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Horror Movie Bar Crawl

September 22nd, 2008 by unkle lancifer · 33 Comments

Alcoholics and horror fans alike know that when you’re jonesin’ for a fix, beggars can’t be choosers. In these instances any old place will do. Yet we all have our personal favorite drinking spots where we feel most comfortable and at home. Here is a list of my favorite drunken horror hang outs, the bars in horror movies that I return to most often and where I sometimes even score one on the house.

THE HOWLING (Name Unknown)
Now this is my type of joint, just regular people sitting around shooting the shit and enjoying brewskis, burgers and billiards. Nobody puts on airs here and they’re very friendly to out-of-towners. My only advice is to be very specific about how you want your hamburger cooked; the last time I ordered one rare they let it cook through the entire closing credits!

Moosehead fans rejoice! This is the place for you. After a hard day in the mines you couldn’t ask for a more relaxed vibe. They’ll even let you play five-finger fillet on the tables! Stand warned though. Don’t get bartender “Happy” started on the olden-timey days. He’ll really talk your ear off!

Somewhere in the heart of Springwood lies this notorious gay bar. Don’t ask me how to get there; I don’t remember a thing. I do know that it’s hidden in a dark alley and that’s rarely a good sign. From what I recall, the lighting left something to be desired, but that may have been due to my ill-fitting leather cat mask. It’s definitely worth a stop-by if you’re interested in the more adventurous scene (i.e., S&M gym teachers), but I’d keep my eyes on my drink and who’s serving it at all times.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME (The Silent Woman Pub)
The only drawback to this fine establishment is that it acts like a magnet for drunken Shriners. If you don’t have a problem with listening to “99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall” sung in your ear all night, everything is Jake. You can’t beat the location, it’s within walking distance to Crawford Academy and it’s adjacent to a draw bridge in case you want to play a little game of “Chicken’!

THE HUNGER (Unknown Goth joint)
This place is more of an after-hours club than a bar, but I bring it up because if you go, you are guaranteed to have the time of your life. First of all, you can still smoke there, which is a major plus (actually thanks to proprietor TONY SCOTT the whole place is literally filled with smoke!), and you won’t just hear groovy tune-age from the likes of BAUHAUS, you will actually get to see them perform live! Plus, if any of you swingers out there are looking to score some ANN MAGNUSON tail, this place is really your best, and only option.

FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 (Casino Bar)
I love this place!!! There is always a great mix of locals, and I still hold the Q-bert high score there! It’s quiet enough that if you want to talk bar stool psychology, you know like why mongoloids are such mother-loving murderers, your friends can actually hear you! The staff is all around attentive, even if they do spend more time flirting with customers than actually clearing away empty beer bottles.

(The Tombs)
This place is very crowded, you should know that from the get-go and it may take you a while to get served, but once you’ve found a booth Beelzebub’s you’re unkle! I like to take all of my priest buddies here and get them completely, stone cold wasted. Since this is Georgetown, it’s not long before Father so-and-so is straddling a jukebox and performing a sax solo just like ROB LOWE in ST. ELMO’S FIRE! I would also recommend the establishment from THE NINTH CONFIGURATION which was also penned by WILLIAM PETER BLATTY, but I think if you went there you might get your face punched in.

HALLOWEEN (The Rabbit In Red Lounge)
A source of plenty of schoolyard speculation, this out-of-the-way Haddonfield, Illinois night spot is famous for its lenient policies regarding proper age verification. ROB ZOMBIE‘s remake may have split fans down the middle in the T.M.I. department, but few complained about his remodeling of this particular joint. Rabbit re-dux has got girly-girls doing the hoochie coochie!!!

It’s not the friendliest place on Earth, but at least it’s warm. What you’re really going out of the way for here is atmosphere and the Slaughtered Lamb just reeks of old world tradition. Dart throwing, joke telling and if you go often enough, you’re just bound to bump into DROP DEAD FRED (RIK MAYALL) playing chess! Just don’t ask the regulars about the five-pointed star on the wall and, above all else, remember the Alamo!

THE SHINING (The Overlook Bar)
If you want to go high class, I always suggest a hotel bar. Not only are they required to keep the place relatively clean, but also it’s usually teaming with yummy transients you’ll never have to speak to again. The Overlook Hotel’s bar is so fricking swank that Replicant God Dr. Eldon Tyrell (JOE TURKEL) is the gosh darn bartender! Whenever I want a refill of the good stuff, I just slam my glass down and say, “I want more life f*cker!”

So, when I want to tie one on, those are my personal favorite horror watering holes. If there’s some place that you dear reader frequent that you’d like to recommend, the comments section is all ears! Just remember I prefer nuts to pretzels, AND I’m on a limited budget.

UPDATE: Once again our brilliant readers have spoken and these are their top choices when it comes to wetting their own horror whistles.

Amanda by Night and Aunt John can be found tying one on at “One Eyed Jacks” from TWIN PEAKS. Sometimes they’ll even bounce over to sister establishments “The Bang Bang Bar” and the “Pink Room” Slow down you two, the night is young!

