DREW‘s fantastic previous work! Make sure you keep up to date by liking the film’s Facebook Page HERE. And keep yours eyes out for his soon to be unleashed flick THE PASSENGERS which sounds equally kindertraumatic! In the meantime, it’s always a good time for this DAYWALT classic…

[

Tags: Kinder-News

Kinder-News:: Silent Night is Coming to Town

November 26th, 2012 · 8 Comments

UNK SEZ: My apologies if you have already heard about this but just in case you missed it, yours truly and Kindertrauma appeared in yesterday’s New York Times in an article about the upcoming remake of SILENT NIGHT DEADLY NIGHT! Check it out HERE! SILENT NIGHT stars MALCOLM McDOWELL and JAIME KING and will be available on December 4th!

[

Tags: Kinder-Link · Kinder-News

I’m Stevie Wayne and I Approve this Message…

November 6th, 2012 · 2 Comments

Ahoy maties! It’s your nightlight Stevie Wayne here reminding you that today is Election Day, so make sure you get out and VOTE! It’s not KAB practice to endorse any one candidate but how about doing your old pal Stevie a favor and voting for the person you truly believe is less likely to use a misleading fire as a beacon to lure a ship of unfortunate lepers to their watery death in order to plunder their gold? Trust me on this. It may not seem like a big deal right now but in my experience, future generations reap what their predecessors sow.

Like I said, I can’t tell you who to- hold on! Wait! I see something on the horizon! Could it be…??? Ah, no, it’s nothing. I thought I saw some fog out there! Come to think of it, there hasn’t been much of that stuff around here lately. Antonio Bay is by no means perfect but I have to say it’s been a lot less foggy the last, what… four years or so? I hardly remember what it’s like to have my tape recorder scream about an albatross and explode into flames and this single mom likes it that way. Anyway, that’s off the subject. Point is, get out there and do your part as a citizen!

In addition, councilwoman Kathy Williams has asked me to urge you to donate to the Sandy relief fund. She’s been begging for relief from Sandy for years.

[

Tags: Kinder-News

Happy Birthday Kindertrauma!

September 30th, 2012 · 10 Comments

It’s the last day of September and that means it’s Kindertrauma’s birthday. We usually allow the date to pass without any horn tooting but this year is different because it’s our big fifth anniversary! Yep, it was precisely half a decade ago that the very first Kindertrauma post appeared! Fittingly our inaugural subject matter concerned a birthday, the birthday of one Elizabeth Walton as depicted in an episode of THE WALTONS entitled “The Changeling”. Looking back, the “article” itself is nothing more than an annoyingly flippant, poorly illustrated, sketchy synopsis but hey, ya gotta start somewhere! We may have been wet (soaked) behind the ears but nobody can accuse us of ever being confused about what we wanted to focus on. Let everybody else feign coolness and pretend that their attraction to the genre is due their being so brave, dark and counterculture. We knew the unspoken truth; that inside every insatiable horror fan there was a kid with his hands covering his eyes begging for the light to be left on.

Or maybe that’s just me. I was 11 when “The Changeling” first aired on October 26, 1978. I had been dabbling with horror movies for some time and had no reason to think that the pre-Halloween episode would be anything I couldn’t handle. Right I was…for the most part. Floating rocking chairs and inexplicable walking dolls were relatively benign occurrences and it was not as if anybody was physically harmed or that things didn’t go back to normal when the episode closed. Yet still…the creeps. There was something WRONG with Elizabeth Walton. For so long she was the cute, youngest, adored child and then suddenly she wasn’t. It was if growing older made all her inadequacies rise to the surface. She became a magnet for cruddy things and as a kid getting older, I related. My older brothers were developing new interests that left me in the dust and my parents began looking at me like I broke a vase with every step I took. Like Elizabeth, I didn’t want to grow up. From what I could tell, it sucked. It wasn’t the piano playing by itself that freaked me out, it was the fact that I identified with the alienation poor Elizabeth couldn’t scrape off her shoe. If she was cursed then I was cursed too. I was a little over twice as old as this website and I wasn’t worried ghosts would harm me so much as I dreaded they might expose me as deficient and rotten to the core. Good times.

Anyway, It wasn’t long before we started getting some baffling heavy-traffic connected to our very first post! Yay! People must like what we’re doing! Sadly and yet somewhat hilariously, trailing the links back to their source exposed the opposite appraisal. Fans of THE WALTONS were outraged! The WALTONS board was NOT having Kindertrauma. “It is unbelievable the disgusting garbage and filth that is on the internet. This vulgar and obscene website should be eliminated!” Huh? What now? “It is by far the worst thing I have ever read.” Really? “Oh my God! How rude could this person get!” Rude? I reread the article a billion times trying to decipher what spurred the umbrage but to no avail. Geez, maybe I really was just a bad apple and like Elizabeth’s poltergeists, only true WALTONS fans could sniff me out!

