kindertrauma

Name That Trauma :: Reader Carl on Hot-Bodied Beasts

Posted on By aunt john

I remember seeing part of a Creature Feature-type movie on weekend television as a kid. This was probably in the late ‘70s, but the movie was an older black and white film. I don't remember much about it, and what I do might be distorted or wrong at this point.

Anyway, I think some people found one or more mysterious rock eggs. The eggs might have been baseball or softball sized. The eggs are brought back to a house and are left unattended. The people may have left the eggs in their fireplace. One or more monsters hatch out of the eggs and leave "burned" creature footprints on the carpet. I guess the monsters had extremely hot body temperatures.

I don't remember much about the monsters, but for some reason I think they might have been reptilian and/or invisible. I assume the monsters attacked various people, but I can't remember anything else.
Any help figuring out this movie would be much appreciated!

Thanks,

Carl


UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Special thanks to DavidFullam for solving this one with SOUND OF HORROR!

Clash of the Titans (2010)

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Is it my imagination or have there been some major advancements in the art of special effects since we last caught up with Perseus in 1981? I'm no expert on such matters but from what I can tell there has been a particular surge in the area of crafting giant scorpions. I know, I know, there's nothing quite like the sublime beauty of RAY HARRYHAUSEN's stop motion animation but let's be frank, by today's standards it's looking a bit, how do I say this politely…crude. Pelt me with whatever you like, you were thinking the same thing.

Since my cards are on the table I'll add that even as a thirteen year-old watching the original CLASH OF THE TITANS, I thought the effects were pretty unconvincing. Still, that never stopped them from commanding my full attention. In fact, I was well aware that the entire movie was shoddy but that just made me hold it that much tighter to my chest. C.O.T.T. is fucking sweeter than a crayon drawn Valentine. It's a cynicism free, hokey, golly-gee hayride that, like all bright-eyed innocents, was spat upon and jeered on arrival. It may not be good but as I've said before, good movies can bite me.

My big fear in taking in the 2010 CLASH remake was that our story would be flared with cool dude, pseudo-butch crap and phony baloney Dark Knight posturing. Hey look how modern I am because I'm dingy and I'm all growed up now because I'm a nihilist! Ptooey and ptooey and further more ack!

I'm happy to say that the new CLASH is just as dorky craptastic as its source material and even though there are more than a few missed opportunities (how about a bit more time getting to know Pegasus people?) it's a fun, giddy Saturday afternoon, dumdum adventure that didn't make me wish I'd bought a hoagie instead. Some beloved characters do get shafted big time but I can't really complain as several others were given much more due. The rag-tag gang that joins Perseus on his adventure may all be red shirts, but at least they are mourned and acknowledged. I'm not sure who or what the rock-faced, magical djinn are but I do know that if I was still 13 that they would be first on my must-buy action figure list. Of course it would have been even ballsier to include Bubo the maligned, mechanical owl in on the Monster Mash, but baby steps people, baby steps. I have to give praise for any small ember of corniness still allowed to glow in a modern fantasy adventure and CLASH, although no great success, is at least amiable enough to bow hard on that ember.

So yeah, you're going to hear that this is crap and your reply should be, "Good, when's the next showing?" If you are so far gone and removed from your younger self that you can't get spooked out by the hideous witches, awed by the stomp on CLOVERFIELD Kraken, glory in a horse with wings, thrill at a snake lady like Medusa, or even just note the hilarity that this is LIAM NEISON and RALPH (pronounced Rafe because he's not a Cretin) FIENNES' second clash following SCHINDLER'S LIST, well I can't help you. Get the to the comic shop and lighten the Hades up.

NOTE: I should also add that I really like the hurt, injured and mostly quiet Perseus as performed by SAM WORTHINGTON. I dug that he wasn't the standard dickweed narcissist we usually have to put up with in adventure movies. My favorite moment in the whole movie may be when his dad Zeus opens up his wallet and gives him some spending cash (a gold coin) to take on his ski trip.