After Amanda calls it a night and returns home to her hubby. Aunt John finds consolation with PHEOBE CATES at Dorry’s Tavern from GREMLINS.

Mamasweetpeaches and Erczilla are all about The Winchester from SEAN OF THE DEAD and why shouldn’t they be?

Tank and the Mickster (who also raves about the club from FRIGHT NIGHT) know that the best jukebox is at NEAR DARK’S “Shit Kicker Heaven” where there always seems to be an ALIENS cast reunion taking place.

PLUS: After all this drinking you might need some late night diner grub. Amancebado suggests Beakman’s Diner from NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD and Theauldlangsyne sings the praises of a joint you may have seen in THE BIRDS.

Tags: Kinder-News

33 responses so far ↓

  • 1 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:20 am

    Freakin’ Fabulous! I think you remembered all the best ones…and you managed to marry my two favorite past-times – getting drunk and watching Horror movies. Kudos!

    (By the way, CHILLER played FRIDAY THE 13TH PART 2 yesterday and I watched it…again…I thought of you guys everytime they showed that annoying Muffin! We all wanna rip that obnoxious cutsey-pooh yarn bow off his head and – Lucky Jason!- He got to actually  do it!)

  • 2 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:50 am

    Me and the girls from the typing pool at work like to get our drink on at One-Eyed Jack’s.

  • 3 RATSAWGODNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:53 am

    My dreams dragged and dropped me into Don’s Place so many damn times I finally just started going there for reals. Hey, did’ja know they have a Slaughtered Lamb Pub in NYC (based on the film version?) I’ve had the Shepards Pie and Yard O Ale many a time.

  • 4 DavidFullamNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 12:31 pm

    The American Werewolf scene still disturbs me to this day.  They sure hit the right vibe of “strangers being where they are not wanted.”

  • 5 Jeff AllardNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 2:16 pm

    Amazing blog, Unk! Gives me the urge to tilt a few back.

  • 6 Amanda By NightNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 4:05 pm

    Aunt John! I was just going to mention some of the Twin Peaks haunts. I’m thinking of the places in Fire Walk with Me. On wikipedia I see the Bang Bang Bar and the Pink Room!

    This article is excellent, and very well researched.

    When I first saw the title, I was all “I hope they mention the place in Nightmare 2,” and it’s in the main picture! YAY! That place looked scary!

  • 7 TenebrousKateNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 4:32 pm

    That scene in “The Hunger” set up a standard that has never been matched in my lifetime of attending spooky nightclubs.  It remains but a beautiful dream…

  • 8 amancebadoNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    Just brilliant pals, seriously…
    Its a pity you don´t have any postcard from “Beakman’s dinner”, the food is normal but the costumers are terrific 😉

  • 9 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 5:45 pm

    Not for nothing, but the all-you-can-eat popcorn at Dorry’s Tavern is the super badness!  Just be sure to bring your Polaroid

  • 10 Theauldlangsyne.No Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 6:27 pm

    The bar at the Overlook completely cemented the seductive mystery that took ahold of Jack–so grand and lovely and wretched!  

    You know, another fine horror movie bar is the one in The Birds.  The folks are all sorta trapped by prevailing circumstances, and the one woman is chaperoning schoolchildren. It’s so brutal the way everyone’s been foisted into a confrontation with grown-up terror.  

    The lushes had been living with that sense of inevitable doom all the while, but those kids are getting it like an ice bath:  Adulthood, killer birds, the aroma of kirschwasser…man, that’s a crash course in growing up fast!

  • 11 godmonsterNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 8:12 pm

    How about the unknown bar in Tobe Hooper’s “Eaten Alive”? Stuart Whitman as the local sheriff hassling a young Robert Englund for his underage date. And what’s with “Freak-out Guy”? He lent nothing to the story but did provide interesting unsettling atmosphere. I’m with you on the bar from “Ninth Configuration”. I’d love to chat with the space man, but I wouldn’t want to hang out there, rough crowd! Great blog! I look forward to it every day.

  • 12 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 9:36 pm

    Even though I am a teetotaler, I would probably be partial to the Goth joint from The Hunger. How could I possibly pass up Bowie and Bauhaus? I would be coughing my head off, but it would totally be worth it!
    Another good club/bar is the one in Fright Night. That happens to be where my favorite scene in the movie takes place.

  • 13 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:04 pm

    @Amanda: I do love me some LYNCH bars, but honestly, that Bob regular is such a pest!

  • 14 sbdNo Gravatar // Sep 22, 2008 at 11:48 pm

    I don’t usually tope either, unless the wife has left over ale from making beer brats, but I’d have to agree with Theauldlangsyne: the Overlook is where I’d want to hang out if I wanted to be a serious boozeaholic – the atmosphere, the great music, freaky sex whenever you want to take a break and go upstairs, and who indeed would you want filling your glass more than Joe Turkel, the most understated and inimitable man in the history of show biz?

  • 15 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Sep 23, 2008 at 10:12 am

    When the shit hit the fan in SEAN OF THE DEAD they did the only LOGICAL thing : Hid out in a pub! (Don’t know what the pub was called though). Anyone?