But wait, there’s another story connected to our first post that I think tells a larger truth about Kindertrauma and serves eleven-year-old me some redemption as well. I had a very difficult time finding an image to accompany that first piece. There was nothing on YouTube, at the time, to capture and Google came up all kinds of empty-handed…

I had about given up when I came across something strange. It was an artist’s installation based on the episode. It involved a person lying in bed next to a TV that showed Elizabeth’s rag doll walking about in a loop. Wow “The Changeling” inspired somebody else as much as me and I was able to grab a shot of the doll via the tiny video! Fast forward three plus years and Kindertrauma begins receiving encouraging emails from one STACY PERSHALL (Buy her book!). We became quick friends as she was obviously a kindred spirit and eventually she even came to visit. While talking about the shows that left a mark on our youth the subject of “The Changeling” reared its head. As it turned out, my new pal STACY was the very person who made that installation I encountered years before and inadvertently had a hand in our original post. Point being, enraged WALTONS fans or no, Kindertrauma’s existence had permanently altered the way I viewed “The Changeling.” Maybe there was something strange and weird and off about Elizabeth but I was dead wrong in thinking she (or I) was alone.

So here is where I thank everybody who ever contributed to and has supported Kindertrauma over the years. I started a list of names but it truly would be impossibly long and I can’t stand the idea of leaving anybody out. You all know who you are and we acknowledge and are proud of the fact that we’d be nothing without you.

I’d also like to thank our readers and commenters for being so remarkably consistent in respecting each others opinions and personal experiences and keeping this joint a drama-free zone, It’s really an anomaly on the internet and quite impressive for such a “vulgar and obscene” website! Happy Birthday to us and Happy Birthday to ALL of you. Stay tuned. And check back often. Tomorrow is October first and we’ve only just begun.

[

Tags: Holidays · Kinder-News

Vote Kindertrauma!

March 28th, 2012 · 3 Comments

Only a couple days left to vote for Kindertrauma as Best Blog of 2011 in the RONDO HATTON AWARDS! If elected, we promise no homework, candy for lunch and the Principal’s decapitated head skewered on the flag pole! Plus free pogs! Easy, super fun to fill out ballots can be found HERE!

[

Tags: Kinder-News

Have You Seen The Unseen? (1980)

February 24th, 2012 · 5 Comments

Do you live in New York City? Can you find a way to get there? On March 16th, at 10:30 p.m., Kindertrauma is teaming up with 92YTribeca to bring you a special screening of the 1980 goosebumper THE UNSEEN! Have you not seen THE UNSEEN? Isn’t it time that you did? And what better way than on an actual movie screen and on real solid 35mm film!? Even better, this 92YTribecca joint has a bar downstairs and with your ticket you can get 2 dollars off a beer! Don’t chug it! You can take that very beer into the theater and nurse it in a civilized fashion while enjoying the film! What could be better? Not much.

THE UNSEEN is an old school spookfest from director DANNY STEINMANN (he of the LINDA BLAIR classic SAVAGE STREETS and good ol’ FRIDAY THE 13th PART 5: A NEW BEGINNING.) It stars the lovely BARBARA BACH as an ace reporter who gets stuck in a weird town with her sexy pals and has to spend the night in an awesome old house. Little does she know that the folks offering her a roof over her head may be offering her a lid to her casket as well! Expect an exceptionally creepy performance from SYDNEY LASSICK (who you might remember as an obnoxious teacher in CARRIE) who’s keeping a startling secret within the basement of his home. A sort of mash up of later flicks AMERICAN GOTHIC and HUMONGOUS, THE UNSEEN deserves to be seen; it’s an eighties slash-classic that offers as much campy fun as spooky chills. Find out some more about this incredible kinder-event HERE!

[

Tags: Kinder-News · Kinder-Spotlight

Gone Fishing (?)

December 26th, 2011 · 5 Comments

UNK SEZ: Happy day after Christmas! Did you know that Kindertrauma has posted every day for the last four years and then some? It’s true! So guess what? Aunt John and I have decided to take a break for a bit to go all zen and stare at walls and maybe fish for Humanoids from the deep! Keep sending in your Traumafessions (your stories about what scared you as a kid), keep sending in your Name That Traumas! (your stories about the stuff that scared you as a kid that you don’t remember the title of) and please make sure to “like” us on our Facebook page which you can access through that Facebook link to the right! We’ll be back!! We promise (unless something horrible happens).

[

Tags: Kinder-News