Also, yes, Perseus! Ethereal tomboy Lo (GEMMA ARTERTON) is a keeper, who needs Andromeda? Now you two lovebirds go off into the sunset but if you leave behind Bubo again, I'll never forgive you.

Reader Xaero on an Acidic Claymation Dog

Posted on By aunt john

YO TRAUMATOTS!

I got one for you guys….

It happened when I was 11 or so. There was some claymation ‘toon on T.V. I was in a restaurant so there wasn't any sound, but I vividly remember:

  1. A woman in a wrestling ring surrounded by acid
  2. A dog (her dog?) getting thrown into the acid
  3. The dog struggling in the acid
  4. Cut to a scene a few seconds later with a dog SKELETON, still moving, in the acid pit and then sinking

I want to say it was CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH because of the wrestling ring.

Thanks.

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Thanks to Tracky JonJon for pointing us towards the correct episode of CELEBRITY DEATHMATCH.

Traumafessions :: Reader Jack T. on The World Beyond, The Monster Club, The Crazies & Salem's Lot

Posted on By aunt john

I vividly remember THE WORLD BEYOND like it was yesterday and I was 7 years old when I saw it (now 39). My Parents were out and Grandparents were babysitting. When they fell asleep, I flipped channels to that movie by accident and it really was what led me to an affinity for the genres of horror and sci-fi ever since.

I was also turned on by a movie or short sequences within a movie which I think was called THE MONSTER CLUB or something like that. There is a short within that film that was nightmarish S-C-A-R-Y! At least to a nine year old anyway. I don't remember all of the details. Maybe you guys can refresh my memory?

I also vividly remember being freaked out by the original version of THE CRAZIES which is now out as a re-made feature.

Another film that always freaked me out was a HAMMER -type horror flick with PETER CUSHING where these aliens invaded the English countryside. They looked like a cooked turkey in size and shape and had a long snake-like neck. To kill them, you would have to split them in half with a blade and (what looked like) chicken noodle soup would spill out. It was twisted!

And one of my absolute favorite vampire flicks of all time…SALEM'S LOT.

No movie vampire was ever so gruesome.

I originally always felt that CHRISTOPHER LEE was the ultimate Dracula, but the way REGGIE NALDER played him in Salem's as kind of all powerful yet feral was terrifying.

When the character actor that plays "Mike" gets bit and he gives the college professor a heart attack after surprising him in the rocking chair. What a killer scene!!!

It would be great to see if my memories are accurate and if other folks related to these images as well.

Thanks.

UNK SEZ:That PETER CUSHING flick you mentioned has got to be 1966's ISLAND OF TERROR directed by TERRENCE FISHER! You can check out the trailer HERE!

NOTE: Thanks to BADMOVIES.ORG for the yummy picture above!

Kinder-News :: BRIAN DE PALMA's TOOTSIE 2: THE CURSE OF DOROTHY MICHAELS Heading Straight To DVD!

Posted on By unkle lancifer

Originally conceived as an Oscar hopeful BRIAN DE PALMA's TOOTSIE 2: THE REVENGE OF DOROTHY MICHAELS, after several disastrous test screenings and a multitude of release date changes, is finally heading straight to DVD in early June. This is a giant step backward for a 200 million dollar production once poised to go head to head with JAMES CAMERON's AVATAR in theaters. "The plug needs to be pulled on this abomination," says an insider, "any money spent advertising this doorway into hell is going right down the toilet."

TOOTSIE 2 has been a lightening rod for turmoil ever since its inception. The original script by JEFF BUHAI (REVENGE OF THE NERDS, EDDIE) was strong enough to lure the once resistant, high-priced talents of DUSTIN HOFFMAN and JESSICA LANGE to return to their roles. For reasons only known to DE PALMA that script was scrapped at the last minute in favor of an overhauled version by DAVID SELF (1999's THE HAUNTING), which eliminated comedic elements in favor of direction that was more in line with a psychological thriller. LANGE unhappy with the new direction bowed out, her only official statement being, "There's not enough money in the world," and was replaced by frequent DE PALMA collaborator MELANIE GRIFFITH.