  • 16 erczillaNo Gravatar // Sep 24, 2008 at 2:15 am

    I second the nomination for the “Winchester” from Sean of the Dead! 

  • 17 mamamiasweetpeachesNo Gravatar // Sep 24, 2008 at 8:31 am

    Thank you for telling me what the Winchester was called. That would have driven me NUTS! Strangely even though I have the DVD for SEAN I’ve only watched it ONCE. My friends and family can’t get past the English accents and never wanna watch it with me. Grrrrr.

  • 18 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Sep 24, 2008 at 11:14 am

    The Winchester is a great choice! I wish I had thought of that one! I believe that spot has become a bit of a landmark.

    A lesser one that comes to mind is the bar in 2005’s “feast” That whole movie took place inside a bar.

  • 19 TankNo Gravatar // Sep 25, 2008 at 2:20 am

    NEAR DARK’s “Shit kicker heaven”- The cast of ALIENS. Terrible Buffalo Bill jokes. Robert Palmer’s “Naughty Naughty”. Practical vampire boots. Bill Paxton’s finest performance. Nightmares for the 11-year-old me for weeks. “Finger Lickin’ Good!”

  • 20 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 25, 2008 at 10:05 pm

    John Parr’s “Naughty Naughty”

  • 21 TankNo Gravatar // Sep 27, 2008 at 3:13 am

    Parr, Palmer, whatever…they’re both frightening.
    (But, yeah, you’re right. I should’ve done some fact-checking.)

  • 22 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 27, 2008 at 9:23 am

    Hey, I need to stop being so nitpicky about theses things. They are both from the same time and last names start with pa. Few, besides me, probably remember John Parr anyway. If you watched the video, did you notice that the girl in the car with John Parr was Lisa Rinna? Oh poop, there I go again with trivial facts. I guess I can’t be cured.

  • 23 TankNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 4:16 am

    No worries. I don’t blame you. I suffer from pop culture OCD myself. I just had it in my head for some reason that it was Palmer.
    I do remember Parr though, unfortunately. Didn’t he do the title song from ST. ELMO’S FIRE? Speaking of terrifying drinking establishments…

  • 24 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 11:47 am

    Yes, he did do the title song from St. Elmo’s Fire. Terrifying drinking establishment, terrifyingly self-absorbed patrons (that you are supposed to feel for)… This movie would have been more satisfying if there had been a killer bumping the characters off.

  • 25 unkle lanciferNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 3:36 pm


    Saint Elmos fire with a killer? That is the best movie I ever heard of! Speaking of John Parr, I heard that theme on the radio the other day and told my friend that Frank Stallone MOST DEFINITELY sang it!  Don’t ever find a cure Mickster, I need you around here!!!

  • 26 HowardNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 3:52 pm

    [Finally, I got a WordPress username/password for Kindertrauma that actually works.] I kind of like the badass toymaker bar in Christmas Evil/You Better Watch Out (you know, the little Pittsburgh dive where all the toymakers hang out after a long day at the toy mill, making toys), but in my dreams I hang out at all the nightclubs in Jess Franco movies. I like the dingy basement linoleum titty bar in The Awful Dr. Orloff, but if want to impress a date, I take her to the swank nightclub where Miss Muerte performs.

  • 27 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    Unkle Lancifer, Happy to help you with your trivial needs. Ah, Frank Stallone, I bought “Far from Over” on itunes earlier this year.

    The only good thing from that crap movie Staying Alive.

  • 28 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 11:36 pm

    @Mickster: Now I’ve got the St. Elmo’s Fire theme burning in my brain.

  • 29 aunt johnNo Gravatar // Sep 28, 2008 at 11:39 pm

    This got rid of it

  • 30 micksterNo Gravatar // Sep 29, 2008 at 7:18 am

    YEAH! I love Olivia Newton-John! Thanks, A.J.!

  • 31 TankNo Gravatar // Oct 1, 2008 at 2:51 am

     I work in films and TV in AZ. Earlier this year I got a job on a 2-hour TV pilot directed by John Herzfeld, the writer-director of…wait for it…TWO OF A KIND. That’s right. I used to see him every single morning, without fail, at the breakfast truck. He was the coolest dude, always saying good morning and what not. Of course, me being me and having absolutlely no life to speak of, I knew exactly who he was. And every morning, without fail, just the sight of him would cue that goddamn song up in my head, where it would remain for the rest of the day. I wish to this day that, just once, I had walked up next to him, started to casually pour some coffee or something, and just sort of “nonchalantly” started whistling it while making my breakfast.  Just to see his reaction. But I value being employed a lot more than I do being a jackass, so I never quite let myself give in to that impulse.

  • 32 bluerosekillerNo Gravatar // Oct 12, 2008 at 3:08 pm

    Going back a few decades further than most, one of my personal favs is the hotel lounge at The Whitewood Inn in HORROR HOTEL.

    A nice, shadows casting fire in the hearth, cheesy late ’50s style jazz playing & patrons who hit the fog shrouded streets in record time at closing …

  • 33 online shopping irelandNo Gravatar // Feb 25, 2011 at 6:21 am

    I love THE EXORCIST and SHINING thsoe two are my favorite :dd

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