SELF's script was eventually leaked onto the Internet and greeted with fan outrage. The story finds the popular character of Michael Dorsey decades after the events of the original TOOTSIE. Although the still-working actor has enjoyed a small amount of success on a prime time drama called "Higgon's Point," its cancellation has left him grief stricken. "It's harder for actors of a certain age to find quality roles," reveals HOFFMAN in an exclusive Kindertrauma all-access, on-set interview, "TOOTSIE 2 confronts that reality head on." Learning in the local trades of a plum part in a Broadway production of IBSEN's A DOLLS HOUSE, Dorsey auditions only to be rejected on sight. After a bit of sleuthing he learns from a stagehand that the role of "Nora" is only being offered to actors of the female persuasion. "That's when the spirit of Dorothy begins to speak to me again," confides HOFFMAN. "That's how she gets inside my head!" (As if to illustrate, HOFFMAN bangs his head into a craft services table repeatedly.)

Suddenly every actress who is up for the role is being murdered by a shadowy trench coat wearing, flame-haired figure with a straight razor. Terror hits even closer to home when Michael's wife Julie (GRIFFITH) reveals that she too has her eye on the part. Has Michael's alter ego "Dorothy" returned to kill all who stand in his way? "I can't tell you that!" says HOFFMAN, "but I can tell you that Dorothy is alive and well and living inside Michael, whether she's a crazed, blood thirsty killer or just a friendly entity on hand to help solve the riddle is the film's big mystery!" GRIFFITH is equally tight lipped. "I'm not in the end of the movie!" she says, "That much I remember."

The roster of victims in TOOTSIE 2 reads like an Oscar Who's Who: MARISA TOMEI, MIRA SORVINO, HALLE BERRY and HUNTs LINDA and HELEN all fall prey to the figure crew members have dubbed "the wig." Word has it that TOMEI's death is particularly gruesome. "BRIAN's plan was to outdo HITCHCOCK," says TOMEI chewing on what could either be a soft pretzel or a knish. "Only instead of a shower," she continued, "he'd use a bidet. Although seen by a precious few, TOMEI's bidet death has already garnered much attention, it is claimed that DE PALMA shot over four hundred hours of footage for the three minute scene. "Sometimes a director can fool the audience by killing off his biggest star right off the bat, the audience is like, 'Wow, now who am I supposed to care about?'" TOMEI plops the last morsel of whatever it was she was eating (an Egg McMuffin?) and smiles mischievously, "I'm not allowed to tell you if that's what happens in THE TOOTSIES (sic) but I will say that my fans better bring plenty of Kleenex!"

Ultimately no amount of high wattage star power seems likely to save TOOTSIE 2 from its straight to DVD fate. Five alternative endings were filmed and all were greeted with equal amounts of disdain from preview audiences. "I've never seen a film that doesn't involve WILL FERRELL score this low," said one insider. "I'd call it a train wreck but that would imply that it once had the power to function." Somehow DE PALMA is able to stay optimistic, "We've still got a couple weeks to turn this decision around, Michael's inner Dorothy wouldn't let him give up and let me tell you my inner Dorothy, who I refer to simply as "Dot", is equally willful. We' haven't even tried this thing in 3-D yet, that will be the true test!"

HOFFMAN who is a credited producer and is currently writing a comic book tie in that will fill in Dorothy's "lost years" between the two films agrees. "As an actor you know when a character has outlived their welcome and I don't see that ever happening with Dorothy. I've made sure that each and every ending we've filmed whether on the Earth or on the moon includes a shot of her hand coming up from the grave." When asked what direction he sees the franchise going in the future Hoffman offers up this Kindertrauma exclusive. "I'm talking to JULIE ANDREWS right now about returning to the role of Victor from VICTOR VICTORIA, people have been asking me for years, who would win in a fight, Dorothy or Victor? If I have my way, we're all going to find out!"

Traumafessions :: Reader Denise C. on Tommy

Posted on By aunt john

First off, I LOVE this site. It has brought back some long lost memories for me.

I was a child of the early days of cable and was able to watch whatever I wanted. So needless to say I have quite a few traumas to share as the '70s was a pretty wild era for movies. For now I give you this one.

Let's see I must have been 7 or 8.

My Trauma?

TOMMY!!!!

Just typing the words to this freaky rock opera gives me the chills. I recall the Acid Queen with flashes of a skeleton and snake. The weird uncle and pedophile cousin with the torture tools. ELTON JOHN with super high platforms and the TV vomiting out beans in a white bedroom with ANN MARGARET "bathing" in it yuck!! Just typing this out I feel the need to take a long hot shower. All I can say is this movie made me feel dirty and violated. I may not be spot on in my memories as I REFUSE to watch this ever again.

And yes I have seen THE WALL and loved it.

Name That Trauma :: Reader Courtney on a Killed Cleaner

Posted on By aunt john

Greetings and salutations, Kindertrauma!

Long time lurker, first time poster here … anywho, I used to watch USA UP ALL NIGHT in the late '80's when I was 11 or 12. My parents were remote control Nazis (somehow they didn't have a problem with their little angel reading STEPHEN KING as a child, but R-rated movies were off limits!), but I'd sneak out after they went to bed. How USA was able to play such classics as ZOMBI or DEMONS 2 on basic cable is beyond me.

This movie has been driving me nuts for a ridiculous amount of time (like, YEARS). It was set in a high school. There was some kind of slasher/serial killer involved, who had a goofy laugh. The school lab may have been involved. At the end, you see a janitor's bucket-on-wheels thingie being pushed, and it looks like the janitor from the back. Then you hear the killer's crazed giggle, and you know the janitor is dead … cue end credits.

Does this ring any bells? It's probably from the early '80's.

By the way, your site is amazing. You're doing a real public service. By which I mean I lurk about when I should be doing homework.

Thanks a ton,

Courtney

UPDATE: NAME THAT TRAUMA SOLVED! Reader magired moves to the head of the class for being the first one with a hand up for RETURN TO HORROR HIGH!

Scream Pretty Peggy

Posted on By unkle lancifer

I usually liken the winters spent in Kindertrauma Castle with THE SHINING. You know, unavoidable cabin fever, highly repetitive writing and the occasional Big Wheel ride. This past winter though, sheesh, that analogy just won't cut it. Winter 2010 was more like JOHN CARPENTER'S THE THING, more Antarctica than Colorado. Beards were grown, long johns were worn and as we fond ourselves surrounded by suspicious pets, paranoia reigned. The only alleviation from the madness was found in roller-skating to STEVIE WONDER tunes, whiskey and the occasional video chess game (well more like UNCHARTED 2 than chess, but you get the idea). And yes, I admit it, mysterious shredded clothes were discovered and somebody ended up tied to a chair. Let's not talk about the noose, "I'm all better now."

I tell you this because last week when spring finally frickin' sprung it was time to get the hell out of this stinkin' shoebox! How could we though, we had just discovered SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY on VEOH (thanks to readers Mike & Senski) and it simply had to be viewed at once, what to do?

Then I had an idea of Blair Warner magnitude. Since we were locked into watching SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY on the laptop anyway why not take it into the backyard and watch it outside under the stars? A.J. groused like a man in love with his couch but I insisted. I needed to get outside before my head popped off and grew lobster legs!

Kids, do you know that watching T.V. in the backyard is the best, most fun thing on Earth? You can drink beer freely and they have something called oxygen there. If your brain is made of Play-doh like mine is, you can even imagine that you are at the drive in! It's easy, just pretend that you're as big as a matchbook and that you're sitting on the space key of your computer. Naturally, the more experience you have beating reality into submission the easier this trick will work for you. Good luck and remember to turn back to normal size after the show!

Now on to the movie, one of the first things that I noticed while watching this one was how much of a fan I WAS NOT of Peggy. I had just seen actress SIAN BARBARA ALLEN in YOU'LL LIKE MY MOTHER and found her tolerable enough so I'm assuming it's the way the character is written. I'm sorry, but if the first thing I learn about you as a person is that you CUT IN LINE, our relationship is pretty much null and void. I thought momentarily that Peggy and I could be pals when she said she was looking for a "lighthouse keeping job" as that too is my dream. Turns out she didn't say, "lighthouse keeping," she said, "light – housekeeping." Oh, Peggy, you and I haven't a chance.

You see, I have your number Peggy, I've encountered your type before! You feign helplessness to get your foot in the door and then suddenly you own the place. Your too easy grin, your phony self deprecation, do you think I was born yesterday Peg? You are obnoxious and pushy and that is why I've re-titled your film SCRAM PUSHY PEGGY!

I have a hard time believing anyone would hire Peggy but get hired she does; I guess it helps when you're willing to sell your services for 75 cents an hour (an amount that shrewd, manipulative Peggy jacks up to 1.65 within minutes of arrival.) Peggy is hired by famous sculpture Jeffrey Elliot (TED BESSELL, THAT GIRL's ever patient Donald) who lives with his mother Mrs. Elliot (some lady called BETTE DAVIS). The audience is aware that the Elliots are hiding secrets almost instantly and Peggy, who's not the brightest peg on the Lite Brite board, has a notion too. FREE ADVICE: If you have a horrendous, odious secret you're trying to keep, a secret so dark and twisted that discovery of it will land you a lifetime gig in Sing-Sing do your own "light-housekeeping." Don't allow strangers into your web, fool! There's a reason why everything in Kindertrauma Castle is covered in fur balls and on the fritz!

Although more cliché ridden than a thousand hipsters, there are several elements to this 1973 made-for-television movie that raise its ass above the chaff; the killer in a long flowing nightie with disheveled hair is tops for one. The image is not used enough but it's grand and slasher worthy. Check out TERROR OUT OF THE SKY (1978)'s TOVAH FELDSHUH's opening kill it's pretty good (incidentally, TOVAH did the voice over work as "grown-up Jane" in SILVER BULLET. Man, I wish she got the part of Peggy.) In addition, I LOVE the evil red sculptures that Jeff creates; they're these gigantic molten creations and they steal every scene they're in (plus they'd look great in the backyard.)

Then there's BETTE DAVIS, it may be the gay gene talking but you're more likely to look away from a UFO landing than her. I know A.J. has a penchant for her because he has a soft spot for snide, irascible misanthropes (don't ask me how I know that) but I dig her because she never fails to remind me of MARTIN SHORT. Some feel that DAVIS has little to do in this movie but I think that's kind of the beauty part. More often than not she is just propped up on a bed, handed a teacup filled with hooch and prodded to squawk lines like "Leave…this…house!," "You don't…be-long here!," and "You're…(pause)…fired!"

SCREAM PRETTY PEGGY is generally bland and predictable but speckled with splinters of semi-greatness. I'm sure its final revelation held some kind of scandalamity power back in the day but to contemporary audiences, it's the second most overused "twist" right behind "P.S., you're already dead!" Still one does not look a DAVIS cameo in the mouth and I have to admit my abhorrence toward the title character made it a particularly fun movie to bark and throw imaginary jujubes at. That's another great thing about watching movies outside; what better way to announce to the neighbors that their cruel summer of bad eighties music noise pollution is right around the corner? I know it's rude to subject innocent ears to archaic pop tunes but at least I don't cut in line.